You want to hammer it out before? Nope, we're recording. So it's too late for that now. OK.
Welcome to King Me. King Me. One of potentially several podcasts where we talk about Stephen King movies. How much research do we do?
Oh, wait, let me introduce us. I am one of your hosts. I'm Dan Gagliardi, and I'm joined by the other host, Rob Avon. And anyway, just to pick up where we left off before that, before Malady.
Yeah. How much research do we do to find out if there's another show that does what we do? I looked at it for a second. Look at what?
The other show? The other show. Didn't seem that good. Thought we'd try our hand.
I bet we could do it better based on just the titles of their episodes. Carry. Episode 1. Yeah, we're doing lettered episodes.
Episode 2. And sure, maybe we're limiting ourselves down the line to 26 episodes. But then you do like A lower case A. Or double A.
Or double A. Double A. Like we're writing a thesis paper outline. A-C.
Yeah. A-D. And so on. And so on.
Let's keep going. Really? You want to keep going? All right.
All right. So basically, what we're going to do is we're going to talk about the movies of Stephen King. Right. What does that mean?
That, all right. Because you haven't told me. This is still up in the air. Which is why we're recording it.
Yes. In my mind, we should be doing every movie that, every feature length of them. I don't want to fuck with the short films. OK.
I don't have time for short films. I already want those mini series. Yeah. So basically, the rule is if it was adapted from a Stephen King piece of writing.
As of right now, that's what it is. There's a bit of contention as to whether or not we should do it was a creep show. Yeah. Because he wrote for a story for that movie.
Which I forget which one. But he wrote it. He's a writer. Of novels.
Of novels. So we. So right. Creepshow.
Creepshow. We'll see. There was also some talk of movies that have cameos from Stephen King. Like that.
Your example was. My example was Night Riders, which is stars at Harris as the king in a medieval, not an immediate. The setting is the 70s, but he's part of a traveling Renaissance fair. And he has the king.
And he jousts on motorcycles. And it's directed by George Romero. Which, yeah, there are a couple things I think we're going to just make exceptions for because we feel like it. There are guidelines for how the show's going to go.
But I really want to do in the mouth of madness the John Carpenter movie. Right. That might be a crossover for our other upcoming podcast, Walt Walcarpinter. Right.
Well, yeah. I feel like those two worlds they could bump in those. What's the other one? Christine.
Yeah. That's over. Yeah. It's a crossover.
That can be a crossover over episode on which we both appear. Yes. That would be fun if we were both on the crossover episode. We have houses, yes.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. We're each other's guests.
Yes. I like that. No host. No.
We won't talk about. We won't know what to do if we don't have anyone guiding our hands or little hands. Oh, man. If there's no host, boy.
Play it real loose. Loser than this. Yes. This is pretty good so far.
We've managed to stay mostly on desk. I don't know. No disrespect to my girlfriend, Dara, who interrupted the show. Only to get bleeped out.
She's got headphones in. She's being respectful of our space. So she's watching a movie on her iPad. No, no.
I was just referencing the fact that you interrupted the show. Oh, I'm sorry. It's OK. That's a lot.
Yes. Good bit of dead air. Maybe we'll actually add a bleep just to cover the dead air. It's OK.
All right. So that's a general sort of idea. And why are we doing this? I don't know.
Here's why I wanted to do it. All right. I'll bounce off of that. This is good.
I really like Stephen King movies. The Bad Ones. And the Good Ones. But most of the Bad Ones.
Yeah. One of the first movies I remember seeing was The Shining. And that's, first off, Too Scary. Too Scary.
Didn't like it. I was definitely too young because I know it was before I was 10 years old. And any time you see The Shining before 10. It's like a goi or mitzvah.
Yeah. It really became a man. If you're not a chosen person, you just watch The Shining. I'm like eight years old watching.
Is that bear giving that ghost a blowjob? And you didn't even realize you just unlocked the existing knowledge of blowjobs that you had. Yeah. You're born with.
That final cabinet was unlocked. And all those files spilled out right back. Yeah. I'll tell you why I'm doing it.
Yeah. It's because I thought of the great title. King Me. King Me.
Yeah. The Stephen King movie podcast. Now we should mention that we are only discussing the movies as movies within the Stephen King cinematic canon. We're not discussing them as they compare to the novels.
No. Yeah. I did not read any Stephen King books. I have read the first four and a half dark tower books.
Nice. I don't know why people like Stephen King as an author. I feel like. Let's start this off right by trashing.
The man himself, Mr. King. Mr. King.
Mr. Scary Face. His face is scarier than his work in my opinion. Yeah.
Yeah. I've started his books. I've started a few books. That's kind of all right.
Yeah. I feel like I've gotten about 100 pages into five or six Stephen King books. And had another 500 to 1,000 pages to go. And I just decided it wouldn't be worth it in the end.
As someone who's completed several novels, they granted they're part of a larger series. I can tell you they're not worth going. They're not worth finishing. They're certainly not worth picking up the next one in a series.
Yeah. And every time I finish it, OK. So to start our Stephen King movie podcast, I want to talk about a book that has not been adapted into a movie and tell you that the first dark tower book is good. It's good.
It's fun. And there's world building. I guess that's why people like Stephen King, right? Because he builds worlds.
Is that why they like him? I don't know. Right off the bat, I don't like that we're talking about books. I feel like I've said world building too many times for me to love myself.
Yeah. He does. Well, I feel like maybe he builds worlds, but he's real hung up on the state of Maine. So he's building one world.
Yeah, one New England world. Yeah. I've never been to Maine, but I imagine it's just a nightmare. It's too scary to not live there.
Yeah. Yeah. He's the world building. It's like my other problem with him as a writer is that he's quite sure he's very funny.
He is not very funny. He always writes like a funny character. It happens in the movies as well, but like he's not always writing those screenplays, so I don't want to hang that on him. But yeah.
He writes a lot of funny characters cranked up to 11. Oh, god. Where all they do is make jokes. Yeah.
No matter what. Right. To the point where you're like, this person has to be fucking with everybody else. Like, he can't be this one natural.
Yeah. This fucking clown. There's actually in one of them, I'm sorry to go back to the dark tower, but in I think book four, they're writing a demon train. It's a locomotive.
That's a demon. OK. It's artificial intelligence has like gone. What if there was a demon train?
Sure. Just put a demon in everything. Every mode of transportation can be scary. Langoliers, airplanes, got it.
Christine, cars, got it. Maximum overdrive. Big trucks. Big trucks.
Big trucks. Is there a bicycle movie? There's that scene in the mouth of man? It's where it keeps writing.
It's a scary bicyclist. Yeah. Good enough. Good enough.
Take it. But yeah. Christine loves riddles. So incidentally, the Gunslinger, Roland, loves riddles.
It's a part of the Gunslinger culture from his home world is that they tell each other riddles at the Catillion dances. That's how you prove your manhood. It sounds like a real hobbit. It's some real bullshit.
So they can't stump him with a riddle. So Eddie, the funny character, this ball buster, he just tells jokes. That's how he stumps the train. Because riddles are logical and jokes are illogical and this whole book makes no fucking sense.
So he's just doing his set? Like an hour? Yeah. It's basically like how much time there might be a dead baby joke in his like that's the degree of fun guy.
What is the best dead baby joke you got? If we're going to get off this demon train without getting electrocuted, this is what happens in the book. OK. OK.
And as I'm saying this, imagine me as like a big cowboy who's also a knight. Done. If we're going to get off this train without getting electrocuted by it and it's also a demon, you're going to have to tell this demon a funny joke that it can't guess the punchline too. Right.
So wait, what's the joke? What's the joke that gets them? It's like a few jokes in a row. And it's like a does not compute kind of situation.
The train does not compete. The demon train does not compute. Great. That's an episode title.
Not Carrie. We can't call it Carrie. Oh, by the way, we're talking about Carrie on this episode. OK.
So that's the next thing. I was thinking that we should go in chronological order of those movies. Yes. Because I feel like they start off very good.
Carrie's a good movie. Salem's Lot is a good movie as I remember it. Shining. Who has terrible taste in horror.
Yeah. Well, here they remade the Shining as a mini series with Rebecca DeMouin and Steven Weber. And Stephen King was like, this is closer to the book. And it was probably a lot of nothing, I'd imagine.
A lot of dialogue. A lot of a lot of nothing. Yeah. The book had, which I didn't know this, but I watched the mini series.
So I know this now. The book had, you know, the hedge maze. Also had hedge animals that came to life and terrorized people. That's so, so Stephen Kingy.
Stu Kingy. Yeah. But we're not talking about the remake of the Shining today. Yet.
But we will. Yeah. So chronological. And then we wanted to probably hit up those remakes.
And all the sequels. We're going to be busy for a little while. Yeah. There's probably about 50 of these movies.
And now we might be driven mad before we reach the end. I was about to say, my question is, when do you think we'll stop doing this? How far into this process? I don't know.
How many minutes have we been doing this one right now? Where are we, actually? 14 minutes. 14 minutes of pure gold.
All right. So, golly gold. Should we get into Carrie? We can get, yeah.
Unless you have any more opening remarks. I don't think so. I think that's the gist of the show. Yeah.
As it is right now. We're not trying to blow any minds here. Right. We're just trying to help you commute to work, if you'll let us.
Yeah. So. All right. So, Carrie.
Carrie. Carrie. 74. 19.
I don't know. I want to tell everyone what was open on your iPad, instead of helpful notes. It was a drum machine. I was proposing a beat.
I was, I walked by your office before, and I just heard the sound of a hi-hat closing. Yeah. That sounded great in the cans. You don't need any fucking hot.
Can we get this out? No, we can't. No edits. So fucking bitch.
What? All right. Well, now I have to. 76.
1976. Carrie. Directed by. Brian.
Brian. Scar. Face the paul. Starring.
Sissy Spasic. Piper Laurie. Amy Irving. William Cat.
PJ. Giancia Volta. Oh, Brian. Oh my god.
We got to talk about Giancia Volta. Nancy Allen. Vinnie Buckley and PJ Sols. PJ Sols.
Yeah. It also features. Oh, Chezwick. Who's Chezwick from One Floor Over the Coogas Nest as the poetry teacher?
Oh, yes. Chez, I was going to say Edie McClurg, who plays the principal's assistant in Ferris Bueller. Yeah, that was her, right? Yeah, the woman with the glasses.
The teenager. The teenager. Not 55-year-old woman. Right.
That was very confusing to me. I've only seen her as a teenager and a 55-year-old woman. And you know what she looks like as a teenager, a 55-year-old woman. She looks maybe five years younger than she does in Ferris Bueller.
Yeah. Those movies are only maybe 10 years apart. Imagine being her agent at the time, and she's like, get me more teenager roles. I'm sick of playing, not even moms, but aunts.
Older aunts. Older aunts. Yeah, so Carrie, 1976, the first adaptation of a Stephen King novel. This is it.
And like really came out of the gate swinging. Yeah. Do you come out of a gate swinging? Yeah.
Horses, when they leave the gates. They come out swinging their fist hooves. Yeah. I like that.
I'm going to fold that into my daily speech. Let's see. Brian DePomme had made a couple movies, Phantom of the Paradise. Ever seen that?
No. It's a Phantom of the Opera style movie. Set in Miami in 1984. That'd be fun.
But it's set in the mid-'70s. So oh no. Guys, Robin and I, we're both taking notes as we work here to provide for you the best possible podcast experience. No.
We both write with Pilot G2 pens. I'm not going to lie. These are not the most affordable pens. These are not the pen of the proletariat.
These are a bit bougie. They write in beautiful, like, gelish ink. Yeah. The point is so pointy.
That's what I like that. It's like writing with a quill. Yeah. And the ink.
It's kind of a little bit runny, which I like a lot. I have, I for one, have, like, very flowy, almost cursive handwriting. So it's important to me that I have a pen that is as fluid as my penmanship. Now, why am I mentioning this?
A few seconds ago, you might have heard a tap, tap, tapping on the ground. That was the sound of me breaking the clip on my G2 pen, thereby devaluing the pen from $25 to easily $1.50. Yes. This is devastating.
The resale value. Yeah. So as this episode goes on, I want you to keep in mind that I'm dealing with that. So we're talking about Phantom of the Paradise.
Phantom of the Paradise, starring Paul Williams, a name I don't instantly recognize. Paul Williams wrote all the Muppet songs. OK. He was on that episode of Nerdist, where he was like, maybe breaking out on a picture here.
Well, dang it. Rob, why don't people just listen to the Nerdist? They're like, I don't know that guy. He wrote Rainbow Connection.
Oh, OK. On top of many other songs. But that's the one that touched my side. When you say on top of many other songs, does that mean all of his songs were meant to be played simultaneously?
Yeah. It's like a flaming lips album. Oh, god. Well, then I'm never mad.
So he had done a few films before this. So this wasn't his first night out. Yeah. What is she doing?
She was smiling and waving at me. Oh, boy. Yeah. I'm sorry.
He looked at me. Rob looked at me. Brian DePama from Newark, New Jersey. Yeah.
He's a Jersey boy. He is a Jersey boy. Ooh. All right.
So Carrie, what's it about? I don't know. I know. I know.
I watch the whole damn thing. Carrie, it's the coming of age story. It's a Bill Dungs-Roman. So let's start with the first scene, though.
Yes. We smash cut. Smash cut to a lot of pubic hair. Yeah.
A lot. For an opening credit scene? Yeah. Probably the most pubic I've seen.
No big credit scene. Before we even get to that, we have the cold open of her playing co-ed like gym class volleyball. Oh, my god. And everyone losing their shit when she costs them the game.
Carrie loses the game for her team. And someone tells her to eat shit. And they peg her with the volleyball as if it matters at all. So right off the bat, you know you're dealing with unstable people who care too much about gym class volleyball.
When was the last time you played volleyball? How old am I? 24? Probably would have been about six years ago.
Six to seven years ago in high school. High school gym class volleyball. In my memories of it, as my hormones were raging. Yes.
And I had to focus all of my energy on not popping gym short boners. Through a blinding haze of semen, with the anti-rise. Yes. Everything had the soft glow of soap opera or a porno.
I don't remember it being something that I ever felt an emotional investment in. No. I was part of a volleyball thing over at Leggett's a couple of years ago. I didn't want to do it.
It wasn't me that signed up. What's the thing? Yeah. It was like a league.
OK. Summer Leggett's league. Like an already laying volleyball league. Yeah.
Fun with the boys. Yeah. It wasn't fun. The backstory of it.
Of course it wasn't fun. It's terrible. But before that, I had been since high school. So even longer.
10 to 13 years, whenever it was. How'd you feel getting back into it? Oh boy. I was like, well, I'm not going to be good at this.
And they're like, no, no. It's just for fun. It's like a drinking thing. Everybody plays and we just go drinking afterwards.
But then, but then we played. And everybody took it more seriously than they admitted to me before. That's why I don't go bowling. Because everyone's like, no, I suck too.
And then they do the foot thing where you kick your foot out. Yeah. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
I have at home, you can't see this. But I have tender wrists. Beautiful. Tender little wrists.
I could model watches. Yeah. So that was the last time I played volleyball. I hated it.
And I was awful. Don't let that negative experience affect your overall grade of the movie carry that you have to give at the end of the episode. All right. So we get that.
And then, yes, smash cut to an adolescent pubis. A lot of them. Girls, locker room. This is classic teenage boy fantasy stuff, guys.
Not the way it plays out. No. So much. Well, yeah.
I mean, yeah, there is like, OK. So basically, is the whole thing in slow motion that opening credits real? It was like Brian DiPama and his tracking shots. He loves a dolly track.
All right. So sets of a dolly track. Oh, when we do our Brian DiPama podcast, we could call it Hello Dolly. So you were saying, is this an episode of Hello Dolly?
I think it might be. So he sets up his dolly. And he is slow tracking through the girls locker room, guys. It's hot.
It's steamy. It's a lot of friendship. Oh my god. A lot of naked friendship.
It's kind of what I imagined the girls were doing in there, like just everyone just whipping each other with what towels. Maybe exploring each other's bodies. Yeah. A lot of close friendships.
Right. People showering, which that was actually not my experience of the high school locker room. I never showered in high school. I never once.
I would not ever. They were available to be showered in, but they don't make platform flip flops tall enough for me to climb in there. Yeah, it's pretty gross. I would have to shower from under like a tarp, like under a final tarp.
No water could. None of that nasty ass water could touch me. So they're having fun. And then we cut to Sissy's basic looking, fucking smoking.
I mean, she's a child in this movie. Is she actually a child in this movie, or was she just playing a child? I'm going to look that up right now. Sissy Spazurk.
She was, what'd I say, 76? Yes. So she was about 27. What?
27 when this was made. She was born in 49. Oh my god. That's such a relief that I wasn't watching a teenage.
Oh my god. She's so slight and me. You did panic for a moment. I saw it on your face.
Yeah. Oh god. No. She's I hope.
Not for nothing. She does have them dirty pillows. Them dirty pillows. Dirty pillows.
She's been a few movies done. It's so weird in my ears. I'm going to cut out, like, I'm going to bleed out a section of that little per, just the most salacious part. The most salacious crime of that.
She was in a movie called Badlands before this. Never see that? No. It's Martin Sheen and Sissy Spazurk.
And she gets her period in that one, too. Yeah. She's getting typecast at that time, because she was able to break out of it. Yeah.
She was just getting her period nonstop. Like a real woman. Ugh. It's in the cans.
It's just disgusting. Yeah. It feels like I'm crawling down your spine. Yeah.
I don't like it either. I don't like it either. I wish it didn't have to be this way. But Badlands is like, see, it's a time-smellip movie.
And it's natural born killers, but in 1973. So I remember you telling me about this movie. They kill her father, and they go on a nationwide killing spree. So it's also like Bob Goldfwaits, God bless America.
A little bit. A little bit. That's a good one. That's a good one.
Let's talk about that instead. Bobcat? Is this Bobcat Goldfwaite? Is this an episode of Bobcat Goldfwaite?
Yeah. I think it is. Oh, man. Bobcat.
Bobcat. What's your favorite Bobcat movie? Is that Bobcat movies that we've talked about on Bobcat? Yeah.
God bless America. Hands down. No question. I've never seen Shakespeare clown.
Is it? Or police academy three? Did he direct police academy three? No, he started it.
Yeah, he did. I think he was in two, three, and four. Yeah. Citizens on patrol is a real gem.
That's the one that he said was very, very bad. Probably. I've seen, I think I've only seen God bless American world's greatest day. And some of what's the dog dick afternoon?
Sleeping dog's life. Sleeping dog's life. Is this an episode of dog dick afternoon? Yeah.
God bless America is a great movie. Yeah. I mean, I meant to say world's greatest day. It's a great movie.
God bless America is also pretty good, but I like world's greatest day a lot. Yeah, I think I like both of them a lot. I think that world's greatest day. God bless America.
God bless America. I think that one is good. I think the guy is a little, it's a little on the nose. It's extremely on the nose.
Like his Joel Murray's like monologues. They are, it's dialogue because he's talking to another person, but it's monologues. Yeah. Where he just goes off.
It's just such a mouthpiece for Bobcat and his like, his hatred for everything that's going on on TV. Sure. Reality shows and all that stuff. Yeah, that's like his.
He's a real grumpus. He's a grumpus. And I don't always blame him. I feel like that's his, that's like his Woody Allen movie.
Yeah. Woody Allen characters are just Woody Allen talking to Woody Allen in the wigs. Yeah. Different wigs.
Yeah, it's, it's usually an older gentleman talking to a younger woman, which. Could you see Midnight in Paris? Yeah. That's my Owen Wilson.
Good. Thank you. I'm working on it. That was terrible.
And hearing Woody Allen dialogue come out of Owen Wilson's mouth. Yeah. The total opposite energies. That's like having McConaughey play a Woody Allen surrogate.
That'd be good. I would watch it. Now that I said it. Remake Annie Hall with Matthew McConaughey, please.
Somebody. I have even one line from Annie Hall and I can't do it now. I got nothing. Carry.
Back to Carrie. I was just going to do a bad Matthew McConaughey impression. So it's okay. So opening credits.
And then she just starts getting her period all over the place. Can I tell you, when I was watching this movie, it was during the day, the only time of day I'll watch a horror movie. Because they're generally too scary. Right.
Because they're so scary. Right. And I was watching it right in front of, for the viewer at home. We have, listener at home.
We have gigantic windows in the front of the house. Big windows. Let's all sun in. Big windows.
Big TV. Big enough that you could see from the street that I'm watching a bunch of girls. And like if you, if you're not familiar with Carrie, if you see that opening credits scene out of context. Right.
You're watching vintage pornography. I'm watching vintage teen dream pornography. Yeah. Schoolgirl fantasy.
Right. Yeah. Right. So, okay.
Sissy Spacek. Showering. Scrubbing herself down. Soapy.
Yeah. And like what is happening? There is my girlfriend there. That.
That, oh, that winch. She keeps glaring at us because we keep talking about teen dream pornography. She doesn't know what's happening. Or she looks mad.
What's up? It's too late. We already, what's happening? We're right first time.
Oh, okay. You were mad about the teen dream? Oh, and then you were just shaking your head in disapproval. Yeah.
Oh. Well, if you listen to the podcast, so that's one download. I'll be waiting for you at libsyn.com. That's real inside baseball.