1. The Shoulderblade Is a Girl

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! Lords: Jenni does stuff at http://www.jennipolodna.com/ Jay worked on Hypnospace Outlaw. http://www.hypnospace.net/ Topics: 0:38 Jay is frustrated that he learned to play the ukulele rather than any other fretted instrument. (I actually meant Super Mario Bros. 3 world 1. Here are the chords: 000x 0000 0002 0000 000x 0000 0002, then barre up to 222x, etc.) Somewhere Over the Rainbow ukulele cover by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I 11:16 Jenni attended a Stripper Karaoke performance. https://www.devilspointbar.com/stripparaoke A dial tone is 350hz and 440hz, very close to F4 and A4. 19:26 Jim discovers how to make spaghetti edible. The only evidence I could find that Japanese alphabet soup might exist: https://i.imgur.com/tDWu43P.png 22:44 There are no yeasty donuts in Germany, only cake donuts. London cab drivers need to memorize the entire city: https://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2015/10/21/450235327/londons-cabbies-say-the-knowledge-is-better-than-uber-and-a-gps 31:02 Jenni discovers how to make chicken wings edible Pad thai was standardized by the Thailand government as the official Thai dish for westerners: https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/food-drink/article/3007657/history-pad-thai-how-stir-fried-noodle-dish-was-invented-thai 45:43 Jim talks about fixing a wet phone TekDry possibly saved my phone: https://www.tekdry.com/ 49:02 Jenni figures out how many peppers is too many peppers, but the jury is still out on how many is just enough. The old process for measuring scoville was to dilute it until testers said "this isn't hot" and then report the dilutedness. Now they use science. https://www.thespruceeats.com/hot-chile-peppers-scoville-scale-1807552 Microtopics: Not remembering the name of your own show. Cursing oneself by learning the wrong skill. Looking like a huge lumberjack playing a tiny instrument. Enjoying music wrong. Never asking for advice because you know people will tell you it's a bad idea. The mythical non-portable ukulele. Confusing Prog Rock and Prague Rock. Punting a conversation to later because you can't brain right now. Off-season Cirque du Soleil performers normalizing strip club culture. Having just the right stripping outfit for someone's karaoke choice. Why singing for the Rock Band high score doesn't sound like good singing. Waking up your partner to join your loud video game. Calling your partner to ask to make a dial tone together. Everyone agreeing on the worst pasta shape. Getting into a spaghetti situation. Inventing short spaghetti. Earning your satiation with the gamer's pasta. Soup screaming at you if it doesn't like you. Figuring out how to type during a podcast. Donuts being slightly shiny to fool you. Germans presenting Americans with fake donuts to collect their tears. Swimming the English Channel in hopes that they have real donuts there. Memorizing every street in London because cab drivers aren't allowed to use Mapquest. Not feeling like any more of a monster than usual. Eating a taco above another taco to grow its powers. Taco Bell provocateurs rewriting history. Going to a sushi restaurant when you don't like fish. Insisting your wife only speak to you in German. Not learning the local language because watching Netflix is easier. Impressing people by setting the bar extremely low. Being the only adult at the kid's table. Dropping your phone in a freshwater vs. a saltwater toilet. Using magical beams to get the water out. Apologizing for your router. The clerk knowing you eat Hot Cheetos just by looking at you. Shaming customers into ordering the mild. Moving to a country where everyone else is as spice-intolerant as you are. Confusing being spicy and being spicy. Tactically voting each other off the podcast.