10. Are You Loving… or Losing Yourself?

What if the thing you thought was love was actually a slow disappearing act?In this episode, Mechelle and Monte get honest about one of the most common — and least talked about — patterns in relationships: losing yourself. They open with a story from their own rupture history, one that got messy enough to involve the police, and trace it back to something neither of them fully had words for at the time: codependency.But this isn't a clinical breakdown of a buzzword. This is the real stuff — how girls are taught from childhood to become emotional caretakers, how boys are conditioned to perform instead of feel, and how both end up in relationships where they're giving up the very thing that makes connection possible: themselves.Mechelle walks through how women are shaped — through family roles, purity culture, and religious systems — to monitor how they affect others instead of building an interior life. Monte reflects on what it's like when your worth gets tied entirely to what you produce, and how that becomes its own trap. Together they explore the difference between true generosity and compulsive self-abandonment, why swinging to the opposite extreme isn't actually freedom, and what it felt like to start practicing something different — even when it was uncomfortable.They also introduce the concept of legacy burdens — generational patterns that get passed through DNA, not just behavior — and Mechelle shares how this connects to her own cultural background and what she's exploring around it.The episode closes with a rupture repair reflection question to sit with:Where am I abandoning myself to keep peace?Resources mentioned:Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody Codependent No More & The New Codependency by Melody Beattie Breaking Free by Pia Mellody The Wisdom of Your Body by Dr. Hillary McBride Polygamy SurveyThanks for Sharing PodcastInformation is not intended as professional advice and is for entertainment only.