10: Certainty Amongst Uncertainty

Introduction Welcome to Let's Talk Family Enterprise, a podcast that explores the ideas, concepts and models that best serve Family Enterprise Advisors in supporting their clients.   Description At a time where uncertainty reigns for most of our clients, and ourselves, some things are certain. It is certainly true that we are all spending more times in our homes; it is certainly true that relationships are adapting to new realities and it is certainly true that we are experiencing far more anxiety than normal. Discussing how COVID-19 difficulties provide a significant opportunity for personal and professional development, Steve Legler, FEA, (shiftyourfamilybusiness.com) sits down with family therapist, Peter Vaughan, FEA, for some guidance with our own family circumstance, for our work as advisors and for the family enterprise clients we seek to help.   Guest bio Peter Vaughan is a designated Family Enterprise Advisor, Registered Clinical Counsellor in the province of British Columbia, Canada and a Certified Gottman Method Therapist. He is also a Principal and Co-founder of Your Family Enterprise Advisors, Inc. (familyenterprisetherapy.com). His role on YFEA's multi-disciplinary team focuses on facilitation and analysis of interpersonal dynamics as applied to family enterprise governance, generational transitions of ownership, and management and interpersonal skills capacity building. Peter's style is direct, reality-focused, and comprehensive in addressing the personal and interpersonal facets of your life which help or hinder your success in relationships and living. The therapy that he practices is grounded in sound theory and research about individuals, couples and families.   Key Takeaways [0:16] Steve introduces Peter Vaughan and launches the conversation with the interesting aspects of work and family balance especially as it pertains to FEAs during the COVID-19 pandemic. [5:10] Some of your clients may be more used to this jumbling of family and work together and this may be a great opportunity to learn. [8:41] Communication erodes when primary needs are triggered, Peter explains what this means in terms of security and significance and how these two primary needs are currently being triggered in different ways. [12:15] Peter and Steve talk about the differences between being overworked, or alternatively, having nothing significant to do — which is worse? [15:10] Peter discusses his thoughts about how some incompatibilities in this closed interaction with family members can be magnified. [19:21] If you sense defensiveness, you can be sure you've been perceived as criticizing. Peter touches on the skills required to defuse defensiveness and how this may be the best time to practice them. [21:20] What is positive affect? The first three minutes of an interaction can determine the emotional outcome of a conversation. [24:54] Peter offers some tips on how to start a difficult conversation and it can be as simple as an upfront declaration of goodwill and a show of honesty and love. [27:24] This crisis may just be the great equalizer in relationships and conversations; Peter explains how. [28:45] Peter raises a flag when it comes to the potential to over-engage in worry when control escapes us, especially when it comes to business leaders. [32:10] Learning is the key to coming out of this better and stronger than we came in as people and as advisors. Steve and Peter discuss the interesting aspects that can be discussed with families once the crisis has abated. [34:08] Peter shares his book recommendations and one piece of advice from an advisor to other advisors. [37:44] Steve thanks Peter for his time and experience and invites listeners to subscribe and tune in for the next episode.   Mentioned in this episode Let's Talk Family Enterprise podcast is brought to you by Family Enterprise Xchange   Books: The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships, by Joan DeClaire and John M. Gottman   More about Family Enterprise Xchange Family Enterprise Xchange FEX on Facebook FEX on Twitter FEX on LinkedIn   More about our guest Peter Vaughan on Your Family Enterprise Peter Vaughan on West Vancouver Therapy Peter Vaughan on Counselling BC