103: “How to Support a Team Member's Growth Without Undermining It” ft. Alli Murphy

In this energizing co-hosted conversation, Erik and Alli kick off 2026 by exploring a subtle but powerful leadership challenge: how to support (rather than sabotage) someone’s attempt to change. Whether it’s a colleague trying to break a habit, a teammate aiming higher, or a loved one shifting patterns, change can unintentionally threaten the status quo—and trigger our resistance. The duo break down why that happens and how to respond with intention, empathy, and influence.❓ The Big QuestionHow do you avoid accidentally undermining someone’s momentum when they’re trying to change?💡 Key TakeawaysMost people want to be supported, not scrutinized, during change. Knowing someone’s goals helps you avoid being the person who kicks the metaphorical “sucker” out of their mouth.Change feels threatening because it disrupts predictability. We subconsciously rely on others being consistent so we can feel safe.Encouragement matters more than perfection. Letting people know you’ll still believe in them—even if they stumble—can make all the difference.Leaders need to watch their own habits too. It’s easy to overstep, micromanage, or “rescue” someone—robbing them of growth.Discomfort is a feature, not a flaw. The right amount of stretch helps people step into their next level.🧠 Concepts, Curves, and FrameworksThe “Loop Disruption” Effect – Humans live in narrative loops. When someone changes, it disrupts that loop, which creates uncertainty.Supportive Failure Framing – Communicating that failure is expected and recoverable (“Don’t fail two days in a row”) helps sustain effort.The Confidence-Crush Trap – Leaders often jump in too early when someone falters, inadvertently killing their confidence.🔁 Real-Life ReflectionsErik shared a moment from his leadership past when he dismissed an employee’s self-directed goal—and only realized later how much damage that moment caused.Alli recalled a pattern of jumping into meetings to “save” direct reports, which short-circuited their learning and visibility. She now uses a physical cue (sitting on her hands) to let others lead.Both highlighted how change requires not just action from the individual, but space and belief from those around them.🧰 Put This Into PracticeAsk what someone’s working on changing—at work or beyond—and how you can support them.Reinforce that failure is expected and doesn’t disqualify them from your belief in their potential.Resist the urge to rescue. Let your people stretch through discomfort and find their own footing.Use reflection questions, like: “Where do you usually stumble when trying to change something?” and “What helps you recover?”Choose curiosity over critique when someone does something differently than usual.🗣️ Favorite Quotes“We want people to be predictable… because that makes us feel safe.” – Alli“The person who best knows how they need to change is usually them.” – Erik“When you fail, I still believe in you.” – Erik“Sometimes you just have to go through it, feel the discomfort, and wrestle your way out.” – Alli“Make your people uncomfortable… the right way.” – Erik (with a grin)🔗 Links & ResourcesListen to other episodes co-hosted with Alli