105: The Porn Trap: Why Pain, Not Pleasure, Keeps You Addicted (with Chandler Rogers)

If you’ve ever felt like your porn addiction makes no sense—like you’re a good man, doing your best, yet you keep falling into the same cycle—this episode will hit home.In today’s conversation, I sit down with Chandler Rogers, founder of the Relay app, to unpack why it’s not actually pleasure that keeps you stuck in the addiction cycle… it’s pain. Specifically, it’s the pain you haven’t been taught how to face.We talk about the hidden wounds driving sexual compulsion, the parts of you that feel pressure to be perfect, and the scared young boy inside that’s just trying to be okay. Chandler opens up about his own story of struggling with pornography in secret, even while appearing “put together” on the outside—a story many of us will deeply relate to.We also explore why white-knuckling and over-managing your behavior isn’t real recovery… and how true healing begins when you stop avoiding pain and start listening to it.This episode covers powerful themes around:How to quit porn by healing emotional pain, not just controlling behaviorWhy self-awareness and self-compassion are critical for lasting porn recoveryThe role of vulnerability and group support in overcoming porn addictionHow the fear of rejection drives compulsive sexual behaviorWhy many Christian men feel shame around their sexuality—and how to heal itHow Internal Family Systems (IFS therapy) helps us lead our parts rather than be controlled by themWhat it means to build emotional safety, sexual integrity, and spiritual growth as a manWe also talk about how to navigate marriage when one partner is healing from betrayal trauma, and the other is trying to maintain sexual sobriety. Chandler shares vulnerable, practical insights about how men can face their emotions, show up for their wives, and connect with the inner child driving their compulsions.Whether you’re in the middle of your struggle or years into recovery, this conversation will challenge and empower you. This is not a “do more” message—it’s an invitation to go deeper.Resources Mentioned: 🔗 JoinRelay.app — Chandler’s group recovery app that connects you with real support 🔗 NoMoreDesire.com — Get 1-on-1 support and a step-by-step program to build a recovery mindset and lifestyleRecommended Episodes: Why Sex in Marriage Can Trigger Porn Cravings | How to Rewire Your Brain for Healthy SexualitySexual Desire Isn’t Sin | The Conversation Christian Men Are Afraid to HaveSelf-Inflicted Sexual Trauma of Porn Addiction and MasturbationGet Help with Porn Addiction: 👉 Free Workshop📘 Free Ebook🗞️ NewsletterMusic by Bensound.com/free-music-for-videosLicense code: NZ4E8GP7GRYC63XDArtist: : Lunar YearsSupport the showNo More Desire