106: Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting (Part 1)

"Wait, whaaaat?" (I can hear you thinking this now, as you're reading the title for this episode.)   When I think of patriarchy, I usually think of a powerful guy in a suit. He's always White. He probably works in government or maybe high up in a corporation. He's part of The System, which is just The Way Things Are Done - and he's never going to listen to me. There's really not much I can do to impact this system.   And patriarchy isn't good for any of us. It's not difficult to see how it represses women and any non-straight, White, hetero-presenting male. But the research base is also pretty clear that it harms men as well, by denying them the opportunity to express any emotion other than anger, which is linked to all kinds of both mental and physical health problems.   But it turns out that a big part of perpetuating the patriarchal system is how women interact with men, as well as how we raise our children. And, suddenly, changing the patriarchal system becomes something that I can directly impact - and so can you.   Listener Brian Stout and I interview the preeminent scholar in this field, Dr. Carol Gilligan, who is co-author (with Naomi Snider) of the book Why does patriarchy persist?   In this episode we focus on the background information we need to understand what patriarchy is and how it impacts us, and in a future episode Brian and I return to discuss the implications of these ideas for the way we are raising our children.   If you'd like to subscribe to Brian's newsletter, where he discusses issues related to Building a World of Belonging, you can do that here.   Dr. Carol Gilligan's Books:  Why Does Patriarchy Persist? In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development Darkness Now Visible: Patriarchy's Resurgence and Feminist Resistance  The Birth of Pleasure: A New Map of Love   Jump to highlights 01:26 Introduction to Dr. Carol Gilligan, author of In a Different Voice and Why Does Patriarchy Persist? 03:24 Introduction to Brian Stout, this episode's co-host 03:46 Defining patriarchy: dividing human traits into masculine and feminine, then favoring the masculine 07:09 Judy Chu's research on how four-year-old boys change between preschool and first grade 11:11 Where patriarchy came from, and how it differs from democracy 14:29 The Tyrion Lannister quote and how privilege can hide itself from those who have it 26:48 Fathers describing the qualities in their sons they hope they never lose 29:48 Trying to resist the binary: being both strong and emotionally present 36:42 Connecting patriarchy to Bowlby's attachment theory: protest, despair, then detachment 41:53 Pulling children closer instead of pushing them away when they're struggling 48:16 Why detachment gets mistaken for maturity in boys 54:24 Tone policing, and how women get pitted against other women 59:02 Young activists like Greta Thunberg and the Parkland students as signs of change   References Brown, L.M., & Gilligan, C. (1992). Meeting at the crossroads: Women’s psychology and girls’ development. Cambridge, MA: Harvard. Gilligan, C. (1993). In a different voice: Psychological theory and women’s development (2nd Ed.). Cambridge, MA: Harvard. Gilligan, C., & Snider, N. (2018). Why does patriarchy persist? Medford, MA: Polity. Gilligan, C., & Richards, D.A.J. (2009). The deepening darkness: Patriarchy, resistance, and democracy’s future. Cambridge, England: Cambridge. Graeber, D., & Wengrow, D. (2018, March 2). How to change the course of human history (At least, the part that’s already happened). Eurozine. Retrieved from: https://www.eurozine.com/change-course-human-history/ Illing, S. (2018, February 7). What we get wrong about misogyny: Sexism and misogyny are not the same – and the difference matters. Vox. Retrieved from: https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/12/5/16705284/metoo-weinstein-misogyny-trump-sexism Lerner, G. (1986). The creation of patriarchy. Oxford, U.K.: Oxford. Miller, P. (2017). Patriarchy. London: Routledge. Sadhguru (n.d.). Dhyanalinga – An equal balance of masculine and feminine. Isha. Retrieved from: https://isha.sadhguru.org/us/en/wisdom/sadhguru-spot/dhyanalinga-an-equal-balance-of-masculine-and-feminine Tang-Martinez, Z. (2016). Rethinking Bateman’s principles: Challenging persistent myths of sexually reluctant females and promiscuous males. The Journal of Sex Research 53(4-5), 532-559.