The following is an operation podcast production. And email on Sunday afternoon because if you're engaged in Sunday scary, sometimes I am sometimes I'm not but those guys the scariest enter my mind at 2 p.m. You could clock it. That's just one like the bread and worry comes so anyway, I'd like to write a little note if you're following this particular.
Email that always has to do with you really I just you know sometimes I tell a little story to help you wrap your head around life but I have allergic to garlic. And I have just been like learning a whole new way of living. And I'm telling you being allergic to garlic is very similar to quit to break it up with sugar very similar break up flour, not so not as similar as breaking up with alcohol oddly. Anyway, I can talk about the other social pot because it's just I'm sure it's just I'm sure you're just riveted by what I'm saying anyway I was just thinking about it today because I had to completely redo everything I eat.
I think what I ask it's like a vibe and a half. So anyway, that's why today's podcast is so delightful. It has a member of our community Christine and I have to say my favorite part of this podcast is like because you know I don't even believe in a success story because a success story really suggests that we have endpoints here in life and like we just don't we don't have an end point in our relationships and certainly not our relationship with food and certainly not our relationships with each other and certainly not our relationship with ourselves. So what I find so interesting about my conversation with Christine is that yeah I mean she does talk to us a lot about like how she's successfully broken up a sugar but then we sort of get into the you know the leveling up you know how she can become more connected things like that and I just love real conversations and this is a real conversation.
Speaking of healing and long and leveling up. I would love for you to come to the retreat that I am having on April 23rd mark your calendar to Sunday 12 to 5 online so you can be in your PJs in your bedroom. It's going to be pretty amazing it's a renewal because we're coming on spring and I think they are we on spring is the 21st spring 23rd anyway we're very close to the to this to spring so Mazel. And yeah we're going to be talking about bringing in forgiveness and acceptance of ourselves of others because it really can block our light and it really can block our progress and leveling up so we're going to learn some skills around forgiveness and acceptance and all the things.
People are obsessed with these five hour retreats they really are and will be launching another two or three cohorts of the all in intensive program there and you get a big discount if you come to the retreat, which is always I do love it if you love a discount I love a discount. I love a punch card I love anything that makes me feel like I get a deal so if you're like me and then we have intense out to coming up in April and also there's still time to sign up for the only worth experience which is just going to be in credit blah. And I think that is in the links you can sign up for everything and I would really encourage you coming out with me on Sundays come come join your Sunday series of me just go to Molly Carmel.com and sign up for the the love letter it really is a love letter I just sitting I think about what we all need to know to get into the week and best way here but I'm going to stop talking so we can get into the podcast in the best way love you love you love you love you keep me updated by. Thank you.
I like mine is always blank I am a thinker not a speaker. So I get really anxious about speaking, especially like in group things. Well this is not a group thing this is you would mean this is a two people group man you mean 5000 of our best friends yes. Well I put up on the Facebook group who wants to be on the podcast because I did because Amy Bernstein said Christine I think you should do this.
What about you. Well do you want to know how I got started with this perhaps what led me here or other questions. Well what do you think we need to know about you. All right well first of all I probably really identify with I know I really identify with the people in the legal field that chime in in our face group totally identify it's such an unrealistic line of work.
Is it a lawyer. No I'm a patent paralegal. So I mean it's all about perfection and and quantity and billable hours and things that it's not necessarily about doing work for say. Not everything is billable but but it comes it's just it's a career path where perfection is expected.
So if you already kind of have those tendencies. I have to hold another layer of anxiety and stress to life. Beyond that I'm a single mom of a teenager who lost my ear pods this week so we're just going to do the best we can. Yeah that's the whole point.
That's the kind with what I have. Yeah I think it's a ten-saucy sometimes I say you know I'm willing to do my best and I'm willing to accept that my best is good enough and isn't that a great way to walk around in life. It is it's kind of the only way to walk around in life. And not shove cookies down your throat.
That's right. Yes and that's that's really I think I was thinking about like what what led me here and I it was two things it was a physical addiction to sugar. And also I probably had a different relationship with food than a lot of people that you've talked to in that in times of trauma or stress I do not eat. So at the worst periods of my life I looked my best.
Well so from the idol perspective yeah to the point I mean my hair was falling out but you're skinny. I was in her culture so screwed up. She's bald but she's thin. She's got bags under her eyes.
See her ribs like oh my goodness. So I probably didn't really I think probably and in my journey with sugar was like most people sugar was a reward you have dessert after every meal because that's just what people do. And by the time I was 30 to 33 I was diagnosed as being gluten intolerant. So that changed what I eat and not for the better right because I thought I was missing out on all the food and I would.
That's your city come in. They said so like they said you couldn't and you were like pardon me. Right and I was really angry about eating salad because if you got to eat nine times out of 10 salad is what you can eat. Even now salad is an excellent choice for those of us that can't have gluten.
I mean right so I was eating healthy things that I couldn't eat anymore right I had to kind of learn how to eat all over again. And then but a lot of that came with unhealthy gluten products are notoriously high in sugar because that's how they get their flavor. Well I think the way that the it's evolved very much the way like the Passover food has evolved right like there's Passover cereal and you know that's like what like the holiday is made to like not eat love and bread and we've just sort of worked out. Right like right not loving but it's still you're going to get like so there's gluten free.
I have seen gluten free ever we think that's right so there's just a lot of work around which I think when you've been eating this was an I think it's like amazing for non disorder people but for people who have gluten intolerant centric or intolerance or flower intolerance and gluten rates is very confusing and can really think about it from an obsession perspective. How much of your mind does it take over that really really get full time job thinking about food right right. The goal. No.
No freedom. No. No. So that so that period lasted.
Well really until I found you I tried I tried because I was also gaining with the gluten intolerant part of it was that I could gain and lose 15 pounds in a week or two right like it was just all inflammation right and then I tried a few things and I tried I tried Weight Watchers and I tried like forks over knives and I tried the virgin diet and I mean the problem with any of those things well Weight Watchers just don't I can't count things. What happens for you become obsessed with accounting so for example it's just a really interesting point that I want the listener to hear which is like we don't want it to be obsessive right that's not healthy either right like having this maybe in the beginning when you start something has to be focused. I don't know what the woman who helps me in my relationship she always says you know you got to be careful of the relationships that make you feel charged up to really good note for me. Yes.
And I think that the counting of the Weight Watchers gets me charged up how many can I have and how many do I have left and can I split them and can I have them later and what if I don't have them I mean that's just taking me out of life the same way sugar does and it's yes. Yes. Yes. So actually for me counting days is not something that I do here.
I measure my food. I'm one of the food measures. I mean some of it I have memorized by now but I do not count days the same way I wouldn't count points and Weight Watchers because I would just that's not what's going to keep me going on this path. So and all of those things you know they're diets so you can't do them forever the minute you stop is the minute that everything just just goes back to the way it was and that's not a solution for for anyone right.
And then whenever I was 40 I had a miscarriage and that was emotionally hard but it was actually something about that experience physically it just messed my hormones up altogether and went to my OBGYN and she's like well you're everything's on the levels and that was true but everything wasn't in the optimal levels. And as it turned out what I tried to fix my hormones with and it makes sense now it makes sense to you I tried to fix my hormones with sugar like subconsciously I like sugar sugar sugar and so fast forward to multiple professionals would look at me and say you need to you need to cut down on your sugar but I couldn't try and I couldn't right. So you have a miscarriage something happened to you harmonally and then your cravings for sugar just increased up the roof and you were eating a lot a lot of sugar. It was like the first food group right was the preferred method of consumption.
Yes yes and and also because of because of working in a high stress job even if it doesn't make any sense that it should be high stress it still is right. Yeah I had an attorney at one point he was like well can't you just push a button and do that he didn't have any concept of anything that he ever asked for and my what I would do was turn to sugar chocolate specifically every single time stuff my feelings with chocolate right and in the last probably five years leading up to reading your book my marriage was also tanking. Wow. And so I couldn't control anything in that situation right I mean you can't.
So I was sad not sad enough to not eat but sad enough to eat sugar sugar made me feel less sad right that relationship. Yeah so I remember I was I spent a year 2019 to 2020 was the year I was going to be the perfect wife it failed miserably. I'll try for him that's I'm sure you were for someone right. Sure.
Yeah it really doesn't matter that's just not how life works right. You got it. And so 2020 rolls around and I am laying on the sofa before work watching GMA and there you are. And I'm like I gotta try this I got to give this one more try I'm tired I'm exhausted I'm exhausted physically I'm exhausted emotionally and so I've got to try this this is my last shot if Molly can do it.
I can do it. That's what I. And so I mean the rest is I'd like to say it was history it's not history it was a struggle me in my relationship with chocolate has been a very strong one and really what I have what I have come to the conclusion what works for me is that I keep unsweetened chocolate in my house. And I can eat bakers chocolate.
Yeah. I mean that might not work for everybody. I'm not going to eat a whole bar in a day right I'm not even going to eat a whole bar in a week. But can we rewind because like I like so you broke up a sugar like what happened like how was it like oh well that was awesome.
Very good my friend I'm like okay I'm just like. I'm just like a big deal to make me really have questions that I have nothing to do with it. So what I noticed within like a couple weeks wait till you like bought the book and then you just like did it. I bought the book and did it.
How did you do that that's like I was determined. Okay. It's gonna work for me. There's something to that friends she's like this is going to work for me.
I am going to do this. Yeah. No I just did I did the work and the emotional work especially. What do you mean by emotional work?
What did you do? I mean I only want to be like taking notes on this if I was listening. What is that? At the same time I mean one of the biggest elephants in the room was my marriage.
And so I was also doing some of these sessions that were really actually designed to keep people married but you do it by yourself. Like you work on yourself. Which makes all the sense in the world but in working on myself I did realize that I did not want to be married anymore. I probably for six months I was doing these two things at the same time but one of the things in that process which I followed your book and I did the work in there.
Right. I love it. Yeah. But I also like when nobody does that that's really amazing.
One of the things that I did was make a list of 20 things that brought me joy. It took me like two weeks to come up with 20 things that brought me joy. Yeah. You are so entrenched in so many unhealthy things like that makes sense.
Yes. Yes. So I had to learn how to have that relationship with myself and how to have the relationship with the food. Those two things were happening at the same time.
And even like to take a bath like what a concept. You know to take that time for myself or to have any kind of a morning routine just for myself. That was huge. Wow.
Was it hard? Was it hard breaking up with the sugar? Like was that did you find that challenging at all? I did.
But as soon like that's why I was going to this at about the two week period. I started feeling better. This is the my story too. I was kind of like, huh, but it's hard to wait two weeks.
Well, I think I think I probably had an advantage over probably a lot of people because I had to break up with the gluten first. So how did experience where not doing something made you feel much better and to eat a little, you had a little extra faith? Yes. That makes so much sense.
Yes. So I broke up with with sugar after that two week period. I noticed my skin looked better. My sleeves were getting longer.
I remember my underwear wouldn't fit. It didn't occur to me that underwear would stop fitting, but it doesn't occur to you that if your arms are getting bigger, your sleeves are getting shorter. Oh my god. That wasn't so deeply with me.
And I slept better. Like all the things that you were people talk about. I have a little bit of arthritis and you would never know. I kind of forgotten that that exists.
And a lot of it for me was because my eating, my gluten-free eating, although you could say I ate healthy ish foods minus the sugar, it wasn't ever in the right proportion. So learning how to proportion properly and eating all my vegetables and eating the fat and eating the protein and the carb all at the same time made a world of difference for me because part of the reason that I was craving sugar was because I was hungry. Yeah. Right.
It's the quickest form of energy. Absolutely. It's snowballed on itself. Right.
You know, between those two things, between the emotional aspect and the physical aspect and then the actual just hunger aspect. It was just one big snowball. So, but once that worked, it's way out of my system. Well, did you work your way out of the system?
Because you were like regulating your meals and sort of eating according to how the book is adjusting. Yes, I still do. I know me too. I just for most part, I do too.
Aren't we so lucky? Yes, we are blessed. It's a beautiful book. It was written through me, but I appreciate it.
So, and so probably, I mean, I mean, and I would, I can't tell you that this is this has been a path. Right. So I've fallen off. I've had sugar at Easter and gone a couple weeks and then thought, what am I doing?
Right. Or, and then just got just started again. And I think, how do you do that? This is like the greatest.
There's so I can you believe we were about to talk about Baker's chocolate? Yes. So can you talk to the Easter and like coming back up with the entire thing is that you come back no matter what? No matter what.
And I think what happened at Easter. But how did it get back in? How did it get like sneak its way in? I made a gluten free chocolate banana bread.
Oh, there it is. So one of the things that I cannot do is bake. I can bake something that's gluten and I won't eat it. Right.
I've had much more practice at that. And that's kind of how I think of this because when I was first doing the gluten free. Every great once in a while, I would have like a tiny little piece of like bread from a bakery, a real bread, right? Or a tiny little piece of my mom's homemade red velvet cake.
And somehow through baking up a sugar, I've moved past that. Wow. I haven't necessarily moved there with sugar, but I will. Right.
So with gluten, you've moved past it completely. But I guess it's just an evolving relationship. So when you made the gluten free banana bread, you were searching for whatever and you're kind of like, what was, do you know what the language was? Like, what, how did it, I know mine, you know, like I've heard a lot of language.
I know it's not that big deal. Oh, it's Easter. Yeah, it's Easter. I made this for everybody else, but I really want some.
Like I, and I think it's a missing out thing. Right? Oh, that's such an, that's so smart. Yeah.
So I didn't want to miss out. If you had put a store about chocolate cake in front of me, I would have been like, yeah, what have you put a store about gluten free chocolate cake for any? No, no. So there's something about the holiday plus the gluten free plus the missing out because you had made it.
Yes. You know, I just think what we understand our vulnerabilities, we completely disempower them. I agree. I mean, I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.
Oh, I see what happens next time after you talk to me about it. I'd argue we're, we're ruining your life right now. Just go just try like actually call me the next time you we just ruined it. I promise.
Like the two faces out of the two. We can't go back in. So yeah, that's a lot of it. And just but getting it because I felt better.
Like I always have to go back to my why there's a reason that I'm doing this and why. Basically because I feel better mentally because I feel better and probably even more importantly is because although I was a little anxious about doing this podcast, I don't have anxiety like I did before. My mind is a is a calm place. I have become a much better, much better human.
I mean, I was a good person, but I'm in a in a such a good place, emotionally. And at the same time, last last year or the year before both years on my birthday, I went sledding with my son. I didn't do that the previous five, six, seven years. Right.
I'm doing things because this coming birthday in January is my big birthday. I'm going to be half century old. So I'm doing things now that I couldn't do when I was 41 or 42. Wow.
And that's huge. That's a heck of a why. Yeah. That's a heck of a why you really living optimally.
I'm getting there. Yes. Yes. What's with this whole thing?
What's with this whole cutting the goodness? What's happening? I'm like, life is big. Beautiful.
Like, well, what's happening? I am breaking down. I think part of that is the Midwesterner in me. I don't like generalizations like that.
I know a lot of really brave Midwesterners. I know I know I see that I still have work to do. Like I have a big beautiful life, but I have work to do. I need to find more balance in my life, for example.
Okay, but why are we, why do we have to do it in such a shameful way? I don't know any behavior. I'm a behaviorist a long time. Let's think about a kid.
So if the kid, you know, we're trying to get the kid to clean up the table and the kid cleaned up half the table. Would we say to clean up the other half? You guys still were working right? I was raised this way.
Well, good. We can just change the generational trauma right here right now, Christine. I mean, there's just focusing on the negative only makes the negative bigger. I mean, yes, I believe we should be having a ticker tape parade for all of the I've been doing this a long time.
Your story is like a general anomaly as far as I'm concerned. Like, what if we tried to do it? I would argue that you'd move faster even. That your change could accelerate if you stop saying, well, I still have work to do.
Let me tell you, friend, that work to do. That's okay. You're blowing my mind right now. Well, this is the truth of perfectionism is like a 2D experience.
It's a location, the great truth of life. It's that we all are work. I mean, we're all doing our work in every minute of every day. Yes.
I want you to celebrate that. That's not a negative. That's a beautiful truth that you've embraced, or maybe you'll embrace in the next 15 minutes. There's a lot of people that don't have the availability because of fear and not readiness to even see that there's work to do.
What if we experience that as a blessing that you can see that? What if we experience that as a gift that you're being given? It says I'm kind of shameful. Like, well, I'm not there yet.
Like, here's the sad note. We're never there. There's no. I know that's true.
I know that's a long way from our heads were hard. What part of you thinks that thinks that there's there? What part of you? Oh, it has to be the kid in me, right?
Well, it's fantasy. Like, one day it's just you're going to get there and it's like, then what do we do? No, I know I'm never going to get there. I know there's always something that's going to be done.
But this is kind of what I like. And it's you. First of all, I was definitely raised in a household of a perfectionist. Sure.
But also, there is this and I've been working on it. Obviously, more learning to say thank you when somebody gives you a compliment. Sure. Because we don't like you could say to me.
I'm not a sweater. And I would say, Oh, thanks. I got it on sale. Right.
Right. Right. It was a deal. Think about this.
Think about this thing about our relationship with food and like binging and they're not being enough. And link that in ready for this one. Link that in with not being able to receive nurturing and nourishing from others. Yes.
So if we could receive the nurturing and the nourishment from others, which is very scary because it does put us up because vulnerable to possibility of rejection. Lots of lots of negative mechanisms have to be undone to receive. But would you imagine? That our desire to eat baker's chocolate might diminish.
If we more readily took in the nourishment and nourishing of the human of human love. Yes. Thank you for listening to my. For sure.
And that's a practice. And you're not allowed to mean about that either. That's a practice. I have a hard time without.
She's sometimes I have to say thank you with like my teeth. But I'm like, thank you. It's like a muzzle muzzle muzzle. Can't say anything after no kaboo sing.
It feels really weird unless you practice it for a while. Let's practice. And I think it's also understanding that it's going to feel weird and that's part of the process too. But I just don't think that you would tolerate your son doing that.
Kaboo sing. That's what they call it in parenting. It's giving a compliment and then having like an insult on the end. It's called caboosing.
Right. No. Right. So you're saying, well, yeah, I've been doing this, but also I'm still working on it.
Right. Like, yeah, like it's great. But also, you know, working for like what no kaboo sing. Yes, ma'am.
I'm going to. How do you turn that into a positive statement? I don't know that I think it might be important that you don't have it be positive. I think no kaboo sing is loving.
It's a loving boundary. You're putting on your relationship with yourself. You're saying I'm no longer going to tolerate me cutting myself down because it's impacting my view of life and it could be even better than this. Which is incredible to think about.
You know, I'll just from stopping one thing. Yeah, like we try to do start behaviors, but every now and then you got to throw in a stop behavior. No kaboo sing. No kaboo sing.
That's your deal. All right. Your life's going to change so much. I mean, if you're just, and by the way, in the spirit of what you're saying, like, you know, you do it 50% of the time you're winning.
I mean, that's, I wish everybody just like knew the data on change. Like there's this great data on change about glaucoma. And I don't know the exact numbers, but it's something around like one two thirds of people like don't take their glaucoma medication. And then even when they know they're going blind, like one third of people still don't take their lives.
They don't take their glaucoma medication. Like change is extremely hard. Yes, because in order to change, we have to shut down that dissonant part of our brain that only wants easy things to come in. Right.
So we just want to go. No, it's not that big deal. Like it's fine. I'm just going to go eat that ice cream.
It doesn't matter. That's my eighth one. See, that it's kind of healthy without later. No big deal.
So as you're making this change, we gentle with it. It's all if you caboose. That's okay. Just note it.
Do me a favor. If you caboose do this hands on hard. I'm so sorry. I'm working on it.
I promise just gentle gentle. Yes. I like this a lot. I'm glad it's good for all of us.
I mean, please you're helping the whole community here. No kaboo sing. And if you caboose, there's two parts of it. No caboose.
And if you caboose, just hand in your heart. Quick apology. Okay. That's the most loving thing that you can do.
How do you like, you've been imperfectly sugar free for a while, like almost three years now? Yes. Well, I'm fine. How do you know what are some of the like maintenance efforts that you do?
Um, really? So I walk every day. Like that's part of it. I have my morning routine, right?
I check our page on Facebook or Facebook or Facebook. Yeah. I read out of out of a book every day. It just it changes.
But I make sure to do like a morning reading. Like what? Like a devotional, like a language letting go or something. Stoics.
No, I love Stoics. Daily said that's in mind. It boxes in mind. I'm just like people want to know.
I'm right now as Jewish as I am. I'm so into the end of Fox devotional and I'm so into Daily Stoic. Those are my two devotionals right now. So you're to anyone else on the other readers?
People can like that. That's the main one right now. Right. Right.
And sometimes all that I have is just those few minutes. I stretch nearly every day. That's beautiful. And I walk my dog and usually with my mom.
So we get to chat every day because she happens to live three houses away. What a wonderful thing. You'll be so glad about that. Don't you think?
Yes. And then I mean, those are quite what kind of like all of my self care things like that have to happen in the morning because once once that part of the day is done, it's I could be working. Yeah. You're actually going to be working 12 hours.
Right. And I'm around that. I'm taking care of my kid out whenever he's home from school. But the other thing that I do is I keep my food really, really simple.
So like, for example, the day I had like for lunch, I had like rice cauliflower, two eggs and a piece of sprouted green toast, the gluten free kind from Ezekiel. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I mean, that's so yeah.
So this is like perfect. I didn't know that this is a very big moment in my life. Okay. So, and I keep my dinners pretty simple.
You ever have them excited or rarely? Part of it is time. And part of it is that my kiddo doesn't like food that's terribly interesting. Okay.
And so it's just easier to get something that both of us will eat them. And, you know, exciting food can be for the weekends or you do sometimes eat exciting food. That was my favorite. If you saw what I eat during a week, but if I'm going out to dinner, I'm like so excited because I love new spices and I just don't have time or challenge to do it.
Right. So I probably, yeah, my eating habits are probably as simple as yours, I would guess. Yeah, I love that. But that's the people are really Amy are finding me Bernstein.
She eats the most. Oh my god. I want to like every sometimes she'll send me what she eats and over that can you just bring some of that over that sounds delicious, but none of my time. What about a power circle?
You have support? Yeah, my so the my power circle is very small. I'm I need to be big to be useful. Right.
And so I have my my main person is Amy and I'm lucky. Yes, I'm very lucky. This is like this podcast co stars are for Amy. I am.
But other than the outside of that, I have my other other friends that I've had for a long, long time. So since I was in the second grade. So those are part of our circle. That's a great.
It doesn't matter the size of the power circle at hours. The power of the power circle. Yes. And so they may not be doing the breaking up with sugar thing, but they know me.
That's great. I love that. That's so important. That's such a great distinction.
There have to be someone with the exact same thing. It has to be someone who you can turn to when you need them. And what about skills? Do you use any skills when you're struggling?
Yes. My main skill movement is really important for me. That is probably my number one skill. Breathing exercises would be my second.
Or do you get them on YouTube or which know them? I just know them. Yeah, I was a yoga person once upon a time. Great.
And the other I mean, the big thing that I I have been able to do that's made the world of of difference is to stop and ask myself why. A lot of times if I'm have a craving now, it's because I'm tired. I mean, that's it. Or it's it's very rarely an emotional craving.
It's more of like there's a physical reason behind it. And that's really what I need to address. That's great. Because it's more moms, you know, right.
Those sorts of things. And let me ask you one last question, which is like if you someone is listening to our podcast and they're like, I don't think I can do it. What would you want them to know? Don't say if you could do it.
If you could do it, they can do it. Say something that isn't that. Say. I think that you have to commit to 60 days and follow the plan.
Like you don't have to really think about it a lot. You just put one foot in front of the other. Actually, it's 66 days. Right?
But it's a few. I mean, that'll do. Um, just, just like, if you're like, I can only do 60 only do seven, you know, we're here for it. But I think that is an in wait to be kind to yourself, be patient because it's not a quick.
It's not a quick fix, right? It's, it's a process and it's a practice like we're talking about. So you don't have to be perfect at it. You just have to keep going.
So here's my challenge. So can you for the next 60 days commit to no kaboo sing and if kaboo sing. It's a apology. Yes.
Okay. Yes. That's a great thing to commit to. Well, especially we're, it's probably not come out to February, but we're recording this in December.
It's a wonderful idea for your gift to yourself for 2023. It is. There's no kaboo sing and apology when you do. See what happens.
I love it. I love you. Thank you so much for coming on the show. I love you.
Thank you for having me. Wonderful. Wow. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of What You're Creating.
And do not forget to follow, rate, review, leave a comment. I'm so obsessed with hearing from you. We can also hang on Instagram at Molly Carmel and my website, Molly Carmel.com, where you'll find all the info, tips, behind the scenes actions, you know the deal. And we'll do it all again next Wednesday.
And listen, if no one's told that they love you today, know that I'm sending you lots of it. XOXO.