109. When Needing Feels Unsafe: Understanding Dependency, Shame, and Healthy Interdependence

In this episode, Marnie explores the often misunderstood topic of dependency and how our early experiences shape the way we relate to our needs, our relationships, and ourselves. Drawing on the work of Pia Mellody and the foundations of shame resilience, she examines why asking for help can feel so difficult and how shame can keep us disconnected from the very support we need.Marnie unpacks three common dependency stances: over-dependency, anti-dependency, and the "needless/wantless" adaptation. She explains how each develops as a survival response, how each impacts intimacy and connection, and why these patterns often leave people feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or unseen.She also explores the difference between needs and wants, the role of self-care in emotional health, and what it means to move toward healthy interdependence. Through practical examples and reflection questions, Marnie offers a framework for identifying needs, communicating them more clearly, and building deeper, more authentic relationships.Click here to learn more & join The Healing Room!Download the Understanding Dependency handout and reflection questions here.Want to connect with us? Schedule your free 15-minute call.