#110 What Empathy Actually Is

Empathy gets treated like a personality trait: you either have it or you don't. Roxana Radulescu, Level 52 coach and facilitator, argues that's wrong. It's a muscle, and most leaders are either overusing it, avoiding it, or using it to avoid the hard conversation instead of having it. In this episode of The Executive Commute, Jayson Krause talks with Roxana about what empathy actually is (her definition: care plus trust), what it isn't (sympathy, agreement, an excuse to skip feedback), and where it goes wrong at the top of organizations. They dig into a Yale psychologist's argument that empathy fuels bias and tribalism, why holding more power tends to erode it, and whether "care first" leadership is a real strategy or just a nicer way to describe layoffs. They cover: Empathy defined: care plus trust, not sympathy The line between empathy and judgment The case against empathy: bias, favoritism, and in-group tribalism Why power erodes empathy (and what that means for executives) Empathy's role in high-stakes, high-performance teams A simple starting point for building the empathy muscle If you've ever held back a hard conversation because you "didn't want to make it worse," or wondered whether empathy and high standards can coexist, this conversation will change how you think about both. Follow Jayson Krause YouTube: / @jaysonkrauseleadership LinkedIn: / jayson-krause 0:00 - Introduction 0:34 - How Roxana Became a Coach 1:28 - Coaching a Room Full of Experts 2:39 - What Qualifies Someone to Talk About Empathy 4:55 - Defining Empathy: Care Plus Trust 7:39 - Empathy Mapping and the Right Use of Empathy 10:07 - The Opposite of Empathy: Arrogance and Judgment 11:06 - Judgment vs. Appraisal 12:25 - The Case Against Empathy (Paul Bloom) 13:56 - When a Leader Has Too Much Empathy 16:09 - Balancing Empathy With Getting Things Done 21:08 - Naming the Emotion in the Room 23:52 - What Matters More Than Empathy: Feedback 27:14 - What Is Self-Empathy? 28:06 - True or False: Does Promoting Empathetic Leaders Spread Empathy? 29:00 - Power and the Erosion of Empathy 31:08 - "Care First" Leadership vs. Corporate Doublespeak 32:16 - Empathy in the Face of Layoffs 35:02 - The Real Roots of the Word Empathy 36:09 - True or False: Are Women Wired to Be More Empathetic? 38:10 - True or False: Does Empathy Lead to Fairer Decisions? 41:20 - Empathy in High-Performance Environments 42:53 - Can You Have Connection Without Empathy? 45:02 - Would You Rather: Deep Empathy for Your Circle vs. Moderate Empathy for All 49:09 - The Cost of Carrying Empathy 50:40 - A Real Example: Giving Feedback With Empathy 52:16 - Empathy as a Muscle: Where to Start 54:24 - The Worst Advice About Bringing Empathy to Leadership 56:26 - Closing Thought