111: Parental Burn Out

Do you often feel anxious or irritated, especially when you're around your child? Do you often feel like you might snap, perhaps even threatening violence if they don't do what you say? Are you so disconnected from them that you sometimes consider walking out and never coming back? If you have, it's possible that you're suffering from parental burnout. &nbsp; Listener Kelly reached out to me recently because she has been diagnosed with parental burnout and wanted to know what research is available on this topic, and on how to protect her two-year-old from its impacts. We did some searching around in the literature and it actually didn't take long to turn up the preeminent researchers in the field who actually work as a team and one of whom - Dr. Moira Mikolajczak, kindly agreed to talk with us. &nbsp; We learned about the warning signs to watch out for that indicate that you might be suffering from parental burnout, and what to do about it if you are. We ran a bit over time at the end of the episode and I wasn't able to ask about whether self-compassion might be a useful tool for coping with parental burnout but Dr. Mikolajczak and I emailed afterward and she agreed that it is - I'm hoping to do an episode on self-compassion in the future. More information on Dr. Mikolajczak's work on parental burnout can be found at https://www.burnoutparental.com/ &nbsp; The Parental Burnout Assessment, available in French and English, can be found here: https://en.burnoutparental.com/suis-je-en-burnout &nbsp; Taming Your Triggers If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, register for the Taming Your Triggers workshop. We’ll help you to: Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause themUse new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needsEffectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered &nbsp; Click the banner to learn more! Jump to highlights 01:45 Introduction to the episode and guests Kelly and Dr. Moïra Mikolajczak 03:17 What parental burnout is, and its main symptoms 04:20 How parental burnout differs from job burnout 06:29 How common parental burnout is across 40 countries 08:20 Kelly's story: how her burnout built for years, then broke all at once 11:47 New research on cortisol and the collapse of the body's stress system 15:12 How parental burnout affects children 16:59 What to do when you're alone with your child and burned out 19:06 Why parental burnout is so much more common in Western countries 25:05 The biggest risk factors for parental burnout 33:52 Why this is a societal problem, not just an individual one 36:38 The Parental Burnout Assessment: how to find out where you stand 39:00 Two warning signs worth paying attention to 40:23 How to talk to a young child about a parent's exhaustion 48:34 What helps parents recover &nbsp; References Brianda, M. E., Roskam, I., Gross, J. J., Franssen, A., Kapala, F., Gérard, F., &amp; Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Treating parental burnout: Impact of two treatment modalities on burnout symptoms, emotions, hair cortisol, and parental neglect and violence. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 89(5), 330-332. https://doi.org/10.1159/000506354 Cesar, F., Costa, P., Oliveira, A., &amp; Fontaine, A. M. (2018). "To suffer in paradise": Feelings mothers share on Portuguese Facebook sites. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 1797. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01797 Hubert, S., &amp; Aujoulat, I. (2018). Parental burnout: When exhausted mothers open up. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 1021. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01021 Lebert-Charron, A., Dorard, G., Boujut, E., &amp; Wendland, J. (2018). Maternal burnout syndrome: Contextual and psychological associated factors. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 885. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00885 Le Vigouroux, S., Scola, C., Raes, M.-E., Mikolajczak, M., &amp; Roskam, I. (2017). The big five personality traits and parental burnout: Protective and risk factors. Personality and Individual Differences, 119, 216-219. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.07.023 Le Vigouroux, S., &amp; Scola, C. (2018). Differences in parental burnout: Influence of demographic factors and personality of parents and children. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 887. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00887 Meeussen, L., &amp; Van Laar, C. (2018). Feeling pressure to be a perfect mother relates to parental burnout and career ambitions. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 2113. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02113 Mikolajczak, M., Raes, M.-E., Avalosse, H., &amp; Roskam, I. (2018). Exhausted parents: Sociodemographic, child-related, parent-related, parenting and family-functioning correlates of parental burnout. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 27(2), 602-614. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0892-4 Mikolajczak, M., &amp; Roskam, I. (2018). A theoretical and clinical framework for parental burnout: The balance between risks and resources (BR²). Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 886. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00886 Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., &amp; Roskam, I. (2018). Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence. Child Abuse &amp; Neglect, 80, 134-145. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.025 Mikolajczak, M., Gross, J. J., Stinglhamber, F., Norberg, A. L., &amp; Roskam, I. (2020). Is parental burnout distinct from job burnout and depressive symptomatology? Clinical Psychological Science, 8(4), 673-689. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702620917447 Mikolajczak, M., Gross, J. J., &amp; Roskam, I. (2019). Parental burnout: What is it, and why does it matter? Clinical Psychological Science, 7(6), 1319-1329. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702619858430 <p class="font-claude-response-body break-words...