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That's www.beer52.com forward slash wtaf. From wtaf live 3 thrice cooked. Now, as has happened with the other times that we've played the audio, a lot of it is for the people in the room. So a lot of it is very visual gags.
Now I'm just going to play it, I'm not going to edit any bits out. What we are going to do is we're going to put a lot of the photographs and the slides, oh, back to the 70s nadys, we had slides on acetate, no we didn't, it was all very high tech. So obviously it's just the audio that was from the room and so the guys that were there, you shouldn't have been there and if you were there, hopefully this will bring back some memories. And it is just, so obviously we'll say a particular punch line or something and it'll be about something that's up on the screen.
So for some of you, for a lot of you, it's not going to make a blind bit of sense. But it'll give you an idea of the sort of stuff we got up to in the live show. We could do like an insert little bits of talking in, as if to say, a photograph of such and such on the screen. But has anybody really got the time to do that?
I think they have. So here it is, in all it's dirty glory, not dirty in that way. So make of it what you will. For those of you that were there, I'll take you back to November.
For those of you that weren't there, just close your eyes and try and imagine what a mess the whole thing is and was. And I don't think anybody would want any other way than it being a completely glorious, beautiful mess. Thank you to the Erika guys for being the Hags band. And so if there are funny little noises, it's those guys that are doing those.
It's nothing to do with me or Neil. And although we are capable of making funny noises all by ourselves, particularly after a curry, but that's them. So thank you to them. Also on the night, thank you to Kerris Nelms, who was fantastic, very dirty, but fantastic.
To the guests, to Paul Cooper, to Jill Cooper, to the wonderful Mark Kempner, and also to the even more wonderful James Moore that all joined us on the night. And thank you to you, the game on the night. Whether there will be a WTAF live for, we shall just have to wait and see. And yeah, thank you to everybody that came.
So this is taking you back to November 2019. WTAF live free, fries cooked. Enjoy it and go and get plump your fuckers. Scarecrow Festival is out, we support the idea.
This is just ridiculous. What the actual fuck? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome plavir! Let's see those hands.
Oh, one, two, oh, one, two, three, four, ba-ba-ba! Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba in the village that you're living where you hope you won't get plumb. Shugs, loveers is running down that hill shouting out footnote Robin's son. You're gonna find me!
Watching this country! You're gonna find me! Yeah, the bickers got a rock-hot ball bang A man's a fucking psychopath An uncomfortable just having a love In this country, in this country Harry has got enemies in every place around A curtain looks for the box twins But there's nowhere to be found You're gonna find me Watch in this country You're gonna find me Watch in this country Well, let's get Rose Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to WTF for this country podcast live! We have, it's lovely, oh first, first, somebody's lost their bank card.
This isn't a bit, this is actually true, see Gallagher Cusack. You're a winner! Sorry Ross, yes, there are a few spurious purchases we've just done on there. Right, once again, thank you very much everybody for coming tonight.
A big thank you to the one and only Kerris Nelms who warmed you up. Bloody hell, you keep it down and please put your hands together tonight for the house band, the unofficial this country band, Erika! Thank you! How you doing guys?
You're good. So this feels like it's a proper, proper smart American chapter now. We've got a high span. This is excellent.
So I want to try something, I'm going to tell a joke, like it's my monologue. Okay, and then you need to do like one of those, or something, okay? Okay, you ready? Well, it's a big moment now.
So I've got to get this right. What do peppers do when they get angry? They got jalapeno face. Yes, that works.
I didn't say it right, but you know, I spelled it wrong on here. Okay, they get jalapeno face. Oh, I just say that then, they get all opinion face. They get jalapeno face.
They get jalapeno face. Hang on, don't do jokes. Let's scribble that bit. I like the show too.
Let's get on with the show. First, he's a man that has a runner being the size of a scarf and a lettuce that will fuck you up the arse, but he's also waiting for the court date for his charge of indecent acts at this year's harvest. First of all, it's Nio! Another sunny afternoon when Nio walks into the fucking room.
Erika, ladies and gentlemen. We're making up as we go along, so just bear with us. That was fantastic. Right, let's just go about what you introduced me with.
What did you say again? I said you're a man with a runner being the size of a scarf and a lettuce that will fuck you up the arse. Not I trust anybody. And you're also waiting for the court date to charge indecent acts at this year's harvest.
All true. Thank you. As they always are. Now before we have to start have a little peeve to mention to you, Nio.
Oh, I'm saying things camp as well, there's no need for that. Thank you for the bounty. Whoever it was, thank you very much for that. That's mine.
Fuck off. No. No. We went and saw the lovely guys Erika and had a little practice in their studio.
They did. But there was a little bit of a shooting competition. There was. It wasn't a basic competition.
It was a proper shooting competition. Yeah. So we shot five shots with Dalton's BB sniper rifle. Just a BB.
Yeah, don't worry. He hasn't got a cache of arms in his. And I scored 32, didn't I, Nio? You did.
How many did you score? Are you ready for this? 33. And what was the prize for winning, Nio?
I got to shoot you in the arts. Yes. And I just watched this, if you can. Not that.
What's that? Not that. Not that. Not that bit yet.
Fuck for Christ's sake. What the hell's that? No. Slide number 10.
Slide number 10. That's not slide number 10. It's like fucking Nosferow. No that should be slide number 12.
Oh fucking go down and go back a couple. Fuck now. There goes the punchline there. Right there.
Right. Next one. Next one. Has anybody got 50 people to meet her?
Hello. No. That fucking face. God's sake.
Right. Hang on. Right. Hang on.
The harvest is going well. Anyway, there's a photo of him shooting me at the ass. There is, there is, isn't there? And it was really good.
It was good, but... It would have been like if you'd have seen it. But the problem was you had to shoot me in the ass. Yeah.
You had to shoot me in the ass. The video shows that he actually shot me in the leg. Right. Now he was able to hit a ball's eye that's probably about an inch wide.
Yeah, he couldn't hit my fat ass. He had to hit me on the leg. Hang. Right.
Let me tell you. Hey, why and what? A certain somebody, I won't say who they are, said to me, if you were to shoot him in the car, it's a lot more painful. And as everybody who's friends with you on Facebook know you're rich 50, your balls are hanging really low.
No, aren't they? So I thought, I could crack one. No, no, no, I could hit one of those anglers. So I literally was aiming.
Yeah, you know. But it was good. It was fun. It was fun.
It's not the first time you got to shoot shot. You know what I'm saying? By you as well, funnily enough. But what happened in LA stays in LA.
We don't talk about that anymore. Let's move on. Okay. Let's see if we can get these.
I mean, the first ones. But anyway, because we've seen the picture. It doesn't matter. Let's go.
Okay. So hello, ladies and gentlemen, look at all these gorgeous, gorgeous, bouncer tonight. Look at them all. They're gorgeous.
So how many dunk gang members do we have out there tonight? Please give us a yell. No, you can't. Random.
I hope not. Yeah. If you're not a member of the dunk, you can put the likes down there. Thank you.
Um, Amy Ross and Sarah here. They are the leaders of the dunk gang. Give us a wave. If you're not a member of the dunk gang on Facebook, you should be going to Facebook, putting dunk gang.
Is there a special name for it? It's okay. Just a special dunk gang, isn't it? It's a wonderful community.
You really should join it. Now you may recognise Ross. He certainly did just now. He's one of those lucky guys that things always seem to happen to, isn't he?
That's right, indeed, Neil. He's obviously one David's. David's back to shoes. Did you bring them with you?
Oh. So if you want to photograph with Ross in the back to shoes, crack and set legs. Cracking. It's not that lovely.
You've been looking good. I'm sure. Look, you just had Kerris showing someone come out of a clacker. You're worried about that.
Don't worry. Sorry, Gracie. I'm sure that Ross will gladly take a photograph with him. take a photograph with you with his shoes on.
And of course, I'll win in the shoes. He also had a turn in the this country special, the Aftermath, didn't you, Ross? Certainly. He's been very busy.
He hasn't even been on. He certainly has. First, I'm not sure if anyone saw the deleted scene for the Aftermath special. Yes, you have.
But originally, they weren't going for Saint Twingers on the back of his jacket. The design was much, much different. Hit the slide. Hey!
There we are. Now also Ross has dipped his toe into Hollywood acting too. He was so close to being in the biggest box office movie of all time. We've got Pip to the part of an Avengers End game by Josh Brolin.
And then with Christmas coming up, you just keep an eye out on those special Christmas cards that are being available. You may spot somebody in the nativity. He's just a beautiful baby. He's a baby!
And with all the reboots and remakes that are about even classic kids' shows are right for remakes. And Ross wants a piece of the action. His head is that. His head is that.
Right in front of the... Is it Jill? Jill! You're on the telly, Jill.
Shh! I'm just glad, right, that Paul wasn't like feeling a banana at the time. And like giving it to Jill wasn't that good. Really bad.
Watch him on her hands and knees. Just doing something. And finally, Ross is going to recreate one of the most iconic musical characters in history in his latest role. Oh, no!
Back one. Back one. What's going on? Jill, do you want to do some shadow puppetry in the meeting?
Oh! Oh! Oh! Not that one.
One more. Yes. Now the next one. Worked in rehearsal.
You're right, back there. Jill! We've got the telly-tubbies. That one!
Actually, that's not a Photoshop one. Ross said that one from his own personal account. Tag that one is a Friday night in Southampton. Oh!
Doesn't it? Look at that hair. Look at it. I'm just working on something.
Right, should we get our first? What did you do? Nothing. Shall we get our first guest out?
Okay, he plays the dirty peeper. But in real life he's a top-class keeper. And he hasn't got time for this. Get ready to write the big dipper.
It's Martin McLell himself. Paul Cooper! Maybe. You're gonna be the one that saves me.
And after all. I want to hear you. Yama. Show us how it's done, Paul.
Come on. Is there nothing you can't do? Here we go. Was that same doubled in?
Let me take that one away. Dangerous. How are you Paul? Well, you should do.
Hello? You're ready? Yeah, I'm well. Right.
Now, how many people here went to the This Country Charity Football match back in the summer? Back in July there. Wasn't it a great day? Right.
You were the star. You were the hero of the day. Was it all planned? We've got a couple of photographs actually.
We've got a couple of them who can do them nice and slowly. There's the boy. There's Charlie. I can look.
Right up the shorts there. Stop it. We'll go blind. One of the highlights for me about day was what was dated for him?
Noodle. Noodle. Noodle. Noodle.
That was a good one. And the next one. There she is. What?
I don't know if that hairy gorilla is that next to her. That was the theory. But she was a superstar that day. Did you hear the commentary on the pitch?
Yeah. Did you? In fact, your performance star? Well, obviously not.
No. Now look at this. Look at this one for an action shot. This next one.
I'm going to go back to the concentration. Winning. Really funny face for that boy. So how was it for you Paul?
I enjoyed the day. Oh, it was amazing. Yeah. It was over a thousand people.
For the four charities we got over 7,800 pounds. I don't know if you saw the video of the school for Venerable Girls in Zambia. How long? How far that's got ahead.
So that's amazing. And obviously the bus to the Big Yellow bus project. Also the NCFA. So the NCFA, we got eight Jordan from the slums in Nag and the other one.
He sent a couple of photographs of the old team. He said, I'm what's this country? He said we're coming tonight. I thought, well, I haven't seen you for 35 years.
I was at Panington station earlier. And who should be there? He was. So the lovely Kerri.
What a good way to go. Thank you Kerri. I mean, obviously this is great for you. Because we see this.
Right. And you can't soccer match raises 100 pounds for charity. So how much was that back in those days? It's about three million.
What year was this? Terry Payne was against me. It was probably 120 pounds, but that's awesome. What preparations did you have for the match?
But it was obviously, I mean we had a fantastic day, everybody that was there. How many people weren't there just as mad at them? Don't put up your hands so it's a few. Yeah, yeah.
It was a great day. I think we've got footage of the iconic final moment in the penalty shoot out. Hopefully. Would you talk to Sir at Paul?
No, no, no! It's right. It's right. It's Ross Hardinger there again.
Scoring the penalties. And I think this was the penalty to win the game. He's more than a tough one. He's a good one.
Amy Martin, not that easy. What a save. Onto the cross pass. Gordon Bank style.
Random applause for that as well, ladies and gentlemen. No, it's good. Sorry, how did that feel after you saved that, Paul? Yeah, amazing.
I don't normally get that amount of people watching. It's kind of three men in the dark. How did you feel the next day after playing that game? Shatted.
And then day after the day after the game. Everything's stiff. Everything's stiff. Hey, Jill!
Hey! Okay, no, obviously you can't tell us anything about Series 3. You'd want to know something like Series 3, wouldn't you? What's up?
I don't think you can say anything. Is there anything that you can tell us about Series 3? Well, not really. I mean, well, I've seen other than the bits I've been in.
I saw one full episode. I think that's the funniest thing I've seen so far. So you were classic as the funniest. I've all the series that's been in the dark.
That episode was really good. I think the writing was really rushed because Daisy was filming other stuff. And Charlie said that they really needed another two weeks. It'd be brilliant.
So they had to make up quite a bit on set. But I just think it's like you're trying to get to know the characters and with the crew and stuff. You know, so they're filming a lot quicker. And there's quite a lot of our blip stuff going on in there.
Which is kind of what Daisy does best. Yeah, and my goodness. Well, we all can't wait for Series 3. Can we February 2020?
Here we come! Let's jump in please, Paul Cooper! Thank you very much, Paul. Now our next very special guest we'd like to welcome to the stage is the wonderful designer.
Nearly set of Davies again. Davies is infamous dresses. Mother to Daisy and Charlie are not forgetting the keeper of Claude. Please give it up for herself, the Queen of this country, Jill Cooper!
He likes Trev! Please give it to herlodial. How are you? Now I realise in opening speech I need a bit of a boo-boo with Ebony.
Because I didn't know about Claude. I'm really sorry. Oh no, I don't know either. Don't you fucking cry on me.
No, he died. Oh no! He died in my arms. What day did you think?
That was last week? No, it was giving us a kiss. Yeah, you are. Yeah, it worked.
That's it. That's it. Yes, he died. He died.
It was devastating. I'm imagining it. So apologies for that, isn't it? No, it's actually quite.
I'm just waiting for some of the dead parrot bit. You know from... He is in the freezer at the time. He's in the freezer at the time.
He's in the freezer at the time. What? Ready for the first time. Ever already.
No, only until I can get him to the vector. You know, I want him back. He's going in the firework with me. He's next to the hatter.
Isn't he? No, I can't look at him. I know it's awful. I rat-to-ing-gold tissue paper.
Oh, have you? You rat-to-ing-gold. That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Oh, bless me.
Pushing up the daisies. He's saying. That's not the sort of the hatter. Yeah.
No, he's... Oh. We did go into depth about your designing of daisies dresses... So if anybody didn't know, Jill, especially the bin-bank one, that was your creation, wasn't it?
Well, me and my... Yeah, it was a very last minute. It was like we had three-day daisies suddenly. You have never thought worse.
You have never thought. You've never thought. And still doesn't think that what she is going to wear to anything. And I always worry.
The mums... It's like getting their peer-fit ready for school. The daisies we never had. So it was always funny.
But anyway, she said, Can you make me something? And it was three days before the date. So my friends and I... You know, we got into gear and she said, So we didn't care.
But yes, we knew it was bin bags. And it was just a question of a lot of sellotape, bin bags, and everything else. We've stuck everything on it. One of my friends put on, she got rubbish from all of her friends' houses.
We put on the train. We put panty liners because we thought we could write on them, people's names. But she said I couldn't have put in a lot of people. But we had a lot of people.
We had photographs. We had bits of, you know, so we tried to stick on as much as possible. But I'm very proud of my kitchen. And we've got, if we look at the first picture, I believe that's going to be of the original, the Swiss and Tang one.
Oh yes, that's the first one. Yeah, yeah. And Charlie's looking very pappable there. And then the second one, of course, is the iconic, there it is, with the lovely will as well.
We've got finished, we've got a finished thing there. It did slightly fall apart. I don't think the security arm is going to say. I knew it wouldn't fall down because we had lots of gaffeta tape on the inside.
And the only thing we worried about was that, which was going to get so hot, it was going to be like a greenhouse, sort of down there. I said that. A greenhouse, so what, the ladies garden? It's all going to be like.
So I put, like, a wire, we made it like a wire circle, like a cleaning bottom. And I said, when it gets really hot, lift up the cleaning, and that one let the area in and drop it. Yeah. And she lost the dress somewhere on the night, and I don't know, it's this day.
I bet it's this day. And then the third one we've got is when she was at the David Copperfield. Oh gosh, I'm so close, because I actually had that in the bag to bring, because I could see one of you guys in it. Oh no, Roswell would have worn it, don't worry, with the high heels.
Oh, I'm so close, my sister will bear this out, but we had it in the couple, we'd tell me here don't anywhere. And we had it in the boot, I said I must bring that, and I put it in the house, and I had a few drinks, and I left it behind. Never mind, never mind. But that's fine.
No, Paul and Jill, you've been married for a long time. A long time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's 10,000 a year.
That was a round of applause for 36 years. No, we're going to see how much you actually know about each other as we play Mr and Mrs. Mr and Mrs. and Mrs.
It wasn't for them. All that cares, we wouldn't even be able to be able to be. Who wasn't for them? We didn't even know about getting here.
Okay, what we're going to do is it's a good old wedding game. So if you give, that's it. Yeah, just right to the front, back to the front. And if I give you, there you go, Paul, you have one of you and one of Jill.
So the idea is we are going to give you a question, and you need to lift up so that everybody there and that we can see who you think that person is best for. So I'll go for number one, who is the better kisser? Oh, they're thinking. Oh.
Jill said, Paul said, Jill. I think we should maybe test that. Oh, that old line. Next question, who fancied who first?
Has him on your first, no, but did you fancy Jill? Did you fancy you? Yes, did you fancy? Okay, so a split of this.
All right. You fancied him first. It's going well, Neil. I think it's going well.
The whole floor will be on the phone at any time, I think. And what did you say, Paul? You think, okay, that's a winner. Right.
Who is the grumpiest? Yay! Who is the funniest? Yay!
Who makes the best cup of tea? Okay, yes. We are in agreement there. If you want a million pounds, who'd spend the most?
Yay! Now you can take this question anyway you like, but who is the noisiest in the bedroom? No. There's no noise, there's nothing, Jill says.
Okay, next one. Who is the best at keeping a secret? Whoa! Who is the best dancer?
There you go. Who said I love you first? Oh! You put you.
And the final one, who swears more? Yay! That was Mr and Mrs. Lady of the Jammin' Well done.
I feel like we know you so much better now. Okay, let's get our next guest out. He has appeared with Ryan Reynolds, Patty Contadine, Kat from EastEnders, and he announced to the world that Opal Fruits would be called Starburst, but he would forever be known as a guy that farts on Keishis, it's Terry from the Bowls Club, Mark Heppner! Hello sir.
Good evening. Thank you very much. Thank you. I'm going to start with a bit from the introduction.
Yes. You were the man that sort of broke a lot of people's hearts, because you were in the advert telling everybody that Opal Fruits was now going to be Starburst. Opal Fruits became Starburst and that was all down to me. And are you glad that the internet wasn't around then?
Because you'd have been bombarded to fuck with that on Twitter? I was. I was. He was the name.
I was the name. I was the name. I was the name. Meals, that you.
Well, you know, that's my age. Water. Yeah, but there we go. It had to be done and to see what it's called, so I agree.
Absolutely. And you can see those adverts on YouTube, mate, mate. Yeah, you can, yeah. You can.
You can. I've been acting on deep dive, and I was watching them. I was in my dentist chair, and I'm lying. I know what they're like on the dentist, you know what they're like on the dentist.
You know, I know we're going to do a few better. Ha ha ha ha ha. And I'm lying. They should do a guess.
What do I've got? watching my mouth and swapped it to the internet and up under Stardust at the end. Oh, silly bastard. There we are.
Now the other thing you have been doing is you've been working as Winston Churchill. Now there was a samurai that he was working for the RST. Ohhh. Yeah, if anyone's ever by Richmond's local club, do call in.
I'll pull the balls out for the bingo on a Friday night. Now we have got a picture, I believe. Hopefully. There you are in full flow.
In full flow. Wasn't Cigar Lipp. No, you're fucking busy. No, actually, it wasn't.
It's actually at the end of the broom hands. Really? Stuff was the bloody thing. But there was some dankangers came to see me.
Are they here tonight? I don't know. Maybe that. Thank you.
Lots of coming to you. No, you very kindly said that you were doing a little favour. No, no. I shouldn't maybe say that in front of the people.
I'll give you a bit of paper with three quotes on it. Do you know what? I wish I bought that table in from the grocery store. Oh, shit.
It's not as far as you know. Right. That's not as far as the country quotes. I've always wanted to know what it would be like to hear them as Winston Churchill.
So, I've always got a glass. I thought I'd have to have glasses. Okay. Should have listened to teaching.
So, are we ready? Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen. Sorry, okay.
Ladies and gentlemen. So, Winston Churchill. Exactly and so, Winston Churchill. Here we go.
Two minutes left. Oops. What do you idea? That's going to work out who said it.
No, I just want you to say it as a Winston Churchill. It's a fetish of mine. I always try and get people to talk to me. A problem is when we first started dating, I set the bar too high.
I was just texting her the whole time. That was because I wanted to wheel her in. But now the fish is in the net. I ain't gonna keep throwing worms at it cause that's a waste of worms!
Hey! Okay. Number two. Just imagine you're turning on your wireless.
Waiting to hear about the war. Here we go. I've got enemies everywhere. I've got enemies in South Surrey.
I've got enemies in North Surrey. I've got enemies in South Surrey. I've got enemies in South Surrey. I've got them on the water.
I wish I'd never surrender. Yes! Okay. Last one.
Last one. Some little old blind man with a guy dog. Walked into a bin outside my house. Or Tysum were so scared.
He's run up a tree and ate a bird's nest. So I'm going to find him and break his legs for him. And I'll see how he likes it. Ladies and gentlemen, which is the Churchill?
Right now. Did you want to do us a quick, a very quick song? Could you do us a very quick song? Thank you very much.
It's actually... Oh. Oh. Oh.
All right. Okay. Yes! Mark, Kim, there, ladies and gentlemen.
Wonderful. So good. So wonderful. Thank you very much.
Mark, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Good work. Keep going. Good work.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much, thank you, thank you very much. So good, so good.
Right, I think we better get another guest on the sale. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So our next guest had one of the greatest entrances to an award show ever. He is the winner of the best newcomer at this year's NTA's, a super fan of this country and star of Emmerdale.
It is James Moore. James Moore is a legend. He's a fucking dingo. And he's gonna talk about everything we love.
Hey, hello James. How are you, sir? Oh, yeah, I know that. You've just come away from Lee.
You're filming? Yeah, I'm filming. You've been playing a hard hard road. I've got him at the past seven, but that's not the matter.
But you have. I mean, I want to appreciate that you're here. Thank you so much. That has been a pretty special year for you this year, isn't it?
Yeah, it's been a pretty special year, isn't it? Yeah, it's been a lot of stuff that's happened. That's what's your house. You know, it feels like the envelope goes, you know, you know, you're all tapping and I've got a show and, you know, a lot of tapping and goes to space and time.
But let's go back to the awards. Tell us about that then. I mean, you didn't know before, would you? No, no.
It was totally in the moment. And obviously, it was possible, but like, I, in that moment, my reaction was genuine. I was not expecting to go at all. No.