Hey, Night Vale, it is Jeffrey Cranor speaking to you from April of 2026 with a couple of cool things coming up. First off, we're going to be in Europe touring our newest Night Vale live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. We're going to be in Edinburgh, UK on May 27th. We'll be in Manchester on the 28th.
We will be in London on May 29th, and we will be in Amsterdam on May the 30th. You can get tickets for these shows at welcometonightvale.com slash live, and hopefully we'll have more shows coming up later this year. Who knows? Just get on our newsletter.
Go to welcometonightvale.com, sign up for our newsletter. We will send you emails twice a month to let you know all of the news that you need to know about Welcome to Night Vale. One of the big news things to tell you right now is that our other hit podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is coming back on April the 13th, written by Joseph Fink, produced by Desparation, and starring Jessica Nicole. More episodes of Alice Isn't Dead return on April the 13th, so make sure you are still subscribed to that podcast.
Finally, do you want some cool Night Vale merch? Go to welcometonightvale.com, click on store, and we have all kinds of cool t-shirts, things for the summer, tank tops, beach towels, and if you like, coffee mugs. If you want calendars, if you want backpacks, all kinds of cool stuff there. So check out welcometonightvale.com and click on store, click on live if you want to see our live shows.
We will see you in Europe, and hey, thanks. Paint a picture, it'll last longer. Welcome to Night Vale. Councilwoman Tamika Flynn announced this week that she got a new dog.
It's her 17th birthday in just a couple of weeks, so her dad, D'Angelo Flynn, said she could adopt a puppy. They went to the Night Vale Animal Shelter and Discount Tire Shop. Tamika thought about this sweetheart pit bull named Rosie, but worried about the need to walk and exercise such an active dog regularly. Same with the blue heeler mix named Hydrant.
The shelter manager suggested a German shepherd named Vincent, but D'Angelo said no daughter of his would have a German shepherd. He added that even the German shepherds, with all of their hateful teeth and ignorant rage, could not save us from the robot uprising. Tamika said she wanted a smaller dog anyway, and she settled on a Pomeranian, whom she has named Lucky. She brought Lucky to City Hall, standing atop the front steps of the building, Tamika, wearing a long black coat adorned with chevrons, a sheriff's badge, infantry cords, and little flanks of uncooked beef, held Lucky proudly above her head, the way a person who just got a new car might hold it above their head.
Lucky is a light brown dust bunny with hollow yellow eyes and a shrieking little laugh of a bark. Ah, a real cutie. Happy early birthday, Councilwoman Flynn. An update on the recent spate of robberies and the related deaths of Tristan and Camilla Cortez.
The secret police have no new leads towards suspects, but since the 8 p.m. curfew has gone into effect, there have been no robberies or major crimes of any kind. They have arrested six people in the last two days for being out after 8 p.m., but those people were all angels, who were unaware of the curfew and were just walking around trying to ask people for 10 bucks. Now that acknowledging of angels is legal in Night Vale, the angels have been making a fortune by just asking people for cash they don't actually need because they're billionaires.
But people are so happy to be able to acknowledge them that it's worth the few bucks the angels are asking for. And now sports. The Night Vale Scorpions wheelchair basketball team lost the state preseason tournament last weekend, 81-72 to the Pinecliffe Lizard Monitors. Pinecliffe forward Helen King led all scorers with 30, and Night Vale point guard Janice Palmer set a state record in assists with 22.
22 assists in a game, that's empirically the most helpful game a Night Vale player has ever had. Y'all Janice ladies. It's a shame to lose, but it is only the preseason. There's still a chance to win the division.
Unfortunately, I heard from Janice's dad, Steve, that Janice is not handling the loss very well. Steve said Janice works really hard to get assists because she wants to be a leader to help other people score the points. And even though she set a state record in assists, they still lost. Steve said Janice is working even harder on her passing skills and on running the high pick and roll, which is a basketball term that Steve explained to me, and I knew I wouldn't understand it, so I wrote down what Steve said verbatim.
Let's see, here's what he said a high pick and roll was. Quote, So the defender's guarding, right, like this. And then an offensive player comes over here like whoosh. And then the ball handler goes like Sam.
And then they go all and then womb. Well, best of luck in the regular season, Janice. Michelle Wynn, owner of Dark Owl Records, said that her store was robbed several weeks ago during the height of the robbery spree. She remembers a person coming in wearing a mask, holding a gun, and smelling like fertilizer.
They asked for cash, and Michelle gave the thief a velvet sack full of item number four bank run gravel, which is her preferred currency these days. The robber then grabbed a sack of LPs from the new release section and left. Michelle said she didn't report the robbery because she didn't really feel like it was a robbery. It's not like anyone listens to music anymore, she said.
Music is dead. If they had stolen the sound of traffic and sirens and low-flying aircraft, I would have felt truly violated. But who's going to miss Keith Urban on vinyl? Michelle added that everything is music and music is nothing.
And then she closed the store for the day to go shout poems at passing trains with her friend Maureen. Tamika Flynn and her new dog, Lucky, have been making appearances across town at local businesses, assuring the owners that the town is safe. In addition to her dark coat with its many pins and stripes and metals and cow flesh, Tamika has begun wearing leather riding boots, a tricorn, and spiked studded knuckle rings. She's really taken to the politics of her job, bringing along a camera crew to record these positive interactions with her constituents.
It should be noted that there have never been elections for city council in our town's history. Even Tamika joined the council through coercion, not campaigning. Perhaps this isn't just a photo op. Perhaps she really does care about the well-being of each of her citizens.
She might be my new favorite council member. Frances Donaldson, owner of the antiques mall, said she was so happy to see Councilwoman Flynn in her store. Tamika shook her hand and told her everything would be okay, that she would not let anyone rob Frances of her antiques. I mean, these antiques are cursed as all get out.
Anyone tries to touch one of these things, they'll be living in a psychological terror scape, Donaldson said. But it was nice of the young ladies to say so. Frances then sat by the window and thoughtfully watched a distant plane pass across the sky. Liesl Schmidt, who owns the auto body shop near Somerset and Gray, said Tamika stopped by her shop and told her all about how Tamika's father worked at an automobile factory for decades until he was laid off five years ago.
He's since run his own dent repair service. Liesl said Tamika really wanted to impress on her the importance of independently run businesses. I like Tamika, Schmidt said, and her little dog too. He ate some of my socket wrench heads, which made him walk slow.
Ah, that made me laugh. He's a good dog. Well, I'm certainly happy to see Tamika winning over the people of Night Vale. She's done a lot for this town, but I know the curfew and travel stoppage has been a real strain.
It's good to see her out there, keeping our spirits up. It's time once again for Citizen's Spotlight. Today's Citizen's Spotlight is on Megan Wallaby. Despite only being born four years ago, Megan just celebrated her 17th birthday this past spring and will graduate Night Vale High School with honors next May.
Megan enjoys athletics and biology classes and hopes someday to run her own clinic. She wants to go to a university and major in physical therapy next fall, but she's not sure where that will be just yet. Megan was also on my niece Janice's basketball team and was the team's leading scorer. But after the preseason tournament, she has decided to quit basketball to join Tamika Flynn's Secret Citizens Secret Crime Patrol Force.
Megan never had an inclination toward law enforcement, but she's not sure she can afford college. Even if she gets a scholarship, she says there are still books, dorms, food, beer, pet tarantulas, and clothes to buy. Her parents, Toc and Herschel, can't pay for any of that. So she's taking on part-time work patrolling the streets after curfew.
The team will miss you, Megan, but our streets are safer with you out there. This has been Citizen's Spotlight. A new report from the mayor's office shows a significant drop in crime the past two weeks since Tamika Flynn took over the secret police. Councilwoman Flynn gave credit to Deputy Sheriff Sam, the entire police force, including the secret police, double secret police, obvious police, and dog police, and Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents.
It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor and produced by Joseph Fink. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Disparation. All of it can be found at Disparation.info or at Disparation.Bandcamp.com.
This episode's weather was TMI by Josie. Find out more at JosieOfficial.com. Comments, questions, email us at info at WelcomeToNightVale.com or follow us on Twitter at NightValeRadio. Or dig a deep hole.
Deeper than that. Deeper than that. Check out WelcomeToNightVale.com for more information on this show and our new novel from the world of NightVale, It Devours, which comes out this month. Today's proverb, pull this lever.
Don't worry, you will never know the result. There will be a result. Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale. Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast.
Join me, Meg Bashwiner, and fellow Tri hosts Hal Loveland and Symphony Sanders as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Night Vale. Come for the insightful and hilarious commentary and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories. Good Morning Night Vale with new episodes every other Thursday. Get it wherever you get your podcasts.
Yes, even there.