Real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good, real good. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of America's Best Worst Canadian Sports Podcast. That's right, real good show is back out of the game for another week. It is episode number 115, an episode that, you know what, boys, I couldn't think of anything for this number, we're back in the doldrums as far as numbers go, but I have a feeling it's gonna be a great episode episode because we have a special guest today.
My name is Justin Morrisett and I'm joined once again as always. Bye. Stefan Heck. John Cohen.
And I'm kind of surprised that you didn't. I thought you were going to work in the Sports and Come reference that we got off the top. Our new tagline. Our new tagline that our show is about Sports and Come.
I forgot about that, actually. Yeah. My bad. So yes, I guess that is what the show has become.
Stefan? It's become? I don't know. That seems like it's been a while.
Yes. It's been 115 episodes of this. We didn't just talk about come last week. Yeah, no, exactly.
I mean, our first episode, we talked about Brian or Dic. I don't know if we talked about how hard he comes or anything like that. Probably not. I don't think so.
But it comes through, I would say, like, a Kleenex. It was like Halloween, but he couldn't come to a paper towel. Well, that question was coming up later during the mill bag. So we'll have to find a new one now.
We are joined this week, though. Stefan, by somebody who we didn't really need to get somebody else on the line. They're just in the room with you. Yes.
That's right. And that is your roommate, Rob Wiseman. Rob, welcome to the show. It's up, everyone.
Are a much anticipated guest, I feel, Rob. The people have been waiting for this one for quite a long time. Thank you. I've snuck in a few podcast appearances here and there lately.
And they've been also so so hopefully I give you guys something to work with here. I hope so, as well. We'll find out. Yeah.
Actually, you know what? I hope not. I hope you're a worse guest of all time. Just because I think that would be fun.
That's really bad. Exactly. We've had some atrocious guests. Rob just got back from Kentucky last night.
So oh, shit. How was that? It was very pleasant week. I missed home quite a bit.
It was good decision familiar cases. But it was absolutely terrifying. Every fucking minute of it. I felt like I did big LA piece of shit out there.
You know, judge my heavy BP cashier I came in contact with. Does everyone in Kentucky think you're gay now? They're very well-cooked. Just because you've been living in LA, they feel like it somehow has rubbed off on you?
The one place I hang out is a country western bar. So you may not have the highest opinion of me. As well. It seems like LA has changed both of you considerably over the last however many months it's been.
Three, I'm thinking at this point. Then almost it's like three and a half, three and a half. I remember eight. So nothing I'm counting.
I guess I'm counting. I'm counting. It's just, yeah. I mean, it's a city that apparently changes people.
I'm surprised. You're in the dirt stash. Yeah. I don't know what the deal is with that.
Yeah. I mean, last week you were vaping, which you were vaping again this week. I did see that when you said that. Again, you say vaping.
It's not like the e-juices. Yeah. Never one. Again, that's what you say.
But we have no way of confirming that. I think I want to invent Cooger too. Fair. So I don't think it is fair at all.
I think it's lame as hell. But there is a new development here that we've glossed over, John. That is what Stephanie's growing a dirt mustache right now. Well, he said that.
Yes. And it's not good. Yeah. Irene said you guys up for this, because she's really mad about it too.
I'm sure she is. She probably doesn't really want to have sex with what appears to be Freddie Mercury's exhumed body. Well, I'm not going to see her until the end of November. So maybe it'll be good by then.
I have a window. It'll be luscious. This is three days of growth. Of course, it's a dirt stash.
Rome wasn't grown in the day. So I think I think I'll be fine. Everyone will work loved it. And you can look good.
Rob, Rob, did everyone at work love the mustache? As far as I know. They actually weirdly did. They brought it up and were like, it looks good.
It's a comedy. I work at a comedy website. So it's possible they could. I get the comments on it, because I'm on thin ice as it is around the apartments, just with this attitude.
Well, you're technically the boss around the office. Aren't you both of you? It's Stefan's face, man. He only gets one face if he wants the realist.
That sounds like you're not very sure about it. No, it's cool, man. OK. You're right.
You're trying something out. Exactly. I applaud you. I couldn't try this out if I was a Vancouver, because I really would not happen.
Because you have to see it every day. And it's like two judgmental of a culture up here. Yeah, everyone that's done with the United States, is they're not very judgment. Especially in Los Angeles.
Everyone knows that Los Angeles is the land of non-judgment. Yeah. Once it's fully grown and parents are grabbing their child's hand as we walk by them, then I don't know. That's a good match, though, right?
It's not. Or it could be the most bad-ass thing I've ever seen. And suddenly, I'm coming on to Stefan. I mean, you come home to each other every night.
I would imagine almost every night, maybe not. But this is a sports podcast, right? It's serious. Justin's wearing a Vancouver grizzly's hat.
So I think that kind of coverage are sports. OK, Justin Timberlake is doing a halftime show. Right. Yeah, yeah.
I was just curious, because I'm wondering, Stefan, if the people who are complimenting your mustache are also relying on your good favor to further their careers. No, no, no. These are people. No, Rob and I are the low people in the totem pole at the office.
So really? Yeah. So like, Dave, we like it. What about us?
We like it, too. We enjoy it as a lot of peace and quiet. It's a great office. It's a very wokie life.
And friend of the show and former guest host, Chris James, will be coming down next week on Halloween. Yeah. That's my birthday. That's right.
Well, we're not talking about your birthday. But just coming down, we're going to go to a Leafs Kings game, which should be fun. Yes, I was going to go down to that for my birthday. Yeah, but you're not, though.
I decided instead to see the maple leaves with my father. Oh, my dad, mean. No, he is not. Right.
OK. We have a whole, Rob, I know this. We have a whole thing with Patreon where the number one donor to the show gets to be my father. Right.
Like he legally becomes my father. And then the second highest donor, who's my dad, Paul, he comes John's dad. Yeah. OK.
So our mom right now is a friend of the show and great man, Rohit, who in fact, up to his donation today. And I'm sure we'll get to that at some point. Rohit, you still don't even know how to say your own father's name. We have a thing.
I call him Rohit. Yeah, I know. I know it's a thing. Is any of this real?
Yeah, this is real. He joins my dad. Yeah, it's not that hard. Stefan was adopted.
So it's just a quick little switch of signatures. No big deal at all. That's a little rubber stand. Oh, really?
That seems like a complete misuse of the courthouse. But, OK. Hey, man, don't worry about what goes on in Canadian court. I just want to speak.
That's fucking hilarious. Just I'm going to send you a clip that you're going to be showing to Don later on. OK. OK.
I don't know what that could be about. Yeah, I don't either. Doesn't sound very good. But I do appreciate that.
Thank you very much. Yeah, I don't know. I think we've got to do an app. Let's do an app.
Yeah, we do. We do. Yeah. We have to be well, fuck, I don't know what to say now.
You were saying that. No, never mind. Go ahead. You were saying that you were going to go to the Leafs game with Chris James when he's coming down to LA, right?
Yes. And actually, we're going to go to a couple of comedy shows as well. And we're going to go to a Lakers net scan too. Have you purchased your tickets for those yet?
Chris, I think, may have purchased the Leafs tickets. I haven't purchased the Lakers tickets yet. I've been struggling as to where I should go to buy the tickets, because there's so many tickets, sellers and vendors and sort of thing. It's also confusing overwhelming.
Do you often open up the app store and look up tickets and then just feel entirely overwhelmed with options? I do. And honestly, a big part of it is that sometimes I'll find an app and I'll search the tickets on there. But then it's like, I don't know if I'm actually getting a good deal on these tickets.
Yeah. You know? Well, it's not. There's no score of the deal.
Welcome to American capitalism, boys. That's what you're looking at. Well, we actually have some good news for you, Rob. And also for me.
Nothing I know about this. I don't know about this. Would you feel that you're in a place where you could admit that the anxiety that you feel over purchasing tickets is what has led to your questionable facial hair growth? Oh, see, when you started off that question, you're in a safe place where you can admit that you're going to say that you touched a guy's dick in the woods when you were 12 years old.
But you didn't say that. So what? What are you talking about? So anyway, ticket thing.
I mean, yeah, whatever you just said, I do that. Yeah. You feel an enormous amount of anxiety over purchasing tickets. Yeah, this is about a ticket.
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Oh my god. I've been for decades.
I've been wanting to tell someone. Well, good news, because buying tickets to sports and concerts can be complicated. But there is a better, simpler way to buy. And that is with Seakiek.
Seakiek is the smartest, easiest way to get tickets to live events. With their seamless mobile experience, you can buy themselves tickets in just two taps. Seakiek helps to find the best seats of the best prices, fully guaranteed. And there's nothing quite like seeing your favorite team or musician in person.
And Seakiek will get you closer to the next floor. Wait, sorry, is this the ticket thing? Great value. Is the ticket thing?
Yeah. OK. I'm not talking to you about the ticket thing. Yeah, about not feeling anxious about buying tickets anymore, because it's so simple.
And you have all this time to do other things. Like, don't miss the show. So this is the ticket thing. Yes.
Sorry, I just wasn't sure. Well, we have the Seakiek apps on our phone. Yeah, I do. And this is by far the easiest way that we've found a shop for tickets.
You can be anywhere with just a few taps. You're instantly looking at seats. In fact, Stefan, you were already looking at it to go to that Lakers game, weren't you? I actually was.
Whenever I look for tickets, now what I'll do is I've got to have my phone on my computer. I'll type in Lakers Seakiek or Knox Seakiek or whatever. And then brings me to that great website, easy to use. I mean, I used it.
I will say I used it to get the Dodgers tickets. And the game itself, I mean, you know how that went. But they're in the World Series now. I know they got to coincidence.
Yeah. Well, because of the magic of Seakiek. And of course. Wait, this is a ticket thing?
Yeah. Seakiek. Yeah, we're really into it, man. Fantastic app.
And it's the best way to get tickets. You were playing coy earlier, Stefan, when you acted like you didn't know what it was all about. Yeah, that's part of the fucking bet. Well, I suppose so.
But Seakiek. All three of us are doing different bits right now. I'm still doing the start of Stefan's bit. And Rob is doing a bit where he's pretending it's not an ad.
And you're doing the bit where you read the ad normally. Seakiek, it is more defined actually to make your ticket buying an experience easier than ever. Much easier than whatever elaborate comedy construction is going on here. I mean, you guys got to jazz improv, Seakiek ad every other time.
I'm very familiar with the sponsorship going. So we have the creative control they have over you. I mean, well, we can touch on this at some point probably. But I think they afford us some freedom.
I think, yeah. Yeah, they like that we talk. Sometimes we just straight up talk about Jack and off in the middle of the ad and they're fine with it. I mean, I wouldn't go that far.
I would rather that we talked about this after I'm done talking about everything else I have to tell you about what the wonderful it is. Seakiek, more like jerk freak, am I right? Because to get you the most bang for your buck, they create everything. They create everything.
They create everything. Right, every time I'm back. Come on, man. That's how you do it a bit.
He's not even reading the best seats that fit your buck. He's not even reading the copy. Now he's doing a bang for your buck. Every purchase is fully guaranteed.
You can shop for tickets on Seakiek with confidence unlike those other guys. So make Seakiek up to you after finding the best deals rather on every type of ticket from sports and concerts to comedy and theater. Look at this. Rob, just download Seakiek.
All right. During the podcast. There we go. Nice.
Best of all, Rob. This is the most important part. Our listeners, which you're listening to my voice. So right now that includes you.
Get $20 off their first Seakiek purchase. All you have to do is download the app which you've already done and enter promo code real good today. That's promo code real good for $20 off your first Seakiek purchase. Awesome.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Let's thank some donors now because we have donors too, Rob.
We're doing we're doing really well. There's a lot of donors to thank this week. David McIntyre is housekeeping. David McIntyre pledged $5.
Thanks, David. Thank you, David, for donating to the show. Also, you got a fucked up. You got a fucked up avatar.
It's him and Darth Maul paint. Oh. Are you guys impressed? I knew who Darth Maul was.
Yeah. Have you seen that movie? No. $5 from Matt Ellis.
Thank you to Matt Ellis. I guess his name is Matthew probably, but thank you to Matt. I was fired by wanting to hear Hex given. Absolutely.
Thank you to Zack Arent, hopefully not related to Hannah Arent, one of my least favorite scholars. $5. Thank you, Zack. Braden Walker, also pledges $5.
Thank you to Braden. Oh, this is a great name, actually. This is a very good name. Hunter Hartley.
Hunter Hartley. Yeah. Sounds like a wrestler. Almost Hunter Hearst Hartley.
Yes. Just about. Thank you to you. You've probably never heard that before.
569. Ooh. Because this guy fucks. Absolutely.
Rob Russo, longtime listener of the show. Short time listener maybe? Oh, yeah. But he didn't even jolly episodes.
Probably. $5 from Rob Russo. So thank you, Rob. Appreciate every single person who's donated.
Brendan Carroll. Including Brendan. $5 donation. Tough to tell whether he's a man or woman with the Brendan Carroll.
I mean, anyway. And last. Look at me. Yeah.
Last but not least. Row hit body. Stefan's Indo-Canadian father has upped his pledge from $111 to $200. And I have no idea why.
No. Are you sure you don't know why, Don? I'm pretty sure that I don't know why. I think I might know why, but I'm not happy about it.
Now, do you think it might have something to do with Greenback? Classic segment. Maybe. I don't know.
I don't even know how this started, because I never agreed to this. Well, he dmed me and said, I'll pay $200 a month if you bring that John watch the thing. And I said, yeah, it sounds good. Oh, great.
OK. Well, once again, I am taking all $200 of these dollars. Well, we'll see what that sounds good. For doing John watches thing.
No, this is bullshit. I didn't agree to do it. And I don't want to do it. It's honestly not worth $90 to me.
He's already donating $100. I think $200. At best, he would take all $89. No, I'm saying that.
I don't even want it. I don't even want it. I don't even want it. No, no, no, no.
That's what I'm saying. I would have said no. $89 isn't worth it to me. I don't like watching.
I was going to do those things where I felt like I was on the clock. And I was like, I got to answer it way. Oh, fuck you. You did not think that.
This is bullshit. I'm pressing play on the video. OK, that's like pulling the trigger. There's emotional duress involved in my process here that I feel like I should be compensating.
Emotional duress? OK, yeah. Justin Cavorki in order. I should be given a curator's fee for finding the video.
Oh, you guys should curate my fucking ass. This is bullshit. Here's some. Rob, what the second is?
It's called John Watches, I think. Go to the camera and say hello, Rob. I already did say hi. Give me a stick your head in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Rob, I'm wearing sweatpants. Don't ignore me. Oh, he's in that room.
OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just right over here. We're sitting at my kitchen table.
You guys all used to do this in the same room, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's what we used to do before. I'm going to show them the bananas.
Do you have the bananas back there, Rob? The bananas? The bananas over my shoulder? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Those are for my smoothie in the morning. Nice.
That I may not want to eat after I watch whatever this is. I already told you that I was sick yesterday. I had minor food poisoning, so I said I didn't want to watch anything really close. Starting with something relatively tame.
So Rob, what this is, is a segment called John Watches a Thing. The original video that brought it about was a weightlifting injury. Yeah. That's right.
That's like Elbow popped out. Yeah, someone that was lifting a weight and his elbow popped. I don't have to watch that. I don't have to watch.
No, you don't have to watch. That's fine. And John. See, exactly.
No one wants to watch this. It's fucking cool. It was a visceral reaction. I'm very squamish.
Our listeners sort of snagged on that and we snagged on that this segment where we make John watch weird and gross stuff. So we watched the video of the guy fucking the chicken. Oh, that is weird. Yeah.
So gross. So we're starting with something tame today with the return of John Watches a Thing. It's an old friend of the show and it's old friend of John's. It's Joey from Joey's World Tour.
Oh, I was hoping it would be a whole time. I'm just getting a call from work right now. Sorry. You guys can get in on this process.
This is what happens when I get a substitute call from work. Thank you. I don't go to that school for computer skills. Go to here.
OK. Classic shit. That was John. That was a good job.
Exactly. This is John Watches a Thing. It's Joey from Joey's World Tour and he's eating a bowl of tortilla chips. Fire.
I don't even call it. Bottle? Honestly. Oh, she's.
No. Oh my god. Actually, Stefan, before. OK.
This is the one I fucking honestly like even seeing his face makes me feel. No, Joey's always hold me. No. I'm going to open.
OK. I need a. Oh, I have a theme. I play the theme.
I got to get some Laquan. Yeah, we need to give John some time to psych himself into this. But that's fine. Because there's a theme song for this segment that happens to be one of my favorite themes we've ever recorded.
And we find it kind of funny. He finds it kind of sad when John watches. Guys fuck sandwiches. He gets extremely mad.
We find it hard to not laugh. He finds it hard to watch when people send in videos for the segment we call John. I think I got the mad world backing track. I wrote the lyrics and then Justin said.
Yeah, that is actually a good thing. That is a great theme. But it doesn't mean I like the segment. He wrote the music.
So, Justin, you want to start at about 251? OK. Because there's a lot of preamble. How long do I have to watch this for?
Say a minute. OK. Are you going to do it? Oh my god.
What the fuck? It just started us at 24. I'm sorry. Well, I already do not like it.
Well, what is the point of this? The bowl full of hand sprees. Oh my god, he's wearing a Cine Bikki hat. Honestly, looking at his face makes me physically ill.
You know what's good about him? Is he a huge Trump supporter? He doesn't believe in climate change either. I bet he doesn't.
So funny. OK, just play it. OK, all right. Justin, ready?
Three, two, one, go. I can't stick my face in it. I'm going to take my ears off. Yeah.
Oh my god, this is so gross. Oh, the sounds are gross. People aren't even going to want to listen to this. Can you give us a play by play?
He's literally stuck his face inside an entire bowl of nachos and cheese and it's all over his face. And he's really happy about it. And now he's fake vomit. Oh, no, there.
Oh my god. This is so gross. OK, I'm done. I can't watch it anymore.
That's disgusting. No, John, come back. No, I'm going to throw out. That's so fucking gross.
No, that's so gross. One second. Come back. No, I'm done.
No, no, no. I'm going to throw out. I'm not going to throw out. No, oh my god.
That's so how you guys just sit there and watch that. That's fucking disgusting. I don't just watch that. I watched it several other videos as well.
That is so gross. He literally was like, he had all the nacho cheese in his mouth and he was like, kept opening his mouth and stuff. And it's not good. Nacho cheese either.
It's like, they'll be there. OK, turn it off. I don't want to hear those noises. He's like jagging him.
But it's like fake gagging. Is he just miming that he's going to throw up for the texture of the skin. We did the raw chorizo one on RGS before. That one is so gross.
It's actually gagging. That one is disgusting. I need to throw it. This is definitely not the gagging for his fans.
But yeah, no, he's still going strong. It's just cheese, guys. It was really disgusting to me. One loves salad.
That's kind of a salad. Honestly, it wasn't even worth $89 to me. That was so gross. That to me was as gross.
That was legitimately almost as gross as the chorizo one. When he opened his mouth and he had all the cheese inside of it. OK, just because you're an unfeeling fuck. Unfuelling.
I have plenty of feeling. We talked about it before. I stole the glands and everything. We've discussed it.
So don't call me unfeeling. First of all, or second of all, I guess. The chorizo one is way grosser because Joey is actually disgusted by it and is actually sick. This one, he's like playing it up.
He's handing it up for the crowd. Yeah, great. I hated every second of that. Yeah.
That was John. That's the thing. It's back, baby. So what's his do?
It's not bad. He runs around. He reviews. Do you want to see?
You know what? OK, you know what? I just thought even two. It's not even $89.
What was it? It's not people. Watch that. What the fuck?
Do you want to see what Joey is all about, Rob? Yeah. He reviews. It's like three things a week.
This is what he's eating. I just realized it's $200 a month, not a week. So it's not even $89 for me to watch that clip. It's like $20, which is not worth it at all.
That's the last one I've ever participated in. You just turned down like a $300 job or so to go be a school teacher? Yeah, more than that. More than that.
But I mean, the point is that I don't want people to think that I'm being brazen. I will get another job for that day. Yeah. That's why I'm choosy.
Yeah. Well, I'm unbelievable. Yeah, it's not good. OK.
Now we have another segment. I'm sure I'm showing Rob the Theresa thing what you guys talk. Yeah. That's worth it for the people, right?
No, it's not. It's joy. I'm not. You are bringing joy.
I don't enjoy it. But I bet Santa Claus does not enjoy having to take his toys all over the world. OK, I can hear it. I can hear it.
Turn it off. No, you can't hear it. I've got it's muted. OK, well, it's sounded gross.
Is Rob gagging? No. OK. You guys are just normal.
You guys don't care about anything. It was me punching a wet hand. That's what sounded like Joey eating Theresa. OK, cool.
All right. So I feel like we should get to this. And we have the theme song for this? We do, I think.
Yeah, we got a new theme song. Oh, yeah, that's right. We did because I complained. Well, I didn't complain.
But I said last week that I would love to have one with that Madonna song and that I love so much. Yeah. And so this was by Liam Kennedy. Liam Kennedy.
Thank you, Liam, for sending this in. And it is a great theme as well. I'll tell you my secrets, sir. I'm writing myself.
Oh, fine. I stepped on the N-line now. Sorry. That's OK.
That's OK. So this is a follow up secret to last week's piss hoarding secret. Let me just explain that was that song. That's Madonna.
So this is from Anonymous. And this, OK, I'm going to be honest with you. For people who really like John watches a thing, this is almost John reads a thing as well, because it's very gross. But it is a follow up to last week's secret.
Can you read a extremely funny one? Yes. I think so. We just got it three days ago.
Oh, no. Steph, in the one you're thinking I was going to be next week's secret. OK. I just I was just I was just I know.
But I'm just doing this one because it's a follow up secret. I don't even know if you know this one, Steph. And it's also very it's very funny and very gross. And also I feel like are there just a lot of people that hoard piss?
It just seems like a fair feeling. I think I know who's at this one, actually. Yes, you do. You definitely do.
OK. So this isn't really a secret. Basically, all of my high school friends were aware of this and present at the climactic scene. But it is shameful and related to the piss secret of episode 114.
I graduated high school a year early and spent that year living in the attic of my parents garage. It was a semi-finished area where my band practice, but was not insulated or heated. At night when it was warm, I would go downstairs and piss in my yard. When it got cold, I pissed in empty bottles, one of which was a handle of fighting cock whiskey.
I pissed in these bottles and kept them, and it was gross. But I was out of enough out of the way that my parents tolerated it on the understanding that I would go to college soon enough. Piss is not entirely a solution. If you bottle a large amount and keep it, you'll see the vitamins and stuff settle out into different layers.
I don't know what all the stuff is, but there's more of it than I thought. Anyway, the piss handle became a sort of relic. It was like an amber snow globe. I left for college, but a bandmate took it and kept it at one apartment than another.
Then one party night when I was home from school, things got wild. Someone dared our most darable friend to take a shot of the piss. A monetary amount was involved, but it was definitely less than $20. I believe it was either $5 or $1.
Well, what? Am I going to the story? No, you do know who it is, though. This sounds like something dumb shit.
19-year-old Rob would have done. Well, true to his reputation, Scott, that's his real name. He deserves this. Took a shot of my several years old, distilled piss and threw up immediately.
After that, they got rid of the piss. Your is anonymous. That is so gross. That is awful.