116: Playing A Mastery Game w/ James Silvas

Melissa is excited to bring James to the podcast. His work has changed her life. A big part of what you experience on this podcast is because of James.James works with the top-tier level of athletes, executives, and entrepreneurs. In addition, he’s working on a book and is a top 1% podcaster. He’s also a father, husband, and Melissa’s coach!In this practical and tips-laden episode, James dives deep into how it’s one day at a time, one week at a time, and one month at a time to craft the version of ourselves we want. He shares how to get people to open up and outlines the 5 C’s that will change your leadership ability and your relationships.James plays the mastery game, not the rich game. And this episode will speak to what that means and why we must do hard things intentionally. He also explores why it’s essential to understand that emotions are built. Get out your notebook and be ready to feel the chills.Highlights1:20 - The power of not boxing yourself in with titles and labels3:15 - The one skill all leaders need7:39 - Fostering an environment for hard conversations & change10:15 - Setting yourself up to succeed as a good listener14:18 - Identifying and shifting away from co-dependency18:28 - How to win at life24:56 - The 5 C's that will uplevel your life and relationships (Courage. Curiosity. Concentration. Compassion. Co-creation.)27:48 - What are you feeling that's getting in the way?31:43 - The prerequisite to change35:39 - How to increase your connection to courage42:28 - Integrating the body and mind50:56 - Connect with JamesConnect with JamesVisit his websiteConnect on InstagramJames’s LinktreeListen to his podcastLearn More about JamesMy journey starts in Las Vegas. As a kid, I always admired those who were able to create massive impact and achieve “greatness” in their industry. I started playing sports at the age of 6 so naturally athletes were the easiest to relate to. I would watch documentaries and videos on famous athletes and study how hard they worked to get to their level of mastery. In addition, my Mom and Dad would enforce that behavior until it became normal to show up early, leave late and practice, practice, practice.Sports taught me invaluable lessons about Accountability, Integrity, Teamwork, Discipline and Leadership. My Dad taught me how to work hard, get and stay focused and when failure hits, how to “bounce back.” My mom taught me how to listen, how to connect and the importance of understanding others. The blend of all of these lessons helped me step into leadership roles within the sports I played. I had a strong desire to win, but when you play team sports, it’s not just about you. As a leader, you have to have the ability to unify the team. So I listened. I studied. I observed. I worked. I embodied. And I sought to understand. Quickly, I learned how to communicate with those on my team. I knew what to say, what to do when the game was on the line that helped my team focus, come together and ultimately win. From elementary to sophomore year, I switched schools 5 times. This wasn’t easy at first, but in retrospect, it helped me connect with new friends, get a diverse view on the world and know people from all over the valley. (Something I am very grateful I experienced.) The skills I learned early on at home and in sports only sharpened in high-school. I was able to make friends with all groups of people. I learned to find people's strengths and amplify them. This continued exposure to different viewpoints, belief systems and value systems from those I was surrounded by helped me communicate effectively in social situations and game-time pressure situations on the field. As I geared up for College, the questions that circulated my head was “ What do I want to do”? Many of my friends and teammates suggested being a psychologist, due to my ability to help them mentally with problems they were facing, but it didn’t resonate with me. I received a few offers from D1 and Ivy leagues schools, but something in me wasn’t ready to dedicate as much time as I knew it would take to the sport. I decided to stay home, attend UNLV for their Kinesiology program and look into Physical Therapy. This turned out to be the best decision. Not only did I meet my future wife, but I met a professor that inspired me to do what I am doing now. His name? Dr. Mark Guadagnoli. He’s a 4x World Renowned Mental Training Coach and professor of neuroscience and neurology at UNLV's School of Medicine. He introduced me to the world of mental performance and I was hooked. I became obsessed. I stayed after class, asked for additional readings and exercises and began applying the knowledge I was learning to my own life. After I saw success in my own ability to think and take intentional action toward the goals I had for myself, I began sharing it with friends and family. I fell in love with helping people think deeper, find clarity, formulate a plan and execute it. I decided then that I wanted to do this for the rest of my life. I started studying neuro linguistic programming, neuroscience, sports psychology, practical and social psychology and leadership. I started telling people that I was a performance coach and that I could help them achieve their goals, self-regulate, strengthen their leadership and overcome self-sabotaging behavior. It started small. Slowly, referral after referral, corporation after corporation, event after event I have had the honor and privilege to work with 6,000+ people from 8 different countries. I’ve helped athletes, entertainers, CEO’s, Entrepreneurs, Spiritual leaders and growth-minded individuals looking to evolve, expand and explore more of who they are. I am looking forward to serving and helping you. My style is a blend of many cultures, backgrounds and belief systems, which makes sense since that’s how I learned growing up. I’ll use whatever strategy helps solve the problem. Thank you for being a part of the Be that 1% family.About the podcastGrief and Guts is for anyone navigating:Bereaved parentsAging parentsDivorceEmpty nestFertility journeyJob lossRelationship endingMovingThe loss of sense of selfThe loss of life envisionedMeet the hostWhen Melissa Dlugolecki lost her daughter Leyden, in a case termed a catastrophe, she didn't want to live...never mind love life, again.As a bereaved mother, when Melissa lost my daughter Leyden, she never thought she would be happy again. Melissa felt guilty when she started to smile.​As a former educator, Melissa felt trapped by the politics, paperwork, and constricting schedule of the education system.Yet after building a 7-figure business, traveling the world, launching a podcast, writing a book (more to come), and coaching thousands of individuals, she has found one thing to be true for all of us…We have the power to create our own happiness, regardless of circumstances. And there are certain processes and strategies effective in doing so.It’s not just a “think positive” method or a “go harder” approach. I intertwine a dance of intangibles around our energy management with tangibles such as action steps, communication strategies, and ways to feel our best.Growth isn't always forward progress. It's messy. It's hard. But it is worth it. And while you work your way to whatever goal you are pursuing, just keep showing up. Life is too short to feel stuck.Connect with MelissaLearn more at Melissa’s websiteJoin the conversation on InstagramCreditsThe podcast was edited and mixed by Andrew at 51 features. Connect at andrew {at} 51features {dot} com. Catch up with me on socials!Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissadlugolecki/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissa.dlugoleckiLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-dlugolecki-b24988141/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@melissadlugoleckiYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MelissaDlugolecki