116: Turn Work-Family Conflict Into Work-Family Balance

Work-family conflict can seem unavoidable - especially in the era of COVID when we're either working from home with children underfoot all day, or we're an essential worker who has to leave the house and can't find childcare.   In this conversation with licensed psychologist Dr. Yael Schonbrun, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Brown University, and co-host of the Psychologists Off The Clock podcast, we acknowledge that we must enact policies that provide more of a safety net for families.  But even in the absence of these policies, we can make choices that allow us to live in greater alignment with our values, and also find a sense of peace.   If you enjoyed episode 113 on Dr. Chris Niebauer's book No Self, No Problem, then you'll find that the tools we discuss in this episode flow directly from that one.   Here's a link to the Choice Point tool that we discuss.   Here are some Psychologists Off The Clock episodes that discuss Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in greater depth: https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/acceptance-commitment-therapy https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/the-heart-of-act https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/take-committed-action   Jump to highlights 00:02 Introduction to Dr. Yael Schonbrun, clinical psychologist and co-host of Psychologists Off the Clock 04:07 Two directions of the problem: outside-in factors versus inside-out factors 11:58 Self-compassion's three parts - mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity 15:22 Work-to-family and family-to-work conflict, and how skills can flow both ways 20:49 The evolutionary reasons we're wired to chase comfort 22:31 Introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) 32:23 The "choice point" - how we're always making a choice, even by doing nothing 38:45 What to do when your choice affects someone else's wellbeing too 41:00 The Rubik's Cube metaphor for shifting between values as things change 46:03 Individual choice versus systemic pressure - the Viktor Frankl quote and its limits 50:43 Wrap up and where to find Dr. Schonbrun's work   References Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 36(8), 917-927. Chang, Y.E. (2013). The relation between mothers’ attitudes toward maternal employment and social competence of 36-month-olds: The roles of maternal psychological well-being and sensitivity. Journal of Child and Family Studies 22, 987-999. Cohn, M.A., Fredrickson, B.L., Brown, S.L., Mikels, J.A., & Conway, A.M. (2009). Happiness unpacked: Positive emotions increase life satisfaction by building resilience. Emotion 9(3), 361-368. Gallate, J., Wong, C., Ellwood, S., Roring, R.W., & Snyder, A. (2012). Creative people use nonconscious processes to their advantage. Creativity Research Journal 24(2-3), 146-151. Gareis, K.C., Barnett, R.C., Ertel, K.A., & Berkman, L.F. (2009). Work-family enrichment and conflict: Additive effects, buffering, or balance? Journal of Marriage and Family 71, 696-707. Greenhaus, J.H. (2006). When work and family are allies: A theory of work-family enrichment. Academy of Management Review 31(1), 72-92. Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (2nd Ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger. Schonbrun, Y.C. (2014, July 30). A mother’s ambitions. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/07/30/a-mothers-ambitions/?_r=0 Schonbrun, Y.C. (2017, June 30). Are you “successful”?  Saying “yes” may mean thinking outside the box. Kveller. Retrieved from https://www.kveller.com/are-you-successful-saying-yes-may-mean-thinking-outside-the-box/ Schonbrun, Y.C. (n.d.). The Tao of work and family balance. Off the Clock Psychologists. Retrieved from https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/tao-of-work-family-balance Truss, E. (2012, March 30). How can Britain encourage women into work? The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/mar/30/britain-encourage-women-into-work