116: Why Men Can't Forgive Themselves — And How to Finally Let Go

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of Next Third Best Third, I want to talk about a single word I believe has imprisoned men for far too long: regret. I'm not talking about the normal human experience of wishing you'd done something differently. I'm talking about the kind of regret that moves in, rearranges the furniture of your thought life, and eventually convinces you it owns the place. I walk through some of the most common regrets I hear from the men I work with, careers pursued at the cost of family, words spoken or left unsaid, financial failures, addictions, betrayals, and I make the case that one of the most dangerous lies a man can believe is that his history has determined his destiny. It hasn't. Your history is written. Your destiny is not.I get into the crucial difference between honest appraisal and condemnation, because "I failed" and "I'm a failure" sound similar but they are not the same thing, one describes an event and the other imposes an identity. I talk about how men become incredible historians of their own past, able to recount every detail of a mistake from decades ago, while stammering when asked where they see themselves five years from now, because they're running the race of life while staring in the rearview mirror. I also get vulnerable and share something I don't talk about often on this show: coming to terms later in life with sexual abuse I experienced at 11 and 12 years old, and how the lies I built around that experience quietly shaped my decisions for decades, even while things looked successful on the outside.I close with something practical: why forgiving yourself might be the hardest forgiveness of all, why endless self-punishment doesn't repair yesterday, it just destroys tomorrow, and an exercise I want you to actually sit down and do. Picture yourself two years from now, having become more alive, more intentional, more forgiving, then ask what that future version of you said yes to, and what he had to say no to in order to protect it. Guys, your history is behind you. Your destiny is still ahead. I'd love for you to try this exercise this week and let me know how it goes in the comments, and if this episode encouraged you, please like, comment, and share it with another man who needs to hear it.Chapters:00:00 – Why Regret Imprisons So Many Men 04:53 – When Your Career Costs You Your Family 09:53 – The Danger of Letting Your Past Define Your Identity 14:44 – The Rearview Mirror Problem19:43 – The Lies We Domesticate About Ourselves 24:40 – Childhood Abuse and the Lies I Believed for Decades 29:39 – Brokenness Is a Watershed, Not a Life Sentence 34:20 – Why Older Men Still Have So Much to Give 39:19 – Why Forgiving Yourself Is the Hardest Forgiveness 44:16 – Finding Your "Yes" and Building a Wall of "No"Welcome to Next Third Best Third! Join us for the inaugural episode of the Next Third Best Third podcast! Host David Fenwick, founder, author, and life coach, introduces the mission to inspire men over 40 to thrive in the next stage of life. Discover how to conquer life's challenges across physical, mental, relational, spiritual, and emotional dimensions. In this episode, David shares insights on:- Physical Health: Strategies for maintaining fitness and vitality as you age.- Mental Resilience: Techniques to stay mentally sharp and manage stress.- Relational Growth: Building and nurturing meaningful relationships.- Spiritual Fulfillment: Finding purpose and deeper spiritual connections.- Emotional Well-being: Managing emotions and fostering a positive outlook.Don't miss out on this journey towards making the next third of your life the best third!Website: (https://www.nextthirdbestthird.com/)