118. The Real Magic

My earliest recollection is from the age of four – being shy and awkward, always afraid to join other kids at play. I was a picky eater and would take a long time to get through what was on my plate. Still, I began to put on the pounds, and I got it in my head that losing weight would change everything. I’d be confident, outgoing, and finally feel like I fit in. So, I went on a diet. Then, I binged. At first, it was just Friday nights, like a little “date” with food. Then it was the whole weekend. Before I knew it, I was binging every night. By 19, I was deep in bulimia – hiding food, purging, taking laxatives, anything to keep my weight down. I kept looking for a “magic fix,” but nothing worked. One doctor told me to eat in moderation, and another told me to go to a 12-step program. I went, but I didn’t think I was that bad – until I was. Years went by. I lost jobs. I even ate out of garbage bins. I joined another program, but I manipulated it to eat what I wanted. I worked the steps, but not really. And my life? It didn’t change. In 2009, I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). I was skeptical, but something clicked. I got a sponsor, and I’ve been abstinent ever since. At first, I complained about the structure – the weighing, the meetings, all of it. Eventually, I stopped fighting it, and when I did, everything changed. Today, I’m fully engaged in life – not just in a smaller body, but with a healthier mind and spirit. I show up for my family, connect with people, and have real friendships – real confidence. Food no longer controls me, and I finally feel free. #bulimia #bulimic #bingeeater #bingepurge