118 - When the person you used to be no longer fits with Dr Toby Brooks

In this episode, Michelle sits down with Dr. Toby Brooks — performance scientist, professor, coach, and leading voice in the science of resilience and reinvention — for a conversation about identity loss, grief, and rebuilding when "the person you used to be no longer fits."After more than 20 years studying how elite performers navigate adversity, Toby shares his own story of chasing (and ultimately grieving the loss of) a college basketball career, and how that experience shaped the frameworks he now uses to help athletes, healthcare workers, executives, and everyday people move through transition. Michelle connects this to her own journey from critical care ED nurse to entrepreneur, and the two dig into what it really takes to grieve a former identity, find alignment, and build forward into a new chapter.What You'll LearnWhy gratitude and grief can't coexist — and how reframing grief into gratitude changes your emotional stateToby's personal story of grieving the end of his basketball dreams, and how it shaped his career path into athletic trainingHow to tell the difference between a season that's ending and one worth pushing through ("the million dollar question")The UNDONE framework for navigating identity loss and reinvention: Uncover, Define, Overcome, Navigate, ExecuteThe "door" ritual Toby uses with graduating students to mark closure and new beginningsThe concept of a "purpose storm" — what happens when your sense of identity and purpose is suddenly destabilizedWhy struggle and adversity make your story "holdable" for othersThe UCVMV framework for high achievers: Ultimate Concern, Vision, Mission, ValuesWhy tying your self-worth to output and performance can be a mask — and what happens when the mask starts wearing youTreating setbacks as data, not failureKey Quotes"Gratitude and grief cannot coexist together.""Don't be sad that it's over. Just be thankful that it happened.""We don't need to bounce back. We need to build forward.""The adversity, the struggle, the strain — those add handholds that other people can grab hold of.""It's not failure. It's data."About Dr. Toby BrooksDr. Toby Brooks is a performance scientist, professor, and coach who has spent more than 20 years studying how elite performers navigate adversity. Through his work with athletes, military personnel, executives, and everyday people, he helps them understand that life's greatest setbacks can become the catalyst for their next chapter. His new book is due out this September, with pre-orders opening in August.www.DrTobyBrooks.com @DrTobyBrooks on Insta, FB, and LinkedIn