120. I Didn't Lose Myself in Motherhood. I Never Found Myself Before It with Libby Ward. April roundtable with Erin Holland.

Libby Ward built one of the internet’s most recognizable platforms for honest motherhood, and she did it by saying the things most moms were too afraid to say out loud. Now she’s put it all in a book: Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, published by Crown.In this co-hosted episode, Ashley and Erin sit down with Libby to trace the full arc, from the small town church community where motherhood was put on a pedestal, to the postpartum rage that finally broke her open, to the sociology class that reframed everything, to going viral on TikTok during a pandemic, to writing a book for Crown that she nearly wrote as someone else entirely.It’s a conversation about what happens when women stop doing everything for everyone else and start asking who they actually are, and why that question so often doesn’t get asked until something breaks.In This EpisodeWho Libby was before TikTok- a 26-year-old in a conservative church community trying to be every kind of mom at onceHow her second child’s higher needs broke the plate-spinning and sent her to therapy for the first timeWhy her postpartum depression showed up as rage, not sadness and why that made it harder to recognize and nameThe shame spiral of “what is wrong with me” and the therapy session that cracked it openThe sociology of sex and gender class that introduced her to the mental load, default parenting, and feminismFinding TikTok during the pandemic and posting as a form of dissociation, not really believing anyone would find herThe moment she stopped making humor content and decided she didn’t want to joke about things that were crushing her soulGoing no contact with her mom and how that coincided with the book deal coming throughThe writing process: imposter syndrome, a pivot away from research-heavy writing, and learning to trust her own storytellingWhy she didn’t lose herself in motherhood, she never found herself before itDoing it guilty: why waiting to feel ready or unashamed means never changing anythingWhat “honest motherhood” actually means and why it starts internally, not out loudQuotes From This Episode:“I didn’t lose myself in motherhood. I actually never found myself or knew myself when I was younger. Motherhood was the catalyst to help me find the self I never knew before motherhood even began.”— Libby Ward“It’s not that I’m exhausted because I’m not enough. It’s that the load is too much for any one person. That shift is so important.”— Libby Ward“How do you get rid of the guilt and shame? You just do it guilty. You do it feeling a little bit ashamed. And then you’re retraining your brain — actually, we survived. Actually, it’s okay.”— Libby Ward“I am so tired of women being the butt end of jokes. I no longer want to joke about the things that are crushing my soul.”— Libby Ward“You deserve to be well just for the mere fact that you’re a person who deserves to be well. Your kids just happen to benefit from that.”— Libby WardAbout the BookMotherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself by Libby Ward is available now wherever books are sold — Amazon, Indigo, and most major retailers.Find LibbyWebsite: libbyward.comInstagram: @libbywardTikTok: @libbywardofficialConnect with Ashley:Website: https://www.ashleyblackington.comPodcast website: https://www.andbothpodcast.com/Dovetail® App: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/dovetail-app/id6744341822Instagram: @mydovetail.appLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyblackington/