#123 | Should We Ditch the Romantic Model to Save Relationships?

I had the privilege of sitting down with Paul Elam for this enlightening conversation. Paul is a well known advocate for men’s rights. He is the founder of ‘A Voice for Men’ - the international conference on men’s issues. He inspired the making of ‘The Red Pill’ movie that aired in 2016. He’s been a men’s advisor and counselor for many decades now, and I appreciate how deeply he cares about supporting men.It was a pleasure to talk to him and I learned so much - I know you will too!We unpack the hidden assumptions about dating and marriage in the west under the ‘romantic model.' We also spend time getting to the bottom of why men are still so misunderstood in the west and what men need now more than anything.Listen in to learn about the origins of the romantic model, different priorities of men and women, what’s missing from the mythopoetic movement, the change in male consciousness, the biggest killer of men, what a woman owes her marriage, being a ‘guardian of respect,’ and so much more.Connect With Paul:Via X: https://x.com/RealPaulElamVia Substack: https://paulelam.substack.com/XY Crew: https://paulelam.com/xycrew/TIMESTAMPS:00:00 — Intro & Preview: "Coddled Princesses" 00:32 — Welcome: Introducing Paul Elam01:53 — A Brief History of the Men's Movement 02:36 — From 1920s Protests to the Mythopoetic Movement 04:36 — The "Red Pill" Explosion & Its Flaws 05:49 — The Missing Piece: Accountability for Women 07:05 — The Critical Question: "What Do You Bring to the Table?" 08:52 — How We Got Here: Family Courts & The Romantic Model 10:24 — Hostile Dependency & Asserting Autonomy 11:24 — Contradictions: Feminism, Girlbosses, and Tradwives 13:07 — The Origins of Gynocentrism & Courtly Love 15:40 — Why the Romantic Model Failed After Divorce Stigma Lifted 18:12 — Trying to Satiate the Insatiable 20:22 — The "Simp" Dynamic: Groveling Breeds Resentment 21:58 — Why "Wild Man" Retreats Avoid the Real Issues 24:55 — Peeling Back Gynocentrism: Treating Each Other as Human 26:28 — Evolution vs. Socialization in Attraction 28:22 — The Paradox of Women's Unhappiness 30:19 — Disconnection from the Feminine Body 31:36 — The Necessity of Being Complete Before Relationships 33:30 — Understanding How Men Are Manipulated by Shame 35:49 — "Human Doings": Men's Value Tied to Provision 39:11 — Paul's Stance: Rejecting Legal Marriage 40:58 — Biblical Roles & The Myth of the 1950s Housewife 43:40 — Critique of the "She Has No Worries" Mindset 46:13 — Controversial Advice: Stop "Dating" Entirely 48:51 — The Transactional Nature of Modern Dating 50:00 — Debunking the Soulmate Myth 52:41 — Men, Silence, and the "Defective Women" Therapy Model 53:44 — Men Heal Through Action (The Michael Jordan Story) 56:06 — The Erosion of Male Spaces & The Bystander Effect 59:43 — Daniel Penny & The Risks of Male Protection 01:01:49 — Personal Safety: Agency vs. Expecting Protection 01:02:45 — Most Men's Issues Stem from Relationship Choices 01:04:18 — The Mirror Test: Taking Accountability for Abusive Partners 01:05:54 — Self-Esteem vs. Self-Respect 01:08:35 — Paul’s Relationship Secret: Being the "Guardian of Respect" 01:10:52 — Teaching Women the Definition of Respect 01:13:23 — The Ultimate Power: Willingness to Walk Away 01:15:09 — Conclusion & Where to Find Paul Elam___________________________If you found some value today then help me spread the word! Share this episode with a friend or leave a review. This helps the podcast grow.TRUE NORTH: A mastermind experience for men is here: Apply Today. $500 off early bird discount is on until Christmas Day: https://anyashakh.com/true-north-the-...You can also watch the episodes on youtube hereFollow me on Instagram @anyashakhYou can book a discovery call at https://anyashakh.com/mentorship