128: the UGLY truth why you attract avoidant people, men, friends (they mirror you!) episode artwork

EPISODE · Apr 7, 2026 · 32 MIN

128: the UGLY truth why you attract avoidant people, men, friends (they mirror you!)

from The Anxious To Secure PODCAST · host Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach

Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   If you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable partners… if you feel anxious when he pulls away, overthink every text, and wonder “why does this ALWAYS happen to me?”…   this episode is going to feel a little confronting… and a lot empowering  Little warning: DON'T blame ME.. blame your PAST.   Because here’s the shift: It’s not just that you’re attracting avoidant partners. It’s that your nervous system is used to inconsistency… and calls it love. I know… 🤯 I used to be anxiously attached too. I was the one checking my phone, waiting for replies, feeling high when he was close… and crashing the moment he went distant. Hot and cold felt normal. Secure felt… boring. And that’s exactly why I kept attracting emotionally unavailable men. In this episode, we go deeper than surface-level dating advice. We look at your attachment style, your patterns, and the emotional blueprint you learned early on. Not to blame you. But to give you your power back 💪🏽✨ Because when you understand this… You stop asking “why is he like this?” And start seeing: “where am I doing this to myself?” 👀 We walk through a simple but powerful mirror exercise (grab your journal 📓) that shows you: ➞ where you might be emotionally unavailable to yourself ➞ where you’re inconsistent with your own needs and boundaries ➞ where you abandon yourself… and then chase him to fill that gap And THIS is the moment things start to change. Because anxious attachment isn’t something you’re stuck with. It’s something you can rewire. So you can finally stop chasing, stop overthinking… and start feeling calm, secure, and grounded in your relationships 🖤   If you’re tired of feeling like: “why do I always want the one who pulls away?” This is your episode. Press play. And let’s break that pattern… for real this time   CHAPTER: 00:00 Why Anxious Attachment attracts the SAME avoidant people 01:35 Your AVOIDANT mirrors YOUR past 11:06 Your Partner and Trigger REVEALS your wounds (exercise)) 15:35 How shadow work REVEALS the truth anxious attachment does NOT want to hear 26:53 Why becoming securely attached will attract secure people   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   If you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable partners…if you feel anxious when he pulls away, overthink every text, and wonder“why does this ALWAYS happen to me?”…   this episode is going to feel a little confronting… and a lot empowering  Little warning: DON'T blame ME.. blame your PAST.   Because here’s the shift: It’s not just that you’re attracting avoidant partners.It’s that your nervous system is used to inconsistency… and calls it love. I know… 🤯 I used to be anxiously attached too.I was the one checking my phone, waiting for replies, feeling high when he was close…and crashing the moment he went distant. Hot and cold felt normal.Secure felt… boring. And that’s exactly why I kept attracting emotionally unavailable men. In this episode, we go deeper than surface-level dating advice.We look at your attachment style, your patterns, and the emotional blueprint you learned early on. Not to blame you.But to give you your power back 💪🏽✨ Because when you understand this… You stop asking“why is he like this?” And start seeing:“where am I doing this to myself?” 👀 We walk through a simple but powerful mirror exercise (grab your journal 📓)that shows you: ➞ where you might be emotionally unavailable to yourself➞ where you’re inconsistent with your own needs and boundaries➞ where you abandon yourself… and then chase him to fill that gap And THIS is the moment things start to change. Because anxious attachment isn’t something you’re stuck with.It’s something you can rewire. So you can finally stop chasing, stop overthinking…and start feeling calm, secure, and grounded in your relationships 🖤   If you’re tired of feeling like:“why do I always want the one who pulls away?” This is your episode. Press play.And let’s break that pattern… for real this time   CHAPTER: 00:00 Why Anxious Attachment attracts the SAME avoidant people01:35 Your AVOIDANT mirrors YOUR past11:06 Your Partner and Trigger REVEALS your wounds (exercise))15:35 How shadow work REVEALS the truth anxious attachment does NOT want to hear26:53 Why becoming securely attached will attract secure people   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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128: the UGLY truth why you attract avoidant people, men, friends (they mirror you!)

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Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   If you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable partners… if you feel anxious when he pulls away, overthink every text, and wonder “why does this ALWAYS happen to...

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