#13: How to Simplify Your Relationships When Things Get Messy

Life Made Simple is a show dedicated to helping you find simplicity in ALL areas of your life. For 15 years I've been helping families clear the chaos and clutter out of their homes. But you know what? Relationships in our lives can be messy, too! Am I right? Whether it be with your significant other, your parents, your kids, your friends, even your coworkers, relationships are complicated and even chaotic at times. And no matter how "good" your relationship is with someone, there are definitely times when they can be a little messy... and in some unfortunate cases A LOT messy. And along with any kind of messiness in life comes stress and anxiety. Which then weighs down our heart, negatively effects our health, and clouds our happiness. So, on this episode of Life Made Simple, I'm don't talk about how to simplify your house or your schedule. We take a look at one amazing technique to simplify your relationships. I practice this technique in my own life with many different kinds of relationships and believe me, it has helped relieve so much unnecessary stress! And I really believe, no matter how good or complicated your relationships are this technique can help you, too. You see, most conflicts, arguments, troubles, and issues in relationships revolve around external problems that rarely are the REAL problems of the relationship. Unfortunately, all of us tend to focus on surface issues as we fail to see the core problems. Like I explain in this episode, most conflicts escalate because we fall into a cycle of "button pushing". Yes, button pushing. As in I push your button, you push my button, then I push your button... and so on. And why do we have buttons? Because we all have fears. Deep down core fears that we aren't even fully aware of ourselves. Our buttons are our fears. And when our buttons get pushed by someone else, what do we do? Well, usually we react... and a lot of times, our reactions push the other person's button. We say or do something that somehow hits their deep down fears. And then they react... and the cycle continues. I call it the Cycle of Button Pushing. In the episode I give a very specific example from my own life of this crazy cycle. Also, years ago, I read a really great book that describes this process in detail and I actually refer to quite a bit throughout the episode. It's by Dr. Gary Smalley and it's called The DNA of Relationships. In the book, Dr. Smalley describes this cycle of button pushing and he actually refers to it as the Fear Dance. He says in chapter 3, "You would think that the Fear Dance is not a dance anyone would choose to do. You would think that most people would rather do a Love Dance or a Joy Dance, something positive. But unless we understand the Fear Dance and how we can choose not to do it, it seems to be the default dance in most relationships." Now think of some of your relationships in life that sometimes seem stressful. Any relationship. Any relationship that sometimes has conflict, disagreements, resentments, or any other kind of issue. Do you see how you could be participating in a Fear Dance? Do you see how you are involved in, as I say, a Cycle of Button Pushing? Most often than not, we don't even intend to push the other person's fear buttons. We are really just trying to protect our own. So what do you do about it? How can you simplify the messiness that comes with relationships when people push our buttons? Well, whenever you find yourself defaulting into a cycle of button pushing with someone in your life (when they're pushing your buttons and you're pushing theirs) you need to make the decision to push the reset button. In your relationship, in conversations, when things get messy, when the conversation starts to get chaotic and negative or confusing you need to push the reset button. And that's exactly what I teach you how to do in this episode... I give you "The 10 Steps on How to Push the Reset Button". Click here for the free downloadable workbook that I created for you. It has all 10 Steps on How To Push the Reset Button. Be sure to download the workbook so that you can follow along and apply it to your own life, and so you can understand your own buttons that tend to get pushed.  You can also text the phrase RESETBUTTON (with no spaces) to 44222 to get the free download. Would you rather read the entire episode instead of listening to the audio? Simply click here to download the free transcript.   Links Mentioned in this Show:   Share this Episode: CarlaRaeArneson.com/episode13 Share this Podcast: LifeMadeSimplePodcast.com   Free Workbook: "How to Push the Reset Button in Relationships"     (CarlaRaeArneson.com/13download) Or send a text to 44222 with the word RESETBUTTON (no spaces)   Dr Gary Smalley's Book: The DNA of Relationships   Website: CarlaRaeArneson.com Facebook: Facebook.com/CarlaRaeArneson Free Guide:  "9 Ways to Simplify Your Life"   (CarlaRaeArneson.com/freeguide) Or send a text to 44222 with the word 9SIMPLIFY   Submit Questions: CarlaRaeArneson.com/AskCarlaRae Full Transcript of this Episode: CarlaRaeArneson.com/transcript13