13: Overcoming Resistance

I’m super excited to be back here today and if you’re new to the podcast, make sure you check out the first couple episodes so that you see where I’m coming from. Each episode builds on the other.    Also, make sure to download the life plan and subscribe to my newsletter by heading over to thetravelingcup.com/yourlifeonpurposeguide    Okay, so, on the last episode, I talked about being real and vulnerable and owning your story.   That my friends can be easier said than done. Enter the resistance.   Oh resistance, that scoundrel of a plague that stops creators from creating, stops writers from writing, stops changemakers from changing, and stops entrepreneurs from launching. Have you ever come up with an idea and felt such an incredible rush of adrenaline that you needed to grab the dinner napkin and nearest pen so you can scribble down the thought in your head? My guess is that you’ve probably experienced something like that because I know I certainly have. I love thinking big and coming up with ideas and, let me be clear, coming up with ideas is a good thing. In fact, many of the people I’ve interviewed have mentioned that people need to flex this idea muscle more often.   What happens so often though is that we come up with these ideas and then as they rise in a mist of furry, they just as soon fizzle as the resistance settles in.   What is resistance?   - Self doubt - overthinking - not knowing where to start - questioning your purpose - fear - feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities  - time    Here’s today’s message in a nutshell: learn to recognize the resistance and politely say no thank you. The resistance is the voice inside that says, “Well, that will never work” or “That’s just stupid,” or it’s the friend who literally says that to you. Resistance is the fear of failure, of falling on your face, of being told no, of feeling stupid. When I was at Stanford’s design school where I learned the design thinking method, they had us jump on a little trampoline when we were thinking of ideas. This helped us think more like a little kid and shut the resistance down because heck, when you’re jumping on a trampoline, you look ridiculous already so why not spout out any ideas that come to your head. But we don’t always have a trampoline to jump on, so here are a few ways to overcome the resistance and create meaningful work in your life and stay true to your purpose. 1. Who is in your cocoon? Your cocoon is the inner circle so-to-speak of your connections. These are the people who you’ve opened your heart to. Family, friends, lovers tend to be in people’s cocoon. Make sure that the people in your cocoon empower you to be the person you want to be in your life. They don’t have to agree with you, but they should make you feel supported and loved. Seth Godin told me that it’s also really important to have MBA-types of people in your cocoon. These are the type of people who will empower you and support you, but will also play out what may work and what may not work. Or what will have more meaning.   2. Culturally Relativity -- Anthropologists have a term called cultural relativity. It basically means that what makes sense to one culture may not make sense to another. That’s why when you travel to a completely different culture, you get culture shock. I know when I joined TOMS on a shoe giving trip in the Dominican Republic, I experienced a beautiful culture shock and it got me to think different. Here’s an experiment. Walk on the opposite side of the sidewalk the next time you walk somewhere. If you’re in the United States, that would be the left side because everyone walks on the right and drives on the right. You may get people bumping into you and it will probably be difficult to walk. That’s because you are going against the culturally defined normal. Experience the feeling here and notice how hard it is to go against the resistance. After you stop walking, imagine that you are transported to one of the many countries who walk on the opposite side of the street. There you’d be normal. Keep this in mind whenever someone bashes your ideas or values. Just focus on being you.   3. Learn to say no -- I suck at saying no because I’m a people pleaser at heart. Thing is, when I do that it’s easier to ignore my own desires and values. Sometimes, you have to say no to others to focus and follow your own path.   4.  Get out of your own way -- I am definitely not a perfectionist. Thankfully, I’m married to one. I am a will-get-it-done kind of guy and like the Facebook company’s motto: Done is better than perfect. If I keep stalling on something, I’ll never take action. It’s so easy to be buried in our own internal dialogue and never taken action. Sometimes, we just need to get out of our own heads. Consider what Hamlet once said, “Conscience makes cowards of us all.” Conscience, Hamlet argues, prevents action and I’d have to agree with him on that.   5.. Consider prototypeing to take action--  Think of it as a rough draft, a warm up, or dipping your toes in the water. In design thinking, prototyping is where you build something real quick to test your design.  In films, they have a b-roll where they show a film to a select audience before making final edits. In product and software design, there’s usually a beta feature where a select audience tests the waters before the team makes final edits. Use the concept of prototyping to take action whenever you feel resistance, especially if you’re a perfectionist. Create something real quick, give it out to a controlled select group, and then learn from feedback to make your design better. By the way, I am terrible at prototyping and have learned the hard way that prototyping is so, oh so, needed to create something of high quality. Former monk and now entrepreneur Colin Pal flipped my thinking upside down when I asked him how he overcomes resistance. Here’s what he had to say,   Enter Colin Pal   Okay -- there are way more tips I can share for overcoming resistance because well, I feel it every day. That’s why I have a sign above my bed that says “Something amazing will happen today.” It replaced my old sign that said “Get your butt up and to the gym” because I usually don’t have resistance when working out. In fact, I’m the opposite. Working out (running, biking, swimming, whatever) can sometimes be a distractor for me or a stalling technique.   So, how do you deal with resistance? After you completed the life plan and feel confident that you are on the right path, how do you overcome resistance to stay true to yourself?   Have you identified where the resistance is coming from? Have you learned to reject resistance, like Colin suggests, and focus on creating?     Like always, If you’d like to hear more, shoot me an email at [email protected] and tell me your story.