138. I Didn’t Look Like A Food Addict

I didn’t look like someone who had a problem with food. I wasn’t overweight, but I was obsessed. For me, this was largely a mental disease.  As a kid, I went straight for the desserts. As a teenager, I felt socially uncomfortable. While other kids were out together, I was home alone eating. In college, I’d binge on a big sugary breakfast and then crash, falling asleep drooling on my books. Just before graduation, I learned about bulimia, and within three weeks, I began bingeing and purging in secret. I was ashamed, exhausted, and stuck in a cycle I couldn’t stop.  In my first Twelve Step program, I stopped purging—but I kept bingeing on sugar and flour. I lived with a constant knot in my stomach. I didn’t understand it then, but it was anxiety. By the time I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I was irritable, negative, and always looking for someone to blame. I’d show up to meetings in a bad mood, not wanting to be there. But I kept coming back. I made the phone calls. I practiced gratitude, even when I didn’t feel it. Slowly, things began to shift. Even my kids noticed – when I was off, they’d say, “Mommy, you need a meeting.”  I’m so grateful to be abstinent through FA. One day at a time, I am free from obsession. My relationships are stronger, my marriage is better, and I’m no longer consumed by my weight or my size. Today, I have peace – and a life beyond anything food ever gave me.