14| Yeah, We Shadow-Dropped Toilet Bowls

Three hurrahs for mascot DNA splicing! Don't talk to my son until he's had his coffee. Yooo we shadow dropped toilet bowls last week. You're all so smelly. I am become my own HR person. ASB elections were a suprise upset, and I owe Mr Stanovich fifteen bucks. If I have to think about that hand turkey again, I know I'll puke. These unsactioned Jambalaya podcasts are bringing me to my whit's end. If I had a child and caught them listening to one of these illicit audiotapes, I would make them listen to the whole catalogue—episodes back-to-back-to-back-to-back, until they threw up. Music for this episode was performed by Maxfield. Check out his album VROOM VROOM here. Instagram here | Shedule a tattoo! Thanks to our sponsors, Slowgurt and MoccaSins. Breaking the KitKat lyrics: Reese's won't do. I'm craving something new. I want something that snaps in two. I can't conclude which candy I should choose. Too many options call to me. I don't want to eat a chocolate bar that looks like poo, with sticky caramel that hampers my mouth when I chew. I don't know what I'm looking for, but it's too cold for ice cream. Klondike Bars are off the table, as are Boston Baked Beans. So much candy bends and stretches—I wan't something hard. So I'm breaking the KitKat. I'm breaking the KitKat Bar. Empty wrapper. I've gotta find some more. 3 Musketeers—more like three out of ten. Mr. Bad Bar, I threw you very far—unfit for human consumption. I'm too insecure to pick the veiny Snickers on the shelf. And Butterfinger crumbles easily and without help. I Whoppers aren't worth paying for. And Hershey's cocoa's cheap. It barely meets the minimum requirements to be...classified as chocolate—what the crap—that's not alright. So I'm breaking the KitKat. I'm breaking the KitKat—no bite. I'll stack KitKats so tall, encase myself in it all—a KitKat cocoon den. I'll emerge diabetic. I now know what's worth fighting for, and Milky Way ain't it. KitKat has variety like churro and green tea. If birthday cake and chocolate frosted donut sounds real nice, I am breaking the KitKat. I'm breaking the KitKat. I'm breaking the KitKat King Size. Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience! :|