141: The Purpose of Painful Emotion | Why You Can’t Quit Porn—and the Emotional Healing Path Forward (with Jenna Riemersma)

In this episode, I sit down with Jenna Riemersma to talk about something I believe many men in porn addiction recovery need to understand: the role painful emotions play in keeping us stuck.Most men trying to overcome porn addiction think the answer is more discipline, control, and resistance. But in my own life and in the lives of the men I work with, I’ve seen that the deeper issue is often not just lust. It’s emotional pain. It’s shame, loneliness, fear, pressure, self-sabotage, and the inner burdens we keep trying to escape. Porn becomes a fast way to numb, soothe, distract, or feel relief—but it never heals the deeper wound.That’s why this conversation with Jenna is so powerful. Jenna is a CSAT supervisor, IFS therapist, and the author of Move Toward. In this episode, we explore how Internal Family Systems, also known as parts work, can help men understand their porn addiction triggers, respond to relapse differently, and begin real emotional healing instead of just fighting symptoms. We talk about why shame and porn addiction are deeply connected, how self-sabotage works in recovery, why painful emotions are not the enemy, and how healing begins when we stop running from what hurts and start moving toward it with courage and compassion.We also break down Jenna’s simple but powerful framework: Notice, Know, Need. This gives men a practical tool to use in real time when they feel triggered, overwhelmed, ashamed, lonely, or pulled toward porn. Instead of staying trapped in the old cycle of urge, escape, and regret, this framework helps us slow down, understand what is happening inside, and meet our real needs in healthier ways.Learn more about Jenna Riemersma:WebsiteFree Guided Move Toward MeditationsBooks:Move TowardAltogether YouIFS IntegrationWorkshop:On-Demand Workshop for Altogether You — Get 15% off Jenna's workshop with discount code: AY15Link to Blog Article for this EpisodeVisit No More Desire Tools for Recovery for recovery tools and training, including my free eBook, Workshop, The RAIL Method ™ and more to help you break free from porn.If you’re tired of trying to quit porn on your own, the No More Desire Academy gives you a structured path to recovery through coaching, brotherhood, practical tools, and step-by-step training. Join before May 1st to lock in the $130/month Founding Member rate. Learn more here.If you want deeper, more personalized support, I also offer 1-on-1 porn addiction recovery coaching. We’ll work directly on your patterns, emotional triggers, recovery plan, and long-term growth. Apply here to explore coaching with Jake Kastleman.Support the showNo More Desire