141. Why You Fixate on People and Goals (It's Not What You Think)

If you fixate on people, partners, work, or goals — if something gets under your skin and won't let go — this episode is for you.What most people call desperation or clinginess is actually your nervous system trying to finish something it never got to complete. In this episode, I'm getting personal about my own patterns with fixation, codependency, and disorganised attachment — and I'm breaking down exactly what's happening in your body and your inner child when you zero in on someone or something with that aching, urgent need.We talk about why uncertainty feels so unbearable when you've grown up in an environment that was never truly safe. Why anxious attachment pulls you toward people, and avoidant attachment pulls you toward goals. And what it actually means to complete the cycle — not by finally getting the love you were chasing, but by learning to meet that child part of you where she actually is.This isn't about willpower or mindset. It's about understanding that the part of you that fixates isn't broken — she's been trying to survive.I share the three things that genuinely help: self-compassion (not the fluffy kind), sitting with the incomplete emotions underneath the fixation, and learning how to ask for your needs to be met — from your adult self, not your wounded one.The Unburdened Heart Program: https://marinayt.com/the-unburdened-heartWORK WITH ME 1:1:❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewformDOWNLOAD FOR FREE:Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guideAttatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-groundAlive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-alignedTrigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:https://marinayt.com/resources CONNECT WITH  ME:Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠ Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner Top Episode Quotes:"Your nervous system is trying to complete a cycle. It's trying to find a resolution to uncertainty.""That was your childhood — walking on eggshells, always feeling the threat. A tiger you could hear but never quite see.""Your little self is trying to get the love, the safety, the security she never received. She's not asking too much. She just has the wrong address.""Self-compassion is not saying 'I feel so good, I'm not desperate.' It's the opposite — it's acknowledging exactly what you're going through, very clearly, without flinching.""A traumatised nervous system is always going to look for a saviour — because that saviour is a proxy for the parents that never showed up."codependency healing, nervous system regulation, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganised attachment, inner child healing, trauma healing, somatic healing, emotional regulation, fixation and obsession, childhood emotional neglect, self-compassion, attachment wounds, people pleasing, survival mode, relational healing, self trust, embodiment, fear of abandonment, deep within podcast