142: When One Partner Wants More Sex and the Other Has Low Libido: Healing Sexual Disconnection Through Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS Therapy)

In episode 142 of the, All Things Love and Intimacy podcast, Katie Ziskind's speaks to the various aspects regarding libido, desire discrepancies, and rebuilding sexual libido and desire. Many couples have a strong friendship and identify as enjoying the companionship, but struggle with physical intimacy, eroticism, passion, orgasming, sexual playfulness, and sexual connection. Katie Ziskind encourages couples to identify and overcome purity culture teachings that lead to sexual shame, guilt, and fear. This episode looks at sexual disconnection from an internal family systems therapy perspective (IFS therapy), recognizing the emotional and physical aspects intimacy, as well as supporting survivors of sexual trauma, sexual abuse, and childhood trauma in enjoying their body, sexuality, and eroticism after past associations of fear being tied to sexuality.Often, one partner has a higher libido and craves more frequent sex, flirtation, touch, affection, and emotional and physical passion. The other partner has a lower sex drive or nonexistent libido, and feels emotionally disconnected from sexual desire, pressured around sex, numb, or simply uninterested in sexual connection. Couples who start with Katie Ziskind at Wisdom Within Counseling and Coaching deeply struggle with frequency of sex, having pleasurable sex, and communicating sexual needs, desires, likes/dislikes, and wants.The higher desire partner may begin wondering:“Am I unattractive?”“Why doesn’t my partner want me?”“Are we sexually incompatible?”“Will we eventually separate because of this?”“Why do I feel so rejected and lonely?”The lower desire partner may secretly wonder:“Why can’t I just want sex more?”“What is wrong with me?”“Why do I shut down when my partner initiates?”“Why does intimacy feel emotionally overwhelming?”“Why do I feel pressure instead of excitement?” Katie Ziskind, certified sex therapy informed professional, and complex trauma speciality, talks about how religious shame, purity, culture conditioning, body image struggles, high conflict fights, resentment, and emotional disconnection in the relationship, and infidelity and betrayal trauma influence desire. She discusses the importance of emotional foreplay and sexual foreplay for 45-90 minutes for clitoris owners, which support women in experiencing sexual pleasure, excitement, desire, and sexual safety, and associating touch with pleasure, joy, connection, fun, and relaxation, rather than obligation. At Wisdom Within Counseling, Katie Ziskind, LMFT and IFS therapist in Melbourne, Florida, helps couples throughout Brevard County understand that sexual disconnection is rarely just about sex itself. Often, deeper emotional, relational, nervous system, and attachment patterns are underneath the cycle.Eventually, many couples fall into emotional sexless marriages and stuck in survival patterns:AvoidanceDefensivenessEmotional shutdownCriticismResentmentLonelinessHyper-independenceAnxiety about touch or intimacyA Holistic Approach to Trauma Therapy at Wisdom Within CounselingAt Wisdom Within Counseling, Katie Ziskind integrates:Yoga therapyYoga nidraInternal Family Systems (IFS)Somatic yoga therapyTrauma-informed psychotherapyAttachment-focused therapyMindfulnessNervous system regulationSex therapy informed counselingThis holistic approach supports healing emotionally, physically, relationally, and neurologically.Katie Ziskind provides trauma therapy, somatic therapy, yoga therapy, and couples counseling for individuals throughout West Melbourne, Cocoa Beach, Rockledge, Viera, and across Brevard County seeking healing from PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, emotional disconnection, trauma, and intimacy struggles.Healing becomes possible when your body finally learns that it no longer has to remain stuck in survival mode in order to stay safe.Start at www.WisdomWithinCt.com to work with Katie Ziskind.