Hello and welcome to another extraordinary episode of Retrospection. This time we're taking in the big D. Oh, you are rude, Paul. Wipe that smile off your face because I'm talking about a media magnificence called the Dungeon Master from 1984.
My name's Colin and do you fancy music? This is a piece of my own composing. Please, no, God, no! Not again.
You promised me Colin. You said never again. Oh, that was the title of the song I'm gonna do. Never again.
Yeah. Ironically, it just doesn't start. It just goes on. No.
No, no, no. Hello, my name's Paul and when the end of the day comes all I want is someone to take me home on a stretcher. That's how you usually end your Friday nights though. Hey, what do you know?
Are you there? Oh, I know. They said John Zumbler's people always tell me. Oh, yeah.
Well, I think I've probably got one of them bracelets on it, you know, for like next to kin probably, you know. Oh, I thought you meant one of those for your tag. That's on the other ankle, Colin. You know.
Oh, clear the sirens coming for you now. You're out of bounds. TMDB says Paul, a computer wits, spends more time with his machine than with his girlfriend, finds that he's been chosen as a worthy opponent for a steamer, an evil wizard who has spent centuries searching for a challenging foe. After having his computer changed into a wrist-a-band weapon, Paul does battle with a variety of monsters before finally coming face-to-face with the ultimate adversary.
Does battle? Mm-hmm. Well, say, don't you master as well, you like to be called, right? Especially with the bedroom.
Once again, once again, you've got there before I had the chance. Well, to admit it. Say nothing, Colin. Well, it's going to be a very odd podcast, though.
Yeah, I'm just silent, but I'll be my wife. I don't know. No. No.
No, everyone knows you're the favourite. All right. We do. What demographic am I hitting with?
The death. Fair enough. Fair enough. Cast includes Jeffrey Byron as Paul Bradford.
Richard Bull as Miss Deema. Leslie Wing as Gwen Rogers. Angina Calabrizi as Girl in Dream. We'll get to that, I'd imagine.
Mm-hmm. Directed by... So, okay, each of the challenges creates a section of the film and has a different director, like an anthology, right? So, we have David Allen and directed the Stone Canyon Giant Sequence, Charles Bond, who did have him heavy metal.
John Karl Buekeler, I got a few presses now, with demons of the dead. Michael Kurb, additional scenes. Peter Mann Nugian, KV, I could be maggling these names off right inside from Afraid. Ted Michelau did Desert Pursuit, Steve Stafford did Slasher, and Rosemary Turco did Ice Gallery.
There's a lot packed into a very meager running time, isn't there? Yes, there is. Yeah. Also known as Rage War, the challenges of Excalibrate.
I actually prefer Rage War. What was the title card that came up for you? Rage War. It's always mine, you know.
I think Rage War makes more sense. Then Dungeon Master. Yeah, I mean, there's no Dungeons in it. That's a K, is there not like Dungeons?
Well, a Dungeon doesn't have to have a Wall's around it, is it to be a Dungeon? Otherwise... K, Cave Wall's? So, you can have a Cave Dungeon?
You can have a Cave Dungeon. Cave Dungeon? Well, a Dungeon in a Castle. Yeah, I see your point.
No, no, I don't know why I'm arguing. It's gonna totally agree with that. I think there's any Dungeon Masters out there listening to this podcast. They need to get in touch with them, let us know the Dungeon etiquette.
That's what that's what we need. Oh, don't do that. I mean, there's millions of emails now. Primary audience of Dungeon Masters.
All right. Okay, there's... Come on. I don't know a lot.
I don't know a lot. I don't know a lot. Yeah, that's special. She's your coach.
I don't know a lot to be rude about it. Hey, going well. Come on. This was also called Digital Knights.
That was originally called, I think. Yeah, Knights of the Cave. Mm-hmm. No Knights in it, Paul.
No, I mean, it's a bit digital. Well, well, I think it's digital. I've got a question for you. Got a question for you.
You've seen this before? Is this like, why in your collection, is this when you grew up with? No, but I think I have a weird history with this movie because for years and years and years, I had a memory of a trailer on a video that we rented out when I was a kid. And it had a guy standing on a mountain, another guy in kind of like a futuristic costume, and they were shooting like lasers at each other and one of them had a big growerly voice.
And for years, I was thinking, what is this movie? Did I dream this? Is this actually a real movie? And it's only in the last two weeks that we've been talking about doing this.
I find that movie and it is this movie. Wow. Yeah. The dreams have been fulfilled.
They have. I could just go and die now. You could? Yeah.
I was dying watching this, but you know. You don't give too much away. What about you? You got history with this movie?
You've seen it before? Nope. I never even heard of it. We had this, well, we had a sort of conversation where you threw this title at me.
I looked it up and I was like, how have I never seen or heard of this because it's mid 80s and it's got a fantasy feel. It's got everything that buses my berries is the phrase I used for you. I was a good phrase. Yes, I remember that now, I guess.
And I was so surprised and I was looking forward to seeing it. And then I saw it. I bet your berries were buzzing in the first five minutes at least, weren't they? They did have a tingle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought about it. Well, that's the thing though. We should talk about that when we get into it.
You should sort of get it up and see. Don't get it. You're chomping a bit. I want to get to the opening scene and stop.
I would imagine that's where most people stop actually. Possibly, yeah. So I couldn't find any facts about how much this movie made. Okay.
What the bros for them for the movie. But I did. Open your wallet. You probably still work close to it.
But I did find out how much it cost to make. I don't know what the budget was. You're going to be shocked. Shocked as in it's higher than what I expected.
Oh, yes. Seriously? Yes. Right.
How would you think this movie cost to make? It's 84. Yeah. You could do a good, you could do a good, big level budget with some top name actors for like what?
10 million. 10 million. So that's a good solid film. Oh, this can be bothered a couple of million, right?
Less than a couple of million, definitely. This movie cost 3 million to make. Oh, it wasn't fair enough though. But still, I was being generous.
I would maybe think there's some creative accountancy going on in the background. Do you think this was just a tax write-off? Well, if ever a movie was a tax write-off, this would be that movie, I think. Yeah, yeah.
This was not intended to make money. This was just somebody's. This is the producers in actual reality. I mean, I find out an interesting fact that there was actually a sequel to this movie which was shot and edited in 1988, but it was never completed.
No, it's out there somewhere. Somebody's got to have a printer list. Surely some of them. What's this?
I don't know. Let's play it and see. It could be bad on the original. It could be bad on the original.
They've learnt from the mistakes of the first one. Yeah. Although we haven't given that opinion. We could be all full with people.
Well, we do that a lot. We have led people down the garden path many times. I could be leading you down the path. You could?
You could? I would walk with you. No, it's alright. I'll walk alone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a rebel. You're a... No, no, I'm just careful.
What? So there is a blue ray, a double feature blue ray that was released in December. It was the second feature on the double feature. I didn't write that down.
I just didn't write that down. I didn't write that down. Why did you even say it was a double feature? You could have just said it was on blue ray and never have known.
Now you're going to have to look it up. You want me to look it up? Yes. Talk about yourselves.
I can't edit this. I can't edit this. I do not know. No, you should put on some elevator music.
You know the music they play for Tony Hart's Gallery while. Oh, yeah, yeah. I could do that. Here's some music while Paul looks up on the internet.
Okay, so, shout. Factory. I mean, read it out. I'm talking about this is great.
This is great podcast, isn't it? Joke Factory. Two old men googling. Dungeon.
You googling as well. Why am I doing it? I'm using my phone. It's hard on my phone.
Blue ray. Here we go. Here we go. This one, because you're going to name it.
I've got it. Oh, I've got it. The eliminators. Yeah, that was worth the wait.
Why not? Yeah. What was that about? Oh, yeah.
Mandried. I guess all this is great. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. If you're an injury on your costume or something. He pursues the scientists and helps us stop him for a harmonality. It's Nikki man.
That's not gonna happen. Or maybe I already have, because I love this film so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, never know. In fact, I can see on the shelf behind you.
The only thing you can see behind me is my classic works of Shakespeare. Oh, of course, of course, of course. We talked about the name change from Rage War to Dungeon Master. It was changed the dungeon master to cash in on the popularity of Dungeons and Dragons and so on.
Oh, right, that makes sense. And there were newspaper ads for the movie, you know, as they were back in those days, you know. But they were forced to put a disclaimer on it, that told me to... No, no, no, no, no.
It was it, Dungeon Master, Asterix, contains no Dungeons. Yeah, it might as well have done it. It might as well have done it. Just like Dungeons and Dragons, Asterix.
There are no Dungeons other, there are no dragons. Although there is kind of a dragon, but it's not really a dragon. It's just shoe-armed in. Yeah, yeah, so they had to disassociate themselves with it completely.
Right. The vehicles that are used in the sort of Mad Maxi post-apocalyptic segment of this movie were also used in the other Charles Band classic metal store in the description of Jarronson, which I think we're gonna have to talk about at some point. Ah, yes, I've seen that. Better maybe than this.
I'm surprised they survived, because they were clearly made of wood. One of them turns over, it's just an unpainted wood bottom. Do you think they'd like to just go cut? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we've crapped Stakonum. With crapped Stakonum, yes. So the evil metal band that are in this movie, were actually played by real metal band Wasp. Yes.
At the time politicians were campaigning against Satanism and music, and this was one of the bands that we get a lot of whack for that. It was all that whole satanic panic going on in the 80s at the time. I pretty sure this movie didn't help them. No, probably didn't.
And I think Wasp played up to all that as well didn't they? Couldn't they release songs just to deny people even more? Yeah, there's a song called, I think it's called Fuck Like a Beast. Right.
Subtle. Subtle. Subtle. It's almost as subtle as a spinal tap to lick my love pump, isn't it?
In fact, I would say that was more subtle. Yeah, I think you're right. You mentioned Richard Mol. He's got vast credits.
He's pretty much in everything we've done in the previous podcast, DJ Hocka. Yeah, yeah. Everything. I know him best as the character Big Ben in the horror movie House from 1985.
He's kind of like the ghost of a Vietnam vet. Of course you do. Well, I wouldn't. He's also in the pilot's Highlander, which we'll have to talk about at some point, right?
Right? Yeah. Well, if I could do Beauty and the Beast, I can do Highlander. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to put that on your grace, though. I can see it a bit long night. She's a little bit... And that's about the most I could find for this movie.
Yeah, I can find my chief. So with the mystery of the movie, about to unfold, let's get into it. He is looking for a challenger. Someone whose powers are as great as his own.
And he has chosen Fall Bradford, a wizard of the computer age. I tried to tap to me. How did I fall for Vines' first longer machine? You don't understand it.
What I've developed with Kelly, it's what you're doing in it. I'm going to be talking about that experiment you were involved in. Now you're able to link up. What a worthy opponent for Miss Dima.
I don't believe this. I am a monster. Yes, it will begin. Why am I here?
I'm not here. I'm not here. Paul must face the seven challenges of Miss Dima, who has the power to conjure monsters, like nerds, and unspeakable evil to life. Always with Gwen as a bait.
So we all put up a man waking and seen a woman dressed in red, and in slow motion he chases around what looks like a band of military base, and I should say that this introduction is only in the version called Rage War that was released in Europe. Yeah, because this is a PG-13 movie. Well, yes, yes. So we get some fantastical style music, and standing in the smoke, the lady, throws off a dress to reveal that she's naked.
Now this, and it's a full front all sharp. It is. This took me by surprise because, as I said, I've never seen this before, and I went into this thinking we were going to be seeing something like Tron. You know, that family entertainment.
Of course, yes. So when that happened, I was like, what the hell am I watching? Is this right? Well, I'll let you into a little secret.
That text, I sent you the trailer. I think I actually sent you the trailer. I was asking, well, link to the trailer for the movie. Yes.
I only, I found this movie online to watch, and I literally saw this open segment switched it to the trailer. That's why we're doing this movie. So I ain't how loud. And I was assuming if you'd watched all of it, the infuseas and mate of one half?
Well, let's see. I have to say that when this open sequence started, I was thinking, what the hell is going on here? It's not what you expect. It's not.
I did ask something because he talked up to a dream thing on his head, and he's got hands on his head when he's laying down at the sequence. Yeah. I could not think, what would you see if they were attached to my head? Can you imagine?
Regret. Yeah, yeah. You're probably right. Yeah.
How many women have run away from you in your dreams, Colin? Um, at the last count. Also, I don't really know why he's my dream. I controlled my dreams.
He just caught up with that one, didn't you? No, no, no. I was going to go a different direction than I felt better myself. You can troll your dreams.
I control all the dreams. The first go on the horizontal. All right, I don't have a hand. Okay.
You did not do that. No, did he? I gotta say that I kind of like the music in the movie. It's kind of like an 80s electronic vibe to it, isn't it?
Well, it is made in the 80s. Yeah, that's what I say. I like that kind of thing. I felt the piece of music at the beginning, but it's the best piece.
I don't remember much from the rest of the film. Yeah, I think you're probably right there. Maybe I am just thinking about this. Did you actually just watch the old one?
Just over and over again. I'm not going to be carrying the rest of the podcast. You're going to go, did he? Did he do that?
There's always brass on the pitch in the 80s, maybe though. There is, yeah. Bring the boys out to play. They come out in a minute, don't they?
They're the boys. They do these creatures burst through, knocking them out and steal the woman. I love the over-the-stop sound effect as well. When you slapped one of the creatures across the face, it was good.
Yeah, it was a solid foic. Oh, what? A solid foic. All right.
OK. But you said that. Did you read the credits? Erm...
You just get puzzled. I mean, I'm sorry, but I don't remember anything exciting. I mean, it said red wine, red. Yeah.
It said written by... I haven't looked myself. I don't know if he's a real person. If he is, then I apologise.
He's probably done loads of things. He's probably gone an Oscar or something. But he kind of amused me that he said written by Alan Actor. Oh.
I've got to be a maid on that. I mean, if you took the initial, it'd be written by an actor. A actor? Yeah.
Yeah. All right. Maybe he is. We apologise if you've done lots of stuff.
Yeah, well, I said, like I said, we'll probably find out that he's won some sort of, like, palm door or something like that. You know, in the future. Yeah. Yeah, right.
Any kind of furniture. He's on the vault tonight, if I was just rocking a roll in here. Come on. So Paul wakes up with a computer telling me it's like for a per appointment.
So, at no point is this guy, he fixes computers for people in different offices, for a works or a company. And then we see him running around jogging. And he's got a pair of glasses that can control traffic lights. There's no explanation of why is this guy's tech like decades above everybody else's?
Well, you say decades, but isn't it just that what we always talk about, that 80s idea of what computers can do? It's like it's magic, isn't it? It's got an AI computer and he's got glasses that he can control things with. And that's technology that's not in the 80s.
It's just sort of coming around now. But is everybody got that in this world or just him? Because you don't see anybody else doing it. I kind of get impression it's meant to be just here.
He's a tech genius, isn't he? There's a tech genius and then there's a BS artist. I don't think those glasses work. I think he's just lucky with the lights.
Are you saying that he's just the IT guy in the office? Yeah, yeah. It just builds itself up. Otherwise, there's no explanation of why he's why he only builds stuff himself then.
What is this AI computer connected to? Nobody else has any of this. Where is it getting its information from? None of this makes sense, Paul.
Yeah, because I mean the internet doesn't exist. No. Yeah, good point, good point. I was impressed by his 80 short shorts, I have to say.
You don't see anything else? No, you don't. I'm going to have a pair. You had a pair in your time.
You did? Yeah. You got a pair of 80 shorts. Do you want to see?
No, no, no. I mean, the shirt shuts for you, but the giant pants are in there. You know, I don't think you've ever alluded to the fact that I'm a short person. That's a new one for the listener.
Is that? I'm a good hire actor. You're a good hire for an humble lumba. I'm not blue yet.
I'm not blue. I'm call the blind. I'm blue. They're really green.
They're coming any colour you like, because of spa. They're not real. I think you're thinking of s'murfs. You don't smell s'murfs of blue.
Blue with white hats. I get confused. I know they got white hats. I can see white.
I have trouble with blue and red and orange and green. OK. Don't do the whole rainbow. Go for that saying you.
All right, I'll work on. Back to Regewal, dont you master? Oh yeah, yes. This is coffee.
Yes. So he's ran around. He's an expert computer, repurman with technology that's like magic. You know for a fact as well that these jogging scenes, there was no permits purchase for any of this shooting.
We're just jogging a camera, leaning out the back of a car, filming it. I would say, not that way. We've got Tony Robix class, and what's that to mean to just the Gwen? She doesn't really get what she's just like, hey, dancing, you know, like you're doing her Robix.
And this aerobic scene goes on way too long as well, doesn't it? Not, I think, depending on your point of view really good. Well, yeah, yeah, but even though it goes on, you don't really learn anything about Gwen except that she likes you Robix and teaches a class. Pretty much, yeah.
Then I got a bit confused about this, he runs into a woman. And then he's got no money to buy flowers. Yeah. Right?
Yeah. So then he runs to cash machine and uses his glasses to withdraw money from ATM. Now is he rubbing that machine? I wondered that as well.
Yeah. And he reacts when he sees the cash machine, like he's never seen one before in his life. And the money comes out, he's like, oh, it worked. Right?
So he's never done this before. I guess not now. Maybe it's like he said, maybe he's just, you know, a chanceau's and... Oh, and he was surprised as anybody that it was.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that makes my sense. Yeah. So he's going to get flowers, I guess, for Gwen.
And he talks to his computer like it's an AI, so this computer can understand his license. This computer's called Kali, right? Yeah. I did like the nice retro defender poster as well.
Did you see that? Oh, you know, I don't think I noticed the poster. Too busy looking at the shot charts. Is that right?
So he's computer, he's got like a bit of a, it's like an electric dream kind of vibe to it. Were he kind of in love with his computer a little bit? Her would be the modern equivalent, right? That's right, yes.
Yes. Do I haven't seen it. Yeah, I didn't see it. Yeah.
You've got a similar relationship with your laptop, haven't you, Colin? I do, yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Can never close it. That's because it's jammed. Is that? Yeah.
Not with jam. No. Peanut butter. Peanut butter.
Peanut butter. Right. Oh. Is he only a laptop that'll kill you?
No, he won't. It's peanut butter. Oh, he's pretty young. Yeah.
That's deaf to me. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I keep smearing it on doldabs.
OK. So what she's not telling you, is it? I know. What's in the jar?
Nothing. Mustard. All right. If it's not any of that, be not butter, don't want any of that.
No, it's not. Yes. And then Gwen arrives and he gives it a flour, isn't he? He has to marry him, but so she's kind of jealous of Kelly, the computer, right?
And Paul's relationship with it. Yes. Try distracting when he keeps saying call all the time. Yeah.
It was distracting writing the notes. Yeah, I'm very good. I kept right now, that's all everyone. I got the laugh.
Just the mood took me away. Talked about what was going on. It's weird. Like I was possessed.
So you did have fun? Oh yeah, but not for the right reason. No, no, no. So she doesn't really want to marry him right because of this.
She's not sure. So they got a bed. And at night we see through, I did like the shot through Paul's glasses that he's left on the table. Yeah, yeah, that was good.
Yeah, that was an attempt at something. Wow. Alright. So Paul's dreaming again, now he's in a forest.
And it's always Gwen now from now on, right? Yes. Not the other woman that we saw in the beginning, he's got absolutely nothing to do with the film except for that dream sequence. So she's not too much, yes.
It's almost like they film that after the fact. Yeah, yeah. Almost. So she's bathing in a waterfall to image shimmers.
And he now seems to be choking and now his skin is melting and he bangs on an invisible wall that separates him from Gwen. So there's already many questions. But the main one is why she's taking a shower in this what's fully clothed? Well, it is a dream sequence.
It doesn't have to really make sense. We've seen his dream sequences before. I mean, come on. You know, that bit too.
That bit too. That bit too. He did. He did.
Yeah. Or maybe we've not got up to that bit. Yeah, maybe this is just the opening sequence where he's tantalizingly fully clothed. And then she won't be.
Okay. But before that can happen, he wakes up, Gwen has gone, there is blood on his face and is smoking the room. And next he's up into a barren plane. Gwen is tied by chains to a rock and fire erupts around them.
Paul tries to rationalize what's going on. Yes, as we all are at this point. And then a bloke appears. Gwen's blows as rad small as to something like a princess would work.
And he's taking all this rather well, I have to say. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't look, you know, he would be a bit more confused, I think. The man says, oh, Paul, you're a worthy of forward.
It's called the steamer. I said, well, hey, what old man, wizard, what do you use to remove the creases from your robes, Miss Deamer? I like it. So he gets Paul some technology.
It turns his computer into a wrist thing, right? Yes. Have you seen the close up of this wrist thing? Oh, yes, it's a piece of crap.
It really is. It's really bad. Really bad. You may call on your magic machines any time anywhere in the world.
Neil, I thought his name was Paul. No, no, he's telling him to Neil. Oh, okay. Yeah.
Why did he give him this gadget? Well, he wants to do it and have a fur contest, doesn't he? Okay, well, we're going to see how fur this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He doesn't make a sort of theory sound as well. He does. And he holds it up, doesn't he? And he holds it up, doesn't he?
And I thought he was going to say grace call at one point. Yeah, but maybe we had a power off copyrighted by all the companies. I did like the moment when Paul takes the time to almost lecture this guy on science versus like magic. You know, I thought that was an interesting touch.
Which is a bit rich coming from a man who's got no science just magic in his hand. Pretty much, pretty much, yeah. Yeah. So it's Miss Deamer Satan?
I'm guessing so. I mean, there's lots of like illusions to the fact that I think that they run through the gorn that of all the names like the Elsie Barber and the stuff that he's like that. Yeah. Yeah.
It's like guessing that was supposed to be. Yeah. I do got a bit about what you just said. I got Paul Bart's Miss Deamer trying to explain science.
So he bookers off to the top of the hill. That's very true. He does. He does.
He does. And he says Paul and your machines, you're a worthy challenger. He's devised seven challenges. And if Paul loses one, he'll take both Paul and Gwen's souls.
So seven, count them seven challenges. Seven challenges. Yeah. And it's not.
So we got seven scenes to get free. You could call them scenes, I suppose. I mean, they're scenarios. Yeah.
I mean, that's one of them. That's what two minutes. They're very, very short. A lot of them.
Yeah. Yeah. Paul is up to a nice cave. So is Gwen.
Stay still Gwen. I'll find you. And then she goes, but it's cold. Yeah.
Does that have any relevance to me finding you? And do you think I don't know because if you look what I'm wearing and what you're wearing, I'm actually wearing less than you are at this point in the film because he's been, he's now got some weird sleepless thing. It's like a leotard underneath with like a quilted, very thin quilted top with no sleeves over the top of it. Isn't it?
Yeah. Also, if she's reason, it's going to make it easier for him to find her. Why is that part? We can't move.
Oh, okay. Yeah. That's true. Yeah.
So there are frozen statues of weird creatures and some of the worst nefarious criminals known throughout history, but you weren't there. I was only a child at this point. Oh. Yeah.
That's when you were at your worst. I was a Damien. Oh, that's not true. That's right.
You weren't. So Einstein's there. Bloody Mary. That was a good thing.
He is. Just what I'm pointing that out is down the line. Why? It's easy for later.
Gwen starts to really freeze. Paul doesn't seem that cold, even though he's wearing less than she is. He's a man. He's an 80s man.
They don't feel the cold, aren't we? He's not that old. I have to say that her acting, the cold acting was a thing of music. It was very good.
I like the way they started to paint slowly pumped white up her face. Eustace, Ice Farm. She's telling us when ice dustberger. Yeah.
That's how it works. Yes. statues and stats to move and come to life they grab Gwen and Paul fights them. One of them is a world wolf as well.
Oh, you should be happy you like your world wolves don't you? I like some world wolves, I don't like all of them. Oh, you bit. Particularly about your world wolf.
I am. Yeah, I am. Didn't know that. When we do a world wolf movie we will discuss it.
We will never do a world wolf movie. Never say never call him again. Oh, you want me to do my song? No please don't.
No, we don't. No. God no. So Paul then grabs the crystal in Einstein's hand and throws it as an explosion and the free of the ice palace.
How do Paul know this would happen? Your guess is as good as mine. But that is one don't. One challenge don't already.
Not too shabby. No, these challenges like the like I'm going to challenge you to seven challenges the first one put this glove on your hand. Damn it, he's done it. Do you think the design the production design of this movie was whatever shit was laying around at the time?
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So there's up to another cave.