15| Caution Sweat Floor/Cuidado Piso Sudor

What, you've never seen a sweat floor before now? Don't stare, and watch your step. Tough luck for Braydon; I was really rooting for him not to get totally disintegrated by Principal Fendleton's left hook. Witness me and my bus racing! Whoever reheated cod in the teachers' lounge microwave is gonna get a slap across the back for a job well done. The school only has so many orphans to give away to Home Ec. Students—PLEASE keep the one you have been given ALIVE FOR THE DURATION OF THE WEEK. Oh my goodness, navigating this robot around campus is so much fun; perhaps, when it's got a bigger battery, I'll wheel over to my teenage self's secret spot. Oster has sponsored our school, and I cannot wait for the Jambalaya Oster Microwaves to dry out the competition! The Rat King is a Rat B@$+@rd! Music for this episode was performed by Misguided Merman. You can find more ambient tracks and hip-hop songs at soundcloud.com/misguidedmerman Thank you to Dannon's Actibia, Dos Ekans Premium Pokemon Lager, and Budweiser. This month's parody song was Wicked Grime. Lyrics: You drag me outside with the intention of playing a sport. Rain is disturbing the grounds of the basketball court. I never dreamed I would step on a field so muddy. You pass the ball with the gall to say, "one-v-one me." But I don't want to ball in mud (this world is only gonna soil your pants). No I don't wanna ball in mud (this world is only gonna stain your slacks) with you. With you. You ask me if I've ever watched Ninja Warrior. Add dirt and water and, baby, you've got the Tough Mudder. It's an adult playground where you only get dirtier. On hands and knees, under barbed wire, please say no more. 'Cause I don't want to crawl in mud (this world is only gonna soil your pants). No, I don't wanna crawl in mud (this world is gonna add caca to your khakis) with you. You were on fire and screaming, "I'm burning; help me!" But the only path to you was down a wet mucky street. I held a pail of water that could put your flames out. But I turned away, voted nay, and ignored your shout. 'Cause I don't wanna walk in mud (this world is only gonna soil your pants). No, I don't wanna fall in mud (this world is only gonna tarnish your trousers) for you. (This world is only gonna dirty your denim). For you. (This world is only gonna smear your sweats). (This world is only gonna blemish your bootcuts). (This world is only gonna pollute your pleats). Nobody should love mud. Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience! :|