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Country roads take me home to the place. Avillom West Virginia. Nandbrunner. Nandbrunner.
Tariom. That was really good. That was really good. Someone's signing us to a record label folks.
I mean that sounded like pretty much I was listening to the album of John Denver. That was flawless. We really know our country songs. John you're Denver.
Oh there you go. John Denver. Armchair reviews featuring John and Denver. This week, episode 15 folks were back here with Armchair reviews.
My name is Chris. And my name is James. And we're back talking about yet another sequel. Another sequel.
Except this one is probably one of the better sequels I think we were going to be talking about. Yes I concur. I think what was one of the couple ones we've done already. We've done all Pirates of Caribbean.
That's like a six-wheel. Yeah, Transformers. Transformers yeah. And Annabelle.
Annabelle. We did a reboot. Spider-Man. And of money.
Annabelle. Yeah they don't really count. This is a full-fledged sequel. Two.
Talking Kingsman the Golden Circle. This one is able to 2014's Kingsman the Secret Service. Which came out of nowhere. Fucking nowhere.
And killed it. So good. I love that movie. I know Lizzie and I actually saw that.
We were in Edmonton at the time. Take a little weekend vacation. Let's go see a movie in a real theatre. I went to the West Edmonton Mall theatre there.
It was a big fucking movie. It's Cineplex. And both of us are off guard. I was a little more impressed in Lizzie.
She was a little more shocked with the violence of it. The head's blowing up into a fucking multicolored rainbow. It's just happy. It was cartoonish.
I loved it. I accidentally saw it here also. I think. I didn't know any other thing.
But we went to the theatre to see another movie and we got there. So we just were like, I fucking like this one's the next one. And we were like, yeah. Blow your mind.
You're so funny. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I love that movie man.
It came out of nowhere. It was the spy movie we didn't realize we needed. We needed it. We're used to those.
I mean. Super serious. Super serious. Steel Craig movies.
Which is really hit or miss with James Bond movies. Or you have the Pierce Bros. and previous James Bond movies. They're just kind of outlandish and wacky.
But they're playing it all straight. And this movie is tongue in cheek in all the right ways. Oh fuck. It's so much fun.
They are a lot of fun. Now this movie going into it. My only concern for this type of sequel is where since the first one we did take us to kind of swept us off our feet. We kind of had Rose Colored Lenses glasses type of thing going to this one.
My fear for this was it's not going to do that same kind of justice that kind of caught us off guard to really endear the audience. Now that being said, I still had a really good time with this movie. No, yeah. It was lots of fun.
We both kind of said we're like, we just don't want it to be the exact same. The exact same. I know you have a couple of things added here and there mainly for adding the American counter parts like that and having your female villains. New fresh characters.
Fresh characters. But the formula still remained the same. And in the trailers you see that you have this Megalomaniac type villain who's trying for world domination and the Kingsmen have to save it when they're down out. Basically.
You see that in the first one where they're recruiting new characters and you have moles in the Kingsmen. The Kingsmen don't really exist other than the key characters who are trying to join together and fight back when it's really three against the world. The only thing in the first one that I didn't understand slash like was the fact that there's however many other Kingsmen there's like seven other dudes like where the fuck were they when all the shit was going down. I guess spread through Great Britain.
Yeah, that's a good point actually. Great Britain. You guys got. But also hard and shit everywhere because Arthur was the whole.
He was like the top shit though, right? He was the main baddie. I mean he was in on Valentine's. So maybe he had infected the other guys, you know.
But no, because there's still a lot from second one. I guess. I mean, it got one of their soldiers dead split in half of her clique. Yeah, you got fucked up.
Oh, god damn, that's so brutal. As soon as you see that thing, you're like, oh, oh, that's how this is going. Yeah, cool. That's how this is going.
That's how I turn it up. God damn. I get myself into it. And he's like, oh, this whiskey is lit.
Oh, not just any whiskey. It was a $62 moment. I believe it was called. And it was lit.
And then he got chopped. And then he got fucked. I love it. I'll still watch that movie any time of the day.
I don't know if I've probably seen it like 50 times. I'll put it on no matter what. Let's get into the plot of this movie. See where things kind of differentiates jump.
Differentiates. Can't block it speak. Differentiates. I got it.
I can speak in which I'm not having a stroke from the first one. Not yet, it's fair. I think these McDonald's coupons tell me differently. No, but that's just a hint at my morbid obesity.
Thanks you. Thank you, Jesus. So this one, you see, it's a year after the first Kingsman. Exie is still, he's the new galahad after Harry has been shot in the head.
He takes the mantle of that name. And there's a new Arthur in town. It's actually Michael Gamben who plays Dumbledore in the after, I think, Harry Potter, 3 and 1. Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, he does last very long, but it's nice little cameo for a Rejector. Yeah, actor. So you see him, he's leaving the Kingsman shop and he gets ambushed by Dickhead from the first movie who was rejected in the trial period. I forget what he's going to do.
Charlie, something H. And which leads to an awesome opening scene. It's just a car chase and a close quarters fucking fistfight. You learn that he's a fucking cyborg or he's got some mechanical implants and stuff.
Just a arm. Just a arm and his bulk cords. Oh yeah, that's right. That seems awesome.
That's actually what it's such a great way to open the movie and set the tone of like how far fetch the action is going to go. It's got the same style action. There's a little bit of humor in it and like and the same, the humor throughout the movie is the exact same as it is in the first movie. Yeah, borderline vulgar, vulgar, more than it's not.
It's quick. It's in your face. Camera keeps jutting around but in all the way, all the way, the director Matthew Vaughn, he really does a good job of that. And he also got to call back to the first one with XZ's poison blade in his shoe.
Yes. That actually fucks up his driver. Yeah, that just melts. Yeah, that's pretty quick too.
Oh shit. Yeah, so Charlie's arm, he gets ripped off and it escapes and the arm is is remote control and the ax ends up hacking the car, he finds out, the whole piece of tunes and service the villain that you're going to do is to Poppy, she's the leader of a drug cartel, the biggest drug or tell of the world, which is a fun name for really, a cartel leader since most drugs or the, the good stuff as the street kid say, the street kid's made from poppy, poppy seeds and poppy oil and looking at it, shit, the heroin, the heroin. She's played by Julianne Moore, that little red headed Nixon, she's been in the plot, yep, she's fantastic. She plays a very, she's a, she's a, she's.
She likes her 1950s. She's like your poster girl for 1950s housewife, but if that 1950s housewife had a full on butcher blade and chopped up humans and fed them to her robotic dogs. And two other humans. Yeah, no big deal.
Yeah, she's got a meat grinder, a giant meat grinder. The full meat grinder for humans. In her 1950s fucking milkshake bar. Yeah, little diner.
Yeah, throw back diner. I would like to visit her. Letterman jacket. In Cambodia, in what is called a caldera, because that is in a hollow-dough volcano.
It is. That's some science for you listeners, a little bit of science. I know my stuff, but we're just like, whatever. No, it did not.
I took a geology class in a year one university. And look what that got me now. You're welcome, world. So yeah, she's a sociopath.
And you learn that her whole plan is to a, destroy the Kingsman, because Charlie has helped her out. Also, she realized the Kingsman is going to be the only people that can stop her. People that can stop her. That's why she wants to destroy them.
Gets rid of them right off the bat. She sends pretty much missiles to all the Kingsman's locations and systematically destroys all of them for the most part. And fuck, OK, this missing out. She kills Roxie, who was from the first one.
We have to. She actually won the Kingsman off in the first movie. She's the Lancelot that they were trying to replace the guy that was cussling off the initial Lancelot. She won.
Exie didn't. He didn't shoot the dog. You know, some people may say that's a win, because he's not a sociopath, and she kind of is. But you kind of have to be in this position.
Anyway, I don't think she gets enough credit, because she's also sidelined in that. In the first Kingsman for a stupid fucking rocketeer role, just to get sent up with balloons and fire some missiles and stuff. Cool. No, I want to see her on the ground kicking ass.
And this movie, I was hoping she did the same thing. But guess what? Missile to the face. She did.
She gone. She gone. Michael Gambon, the new Arthur. He gone.
Vid. He gone. Everyone else. Oh, seven other guys.
Yeah. The nameless nights at the round table. They gone. They gone.
Everybody's gone. And then the story. Part B of Poppy's plan is to, since she has her fingers, her hands, and all the pies of the recreational drugs. Every drug.
She poisons all of that with her little bit of formula, and makes you have a blue rash, cosmania, and eventually your eyes pop out and your head just explode. It doesn't explode. Now it melts from the inside out. You eating profecer everywhere, and then you did.
And so what she's trying to do is end the war on drugs, which I don't mind her motivations, especially in this world now where recreational drugs are becoming more legalized and governmentally controlled, like that. I can see that. And I mean, it's really extreme for what she's doing. Very.
Very, yes. But that's what she's trying to do. And she's trying to take the world hostage with people not knowing what they're partaking in. And so she sends out to the world leaders.
You only see the president of the United States. Bruce Greenwood plays the president. He's been a fuck ton of things. He's been mainly Captain Kirk's mentor in the new Star Trek series, movies.
He's a fucking dickhead man. He's hilarious. He's like a president bush type of ignorant dickhead. Ignant.
Ignant, straight to the dollar straight. Ignant. So that's her plan. Her motive is for doing that.
She's like, I'm the richest woman in the world, but I literally have to hide here. Yeah. And she wants to go home. Yeah.
She wants to just be the richest bitch in town everywhere. Instead of her volcano. Yep. And that's pretty much where we go.
So she eliminates the Kingsman. The Kingsman have what's the protocol. It's the doomsday protocol. The only guys that the only people that survive are XZ and Marlin and Merlin.
Merlin, Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. Merlin, Mark Strong. Mark is after here. Strong like this.
That's his Roman name. Very little known Roman name. Good guy, Merlin. So they go on a mission.
They have a good beat in this or like where Merlin's like, come on XZ, don't be a bitch. Remember your train. Remember you could shed a tear out of the mission. It's done.
And then they find this bottle of whiskey. That's called the Statesman Whiskey. And they find it. OK.
We should probably have a drink for our other. We'll have a drink for Roxy. They open up the safe. And they're like our doomsday protocols in here.
This will help us save the world. Right. They open it up. Follow it.
Bottle is like, is this the tongue and cheek? They're like, fuck. Like this is some upper class humor. That's right.
That will never understand. And then everyone's kind of like, well, we might as well have a toast for each. They have a couple of toast. And it quick cuts later.
They're done the ball. And Merlin's the one that's belting on tears. I thought that was pretty good. We're just five minutes earlier.
He's stoic. He's a hard face. Hard boiled guy. And he's the first one ever.
I thought that was a really good beat. Just a little bit of humor. But they find out, OK, we have our cousins in America. In America, Land of the Free, and Home of the Brave.
I'll speak English and speak American. All right. OK. So they end up going to the distillery.
They end up infiltrating. And they meet their statesmen, cousins. Although it doesn't go as well as playing initially. You know, Chaining Tatum introduced himself as Agent Tequila.
That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. That kicks their ass, essentially. Was about to light their nuts on fire. He kicks their ass, blocks them up.
It's kind of trying to interrogate. In a very American way. He's like, you know why they call it proof? And then he's like borderline radio light.
They're dicks on fire. But wait, there's a twist. Halle Berry comes streaming in, Agent Gingerail. Ginger.
And they realize Colin Firth, Harry, aka Gallahad, is alive. He's living. And this is another thing that kind of bothers me about this movie. I'm glad to see Colin Firth back.
Because I liked him in the first one. And he's a character. That's perfect mentor to, to XZ, the shit head off the streets. That turns him from, to, from Tramp to Gentlemen pretty much.
And, and they kill him. I thought it was a good scene where he just kicks ass, takes names in the first one in that crazy church. Yeah. And then comes out in the face.
Like, as the audience, when you're like, oh fuck, they just did that. Having him back in this movie, I feel like they take away his audio checks. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.
Yeah. Oh shit. But, you know, I just, I feel like it takes away from that huge moment in the first film, you know, where you can just like throw an ice pack on someone's face. And I'm like, oh, don't worry, you're alive again.
You can get shot in the fucking eye. I mean, they do share like the, the scan, the CT scans of like, how it's supposed to work. And they missed his brain, but it fucked up his neural pathways and stuff like that. I mean, I'm not a doctor.
But I mean, it's just, it's kind of, again, I'm happy to see him back, but I'm also from a cinematic, you know, I wish he could have done something a little bit different. Is what we're gonna. Yeah. I mean, they joke Matthew Vaughn, the director.
He actually joke. He's like, yeah, we have Colin Birthback as his evil twin brother. But that would be terrible too. What a bit more.
Anyway, they do fist cuffs and they try to jog his memory back. And you also meet Pedro Pascal, not Javier Peña. Not Javier Peña. We're in the movie theater and we're talking about this, like, who all was in this movie?
And James asks, oh yeah, that guy, you know, Game of Thrones and Narcos. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. I know you're talking about Javier Peña.
Yeah. And he's like, oh yeah, that's right. Correct. Fuck.
That's his character's name, Narcos. I got home and I'm like, shit, that's not his name. That's like, that's not his real name. It's one of his many alter egos.
It's not his name. He's such a good actor that I just forgot his real name. He became Javier Peña in my mind. He's awesome.
He's such an actor. He's an interesting character in this one because, you know, you think he's with the state. He has statesman, obviously, he teens up eggs-y because, chain-tatum, he's a bit of a wild car for the statesman. He's a bit of a wild car for the statesman.
The statesman's bad boy. You know, some recreational paraphernalia. He comes down with the blue rash. With the blue rash, so they freeze him.
He puts him on ice. Put him on ice to kill on ice. Yes, right. Just to slow down the infection.
Process, yeah. So they team up whiskey with eggs-y to infiltrate, try to find the antidote. Poppy. And so with him, you know, you initially think he's on team statesman and he's man.
Which he is. He really is. He doesn't like the bad guys, but he's also on the good guys team. When you find out he's sabotaging eggs-y's mission towards the end.
You find out towards his motivations towards the end. I'll tear your motives. He's kind of on an island of himself. Yeah.
He has his own personal motivations, which turns out to be a drug dealer or two drugies. Mathematics. Mathematics, he says. They were essentially in a street fight with guns, killed his wife.
It could be a store. That was pregnant with his son. I don't know if he says something. But but pregnant with his child anyways.
So he doesn't want them to find the antidote or doesn't want them to get the antidote. He does like the drug users are the scourge of the earth. He likes all the drug dealers. He likes the drug users.
Like the president. The president sees the very similar views. But he's not with the president. He's not with the president.
He's always with the president. He's the kind of with the same point of view where the president's saying like, well, if there's no drug users, they all going to die. There's no one drugs. There's no one drugs.
I win. And that's exactly how he feels. Yeah. So it's interesting because he's not he's a good guy in his own mind.
Which I, you know, I said this before in this podcast where I like when there are bad guys who aren't bad guys. Yeah, but are just come complicated. I could have done a little bit more with him rather than just having Harry shoot him in the face. After that, he shoots with the face, and then.
Although that is a good saves him. Yeah, good dramatic part because he's got to get back from his mind. Poppy land. If you want to call it that.
Merlin is a great sacrifice. Oh, yeah. Ripped Merlin. The baby's sad.
Yeah. I mean, that was such a good scene, because again, he's belting out John Denver, this Scotsman. And he's belting out John Denver. He's trying to bait all the guards, the Leatherman, jacket wearing guards, all those dipshits.
And he's doing this because he's, well, eggs he stepped on the landmine. Yeah. Merlin had this freeze spray shit that kind of. I used to have a can.
I used to have a can that delayed the. I mean, they're worth the state, so everything comes with a can. Everything's with a can. She's a can.
Amazing. America. So bad for you, but am I using? America.
Go for it. So he freezes the landmine, gets eggs he steps off it, then he steps on it. And then he kind of. Into the end of Jones.
Switcharoo. Switcharoo. Whoop. So yeah, he's essentially like, you boys need to save the day.
Yeah. And I'll be the first step and see. And that was his first time in the field, too, because he's camped out in the city. And he always kind of talks with Ginger Early in a movie, but I think she asked him.
Yeah. Would you, do you want to be something more than this? You want to go in the field? He kind of was just.
They need us. Yeah. He doesn't have us. He doesn't have a coin answer.
They need us here without us to be lost. But she's like, yeah, but don't you want to be something more of a type thing? And then she explains she's tried to numerous times. But Whiskey is always the space in that vote.
So out. Right. That's going to be a decade. That's her application, if you want.
Yeah. She has blocked. No, you're saying non-alcoholic. Probably because she's a woman.
Well, look at the female characters in this movie. They're all pretty much sidelined. The secretary. I think she's the secretary of the president.
She's the staff. She's like, oh, oh, Fox, you don't have to talk. Get the fuck out of here. I worked 20 hour days for you.
No, no, no, no. You're it. You smoked a marijuana. You smoked a devil's.
You sniffed in that. Come on, Cola. Out of my sight. You goddamn she devil.
That's how he says it, right? Yeah. And she gets taken to the pop up hospital. OK, there are medical facilities all around the country to help everyone that's affected with this.
Oh, by the way, we're going to put you in individual cages and stack you like rodents. Yes. But that's my fine, Prince. You don't see it.
Like a big football stadium, essentially. So I know they had an impeachment afterwards for the present. But yes. I feel it with so many people infected with that bullshit.
Because as Fox said, you need to get a little hot to get through your days sometimes. Drink a little weed and smoke a little alcohol. You know what I'm saying? You have all those people that are just, you're going to leave me in a cage to have my eyes pop like zits.
You're going to have a fucking civil war on your hand. If those people were to live. Yeah. I mean, luckily this King's man and statesman save the day.
But shit. That is no way to treat your citizens. Merit. Respect.
Merit. But I mean, you don't get to that point, which would be an interesting story, really, if something bad fucking massive happens, you lose that massive amount of life in the North Americas, that domestic. Well, they got the right Brazil to do it. In real life?
Yes, that's correct. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's going to start a nuclear war with the. Can you say that more times?
Can you say it again? Sounds like you're sneezing. Say it again? Oh, that one.
Yeah. With Korea. Allegedly. I don't know, man.
You've been checking those Twitters. The Twitters and the face chats. That Donald Trump's Twitter face. The InstaBooks as well as all covered in that shit.
That's the guy's a fucking mess. I know Bruce Greenwood in this movie is a total dick. That's right. Two for two.
Oh, fuck. So there was some controversy with this film. I guess there was, I guess people didn't take too kindly. I don't know why people are such milk toasties.
I thought it's super sensitive. He saves the princess of Sweden, I think. Right? She's a princess of Sweden?
Something like that? Yes. Yeah. And if you say the world, I'll give you up my butt.
Yeah, it's like, OK. All right. Yeah. That was at the end of the first one.
I'll give you butt stuff. That was cool. Because he's a boy from a girlfriend. I was not expecting to see her back.
No. But that was great to see her back. And I'll give back to the emotional stakes to it. But the controversial scene about this, which some critics were absolutely flabbergasted and revolted and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
All that dumb shit was the. The other day they were buttered. Some would say that. It is right, 14A.
OK, it's 14A. Later. Back checker, look it up, because it's part of our complaint. Yeah, so the controversial scene here is the festival, the music festival scene with the finger blast.
You have to go to the music festival to find Charlie's ex-girlfriend. He says ex, but they're all mingling. They're together. Doodle-bop.
Just ex, because of Bobby. They're all sticking about it. That's right. Because he doesn't want Bobby to fucking put her in the fucking meeting.
Pop in that chair. You know what I'm saying? So yeah. No, she's not a person.
Whiskey and ex-go there. So they're like, oh. Take a glass-go music festival or something like that? Yeah.
We got one of us has to hook up with her, essentially, wear this finger condom, finger banger. So that's right. Why? Because that thing has a tracking device.
It's a tracking device. It goes into mucus membranes to spread throughout the body. Yeah. So it has to go inside.
It's like, oh, it's going to go for a nose, right? Oh, it's going to go for a nose. And Whiskey gives him that mustachio dirty look where he's like, mm, son, this is America. Yeah.
America. Let me show you how. We go to second base on the first date. Is that second?
I never knew the bases. I never knew that shit. That's probably third base. That's got to be this.
Probably triple. Is that triple? It's got to be a stand-up triple. Anyhow.
So ex-finger blaster in the tent at the music festival. And he doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to do it. He even calls the princess.
What? Asperper permission. To the Asper permission. He's like, hey, I got to plug this girl.
Because I'm covering him to get in there. And she's like, are you fucking daft? At least I called. Yeah.
But then. And she's pissed. But the scene, he seduces her. They seduces each other really.
Because she's not too bad to look at. I could probably great cheese off her abs for Christ sake. Do some laundry there, too, if I had to decide. Yeah.
Cheese and laundry. What's better than that? Fast forward. He comes out of the bathroom.
She's in a round thong. In a robe. Dropped her pretty quickly. Unrobes.
Disrobes. So he finger blasts her. You don't see anything. That term is so aggressive.
I brought it up. Finger blasts her. Yeah, it's so aggressive. I don't even know what it came about.
He penetrates her with his digits. With his phalanges. Yeah. But he wore protection.
So it's OK. Yeah, finger. On his finger. But you see his hand trailed down her washboard.
And then go into her pant. But then it cuts inside. So you see that kind of lifts up there. Right into the vulva, as they say.
Who am I in? He's in there just a couple of quick seconds. on any tips out. You see the microchip or the tracking device go into the mucus membrane and latch on to what you would assume to be the uterine wall, James.
That would be. Yes. Yes. If my biology is a problem.
We said we're not doctors, but we're medical professionals. OK, it's a little bit different. It's a little bit different. But we're up to snuff.
My mom's in there. So I know a thing or two. My mom's in there as well. So we know a thing.
We've been raised by medical professionals. We're pretty much medical professionals, everybody else. Don't come to us for advice. I've read a book.
I haven't. Dr. Zooks. Wait, that's not the book you're talking about?
So that seems to cause a lot of fuss. I didn't read the articles because I want to come into this podcast, Hot and Fresh. So we didn't get our views distorted. But that caused a lot of disturb you.
You could say it's some Rihanna disturbance. I don't know what to do with that. With like movie buffs. Yeah, the critics critics.
This is outrageous. This is unacceptable. Go fuck yourself. It's a scene for Christ.
How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? How dare you?
How dare you? How dare you? Fucking bullshit. Get over it.
How do you get a little fun once in a while? Why is let loose? Why is it's so fucking terrifying? They didn't even show her tits like relax.
Yeah, guys, relax. Well, you know what I mean? It's not like there's any nudity at all. No, no, you're right.
Yeah, chill the fuck out. I agree. It'd be completely different if it's like she was just like, maybe, maybe, maybe it's because it's the ultimate invasion of privacy because you're getting tracked through the JJ. He's a spy.
He's got a tracker somehow. And this is America. I guess it is a little bit unnecessary by the same time. But it's a fucking hypo.
Oh, no, hypo hyper. Fucking realistic version of what the world really is. Yeah, exactly. And the whole, like we said earlier, like the borderline vulgar, the whole movie, like the comedy, the tone, it fits right in the window.
So if they don't have problems with anything else, why should they have a problem with that? Yeah, fuck you guys. It's not a big deal. Especially if you know what kind of movie it is for Christ's sake.
They know what they're getting into for sure. You should. We talked about the movie before they could accidentally watch the first movie before going to the second movie. They didn't, they stuck it their job.
Well, let me talk about it before. Anyways, where our opinions might be irrelevant also. Oh, they are 100% are. No, we're not 100% OK, 98%.
Yeah, we got viewers that care viewers. We got listeners James listeners. Listen, first and second. Turn on your camera.
Okay, we're podcasting. They can do the on reverse. They can do me. Goddamn it.
So, I'm just gonna say. Chris for God's sake. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But it's not the best pull off performance of this movie. You can figure blast someone's shirt, but it's not doing a tongue.
Why can't you transfer on via the tongue to her tongue? I don't know. They're better ways to have done it, I get it. But for this, you need that kind of silliness, I guess.