Two. Hello! Power start! Get it, rocket!
It's the H3Pock, it's your boy Ethan Klein, the entertainer, I'm here to entertain. It's my calling in life to sit here before you and to explain things in a way that's both funny and easy to understand. With me is my calling in life? Why do you make that face, you know?
You have a lot. I'm weird for you to say that about yourself. What, did I have that calling in life? What did you say about me?
I don't know. Well, somebody's gotta say it. And if it's not you, then it's gonna be me. It's my calling- Well, by the streets.
The streets are saying that's how you'd say it. Cause then you don't look like a dick. The streets are saying it. Thank you to Brooke Lennon and Capeterra for sponsoring this action packed episode of the H3Pock cast.
Let's just get right into it. As you guys know, we had a blockbuster episode last week with Trisha Paytas that the streets are talking about. They are. We had a, what were you talking about?
International streets. Yeah. I had a couple messages from people in Israel that I've never spoken to. Just what I went to school with.
What'd they say? I didn't really read the full message. I just thought it was a little short. You've changed, dude.
You're such a big shot now. Well, I haven't spoken to this person. Did you not want them to see that it was much more read? Yeah.
Yeah. Do you think they're watching right now? I don't know. Do I know who they are?
Do I know this? No. Okay. No, you're gonna have no idea.
I'm gonna fuck them. Well, they said that it was a great episode. Well, that's very kind of them. I also got some kudos.
Trisha, you know, she's just, she's such an entertaining person. She's a little wild, a little crazy. I liked when she insisted that we were his cedic Jews, but it spawned a lot of memes on our subreddit. So I wanted to go over some of the memes.
And guys, please keep the H3Mims coming because it's so much fun. And I want to keep going over these every week because you guys are producing. So here we go. She said, oh, this is a very popular meme format.
Yeah, I noticed. I noticed. So congratulations. I used to swallow goldfish as a kid.
And then you say, huh. Not much to it, really, but there you have it. When you invite Trisha to squash the beef, but she instead hits on your husband. Now, how did you feel about her hitting on me?
Because she did do that. Not cool. I was watching one of these tea spill channels that was doing like a summary of the podcast. And they said that it was a long theorized thesis that she was into me, even before she said that.
People thought that she was into me. According to the tea people. That part felt to me a little bit like she was just trying to. So you're taking this away from me?
That someone would be attracted to me? Other than, yeah? No, but I wouldn't give her. I don't think it was that planned out.
So do you but do you think that she wants me or no? I think she has like 10 different trichos inside. And one of them probably. One of them wants me.
That's actually a fair explanation. I was trying to get like defensive that you would dare think that another girl wouldn't want me. But that explanation I can't even argue with. Well, she said I was at 10.
I was like, whoo, I know what you're ever reading. The highest rating I've ever got was like a six on my best day when I was doing water polo. So I got like a six. And I was like, oh girl, what are you doing later?
Now I'm probably at like, I probably got three these days with the chubbiness going on. I thought. I thought you're not a three. With the fatness.
If I get my shit together, I think I can max out at a six. You could max out higher. What do you think I max out? Eight.
Really? Yeah, that's sweet. Eight's really high. The thing is if I got my shit together and I was single, this type of thing doesn't fall apart because I only have money because of my partnership with you.
But let's just say in a parallel universe that I was successful. And I had my shit together physically. I could maybe see myself being at highest. But I feel like the success factor definitely gives a lot of extra points.
Oh, yeah. Is that eight? No, I wasn't including the success. If you were single right now without losing money, hey, losing weight, without losing weight, successful, you could have probably a different girl every weekend because it's that crazy.
Are you interested? Do you think, for example, I could pull a supermodel? Yes. Thank you.
Well, I've already got a supermodel. Sorry, I've followed one. So that's exciting. But it's weird.
Success. Success factor. Yeah, come on. It's weird.
Well, there's a wealth factor. And then on top of that, there's a fame factor. So I'm not super high on the fame totem pole. But if I figure if I was a girl, we will start seeing, oh, even then we get a picture.
Then all of a sudden, these girls are like, is it just me? Or is there a waterfall in my pants? I don't know. That's me.
Yeah, but once they see my penis, then I go back under three. You know these little hooks you put in the wall to hang pictures. They're like tiny little hook that you drill into the wall, and then you like hang stuff on it. That's what my penis looks like.
It's like a little crescent moon. It does not. How we do know? Come over it.
OK, fair enough. Anyway, let's do these memes. Tricia, when she said she's a lesbian and also a gay fan, that was actually a quote that I liked a lot. So can you be both a lesbian and a gay man?
She's like, yes. I mean, I have an hard time following the logic there, but Tricia paid us. I'm born a girl that defines herself as a gay guy, doesn't dress like a guy, and doesn't take any gender hormones. That fucks guys, any normal human being.
Well, that sounds like being straight with extra steps. That's a good point. In the podcast with Tricia at 929, we got time stamps and memes. Tricia says that Ethan is a chubby guy, so he can make fun of a chubby guy.
I'm a chubby girl, and I can make fun of chubby girls. This is minutes after she claims she was a trans man. That's a really good point. I saw people mention that we failed to pick up on.
She kept saying, I cannot make fun of fat girls. Because you're a guy. Because I'm a guy. But then she was saying, you can't make fun of me, because she's a fat girl, but she's a fat guy if she's grown.
It's like, it's just the logic is so. There was no logic to anything. Oh, this was great. I love that you're damn with chips meme.
Dan is the pizza here, and just damn with chips in the back. Well, you know, I was trying to just move it along, but it's fine. I mean, the episode was great. Every minute was great.
Dan, are you fucking with me? Where's the pizza? Dan, dude, how do you feel about the chips meme? I enjoy it.
Yeah, that's good. What was that originally from? I was eating chips, and you got mad at me. Well, we were all heated up, I think, yelling at Ian.
Oh, right. Yeah, exactly. Who did that? Then what do you think?
And he's eating chips. Yeah, I was going to check that. I mean, those chips are good. Since then, I've been seeing a lot of chips here, and all kinds of flavors.
He doubled down on the chips. Honestly. He was, I, when Tricia was flirting with Ethan. No, I don't frankly get that.
I understand. I don't get that either. I mean, why did your eye get a star David? Well, I think it's that it's changing colors, because she's going like super saiyan.
She's going sicko mode. She's going sicko mode. Her eye is a star, David. Yeah, I mean, that's just, that's what happens when she's getting angry, right?
I don't know. Maybe you want a Hasidic. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it must be pretty.
When that be cool, Hasid's had secret Jewish powers. What would the Hasid's secret Jewish power be? They'll spray it with their sweat. I was thinking that they can like clean their body without showering.
That'd be epic. They have like their Hasid suits, have like special washing power, secret magic, and wash with their body. She says, I love that we're on a three way day right now. You'll say like right now.
This to me was such a wonderful moment. And I was surprised when I saw this, because I didn't realize, first of all, nobody ever stopped me dead in my tracks eating a slice like that. It's when the person you've been beefing with for six months confess her love for you and calls you a 10 or 10 in front of your wife. Actually, I think when this really came up was when she said that my eating pizza was turning her on.
And in that moment, I didn't know what to do. But I can't believe that. First of all, I'm proud of you for capturing that Ian, because. Oh, yeah.
Great moment. Yeah. Because sometimes the best moments are, you know, there's no goes without saying anything at all. And it takes a true switchman to know.
True sorry to imply I would say. Yeah. And in turn, maybe wouldn't get it. No, that's a good point.
Ian, do you have any words of gratitude to me? Yes. I was told that. Just in my mind.
Thank you. I appreciate that. You're welcome. Thank you.
I feel like this is a versatile meme format, to be honest. This is like when she says that she used people and there's pubes in your pizza. Great. This is when she says that the cheese is vegan.
Funny, hilarious, got a lot of people. Ethan, you Trisha said you have beef with Dan. We should bring Dan here. We should confront Dan.
You know, I wanted to hand up their beef more, but yeah. Things were going good. And frankly, Dan was definitely dodging it. I don't know how I could have brought it more to light the beef between Dan and Trisha.
Because Dan has expressed a lot his distastes for Trisha. And then he didn't even want her on the show at all. But how do you feel? How do you feel about that now, knowing that it was such a hit episode?
I admit. I was wrong. I thought it would be the bad kind of cringe. It turned out to be the good kind of cringe.
The Ginny Lee cringe is what we're playing. Yeah, exactly. Well, Jimmy Lee, I'm happy to say, still holds the title of worst episodes. You know, that episode was so bad that we almost considered not even posting it.
Amigay! Wow, that was loud. OK, but that's very much Jimmy Lee. Jimmy Lee has been, should I disclose the recent communication?
Probably not. Well, Jimmy Lee emails me every day. He's really saying that. Hey, I'm a long fucked up.
You're awful. I'm awful. Oh, yeah. How am I awful?
Playing my video? Oh, yeah. This is a chill crew meme. Playing my video, inviting me on the show.
You just wanted to make fun of me. You're just like the rest. Hey, guys. Sorry, we got to go and break.
Dance day of my life. Now we're getting into some other memes. This goes back to the manneys of, oh, am I allowed to talk about this, Ian? I mean, you can look at the meme.
OK, thank you. So this goes back to Ian eating the meme. This is a constitutional convention. You've got the fan, the wild card, the viewers, and other contestants.
Were they writing the Constitution? Right. And Ian? No.
Yeah. The Declaration. No, the Declaration. No, the Declaration.
Please. No, correct. For such a technicality. Semantics.
Ian is offering up manneys, essentially. And you accept his offer. This is another great one. This is Black the Bomb, my favorite of the show that I've been spoken about.
Can you imagine? I can't. I mean, damn. What kind of sick mind put this together?
I don't know. What is this girl getting herself into? Something about the way she is sitting and the two ponytails is so disturbing. I think she has braces on too.
To make her look as young as possible. The guys are like, you know what's my ultimate fantasy? A 12-year-old girl getting it. Why am I in there?
So let's see, Dan, Idaho girl, a really girl, and this real girl, the broken rules of age 3, Ian. Well, everybody's jumping up. Yeah, I don't know. That's even bad.
That's what fucking Ian. They just wanted the chips in there. Fair enough. Oh, no.
I'm on the chips in there, which is fair. But my god, why don't you guys watch this actual video and get back to me? Zach, you're up for it. I feel like this video should be illegal.
I'm going to see some ideas. This is like dark web shit. That's what I'm saying. Black.com is such a sick.
Do you even know if that's what that's wrong? We don't know that. What else do you think? I guarantee you this is Black the dot com.
Who else would put together such an ensemble? You know what I mean? I think they invented, you know, interracial porn. This is not just interracial porn, my dude.
OK, fair enough. Did they mess up with the proportions, too? Like, how is the couch so low compared to the guys? I think they look like they're massive.
I think, well, first of all, they probably are quite big. And she's probably quite short. But I think they also got a really low couch to make it look like they're super tall. But if she stood up on the floor, her face would probably be like, you know, belly button level.
That guy on the right is huge. These dicks were probably the size of her goddamn fucking like forearm. The rules of a broken rules of the bachelor. Nobody calls dropouts on porn.
A lot of porn memes. So is this just Dan with a mouthful of me? That is not me. Oh, this is a great one.
You'll look at this. He's looked at up adult film website, collette.com. Oh, it's not black? Sorry, my dude.
Wow. I could be trade. Fuck you, Dan. I feel so betrayed that this isn't black to calm.
They got to step their shit up. Or not. Well, if they're trying to sell black to, they better step their shit up to their audience. I mean, I'm not their audience, but they better step it up.
I'm talking huge black cocks with a tiny white little girl and tiny couch to make the size of the difference look more extreme. Do you know what I'm saying? No. Yeah, you do.
This is you Ian thoughts on this. There's a lot of memes here. Let's move to one. Ian, the internet, Ian, the salary, employees, Winnie the Pooh.
This was about the feeding window. This is Bila as a farmer. My face on a peg. This is her feeding window at the clock.
No, accurate. It's so awesome. Accurate. So there you go.
Who remembers? Accurate. Thank you for submitting the memes. Everybody has a lot of fun.
You know, every time there's a small gust of wind in LA, the whole damn city catches fire. And I woke up, what day was this? Was it? It was Wednesday, Sunday?
Sunday, Sunday. I was just about to fall asleep. I'm not really late because I was taking care of Theodore. It's about to fall asleep and you get these, I guess they're called reverse 911.
But it's like the Amber Alert where your phone was like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. It's like a reality broadcast. It's not Amber Alert? Well, Amber Alert is specifically a missing child.
That's what Amber Alert means. But so the process of sending out those warnings is called a reverse 911. And so my phone reads, um, firing and then it's really the specific neighborhood, which is like literally probably, you know, less than a mile away from me. I get ready to evacuate.
And I'm like, what? Because I just been up all night and I didn't hear anything. But I was hearing a lot of helicopters overhead and it's fire season. So I was wondering, I wonder if there was a fire.
And I go and I look out my window, you know, and this is what I see. Let me show you guys. This was crazy. Check this shit out.
Yeah. I got HD setting here. 360 max. Nice.
So that's just outside the window at like three o'clock, 3 a.m. It's just this intense orange glow and that smoke. I mean, it was really close. You can see, you know, you can really see how close it is.
On this hill here when I woke up, I was just, I was staring at it for like five minutes and just like, you remember when George Washington heard that 9 11 that the airplane hit the world trades and he just sat there silently for like 10 minutes? What are you talking about? That's how I was looking out this window because I just sat down and I was watching it. You know, you know, that scene is famous.
From what? Yeah, when George was watching, where's he watching? Go down. George Bush.
He was reading a book to a bunch of kids and you see a secret service man come whisper something in his ears and he just sits there for 10 minutes. Like a fucking just paralyzed. And he had said, sir, wonder attack. And George Bush was just sitting there paralyzed.
I don't think so. Was that so bizarre? I'm captivated by that. Anyway, that was me.
I just sat down and watched this for five minutes and I was like, oh, frick. And then I got them, but I woke up and I'm like, what is happening? And you told me check the window and I'm like, how do I know? This is actually happening.
Like this is my nightmare. Yeah. This is actually happening. So, how do you start packing now?
We have a baby. So, so, you know, it was going like a mad man, like she was freaking crazy packing everything. I, you know, we were packing up my brother was visiting. We got super lucky because.
And your brother is so funny because he gets all scientific whenever you ask him a question. Yeah. And he's in, he's in, he was asking him like, how bad is it for us? How much time do we have or something like that?
And he starts explaining to us like, I don't know, I don't know how to describe it, but just super scientific detailed explanation. Well, he's more interested in doing this detailed explanation than evacuate. And I'm like, I got a pack and I can't listen right now. Sorry, I got a running pack.
But we got super lucky because the wind was blowing it away from us essentially. We got so lucky now that the wind was going the other direction, we would have been so frick. Oh, yeah. What I was saying is there was a guy here that I was talking for five minutes when I was out there by myself and he was just with a hose spring.
Oh my God. I was like, holy crap, like where? How close is this fire? It was just a guy right here.
Just spring, just spring like this. And I was like, oh my God, dude. I don't think that garden hose is going to stop that fire. But anyway, wasn't a firefighter?
It was just somebody with car guns? Yeah, yeah, no, boy. Yeah, just some of the garden hose. I just saw water squirting like this like, you know, and that'll stop it.
For sure. Well, from this hillside, it must have looked like a hellscape because they would have seen everything. I'm just seeing the orange glow. But anyway, it burned the other way.
We got super luck. It started like this is right next to us and then it's just all, I guess, one day out of direction. And now there's like a huge mandatory evacuation zone there and it took my poor mom three hours to get to our house today at the theater. Three hours.
Man, it took you guys a while to get to work, right? Yeah, took you in like two hours to get to work. Usually takes them 20 minutes. What happened was just bumper to bumper because like the four to five is close from the fire and then the one on one, somebody tried to kill themselves on it last night.
Like unrelated to the fire that closed down traffic. So, yeah. Dude, if you're going to kill yourself, do it on a different day. Yeah, it's working.
We can do something. Exactly. Did you listen anything good in the car? What do you do to entertain yourself?
I listened to the company album a few times. Okay, that's a good transition. Jesus is king. Tell me about your new album.
The new album is out to everyone who is unaware. Yes. Ian, tell me about your reception to the new album. Still taking it in, but I don't hate it.
It's not my favorite. It's lower on his albums if I were to rank him. But I like it more than a lot of people. A lot of people really hate it.
There's a lot in there that I enjoy a whole lot. Now, how many times have you listened to it? Probably 25. I guess you like it by now.
Yeah, you're still taking it in. I got a piece so bad. I feel like you're liking it less because when you first heard it, you were super jacked about it. But now you're saying that it's not your favorite.
Well I still like it a lot. Like my least favorite album of his is better than most albums all here in a year. But I do have issues with the album and the messaging of the album. There's certain things that I'm quite a group.
Like the religious aspect? No, I don't mind that. I just feel like there's certain he's like comparing himself to these religious figures. And I feel like he's drawing a parallel between himself and Jesus versus like being a follower of Jesus.
I feel his ego very heavily in the album, which I feel like conflicts with kind of the Christian ideals he's trying to get across and kind of muddy, I suppose. Certainly don't think that that's the point of Christianity to say that I am Jesus. You think? Jesus already did it.
Dan didn't like it. Dan hated it. I've never been messing with Ian. I'm just drawing him for the most part because I know he's a mega fan.
The saturation's pretty wild on your camera. It's like really blown out. I don't know. It's like you look like a beauty vlogger.
You notice how they... When you watch all these beauty vloggers on YouTube, they do this... My skin looks right. Yeah, exactly.
They do this crazy saturation so you can't see any blemishes or details. I don't know. It's a super web cam so like auto-adjusting for some reason. It's going crazy right now.
Okay. Well as long as you look worse than me, then we got no problem. Righty, love? I don't know.
I saw Kanye on Kimball. Kimmy Kimball. And I wasn't sure about him. I was like a black guy who won the lottery.
A big, big jack of the country's of millions. And he was wearing a Gucci jacket. And probably to that guy, he always wanted a Gucci jacket. And never before did.
So that's the first thing you bought. It's like 18 hundred dollars. You looking good. Feeling good.
I would do the same thing. So, Kanye was like, look at me. I'm wearing a cheap hoodie and you're wearing a Gucci jacket. You may just want to think about how you're going to invest your money.
Like we should educate one another. Or you need to be an example to the people. I mean... People should educate one another about how to invest your money.
I mean, so I just couldn't believe that it was so stupid. And coming from Kanye, first of all, his merch alone cost like Ian could tell you a lot of money just for a merch hoodie. And okay, you were wearing a cheap hoodie that one day. It's probably not that cheap, by the way.
It's probably not that cheap. He's like, this hoodie only costs 200 bucks. It's the cheapest hoodie I own. How much was his merch?
You want to see his shows at the forum. Yeah, I did. How much was his merch there? The sweaters were around like 250 per kronach.
Yeah, that's what Jesus would sell for his merch. Can you imagine that Jesus merch back in the day? He saw it. He just didn't like it.
He has lyrics. He's like, oh, that's when you buy a Gucci jacket. Treat yourself. But his whole thing was like, we have to uplift our community and teach them that when you get money, it's not about the Gucci jacket.
But have you seen Kanye's house, by the way? Right. We made a video about it. I mean, that guy is the definition.
Look at his wife. His wife is literally the symbol of excess. Yeah, exactly. His family is the symbol of excess.
And then also he has lyrics on the new album that there's a line that says like, that's the reason why I charge the price is that I charge. I don't want my family to starve. I don't want to be on Dancing with the Stars. Really?
What? You seized all activity on Dancing. Your family went and starved for like hundreds of years. Well, Kim Kardashian is richer than he is.
So together. Together. And Kylie's a billionaire. Also, he bragged on Jimmy Kimmel.
He's like, I'm a billionaire and I'm wearing a cheap hoodie. It's like good for you dude. What car did you drive in? What house do you live in?
What plane do you fly? It's like, who cares that you're wearing a cheap hoodie? I don't know. He's got, he's.
I have to say that appearance on Kimball. Kimball? Kimball? I love saying Kimball was a little bit clingy.
Ian, did you watch it? He watched it. Of course he watched it. I didn't see that one.
I sent it on her chat. No one watched it. I didn't watch it. I watched a brief clip where he knows he owns it.
I watched 10 seconds of it and I bailed because I can't understand him. He's kind of doing it this whole issue. It's like he's hijacking the religion just to kind of give himself even more of an ego boost. Because when you go through on the crusade, like the religious crusade, it gives you this moral high ground.
And he's definitely exploiting that moral high ground all the way. I'm Christian, everything. I wear cheap hoodie. I'm Christ-like.
He said he works for Jesus. I don't know how he said it exactly. But now all of his existence is just to serve. Bro, you want to prove to me that you're really in?
Donate all your money. Donate 9% of your money. No? I don't think that's going to happen.
I don't care about him having money. I just don't like that he's pointing out this poor guy that won't do it. Yeah, this poor guy. You don't know what that guy's doing for his community.
Show me your closet, Kanye. Probably could sell his closet for a few millions. You don't know what he's doing for his community. He's wearing a Gucci jacket.
You don't have to single that poor guy out. You know what I mean? His good fortune. Yeah, I feel like his messaging here is so muddied and confused.
I still think the music sounds really good, but his actual direction of content and lyrically and how he's conveying his ideas seems kind of worse than ever. Well, I think I'm going to agree with you even though I haven't listened to it yet. But I think just from the little snippets that he's been posting, I like the sound of it. Well, he's a very talented producer.
He's a very talented musician. I don't like the music. I don't like the music. But I think lyrically he's always kind of a, well, I don't know.
I can't say always. And another guy needs to just, what's your advice for him? He's listening. What if he's listening right now?
What would you say to call me? To give me a call. I'll tell him what he's got to do. No, I just feel like.
Carp out. I feel like he needs to, like he's doing, like he made a point to not swear on this whole album. Like he's doing these gestures that feel kind of hollow, but he's not actually kind of digging into like the effects of like what it actually means to live a life like in Christ like a life. He just says like I love God.
That's the only idea. This whole album is like God is cool. God is cool. But I feel like it's so much more complex than that.
It's a lot about overcoming hardships and how difficult that may be. The struggles that can come out of something like that. You know, I feel like there could have been something substantial there. Well, if you listen to his first big single, it's called Jesus Walks.
And that song alone is way more complex ideas than this entire album put together, in my opinion. It seems like it was rough. Yeah. Well, anyway, enough about anyway, congratulations to Ian and Kanye and to Kanye.
I still love the album. I'm still gonna listen to it. And to Kanye who's slamming it in his $200 hoodie. What how Christ like I mean doesn't give him a Christ like that.
So how much is the hoodie you're wearing right now, Ian? Oh, and I, oop, this is cheap. This is, you know, I'm not wearing a $250 hoodie. I saw I got in line and then what am I doing?
Right. Yeah, I decide. I was like, I was like the teaching of this album would not approve me of getting this sweater. Maybe it's a test.
It's a loyalty test. Yeah, and it works. I think the contest. Yeah, it's a big contest.
Well, let's start with a break. I'm gonna talk about the feeding window. Ila hates to admit that it's working and we're gonna, the cast is going to be participating in no, no, November. Yes, even use that.
Okay. We will be discussing that later on. And of course, our main stories, which you know what they are because they're in the title. We've got, oh, and a salad taste test.
That's going to be coming up. We should probably do that ASAP because that is not getting better with age. Regardless, let's throw it to a break. We'll be right back.
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Where is that? Because I had to sit in, because Ian was late. Oh, Zach, I told you to fire Ian. No, I'm here.
Oh, Bobby Lee's here. I am here. Bobby Lee came storming into our office. I'm going to tell you why I'm here.
I'm going to tell your audience. Tell us what you did. I'm going to tell your audience everything. Go ahead.
I believe that things happen for a reason. I believe there's destiny. Now, when I was a young man, did I believe that there was a fat Jewish man that had my body, my ugliness, my unsexuality, my non-cool, stiff, you know? And I think that, no, but then I met you.
We are now, you're the Jew version of this. Yeah, it could be. Right? So when I met you, I thought there's something new too.
We also have these better halves. I know we do. But because I did your podcast, I met a therapist in your building and it was a really good session. I feel like a new Bobby Lee is around the corner.
That's so awesome. You need to come check back in every week. I'm going to be here every Tuesday because I'm going to go in now. I'll come in and I was molested.
But you know what? That wasn't my fault. Wow, okay. Well, that was a big...
Is that now? I just want to say before you go, you're such a fashion icon. I like what you were in. You know what?
Can I say something? When I went and bought your fucking beanie at that store, I had no idea it was fucking yours. That's all. And when I found out it was fucking yours, I tried to return it.