153: New Vegas: Nightkin - Lily Bowen episode artwork

EPISODE · Jul 3, 2021 · 1H

153: New Vegas: Nightkin - Lily Bowen

from Fallout Lorecast - The Fallout Video Game & TV Lore Podcast · host Robots Radio

Lily Bowen - the 75 year old woman turned super mutant nightkin with a split personality is one of the kindness companions you'll ever have. Here's her story. Subscribe for more Fallout Lorecast Podcast episodes! Sponsors: Storyblocks.com: Storyblocks.com/robotsradio Patreon: Become a patron! https://patreon.com/falloutlorecast Audiobooks.com- Get 3 FREE Audiobooks! https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-11099382?sid=flore Gamefly - Want 2 months of rentals for the price of 1 at Gamefly? https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-10495782?sid=flore Loot Crate- 15% off Loot Crate. Click the link and use coupon code: ROBOTSRADIO https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-13902093?sid=flore GreenMan Gaming- Get awesome discounts on games. https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-13764551?sid=flore NordVPN- Stay Safe on the Internet and get 68% off. https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-12814552?sid=flore Buy cool stuff and support the show! Fallout 76: https://amzn.to/3h99B3U Fallout Cookbook: https://amzn.to/3aGjeod Fallout Boardgame: https://amzn.to/2EgmBq3 The Art of Fallout 4: https://amzn.to/3gfQST3 Get a REAL Nuca-Cola Quantum! https://amzn.to/322O3zG Fallout Funco Pop Figures: https://amzn.to/3gcYsOc Links: Live Shows every Monday Night and game streams: twitch.tv/robotsradio Fallout Hub Podcast w/ Tom & others: https://anchor.fm/the-fallout-hub Talk Fallout and join the Robots Radio fam: Discord: discord.gg/JXKfVhM Stay plugged in on Twitter: twitter.com/falloutlorecast Robots Radio Youtube: youtube.com/c/r0b0ts Send me a note! Email: [email protected] www.robotsradio.net Our Sponsors:* Check out Hims and use my code hims.com/FALLOUTLORE for a great deal: https://www.hims.com* Check out Nathan and Sons: https://nathanandsons.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Lily Bowen - the 75 year old woman turned super mutant nightkin with a split personality is one of the kindness companions you'll ever have. Here's her story. Subscribe for more Fallout Lorecast Podcast episodes! Sponsors: Storyblocks.com: Storyblocks.com/robotsradio Patreon: Become a patron! https://patreon.com/falloutlorecast Audiobooks.com- Get 3 FREE Audiobooks! https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-11099382?sid=flore Gamefly - Want 2 months of rentals for the price of 1 at Gamefly? https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-10495782?sid=flore Loot Crate- 15% off Loot Crate. Click the link and use coupon code: ROBOTSRADIO https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-13902093?sid=flore GreenMan Gaming- Get awesome discounts on games. https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-13764551?sid=flore NordVPN- Stay Safe on the Internet and get 68% off. https://www.dpbolvw.net/click-100173810-12814552?sid=flore Buy cool stuff and support the show! Fallout 76: https://amzn.to/3h99B3U Fallout Cookbook: https://amzn.to/3aGjeod Fallout Boardgame: https://amzn.to/2EgmBq3 The Art of Fallout 4: https://amzn.to/3gfQST3 Get a REAL Nuca-Cola Quantum! https://amzn.to/322O3zG Fallout Funco Pop Figures: https://amzn.to/3gcYsOc Links: Live Shows every Monday Night and game streams: twitch.tv/robotsradio Fallout Hub Podcast w/ Tom & others: https://anchor.fm/the-fallout-hub Talk Fallout and join the Robots Radio fam: Discord: discord.gg/JXKfVhM Stay plugged in on Twitter: twitter.com/falloutlorecast Robots Radio Youtube: youtube.com/c/r0b0ts Send me a note! Email: [email protected] www.robotsradio.net Our Sponsors: * Check out Hims and use my code hims.com/FALLOUTLORE for a great deal: https://www.hims.com * Check out Nathan and Sons: https://nathanandsons.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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153: New Vegas: Nightkin - Lily Bowen

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Roblox Radio Games Lore Stories Community. Just press play. This show is brought to you by our beginners [email protected] the FalloutLorecast Roblox Radio presents the Fallout Lorecast welcome to the Fallout Broadcast. A place for the Fallout community to come together to explore the boundaries of our knowledge about the world of the Fallout.

Hello Icelanders and Falloutwallers. Welcome to the follow lorecast. This is your host, Tom or robots. And I'm here as usual with my host, Niels Pandora.

Orlean Lane. What's up? How you doing? Oh, hello.

Here I am. Hello. Here you are. Here you are.

Rock you like a hurricane, I guess. Hurricane, yeah. Welcome back. We got some cool stuff talk about this week or a cool person.

One of our favorites, I would say. She's a good one. She's a good one. She's a good one.

And if you're just tuning for the first time, this is the fallovercast. This is the podcast where we talk about all things having to do with Fallout Lore and sometimes we're a little bit silly. So thank you for joining us. We are currently live at Twitch TV Robots Radio, where you can tune in on what will most likely be Thursday nights from now on around 4pm Eastern, 1pm Pacific.

And we're happy to have all of you guys tuning in and everybody who's currently chat. Thanks for being here and everyone listening at home or at work or at the gym. Welcome to the show. So we have been going through some of the finest features of Fallout New Vegas, including factions and bits of questline and places you can go, things like that.

And almost two weeks ago we delved into the Nightkin and we talked about the Nightkin and how they were descended. The ones in New Vegas are descended from the ones that show up in the original Fallout games and how they've declined over time. Right. They're kind of in a predicament here.

They're in a pickler too. And I mentioned on that episode that we were going to get into more detail about individual Night King because there's a few of them show up in Newbace. They're actually very interesting. And some of the.

I don't know, some of the. Well, there's a lot of interesting characters in Newbase. Newcast has some really cool characters, but I love when you come across some of the Nekken, you learn more about who they are and why they are the way they are and all of that. And we got some responses from Community saying, oh my God, I'm looking forward to These episodes.

So we will be diving in today to who, Lainey? Who are we talking about? We are talking about Lily Bowen. Let's say the last name, right?

B O W E N. It's either Bowen or it's Bowen. So it's Bowen. Probably Bowen.

Okay. You get the two of us together in a chat call and things get a little bit silly. That's how we run here. So let's talk about it.

Lily Bowen. I'm sure people who have played the game remember Lily Bowen. But let's go into some details. What do we know?

That Lily Bowen. So we mentioned her a little bit in that Nightkin episode. So obviously you know that she's a Nightcan. And if you don't remember what that even means, they're super mutants that were made especially special because their specialty formula they made to create these Naikan as compared to normal super mutants was supposed to retain all the things that were good about being human while also making them super beefy.

Unlike super mutants that kind of lose all her human factors. Right? Super beefy. Boys and girls, they were supposed to be.

The idea was that we were gonna get a Steve Rogers, right? They were supposed to be the perfect super munion. Right? Perfect soldiers, but also still super mutants.

Yeah. Yes, indeed. But instead we get Lily Bowen. And so we get Lily Bowen.

And she is a sweetie pie. So let's talk a little about where she came from. Because she wasn't boys in Akin. You know, you have to create them.

Lily Bone was born in 2078, which is one year after the Great War. And so she was born in the Vault. She born in Vault 17. That's where she grew up.

And she lived there up until 2153. Where obviously at that point she is very old. She's a grandmother. And at that point the vault got raided.

But we'll get into that in a second. So she was 75 years old. And like I said, she was a grandmother. She was just this little lady who lived in the Vault living her best life.

And they got raided by Unity and by the Master trying to get more people to turn into super mutants. And she was taken. And if you don't know who the Master is, because the Master isn't referred to a whole lot in the modern Bethesda titles, the Master was the. The original antagonist of Fallout 1, the Supermind and human turned mutant who was using the research that the government had done previous to the war in order to construct his own super mutant army in order to take over the wasteland.

So that's the elevator version of who he is. He looks like a melted head on top of a bunch of computers. So you should look him up because he really does. His pictures are great.

They're wonderful. Oh yeah, he's a beauty. Sarcasm. So you have this 75 year old grandma in a vault with some for grandchildren, right.

Or some for children. Is it children or grandchildren? Grandchildren. Okay.

And they get raided by a bunch of raiders and then what happens? Well, okay, so they get raided and she was taken to the Mariposa military base where they have vats of the fev, the four established evolutionary virus. And this turned her into a nightkin particularly she was meant to be assassin or a spy. And she was part of a group that was led by Tabitha, who you also meet in New Vegas.

Tabitha is the person is the super mutant that forms Utopatha. So it's supposed to be like super mutant Utopia. You know, we're gonna do her in another future episode as well. So I love this idea of a 75 year old grandmother being an ideal candidate for a super soldier, like specifically an assassin.

What kind of life did she live before this and evolve where she'd be good as an assassin? Well, it's kind of strange because she wasn't. She wouldn't be. She was notoriously kind and gentle and helpful and friendly.

It didn't really make any sen great. And we don't have a whole lot of detail about Vault 17. It's not one of those vaults where we really know much about. She and her family are some of the only people that we know come from Vault 17.

And I don't even, you know, just. I don't even know that we even understand what the experiment was that was going on there. There's little information. I'm sure there was one.

Did you find any information on this? Because I have. I don't know whether or not, I mean obviously it was a vault. There must have been some sort of experiment.

But we don't, we don't know what that was. So. No. And she doesn't mention it at all.

Right. As far as I'm aware. Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah, so she like mentioned she's a strange candidate for this. And even as Anakin, she was a little different. She was a bit shorter, like noticeably shorter than other Nightken. And this didn't impact the way that she engaged with the world at Nightken at all because she continued to be very brave and still very intimidating despite a grandmother and short.

So yeah, and this is kind of sweeping out A little bit. But when you meet her as a courier and you have her as a companion, which you can have her, she tends to. Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

She was one of my favorites. She tends to keep herself in between you and the danger. She wants to protect you. And so she'll.

She'll always step forward. She'll try to block hits in front of you, essentially. And sometimes because she's very fast, because she's an egg ink, and she'll charge her head. And this can be a little bit annoying, depending on what you're fighting.

Right. So if you're just fighting raiders or something, it can be nice, but you're fighting a deathclaw, and she just goes for it. Hang that, grandma. Not the greatest.

Yeah. Or in my most recent playthrough, if you are going for an explosive build and you're tossing a bunch of dynamite or shooting explosives, then you don't want to hit your buddy. I mean, Lily, Lily, back up a little bit, honey. Just hold on.

Hold on a second. Let's. Let me. Let me clear the area.

Let me do an initial barrage before you decide to rush in. Then you can clean them all up. It's cool. It's cool.

She's pretty cool, though, in terms of, you know, how she operates as a nightkin. She has an affinity for melee weapons over guns, and so she really likes swords and things like that, which is cool. And one of her first weapons is a sword made from a blade of a crashed vertebird, which just sounds awesome, you know, like, how can you beat that? Really?

Absolutely. So let me take a moment here. I have been watching Fortune Fire, which I mentioned before, where it's a TV show where instead of, like one of those, you know, cooking shows or baking shows where they make things, like, things, and then it's. Instead they're making weapons like knives and swords and stuff.

Right. So I can just imagine Lily on the show forging they sword it out of a vertibird blade. But that sounds like total badass. Which makes me think, what if I were a super mutant?

Because they use. They're very creative about the weapons. You know, like big old holes with signs on them, like, you know, fire hydrants, you know, all sorts of things. What would I use as a weapon?

Because as a super, you kind of pick up anything and wield it. You're so big and strong. Like, the idea of a vertebrate blade is probably. That's probably pretty good, especially if you can sharpen that thing.

Yeah. And what's interesting Is, you know, she was a grandma born in a vault, and so she was in a vault her whole life. What would she know about weapons, really? But as we know about Nightkin, they tend to become addicted to stealth boys, and this causes some terrible, terrible side effects.

And she develops schizophrenia because of this. And she has this voice in her head who is named Leo, And Leo is the polar opposite to good old Lily Bowen. He is ruthless. He wants to kill people.

He wants to be violent. And he essentially instructed her, somehow, it's in her own head. Who knows how this works? But he instructed her on how to craft this sword, which is interesting.

So somehow she must have had some knowledge, but she picked it up after becoming Anakin on how to craft weapons. Because ultimately, if it's voice in your own head, you must have taught yourself. Yeah. Or, like, subconsciously, she picked it up being around other soldiers.

Yeah. And she was in that mariposa and. Yeah, and that voice takes on. Maybe that voice is the voice of, like, other soldiers or super mutants that has now formed into some sort of individual who is saying things like the kinds of things they would be saying.

Right. Like, must kill, build weapons. What's interesting is, yeah, it really does seem like she. Instead of internalizing the things that typically make Superman Superman, she has it separate of her own mind.

So she got all those traits, but she can separate them from who she is, which is really interesting. And she really. I mean, she doesn't want to engage with any of that. She takes steps in the future, and I'll talk about it, to prevent Leo from interfering in her life, which is interesting.

So she worked with Unity for a long time until Unity fell and the Master died. And at which point she decides that she wants to do her own thing and explore and figure out where to land, essentially. And she lands in Jacobstown, which is a settlement. It's led by super mutants, particularly Marcus.

And what she does there is she just starts herding cattle. She works with the Big Horners, which is really interesting. She wants to live a simple life. You know, she's.

I mean, she's old, so she's old. Settled down at some point. Yeah. This is an interesting point, though.

Like, for somebody who was 75 years old by that time in your life, you're anticipating the limitations of your lifespan. Right. You're thinking about, like, okay, maybe I'll only be around for this many more years. These are the things I want to leave for my children.

These are the things I want to accomplish before I go. You know, that kind of Thing, you're winding down. You're coming to this understanding of, like, your own mortality, and then to all of a sudden be given what could be a very extended life, like, from that point on, and a body that allows you to do things that you never could have done in your own body. The psychology around that has got to be jarring.

Like, how do you handle it? Like, okay, well, I guess I'll raise cattle. Like. Like, what do you do with that?

I mean, I guess it gives you kind of a renewed possibility for the future, but at the same time, it could totally mess you up, like lady's Internet is doing right now. Lainey, are you still there? Oh, no. Oh, wait.

Nope, nope. She's gone Chat. Push off, everybody. Press f.

Oh, she's coming back. Super mutant mobiles above says, welcome back, Lainey. Oh. So, yeah, that could totally mess you up.

But she goes to, you know, raising cow. Yeah, she has a little bit of an issue with these cattle because during her time at Jamestown, there obviously are other super mutants. There's a super mutant community, and there are other. Just.

There are other people there that would like to do these big corners. Harmony. And some of these people there have developed a new stealth mutation, which they use to hunt the big corners. And these are, like, Lily's babies.

At this point, she is taking care. She doesn't have a grandchild anymore. She's taking care of these big horners. And she's very upset about it.

And so if you meet her, she wants to do something about it, but doesn't feel like she can do it on her own. Oh, we talked about the night stalkers. Yes, the night stalkers. The creatures have developed mutations.

Oh, yeah, the creatures. Yeah, those are the ones with the. They're like. They're what, like coyotes with, like, faces that look like.

Yeah, like snakes. Yeah. It's not the people there. It's the night stalkers.

It's the creatures that are hunting down the bighorns because it's easy to pray for them. These are domesticated cattle. Like, they can probably come in stealth anytime they want. They probably don't even have to wait for nightfall to get in there and take one out and, you know, take it away.

So, yeah, I can imagine that that's probably a bothering a thing that bothers Lily a lot, especially because of her own nature of being protective and taking care of the things she cares about, people she cares about. I'm sure she cares about these big horners until they're, of course, slaughtered. But, you know, I can Imagine somebody like that going into a field like this, treating them like her babies, you know, growing them up. And then these nights sneak out of the invisibility spectrum.

What happened? What is that? I don't even know. What is that?

So they sneak out of the visible light spectrum in order to hunt these things down. I don't think she likes it. No, she's very unhappy. So she asked the courier, tell her, and you can't.

So if you. If you immediately in the game, you are able to assist her with her big Horner problem, or I guess her night stalker problem. Right. But yeah, it's kind of sad, though, because you would think she's a knight and, like, she probably could make a dent that would, you know, she probably could defend them in some capacity, but she really doesn't think that she can do it by herself.

Well, she's probably a numbered. Think about it. Like, yeah, Nasty creatures one. Yeah, they're very nasty creatures two, there's probably numbers of them.

She can't keep an eye on living horns. 24, seven. Right. So there's limitations there.

Even if she has equipment and the ability to, you know, hunt them down, make sure they show up, she's probably very limited in her ability to do that at all times. So really they just have to be patient and wait for her not to be there and then go get their prey, which a lot of predators are very good at. They wait until the right time and then they go in and get what they want. So, yeah, so we've got a middle of the show to do.

Where are we gonna go after the middle of the show? We're talking a little bit about, you know, being in Jacob's town and mostly her mental health, actually. And then there's some other details too, that are fun, interesting, but we're talking about her schizophrenia a bit. Yeah.

So stay tuned for wacky, wacky psychological hedgings. Hello there, old chap. Good to see another of General Atomic's finest skill here to serve. Following is a public service announcement from the Starter Set Dungeons and Dragons podcast.

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Well, so Atsu mentioned she's been there hurting Big Horner, but she is going through some troubles with schizophrenia with Leo, you know, as you mentioned before. And so she consults Dr. Henry for some help. He's a doctor in town and he starts treating her with these anti psychotics, so giving her drugs.

I love the picture of this regular doctor, this regular human doctor being approached by this nightkin who is like deep down, a 75 year old woman plus and also Leo and him going, no problem, I'm just gonna. This is completely untested on Nightkin or on supermoons. But here, let me just give you some sort of dose of medicine. I'm just gonna try to figure out what quantity to give you and see if this even does anything.

Because who knows, it's designed for humans and you're no longer human. But here, let's just try this. Like, what is that conversation even like? You know, like, can you imagine?

And I can come through your office door and being like, doctor, I need help. Whoa, hey. All right. Yeah, so it's a little funky, but there's an issue with this medication.

It works. So somehow Dr. Henry got it right. But unfortunately, unfortunately, one of the major side effects of this medication is memory loss.

And that is the last thing Lily wants, because she wants to remember her life before being a night. And she wants from her family, most importantly specifically her two grandchildren. Their names are Jimmy and Becky, and she loves them. And so in order to kind of fight against this side effect, she only takes her medicine on half doses, which I'm sure is great.

And she likes to listen to a holotape from the last time that she saw her grandchildren. And I'm pretty sure it's specifically her grandchildren greeting her like when she went to see them. It's really sweet. And so that's what she does in order to try not to forget.

And for the most part it works. But she still has to deal with Leo because she's not taking the full dose. That would work. And so Leo still comes around, and we talked about him a little bit earlier, but he comes out as this like terrible sociopathic voice in her head.

And she can talk to him, right? He taught her to make the sword that she has. And he'll often give her instruction in battle to do really gruesome things. And this Is, I mean, this is terrible.

So Lily just. Just wants to be good old grandma Lily again. And I think, honestly what I think I wrote in the notes is that she essentially, because she is so loving and friendly and helpful, she's essentially this perfect grandma, but now with superpowers. And I think that's great, except for, you know, the amount of awful things she's had to go through to get to this point.

Right. And she likes the courier especially, I'm sure, if you help her with the big corners. And so she likes to assist him in many ways. One of them being charging recklessly into battle and the other one being helping with stealth related things.

And so that's fun. And she, like I mentioned before, she doesn't like guns and that doesn't mean she can't use them. And she will, but she prefers to use bladed melee weapons. And so she has her vertibird sword and then she can pick up other things, you know, so it's cool.

And if you hang out with her because she still does have some of her memories and there's a few things here, right? So super marines traditionally do forget their memories. And because she's a night kin, she is able to have them at least, you know, as long as they last. And this is awesome.

So you really do get to hear things not only from her life as a grandmother, but from before then even. So a couple things that I think are cute that she talks about are when she was living in the vault, her husband used to make this very, very like particularly strong moonshine. And she remembers sharing it with him, you know, back in the day, which is kind of fun. And then she'll talk about her first kiss when she was a little girl that I think happened in a cafeteria.

Because there's a few situations that trigger these memories. And for this first kiss, one, if you. Most of them, if you walk into a vault, she might bring it up. But specifically, if you walk into a vault's cafeteria, she'll be like, I remember first kid.

Like, whatever. She'll tell you about it, which is cute. She also just. She loves, she loves to talk about her grandchildren.

Like that. Is that just 100% the most wonderful thing in her whole life? Or her grandchildren. And she'll talk about them so much that if you are walking around Jacobstown, other people living there will say things like, better watch out.

Lily's been babbling about her grandkids again because she just will not spy on them. But it's so sweet because she loves them so much and so Dr. Henry went out of his way, you know, working with her to try and find a cure for this nightkind schizophrenia. Because it's not just happening to Lily.

This is a thing. It's just one of the mental illnesses that can come from using stealth wise for years and years and years. And so he wants to really help. And Lily, you know, seeing as this is part of her daily life at this point, wants to assist him.

Despite it possibly giving her permanent brain damage, running these tests to try and cure it. Which I think is very noble, you know, but at this point she. I don't know, she always just wants to help people. It is so sweet.

So it's pretty awesome. And so, you know, she's a cutie pie. And in terms of the career impacting any of these choices, you really can determine what the rest of her life looks like depending on your interactions with her. And there's a couple different ways this in can go.

The first is if the career helps Dr. Henry, then you can create a cure and it helps everybody. Like the town is great after that. Because you have to imagine any of the men I can that are living there are fine now, you know, at least from schizophrenia, can now live full happy lives.

And Lily will be able to truly just be herself without this awful voice in her head. Alternatively, you can convince her to take the medicine at half doses and tell her that's okay, you know, she's already doing it right. And if you keep her like this, she becomes so fixated on her memories that she will leave Jacobstown in order to try and find anything she can from what she knew before perhaps go back to the vault, perhaps look for possible family members, you know, anyhow, which is sweet, but a little more dangerous for her, you know, she's still taking her medicine at hatches is not great. And so that's another possibility.

Additionally, you could tell her to take the full dose, you know, like this is really gonna help you, you know, screw your past. You should live as yourself now. And so she can do that. And she will forget her past and eventually, you know, forget why she even wants to remember it.

And she'll throw away the holotype of her granted, which is really sad, but at least I guess she isn't schizophrenic anymore. And then the last possibility for what you can do with her is that if you convince her to completely stop taking it, then. Sorry, I don't even know what I tried to write there. Sorry, I made a goof in the notes.

I think you Tried it. Just read it out and then we'll discuss it when I arrange that. I don't even know what that was supposed to be. Raving beast.

I don't. Who knows? Oh, okay. So the last possibility is that she.

If you convince her to stop taking the medicine altogether, which I guess the logic there is that she doesn't have. I don't even know. I don't know why this would be your choice, unless you just want to ruin her life. But you can do it.

At least remember her grandkids, I guess. But if she stops taking it, then Leo basically takes over. She can no longer manage him beyond a certain point, and she just becomes the super mutant that perhaps she was designed to be. And it's really sad.

And she essentially just becomes this killing machine. And I wrote, what A ravening beast. What does that mean? Who knows?

Ravening, dude. I don't know. A ravening beast. Sometimes I get.

Sometimes I get to end these notes. And I've gone through so much. The last few sentences are like, who knows what that was supposed to be? Yeah.

So it's interesting that you can convince her not take her medicine because I guess the thought would be that Leo isn't going to completely consume her so that she can 100% maintain her memories. I'm assuming that would be the justification of, like, don't risk losing these memories at all. And if you can manage Leo on your own, then, you know, just go for it. Don't be dependent on this medication for that.

But this is one of those dilemmas that I think people should put themselves in her shoes and try to understand what you would do in the situation, because it's an interesting dilemma. For example, Leo is such a danger to her. I mean, in some ways it's helpful. Taught her to make weapons and, you know, defend herself and those kinds of things.

But can you imagine never being able to escape the presence of somebody who was constantly pushing you towards violence and terrible thoughts? And these kinds of things, like, if you lived with this person, you would probably leave them after a certain amount of time. You probably couldn't deal with being around them. The psychological ramifications of.

And this is something I've learned as I get older and older and older, is that psychologically we are not very strong. Like, human beings are. Like, we think we can handle things, but the fallout psychologically from the stressful events in our lives leave lasting scars. I mean, they really do.

Like, there's a reason why we need mental health. There's a reason why these Things are important. And when we're young in our lives, we think we're indestructible, not just physically, but psychologically. I can handle that.

I can handle anything. But a lot of people do. It's just very common to have this sense of like, I can take that on. Yeah, that job seems terrible and that boss seems horrible, but I can get through it.

And you can. But in the long run you might have some psychological damage from having to do that. They're like, we carry this stuff forward. The conditioning that that causes in us changes us.

So imagine that's not even mentioning, you know, truly like traumatic events that occur. And these are just like minor traumatic events will stay with us as we, as we get older and we will think back on them. Think about like for example, everybody has that memory of like that one thing they did that was so embarrassing. They feel like such an idiot.

And when they're trying to get to sleep at night, the brain just remembers it, right? Your brain reminds you of that thing that you're just like, hey, remember we did this really stupid thing. You're super embarrassed by it and you're like, oh my God, brain. Why do you have to keep remembering that memory?

The memory sucks, right? And it's like the meme with like the troll brain that like won't let you sleep, right? So we all have that. And this becomes, I don't know, as you get older, you carry all this stuff forward.

So to get to my point, how long could you manage to keep somebody like Leo there with you, dealing with that every day for an extended lifetime. And she's not going to just, you know, get old and die the same way that she would have if she were a human. She's a super mutant and she could, you know, she's going to save off disease, she's going to heal faster. We talk about all that stuff.

She's going to live for quite a while longer, if not a long time longer. And will that have an effect on her personality in the long run? Having to deal with Leo continually? So it will and it does.

She'll take over. Yeah, yeah. So even if she's taking the medicine, you know, like even if she's taking that and keeping her, you know, even at half dose, how long can she keep up with that before she still is no longer herself or she is damaged in a different way than she would have been if she lost her memories? So it's really a rock hard place thing.

Do you, do you just lose your memories and get rid of Leo and hold onto those holotapes and like write a post it note on the wall that says, hey, this is who you are. These are memories from your past. You may not remember them, but they're here. And you have kind of a objective third person view of your past based on just a few little things that you have that you can use to remember.

And what's interesting about if you, if you tell her not to take medication is that she can't remember, but she still turns into. Right. And if she's hard taking vacation all the time, then she forgets and she forgets why she didn't want to remember in the first place. Right.

So do you, like, what's the best situation? Like, what would you do in that situation? You know, we are the sum of our memories, we are the sum of our actions and the things that we've done in our lives. So completely losing all of that is extremely traumatic.

But at least maybe if she were to go that path, she would maintain her basic personality and be able to build a new future from that point on and be the sweet, kind person that she's always been. If you risk keeping Leo around in order to keep those memories, then yeah, you keep the memories, but you also keep Leo. And is that. How long can you deal with that?

And if you give, I think something else. Oh, go ahead. Well, I was going to say so, you know, the issue of taking some sort of mental health drug, right. And needing to take it the rest of your life as just a human can be very hard to think of.

You know, and if you're a night kid, you are going to live for hundreds of years. And so as one, I have bipolar, right. And so unlike, you know, the past, if I was just depression, like whether it is genetic or caused by something, you know, whatever it is, that's something that you can handle. You can get through with therapy.

There are other options. When it comes to bipolar disorder, you have to be on drugs your whole life, essentially. And so I'm on, I don't know if this team I'm on mood stabilizers and donated presents. And what's interesting about that is that truly I will have to take those every day the rest of my life in order to just live normally and so I can really put myself in her shoes.

Like, do you. In order to keep yourself functioning like yourself, like your, like your actual core self and, you know, not doing crazy things, do you take this medication the rest of your life? And it's really hard to think about because you live for Forever, or at least for a very long time. I don't know that we know what the full extent of their potential, not, like, for everybody.

You live for, like, a long time. And it's an interesting dilemma, like, what she did. And, yeah, you have to use that. That's something that a lot of people who deal with mental illness have to accept at some point because we like to think of ourselves as, like, capable of getting over things.

And this idea that now I have to be dependent on something, and I'm just going to have to stay dependent on that. And on top of that, she lives in the wasteland. So what if she's not able to find another doctor who can get her these drugs? How are they manufacturing the drugs?

Where they getting from? Are they scavenging them? Is she eventually gonna run out? You know, like, is this a.

Well, I'll do this as long as I can, but eventually I don't think I'll be able to do that anymore. You know, like, if she takes enough of them, does she completely quelch Leo out of her brain and then eventually she can stop taking them, or does Leo reemerge? You know, like, are there. And sometimes drugs make lasting changes with our biology.

Sometimes they make temporary changes with their biology as long as we're still on them. You know, like, there's a lot of questions here, so I have to wonder, what would you do in the situation? Is holding on your memories important enough? Or would you rather make sure that you at least hold on to your personality without those memories and then create, like, a reminder for yourself in something?

Like, put signs up on the walls and write a diary. You know, spend a few weeks really just writing everything out so at least you can read it later once you forget to know. Like, okay, this is who I was. Even if I can remember it.

I don't know. It's a really tough question. And I think that she's. She's a tragic character, like many of the tragic characters in these games, but she's.

She's an awkward, tragic character because you don't typically feel much for super mutants. You know, like, she's. She's kind of like that dilemma that we have with ghouls, just kind of a step further. Because for all the, you know, rabid, insane ghouls out there that are just going to hunt you down, there's generally come across settlements where there are same ghouls, and you start to learn that, like, ghouls are people, too.

Not all of them are going to eat your brain or whatever. But it's much more rare to come across a super mutant who isn't, you know, mad with, you know, just anger and aggression and wanting to kill everybody. Like, that's. She is the sweetest person you're gonna come across.

Nobody spent. She is just a sweetheart. And you'd never expect that, especially from something that looks like a nightkin. It's way scarier than just a super mutant.

And I love the way she looks when you mirror. She's got the pat on and the. Yeah, she wears a cute little straw outfit. Yeah, it's kind of adorable.

Something else I just thought of was that, you know, so she ended up with Leo in the first place because of using stealth boys. And part of me wonders, is there a limit to where, like, that side effect would eventually. Eventually wear off if she stops using them? Like, you know, if she completely cuts stealth boys off, would she eventually be okay?

Alternatively, if she stops taking her medicine and reverts or, you know, turns into this Leo character, then do you think she would start using stealth woids again? You know, because that's the thing that I can get drawn to, this ability to not only be stealthy, but not even be perceived. You know, they don't want to be seen by people. And nothing I read and, you know, nothing mentions her struggling with like, wanting to be perceived or not.

But I do wonder if this very primal, very nightkin version of herself takes over, if she will start leaning into that again and if that would just make it worse. Yeah, I don't know for her what the answer is. I think my sense of her is that she has. She is different in the way her.

Her biology responded to the nightkin and super mutant treatment, in that she was able to remember who she was. And I have a feeling that some of those kinds of things didn't affect her same way to other superhumans because she clearly just walks around. Not stealth. She doesn't say things like she will help you find stealth poison things, but she doesn't.

She doesn't crave them. Like, you get conversation. At least this is from what I remember. She don't get conversation bits from her saying, like, who must find stealth boy?

You know, like, oh, don't like being seen. You know, like, you don't get that stuff. So my assumption is that she doesn't crave it the way that. Or fear being seen the way that other super mutin do.

But yeah, that's a good question. I think that it was just part of who she was for a while, but not necessarily the defining feature, the way it is for some of these other nights that we're going to discuss in the future. Any last thoughts on this leaning? I think this is a really cool episode.

No, that's about it for me. Cool. Cool. Yeah, I'd love to hear some of our listeners thoughts on the Robots Radio Discord.

Guys, come hang out with us. And it's easy to get to you just look in the show notes or search robust Radio Discord on the Googs on the Google or go to Robots Radio Net. There's a link at the top and you can come join us and let us know what you would do if you were in Lily's shoes or what endings you were able to get with her and how you felt about it. Because like a lot of these things, it's kind of an interesting dilemma and there's not really an easy answer.

So let us know what you think. Lilly, you got anything else going on before we head out? Anything you want to share? How's work going?

Oh my God. Okay, so I'm not working there anymore. Yeah, it's kind of sad, but we're having some crazy life changes over there over here. So my fiance is moving to Alabama and just got back from there.

Yeah, I know. So that's where. That's where her family is from. And she went and she was like, I just want to live in the woods.

I was saying last episode of that sounds amazing. And so I was like, do it. You know, she wants to go and like work on the land and like there's like farms that her family owns and like I'm sure probably work with some animals there, like all this stuff. And I was like, if there's a time for you to go and do this, like now is the time, you know.

And so I think it's gonna be awesome. But because of that, she's gonna take the car. And we only have one car because I got in that accident a while ago. So unless we can fix up the Jeep, then I'll be heartless until I can't get to another location affordably.

Because even if I took an Uber or something, I'd be losing essentially half my paycheck every time. So that's not worth it. And so, yeah, I'm no longer working the video games the right way and I am doing as I'm working back in things I worked on before I worked in video games for struggling back and working on writing, online courses and working at education. I'll probably start talking at conferences again, which is very Exciting.

So I think that this opens up a lot more things that I had kind of left behind, and so I'm really excited. It's really sad leaving, but my boss is. Yeah, he's a sweetheart, and so everything's excited. I have no hard feelings or anything.

And honestly, I probably will in my free time. I might go back and just, like, help him. Help him out, just out of kindness of my heart, because I really did love working there, so. Yeah.

Okay. Well, good luck with all that. Thanks. Are you still gonna deliver?

Let me move this, like, off a conversation. No, I'm still. Yeah, I'm not moving. I'm gonna be 10.

Plus, I'm out this room financially. Everything still works out. I feel like you're good. Everything's gonna be fine.

I can ask the bad question, too. Yeah. You know, my life otherwise is staying the same. And what's nice about being remote again is that I can.

I can come visit you. I can come visit my mom. I can visit anywhere. I can go to Alabama for weeks if I want to.

You know, like, I will have that freedom again, and that'll be really nice. The other thing that's interesting is that, as many of you know, I have two cats. They're Internet and Sushi. They are sweethearts.

And on my Twitch channel, you can use their little sticky little whatever, little emotes and all that. But Sushi might be going to Alabama, and so we're gonna split up a little bit, but it probably will be for the better because she has so much, like, social anxiety and she needs to get away from the other cat. Yeah, well, you'll just. He doesn't even, like, antagonize her necessarily, but she, at this point, is just so afraid of him that before she even does anything, she starts hissing at him.

And so we just. We can't even. You know, we can't even put them together in the first place. And so I think this would just be very difficult for them to, like, have them apart.

Have you considered going with her to Alabama? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that it's the place for me.

I definitely love visiting there. I love, you know, like I said, I love being in the middle of nowhere. I love, like, being just out of civilization for a bit, though, you know, I don't want that permanently. And, like, I still love all my friends here, so I don't want to leave them or anything.

Yeah, well, you could go for periods of time and then come back to. That's the plan is I probably will go and Visit and hang out. I love. You know, they have, like, this giant, like, it's this really old tree in their backyard.

They live on, like, a full acre. And there's this one particular giant tree in the backyard that just. The branches go for, like, forever. And they're low, you know, because it's just so big and old, and you can climb on them and sit on it.

It's so cool. And, yeah, they have a fire kit and all that, so it is really nice out there. So I probably will visit. We'll hope it all works out for you guys.

Yeah. Are you gonna be streaming some more and doing that kind of stuff? Yeah. So that's the other thing is that if I'm working remotely, it clears up.

You know, it took out my transportation time. I have more time on my hands again. I essentially, I am doing the thing that I was doing before working at the video game store. And so life should presume as normal.

Presume or resume. Is that a word? Presume? Does that mean something?

I'm making up my life. No, it's okay. My brain just isn't working anymore. I've got words in my brain.

Except for that one. The one girl in the show can't. I got two. I got two brain cells.

I actually might give you a rattle. Oh, good. Oh, good. All right.

Sounds like a blonde joke that you hear from, like, a boomer, you know, this is Gen Z. Blonde jokes. All right, cool. You can look at all that stuff.

Let us know when you're streaming. And I'm sure lots of people are back in. And if you have a schedule that you set up, we'll come hang out and check it out. Keep your eye out, guys.

Yeah, I've got stuff I've been doing. If you guys are into video games. Hey, you like video games and you are into games that are shown up on the Xbox Game Pass, Like a bunch of these fallout games which do. Including New Vegas.

Then you should check out the Xbox Game Pass and the Xbox Game pass. Show that N7 legend. And I do. That's Sam from the Mass Effect podcast.

And I do every week where we talk about the new games coming out, we give you some hot takes on some of the new games that we've been trying out on the service. There's tons of stuff on there. And we'll also be streaming those games and playing those games with the community. So there is now a channel in the discord where.

There you go. Lainey shared her lane shell. So switch, SVC, NEOs, Pandora. So on the discord.

We now have the Xbox. What did it call it? The Game Pass gang, where people can share their handles, their gamertags. It doesn't matter if you're on Xbox or on PC.

If you want to just hang out and play some of these games together, you're welcome to share the game, your gamertag, and come hang out with us. We'll be playing games. I'm happy to have some new friends to play Xbox games with because it was never my. It wasn't my regular console of choice, but now that I was able to get an Xbox series X, I should be able to play more games with people on Xbox.

You have both now. Have both now. What the heck? Yeah.

Big Old Life: Heather Blackbird interviews people on planet earth. Heather Blackbird loves asking questions. This podcast is a learning experience. Join me, Heather Blackbird, as I talk to people about their lives. Frequency of new episodes is a little all over the place and I'm learning as I go. Big Old Life is a small way of talking about the vastness of life, one person at a time. If you are reading this or found this podcast it's probably because someone you know gave you a link to it. :) Explicit Tales Of A Superstar DJ The Insomniac Spun seemingly out of nowhere from her complacent life in the corporate world, turned seemingly overnight from 16-Hour shift work and into the life of a literally starving artist and working musician, The Protagonist navigates her supposed rise to fame and superstardom on a journey through spiritual awakening, coming-of-age, and intimate self-realization--guided by an omnipresent force and equipped with the power of love, magic, and music. {Enter The Multiverse.} [The Festival Project] The Festival Project, Inc.™ is a multidimensional multimedia platform which encompasses exploratory and artistic social personifications and expressions on cosmic theory, spirituality, growth, health & wellness, philosophy and theoretic dynamics in entertainment such as music, design, film, television, radio, dance and festival culture, art, fashion, literature, and science. The Festival Project™ and its subsidiary Non-Profit, The Collective Complex © aims to challenge modern artistic and philosop Explicit Bitcoin Is Dead Trey Carson Welcome to Bitcoin is Dead, the ultimate Bitcoin variety show where host Trey takes you on a journey through the ever-evolving world of Bitcoin. Each episode brings new personalities, fascinating locations, and insightful conversations with politicians, educators, and innovators shaping the future of Bitcoin. Whether you're a seasoned Bitcoiner or just starting your journey, tune in for thought-provoking discussions, unique perspectives, and a deep dive into the ideas and people driving the Bitcoin revolution. Explicit The Sacred +Profane Podcast nephtaragrace The Sacred + Profane Podcast is a provocative conversation dedicated to cementing a better future for all. We specialize in unpacking the nuances of what is considered sacred and profane, particularly focusing on sex, death, and all that pertains to the circle of life. Our aim in focusing on such ”taboo” subject matter is to demystify what is unconscious, bring to light what has been known for centuries as ”the occult,” and empower the rapid transformation that is occurring on the Planet. Explicit

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This episode was published on July 3, 2021.

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Lily Bowen - the 75 year old woman turned super mutant nightkin with a split personality is one of the kindness companions you'll ever have. Here's her story. Subscribe for more Fallout Lorecast Podcast episodes! Sponsors: Storyblocks.com:...

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