156: Always a Sibling – An Interview with Annie Sklaver Orenstein

When Annie lost her brother Ben to a suicide bomber in 2009, she went to a bookstore looking for a book about sibling grief. She couldn't find one. So she wrote it.Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner's Guide to Grief is a practical and compassionate guide for one of the most overlooked groups in grief — the sibling.In this episode, Annie shares:The story of her brother Ben — his service, his values, and how he was killed by a suicide bomber in October 2009Why she catastrophized his death for years before it happened, and why she still couldn't believe it when it didWhat it means to be a forgotten mourner — and why siblings are so often expected to simply be okayWhy the word "acceptance" felt impossible to her, and how she came to understand radical acceptance on her own termsHow grief resurfaces at unexpected life milestones — and why she recommends siblings revisit therapy around age 30The long road to writing this book, including three proposals, an auction, and one publisher who asked her to remove the word "sibling" from the titleFive takeaways from Suzanne:Radical acceptance doesn't mean you're okay with what happened. It means you acknowledge it, you don't run from it, and you don't suppress it.Siblings are often expected to be fine because all attention goes to the parents, surviving spouse, or surviving children.Until a sibling lets themselves say I'm allowed to be upset, full grieving is nearly impossible.Sibling grief resurfaces throughout your life — at milestones, in new relationships, in parenthood. It doesn't end.There is no possible way to be the parent you want to be for a grieving child. You do the best you can. That is enough.Find Annie: Instagram: @annisklaverorenstein Always a Sibling is available wherever books are sold, including bookshop.org, Amazon, and your local bookstore.About Annie: Annie Sklaver Orenstein is a cultural researcher, writer, and storyteller who has spent over a decade conducting in-depth qualitative research with thousands of people around the globe on behalf of brands including Viacom, Crayola, Twitter, Netflix, Instagram, Pfizer, and more. Her mission is to illuminate the true — and often difficult — realities of the human experience in order to build social empathy, provide validation and empowerment, and influence meaningful change.The information presented on this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose or prescribe for any medical or psychological condition, nor to prevent, treat, mitigate or cure any such conditions.