This is Optimal Living Daily, episode 1561, Sheer Willpower Won't Work. If you want to change your habits, try this instead, by PaulaPant of AffordAnything.com. And I'm Justin Mollick. Happy Friday.
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But with that, let's get right to today's post and start optimizing your life. Sheer Willpower Won't Work. If you want to change your habits, try this instead, by PaulaPant of AffordAnything.com. People eat at restaurants for many reasons.
It's convenient. The food is delicious. We crave social interaction. We want a new environment.
We like novelty. We can't read nutritional labels. Not a sight, not a mind. I used to dine out frequently.
A few years ago, I resolved to cut back. But I can't snap my fingers and force myself to quit. Willpower is weak. To create sustainable change, I need to discover the root cause.
Why am I dining out? There are plenty of potential reasons. Taste, socialization, atmosphere, convenience. What's motivating me?
This isn't a theoretical question. It's mandatory if I want to change. The Power of Habit. A few years ago, I read the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.
When I reached the end, I immediately flipped back to the beginning and started rereading. It's that good. Charles had a habit of buying a chocolate chip cookie every afternoon. He gained eight pounds.
His wife made pointy comments about his growing belly. He put a post-it note on his computer that said, no more cookies. Epic fail. The next afternoon, he was gnawing on a cookie.
It feels good, and then it feels bad, he wrote. Well, tomorrow you promised yourself you'll muster the willpower to resist. Tomorrow will be different. But tomorrow the habit takes hold again, end quote.
He turned to psychology for the answers. Experiments show that there are five categories that serve as habitual cues. Location, time, emotional state, other people, and immediately preceding action. This makes sense.
Location, when we're at our desks, we work or scroll Facebook. When we're in the driver's seat, we drive. When we're sitting on the toilet, well, you get the idea. Time, we don't think about changing our socks in the middle of the day, but in the morning and at night, it's automatic.
Emotional state, do you know anyone who scarves chocolate when they're upset? Enough said. Other people, you act differently around specific people. You discuss certain subjects.
You develop a slang or vernacular. You order certain types of food or drinks. You feel relaxed, uptight, bored, happy. Immediately preceding action.
Back to the toilet example, at a certain moment, you reach for the toilet paper. You don't deliberate this decision. You don't weigh the pros and cons. It's a reflex.
Charles wanted to apply this psychology lesson to his own life, so every time he felt the urge to buy a cookie, he jotted down some notes. Location, sitting at desk. Time, 3.36 PM. Emotion, bored.
Other people, none. Interceiving action, sending email. He continued taking notes daily until he saw a pattern. Four out of five of these factors fluctuated.
Only one stayed constant. The time of day. Quote, the reward I was seeking was a temporary distraction, and the habit triggered between 3 o'clock and 4 o'clock, end quote. So he found a different way to grant himself the same distraction.
Rather than buying a daily cookie, he started taking a 10-minute break to chat with a friend every day between 3 PM and 4 PM. He even set an alarm on his watch for 3.30 to remind himself to do this. It worked. How to stop eating at restaurants.
Back to the restaurant dilemma. There are plenty of reasons I might eat at restaurants. Taste, socialization, convenience. If I'm dining out for convenience, my alternative must also be convenient.
If I'm dining out to socialize, my alternative must also be social. If I'm dining out for taste, my replacement must be tasty. It's not enough to simply pledge to eat out less. I had to decipher the root cause.
I needed to identify the trigger. Like Charles, I began observing patterns. Every time I felt tempted to suggest a restaurant, I chopped down notes. The trigger I discovered is that I want a new environment.
I work from home. If I haven't left the house by evening, I feel stir-crazy, so I text a friend to say, let's try that new Mexican place. Once I identified this root cause, I looked for alternatives featuring the same reward. I started working from coffee shops.
I began running midday errands. I got a gym membership. I get the same reward, a new environment, without spending hundreds at restaurants. Habits are hard to break.
I could have written a simple blog post that says, top 10 ways to save money. Number one, stop dining out. But that'd be intellectually lazy and ineffective. I could have written a blog post that says, top 10 ways to save money.
Number two, drop your gym membership. Number three, avoid coffee shops. But those tips would be counterproductive in my situation. When it comes to saving money and behavior change, we don't have a knowledge problem.
We know what we should do, but we struggle to integrate these tactics into our lives. Behavior change requires more than a top 10 list post. It requires a deeper look at our motivations and triggers. We can't change our behavior with post-it notes, pep talks, and top 10 lists.
We can only change our habits by understanding what drives us. We change our habits when we learn how to manage our urges and needs, rather than fight them or deny them. If you'd like to break a bad habit, number one, jot notes on the location, time, emotion, people, and immediately preceding action. Then look for patterns.
Number two, ask yourself what benefit you receive from the habit. Then look for alternatives. Finally, start small. You can't tackle 10 habit changes at the same time.
Focus on one. You just listened to the post titled, Sheer Willpower Won't Work. If you want to change your habits, try this instead by Paula Pantz of AffordAnything.com. And thank you to Paula.
These are solid tips based on research, a lot of research. Charles Duhick is considered an expert on the topic. If you forgot those five variables to watch out for when trying to break a habit, I'll repeat those for you now. They are location, time, emotion, people, and immediately preceding action.
This is also used to build new habits, not just stop existing ones, by the way. That's why it's recommended to work your habit into your routine. That's the immediately preceding action part. For example, if you want to go to the gym more, you can make sure you pack your gym stuff right before going to bed and leave it by the front door so you take it with you when you leave.
Or put on your gym clothes right when you wake up. It sounds simple, but it actually works. So definitely think about those variables today and try writing it down. It could end up changing your life.
That'll do it for today. Have a great start to your weekend. If you're listening in real time, happy Friday. And I'll catch you tomorrow with a post from She Dreams All Day, where your optimal life awaits.
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