157: How to find your village

For the first time, in this episode I bow out and and let listeners Jenny and Emma take over, who wanted to share how they’ve been supporting each other over the last few months.   They started from pretty different points: Emma wasn’t having parenting struggles, but often over-communicated with her husband and he would stonewall in response, agreeing to whatever she asked so she would stop talking. Then he would resist later, and she couldn’t understand why…because he had agreed, right?   Jenny’s sleep had been disturbed by her child for more than four years…she was exhausted, and had no idea how to deal with her rage-filled kindergartener who would hit her whenever he was upset.   Neither of them had much confidence that being on a Zoom call together for 40 minutes a week would help them.   Emma and her husband now communicate in a way that meets both of their needs, and can navigate the challenges that come up with their preschooler.   Jenny is sleeping! And she has learned how deep listening and true empathy help her son to feel really heard…and incidents that used to lead to 45 minute meltdowns that would disrupt the rest of the day are now over in 10 minutes, and are actually connecting for them.   Jenny and Emma did all this with a bit of information from me…but mostly by being fully present for each other in a small ‘village’ of parents, inside the slightly larger village of the Parenting Membership.   If you want help to break down the changes you want to make into tiny manageable steps and be held (gently!) accountable for taking them (or adjusting course if needed…), we’d love to have you join the three of us plus a group of likeminded parents in the membership.   Get the information you need and the support to actually implement it, all in what members call “the least judgmental corner of the internet.”   The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now!     Jump to highlights: 01:00 Jenny and Emma came up with the idea to record an episode for the podcast to talk about how their parenting has changed over the last year. 01:55 Emma wasn’t having major problems, but wanted to be prepared for the challenges that may happen down the road. 02:36 Jenny was struggling because she hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in 4 ½ years…and now prioritizes herself through the support of Emma and the members of the ACTion group. 03:55 An open Invitation to join the Parenting Membership. 04:45 Because Emma is a high achiever, she imagined parenthood to be a breeze. 06:57 Jenny believed that if you are prepared and serene, and you bring this calm energy to your pregnancy, you will have an easy child. 08:24 The lack of understanding of our values is what causes us to be conflicted about becoming parents. 12:00Our child’s big feelings are their way of letting us know that they are not okay. 14:30 It's great to have a community who we can trust, and who will support and respect our values 16:30 The ACTion group conversation once a week gives parents a foundation to parent more intentionally 18:26 Emma used the problem-solving method to find a solution for her child's resistance during nail cutting by trying to hypothesize her child’s feelings. 20:17 Needs can be met when you remove the ‘shoulds.’ 25:31 Jenny’s parenting has been a lot less tense over the past year and a half, which was a wonderful surprise. 30:48 Jenny saw big changes when she used a deep listening technique with her son during an episode of intense anger and frustration, which ended the episode much more quickly than usual! 37:25 It's life-changing to see a profound change in our children and ourselves when both of our needs are fulfilled.