16| No Vaporizing On Campus

Stop giving away cafeteria apples to Mz Fulcrum; she's not even as hot as Mr Minotaur. Though Principal Fendleton vaporizes students (and smokes a couple packs of cigarettes per day) neither are allowed on campus. Francine did what no student has done before; I'm still shaking. Guess who the mascot is! Mr Johnson is still turning in his grave—don't you worry. STAY OUT OF THE MASCOTS' LOUNGE. Well, the Billy Turner is back from the grave, and he's kind of a jerk. Thank you to our sponsors, Chodelula Hot Sauce and Albers Pre-Kissed Grits, as well as Budweiser. Music is from the album Variegata by Misguided Merman. This month's parody song is 99 Dead Baboons. Lyrics: You and I, we were at the zoo, Pressing face to glass ogling the baboons. We watched them eat and hump the day away Until we heard an announcement say A gigantic mistake has been made. Everyone needs to evacuate. Explosions boomed from right behind And 99 dead baboons flew by. 99 dead baboons. This oughta make the evening news. Missing limbs, that must've hurt. Detached butt cheeks in the dirt. What's that there up in the sky? 99 bald eagles cry. They're swooping down and picking up 99 dead baboons for lunch. 99 bald eagles carry 99 corpses so hairy. Just when they have flown away, Canadian jet planes have come to play. They're flying through the shared airspace, Hitting avians of every race. Their engines clog, better eject now, As 99 dead baboons fall down. 99 monkeys in flight, Silhouetted by blinding light. Plane pieces fall everywhere, Eagles screeching, burning hair. Far below them on the ground, NASA astronauts count down. Their rocket shoots into the sky. With animals and jets, it does collide. And 99 dead eagles get fried. Burning up in the atmosphere, Eagles and jets disappear, But the monkey bodies float away. I'll never forget this day. Now, when I look up to the stars, I spot Venus, I see Mars. But, orbiting around the moon, Are 99 dead baboons.Please share this with anyone that you think may enjoy it. I don't know where to find my audience! :|