162. The Cost of Avoiding Hard Conversations: How to Speak Up and Feel Closer With Colette Fehr

In this episode I sit down with Colette Fehr, licensed psychotherapist, couples therapist, and author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, whose 2025 TEDx talk Secrets of a Couples Therapist was selected as a TED Editors' Pick and whose work has been featured in The New York Times, Oprah Daily, and The Wall Street Journal. Colette makes such a compelling case for why avoiding conflict is not keeping the peace — it is costing us our relationships, our sense of self, and our emotional freedom. We talk about the neurobiological reason hard conversations feel so dangerous, what a healthy apology actually sounds like, how to identify your needs when you have spent years not having any, and how to soothe your inner child before you ever say a word to someone else.This conversation is going to change the way you think about conflict — and I think you are going to feel that shift in your body as you listen.Connect with Colette:www.colettejanefehr.comwww.instgram.com/colettejanefehrBook: www.thecostofquiet.comSubstack: www.colettejanefehr.substack.comPodcast: www.insightsfromthecouch.orgWORK WITH ME 1:1:❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support: https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewformDOWNLOAD FOR FREE:Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinatriner.com/stay-or-go-guideAttatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinatriner.com/attachment-practice Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinatriner.com/connect-and-groundAlive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinatriner.com/alive-and-alignedTrigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinatriner.com/trigger-2-rooted VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:https://marinatriner.com/resources CONNECT WITH  ME:Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/marinatriner/ Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner Top Episode Quotes:"Conflict might just mean someone stepped on an old wound — and now you have the opportunity to heal, to be known more deeply, and to feel more connected." — Colette Fehr"Your voice deserves to be spoken. Your needs matter. We get sick physically and mentally when we are not clear and honest." — Colette Fehr"It is never about the dishes. It is about the old wounds, the insecurities we carry inside. We are all, as human beings, afraid of abandonment and rejection." — Colette Fehr"Vulnerability naturally invites vulnerability. We have mirror neurons — when we come forward this way, people start to open up and be on that same channel without even thinking about it." — Colette Fehr"How you talk to yourself first sets you up for success. You have to tend to your inner child before you communicate with anyone else." — Colette Fehrsomatic healing, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, hard conversations, attachment healing, inner child work, emotional regulation, relational healing, self worth, people pleasing, self abandonment, codependency healing, self compassion, conflict and connection, secure attachment, boundaries, deep within podcast, Colette Fehr, cost of quiet, couples therapy