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A message from Enbridge Gas. Hello and welcome to Retrospection, the podcast where we take an old movie on TV show and decide if it deserves to ride off into the sunset on a white steed or stab through the heart and burn as a witch. My name's Paul and the power is in the sword but the strength is in the man. And I'm James and I have no brother, only a monster.
I'm glad of. I'd rather take the monster to be honest with you. On this episode we'll be taking a look at Haut the Slayer from 1980. The movie that looks like a cosplay get together.
I'm trying to get Colin to do this movie for almost 10 years with zero success but he's not here so James, you're in for a treat. Yay. Yeah, strappy nay. It's gonna be good.
It's gonna be good. I'm DB says with the aid of his companions, a man 60 defeat his evil brother who has taken a non hostage. Once again, I'm DB gives an amazing plot rundown there. Yeah, that's pretty much it.
That's pretty much it. I think I'm DB gives it more credit than it's do. I think he gives it more plot than it's do. Yeah.
It's actually got the movie says John Terry, not that one, as Haut the Slayer, Burner Bresler as Gore the Giant. Yes, I said Giant. We'll talk about that. Ray Charleston as Crow the Elf, Peter O'Farrell as Bald in the Dwarf.
Yeah, Dwarf. We'll talk about that. William Morgan Shepherd as a Brannoff, Patricia Quinn as a sorceress, Annette Crosby as the Abbess and Jack Polance as Volton. And there's an array of other British character actors such as Harry Andrews, Roy Keneer and Patrick McGhee who we talked about recently in our Patreon episode of Zulu I think.
Yes. That's what he did. We talked about it. I don't think we mentioned it.
Yeah, but I don't think we went in depth. We didn't even know who it was. In fact, I pointed him out to you in this movie and said, oh, that guy was in Zulu and you were like, oh, was he? Yeah, that's true.
The movie was directed by Terry Marcel who was also co-writer on it with Harry Robertson. Yes, two people wrote this. Wow. Right.
There's hope isn't there for you, really? Yeah, that's really a great array of writers. So some of our styles of their directorial credits include episodes of Bergerac, Heartbeat and the Bill along with movies such as Jane and the Lost City, Prisoners of the Lost Universe and Bejeweled. I've seen two out of three of those.
Which one's that? Jane and the Lost City. Right. And Prisoners of the Lost Universe.
Are they on par with this or? I would say Hulk the Slayers probably is the best movie. Okay then. So Jack Polance was actually stabbed during one of the fight scenes, which is hilarious really because there's not many fight scenes in it.
But he carried on because he's a pro and he finished the shots. That's all school right there. Forget your Tom Cruise, Jack Polance was on it years ago. Tom Cruise couldn't get stabbed for his crap.
I remember Jack Polance dropping down onto the stage at one of the Oscar ceremonies and proving that he could do one handed push-ups in his 70s. That was the thing. It really happened. It was a sequel announced in 2009 called Hulk the Hunter.
But to this day, it remains unproduced. I wonder why. But you've got it, don't you? Absolutely devastated.
Yeah, yeah. You get your acting career off the ground. This is the perfect part for you. No, don't be Hulk.
Can we have all time? The mascot we face. Oh, thanks. So the mind sword is called the mind sword.
It was made of actual steel, believe it or not. It wasn't cardboard. I know it looks cardboard, but it's not. And it weighed about five pounds and it was perfectly capable of being used as an actual weapon.
Would you like one? Not really. It looks great. That doesn't it?
It's got a hand. What? You don't want to saw it with a hand? Crazy.
What with a hand with a stone in it? And with a stone in it? There is a stone in the hand, yes. A floaty stone.
Yeah. A floaty stone. No, there's a lot of quote unquote similarities in this movie to other things such as Star Wars. And I was just saying it off the bat with things like a magical flying sword.
And he uses something called the power. And there's a bit of a C3 Go out of D2 vibes going on between the giant and the dwarf. And even Voltan's helmet has got a bit of a familiar look to it, hasn't it? Especially if you look at it from the back.
It looks like a Sith Lord. Although you could argue that, I mean, George Lucas did take that design from old Samurai help. Yeah, it's a bit surprising when you notice this in the movie. Jack Plants and John Terry are playing brothers.
John Terry was 30 when he made this movie. Jack Plants was 60. So there's a bit gap though, isn't there for brothers? Yeah, I mean, his dad must have been...
What? That's what it's out. So he was 30 when he had Voltan. He would be 90 by the time Terry was 30.
Right. How does matter work? Well, if George student... Oh, here we go.
If Jack Plants was 60, right? Yeah. Yeah. And his...
His dad had him when he was 30. That means that because Terry is 30, he would be 90. That's 30, yes, he would be 90. He would be 90.
No, no, his dad would be 90. Yeah. Oh, Jack, oh, yeah. In the film.
Oh, yeah, yeah, right, yeah, I get it. We see his dad at the beginning. He does not look 90. This is one of the moments in the podcast where someone tries to explain facts to me that are real world facts, such as maths, and it's not going in.
No, no, no. You know, it's not something to do with flying swords or, you know, starships or anything. I can't follow you, be honest. So the movie says Burn of Breslot, who, anyone listens to this podcast knows that we love him from Carry On movies, me and Colin.
I don't think you knew who he was, did you? Predominantly known for, I would say, Carry On movies, but he did curve another little niche for himself as a serious actor as well. He did a lot of fantasy, did this. He did the movie called Crawl as well.
He plays a giant with one eye. No, I'm not sure this is a step in the right direction for being a serious actor. Well, this is the thing that I'm going to talk about with this movie. All the actors in it are taking it 100% serious.
They're really going for it. I mean, some more than others. I was going to say, I'm not sure everyone's really going for it. Well, get to that.
So Burn of Breslot was actually hurt a few times during the shoot. And at one point, he needed six stitches in his head. I mean, there's no health of safety in 1980, especially on a production like this. And there's also a lot of J.R.R.
Tolkien vibes to some of the characters and situations in this movie, especially someone like Crow, the elf, who's kind of a legolas-time character. And I think even the dwarf, and it mentions the minds of Mordor. Not Mordor. Is it Mordor?
Is it Mordor? Yeah, it's Mordor. Moria. Moria, that's it.
Moria, yeah. So, you know, there's a lot of stuff being wrapped together in this movie. People that turned down roles in this were Kirk Douglas, who's offered the role of Voltan. And Richard Geert turned down the role of Hawk.
I mean, the budget of this would probably not even have covered Richard Geert's feet, I would imagine. So, this movie was produced at the cusp of what's known as the Sword and Sorsary Guru in the 1980s. But while many of those movies, like Conan, had budgets that stretched into the millions, caught the sight out of budget of around £600,000 and was produced by ITC Entertainment. You wouldn't think it had £600,000.
What figure would you go for? 600. 600. Quick.
That silly string does not cheat, you know. I could go down local shopping by it for about 10, probably. Yeah, but would you look the same? Would you look the same?
No, no. I guarantee you that modern silly string is not as good as 1980s silly string. Just because they painted it green. Oh, it probably green already.
Dang it. I mean, you have to take the silly string out of the can. Paint it and then somehow get it back into the can. So, there are no box office figures for Haweslayer.
It was considered a flop. Oh, that's not really. But that isn't actually true because it did do very well in the UK. Unfortunately, it was never released theatrically in the US because its distribution comes in the collapse.
So it never got released over there on the cinema. It did do well in VHS when it was finally released on video. And I think that's probably where I saw it as a kid. It was on video.
This was an infamous film. It still is an infamous film, but it was an infamous film going around, you know, when I was at school. Everybody said, oh, obviously, Haweslayer. And not for the reasons that you would probably think not because we thought it was funny.
This was 100% serious. For us. You probably didn't know any better, did you? Did you mean by that?
I was sitting there 8 years old. You were talking about it. I knew what was what? 8 years old.
8 years old. Well, on that note, let's see your trailer. Get up. Two blood brothers out for each other.
You found the power, which is rightly mine. The first one brother, they called him Voltane. Enter God One. The Devil's Agent, the servant of evil.
Kill him! The second one brother, they called him Hawk. He had one secret weapon. The ancient power of the sword of mind.
And he was out for revenge. Last thing you will ever see is the woman you love. I am ready. Two brothers, two armies, two forces of good and evil.
Voltane's army, the Devil's army, and Hawks. A giant. An Elf and Bolman. A witch.
Together, they took on the mighty Voltane. Together, they took on the Devil's Agent. Two blood brothers, with only blood between them. Beyond the edge of darkness, there is a world of sword and sorcery.
So the movie opens with a voiceover and some text on the screen. Now, I'm going to read it out. I'm going to read it out in the way it's written. Minus punctuation.
Okay? This is a story. I'm going to read it in my voice as well. I'm going to do a heroic voice.
This is a story of heroic deeds and bitter struggles, for the trying for a good over evil and of a wondrous sword wielded by a mighty hero when the legions of darkness stop the land. Is it bad to me that there was no punctuation in that at all when it was on the screen? Yeah, but then the voiceover guy read it slower than I could actually read it. That was the way to think about it.
He obviously was reading it in thought. There's no punctuation in this. So we open it with Voltane attacking his father and temple and stealing the mind sword. I like the map painting.
I'm not sure about the fully golden room. Well, this is what I'm saying. The sets do look a bit with the little Lazarus pit that may he's got in the middle. It is.
It does look a bit. Oh, yeah. See, this is what I'm for. This is what you're bringing.
It's got to listen to this and be like, what the hell are you talking about? What's Lazarus pit? Is that your impression of calling? No.
You're back. The sets do look a bit. Naph. Cardboardy is probably.
Yes, probably the correct term for it. And we get some music. I could not think of, I hope Jeff Wayne wasn't listening to this because he's been straight onto his lawyers because he's very worried about the world. We see Jack Plant.
You've got to love Jack Plant's breathy delivery of every line. He's great in this. He's a boy for the place in this. Oh, he's loving every second of it.
He probably knew that but it was. Hawks dad is, he lays dying. He passes the sword onto his better-looking son, Hog. He doesn't seem to really feel emotion towards his.
He has no emotion to anything in this movie. His dad's instructions seem but convoluted though. He says, you've got to do this, then go and do that, then take this and then put that on the, and then we get this stone that floats into the hand of the sword which opens up. Flots.
What do you notice? Well, if you are an astute viewer like I am, you will notice that on the screen on both sides of the stone, a little two white lines that connect up to the ceiling that were obviously not meant to be seen by the atmosphere. Are you suggesting that those wires are just so... Well, I'm going to correct you though because they're not wires, okay?
That is the aura of the power that Hawke is using to move the mind stone into the heel to the sword. So you're telling me that the guy in the background who is part of the power? No, no, it's just the power. Oh, I see.
It manifests by looking like granted a couple of swings of wire attached to something. Yeah, but as you see it rise, knock around slightly as if the guy, as if the power, sorry, is trying to hold the wires correctly. Yeah, but again, what you need to understand is that this is the first time that Hawkes used the power. So he's a bit rusty.
He's never... Right. He's not had the chance to really get to grips with it yet. So that's why it's a bit wobbly when he wants to move in.
I also have another thing to say about this stone. Uh-huh. And we'll talk about something similar to this later on, but every time I saw this stone light up, I thought, did you ever make the stone steal some grip tonight? It just looks a bit green.
Yeah. It's very green. I don't know, I'm cold blind, so I'm guessing it's green, right? Yeah.
Yeah. But Hawke does use the power. And he summons the sword into his hand and it certainly isn't just the guy I was saying. He's like a mental power, right?
This power. You could call it a mental. Mental. Every time he uses the power as well, you get a little music cue.
You get a music cue every single second while he's on the screen. We walk straight and he's got his own pam pam pam behind him. You've got a guy, you know. He's just off in the smoke.
He's always foggy. Maybe he's from the stone. Maybe he's from the stone. Could be, could be part of the power.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's a bit grumpy because you know the whole brother killing you down thing. The locations of natural gas lines aren't always this obvious.
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A message from Enbridge Gas. And then we get some credits. And I looked at you and you started laughing. What were you laughing at?
Why are you laughing at these credits? Because there was no need for the funky music right after this scene. Which goes on throughout the entire film. This music's great.
It is. It's funky. It's got very much a Rick Wakeman type vibe to it. Almost a War of the World's Vines.
Yeah, almost a Jeffine. War of the World's Vines. In fact, very close to a Jeffine. So every time it started playing you started singing the lyrics.
I did. But you can't. They did fit quite easily. But you could argue that music is completely...
None of the music in this film fits. You could argue that it misses the story. I'm sure. But you could also argue that it adds something to the film.
What? I'm not sure. Something. I'll figure it out by the end of the episode.
So Volta and the Tax of Village off screen. And we see a guy called Ranolf who escapes and he runs to a church. Volta and then kidnap the Abyss so that he can run some of it. Ranolf, he's a bit rubbish, isn't he?
He loses a hand and he's shot with an arrow all in one day. Yeah, he's not having the best luck though. He does have a really good repeat. Like fully loaded.
Almost like, you know, it cuts every time he shoots. No. Like they're reusing the same shot. No, no, no, no, no.
That's just your eyes. Oh, okay. I forgot. I don't have 20 vision like you do.
Exactly. When he sees all these nuns when he goes into this church or anything. He's thinking of all the nuns in Monty Pais and the Holy Ghost. What's the name?
No, Scrubber. No. He can't fault the actors though. They are giving it 100%.
Well, some of them. Jack Allen's definitely a boss. Oh, yeah, he's rambling. He loves it.
Volta speaks to a wizard in a cave who is a sorcerer who does a bit of a work on his face with a magic stone. He's got all these things. There's all magic stones in this. Also, I thought to myself, this is very Darth Vader in the Emperor, but then I realised this would have predated the Emperor's first appearance.
Yeah, because this was before Empire. Yeah, yeah, you may have actually made it. So there you go. George, it's still from what was later.
You know what? I wouldn't be surprised. So after a chat with an abbot, Ronald decides to set out on a quest to find Hawk. We meet Hawk again, and he saves a witch from some bandits by using the power.
I suppose this is good at times and I need to bring it up, but Jon Terry isn't blessed with an abundance of charisma, is he? No. But charisma is a generous word. What do you say?
He comes with his own music queue, so that's something. It's very, it's very spaghetti-westerny that music queue as well, isn't it? I suppose, yeah. Oh, that was perfect, man.
I also love the over-the-top sound effects during all the fight scenes as well. And what the massive, like, gunshot punches. Yeah, great. That was in most films.
I think that this movie was shot with no sound. And then they just posted up post-production, all the sound. I mean, there's always a movie with a certain amount of ADR with the dialogue. Yeah.
I think everything was ADR in this. So, that's a lot. That music queue does great on your left-a-while, I'll go say. Every single time he appears, there's no need.
There's a lot of slow motion in this movie as well. Yeah, every action scene has slow motion in it. It's like a Zack Snyder film. It's almost like the high retreatness of it.
It does rescue you, Radov. And there's a weird, kind of, medieval quick-drawal moment, isn't there? Yeah. We're just trucks and sort of.
We just don't chuck it. He uses the power. Oh, my bad. I do like the use of locations in this movie.
Although, not sure why there's a random Python on a branch. Yeah. I did that at one minute. Yeah, it's very strange.
There's lots of weird things in the foreground in a lot of the shots. There's like a pile of skulls in one point and just weird, like, lizards and things. Yeah. Volton goes to the question and then keep up by Roy Kinney and a little cameo.
Hawker Grease to go and save the address. And he sets out to recruit his old friends. So we've got Gort, a giant. Crow and Elf.
And Baldon, a dwarf. I think it's Baldon. Is it Baldon? I think it's Baldon.
Oh, here we also get a bit of flashback. And this flashback keeps coming in and out throughout the movie, doesn't it? Any space of the flashback of when Volton and Hawker were growing up and they both were like the same woman. Yeah, just by the fact that they were looking at different.
Yeah, and it ends badly. Yeah. So they talked back to a little hovel and tells you swatchoon. He has to go and find a one-handed man.
When that's all you're known for being a one-handed man. Oh, great, isn't it? No. It's like, you know, you're looking for the one-footed woman.
So they go to the forest of weird. I thought you said the forest of weird. I wouldn't be surprised. The forest of weird.
The forest of weird. That's what you hang on in? No, that's just this house. Wow.
That's all right. I get where you come from. This forest, by the way, consists of a few little puppets and lots of Halloween cobwebs. In fact, lots and lots of Halloween cobwebs.
I forgot to mention, before they even enter this forest of weird, we see Ork light up his stone and they start walking in. But as soon as the camera cuts behind them and they walk in, the light disappears. What are you suggesting? That consistency was not thought when shooting.
No, I'm sure on the credits there is a continuity person. They obviously weren't doing their job, will they? It's 1980. I would imagine that liquid lunches were probably a big thing on a lot of set.
Yeah, cool. So they go back to the witch's hole and we get these weird hula hoop things. They look familiar, don't they? Yeah, they've taken another thing off the crypt.
They look like the Superman II things. I'm pretty sure they see the exact same from Superman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they've got the prison phantom zone.
Yeah, they do look at that. It looks like that. As a cheap effect, it looks all right. Oh, they did put some LEDs on it.
Sometimes LEDs are all you need. That's a good life lesson there, for you, James. Sometimes every human being is all you need. Say I drop a turd, right?
Wow. What, you're out of someone else's mind. Okay. So, there's a turd.
So, in order to make it look better, say I wrap some LEDs around my next one and make it purple. No longer a turd, no, it's a meteor from a world. No, it's a medical. No, it's a medical emergency.
Yeah, pretty much. Nothing that can't be fixed by an LED. In the right place, an LED can do wonders for you. I don't know, but it can.
You can. So these hula hoops are kind of like a weird transporter, aren't they? Yeah. And she beams for one of our word, Hawk, to find his friends.
And the first we see Gort, and he's fighting with his hammer. And then we see Crow, the Elf. And he's amazing, quote unquote, archery skills. Yeah, who quipped drawers.
He doesn't even really join the door. And Paul didn't, the dwarf, who is two inches shorter than everyone else. Wow, Gort is two inches taller than everyone else. Yeah, real giant and dwarf right there.
Exactly. Paul didn't love the fish, by the way, doesn't he? As long as it's a hole. He's like, what?
See, listeners, if you were just saying what I just have seen, you would not think that he was eating a fish. I don't know about that. So, with the beam in and out done, they come up with a plant. They're going to get the ransom by robbing some slave traders run by a giant.
They're going to get the slave traders run by a guy that they just call the hunchback. Again, that's all you're known for. It's not a good look, is it? Real original names.
So, I've got the guy with the one hand. Yeah, we've got one hand man. We've got the job growing up. Yeah.
We've got a guy from the Carry On movies. Yeah. We've got two inches shorter. Yeah, we've got a Vulcan.
Yeah. And we've got the hunchback. The hunchback. There you go.
This is your band that you're putting together. What are you telling me about? Let's see the day. Yeah, this is like a one off team up comic.
It is a bit like a team up comic. Yeah. And I get a bit of a flaming torch for his trouble in the face. Yep.
And then unfortunately, accidentally kills Hawkes' lady friend. Somehow. Mr. Oh, I can't see you.
I'm just going to shoot aimlessly. Oh, where does the arrow end up? In her back. Perfectly in her back.
Right away. He was aiming. This lady friend of Hawkes, by the way, they keep referring to her. They call her LEM.
I'm sure they're not just a lame. Or a lame. It's just a fancy way of saying. It's like in the Witcher.
They call Gerald. It's like, just calling Gerald. Yes. So they all head back to the church.
And we've got a nice little scene between Gortleart, Baldon and the Rose Chicken. I put a nice scene. In fact, all the scenes between these two characters are probably some of the best stuff in the film, I think. No, it's a low bar for you.
But, you know. So they're going to rob this hunchback who really needs a better table manners. He's spitting food everywhere and shouting and talking. He's quite an unpleasant character.
So what did you think of the inventive way that they show the crows' archery skills? Well, frankly, I thought it was crap. You'll put your bunches. You know, just tell your thing.
It's just a lazy way of showing speed really by cutting, having fast cuts. In the same shot I had of him just, he doesn't even reach behind him for another hour. No, he's true. He shoots one and then another one just magically appears.
He's moving so fast that you can't see it. Is that really what it is? Yeah, it's like a flash. I'm going to go to the shops.
Oh, did you see it? I just went back. I was actually listening. Yeah, yeah.
So it's doing. I mean, for £600,000, how would you show it? Having quickly reached behind him. But then you'd have to speed up the footage and that would even work something.
What do you reckon? When you make your first movie, when you remake Hawk the site, you know, about ten years. I mean, I'm not going to do that. I'll not be doing that.
As Volten, obviously. Let me know. How you do it? Well, I don't think I will.
The heroes, the way that they just kill this bunch back is a bit much, isn't it? So the time I wrote to his big hammer thing, spikes on the end, and then put it in his mouth. And then it drops on his face and kills it. They're supposed to heroes.
I don't know. Stabbed him quickly. Give him the old shank. I mean, they all want prison.
Hey, there we go. Back in the game. We meet Dro, who's Volten's son. No, this is this actor.
He's a wild-known actor. He's in some hammer movies. He's going for it big time. He's sitting.
He's doing Shakespeare. He's on Broadway. He's doing Hamlet. He's getting very, very used.
He's Volten's son, and he wants to go off and take care of things for his dad, but Volten gives him a bit of a lot of thought, doesn't he? His face has given him some more gyps. He goes and has another treatment with the saucer. Do they actually have a clarified what that does?
I guess just taking the pain away. He seems like he's in more pain than what you guys say. You've got to take the rough with this movie, aren't you? So he goes to the dentist.
He's going to hurt first, but you'll feel better in the long run. He's going to be in the mummings. Yeah, I mean, the saucer didn't offer him any anesthesia. No, he's not.
He's a he. Who knows? I think it's a he. It sounds like it.
Oh, he's good, gettin' it? Drogo runs into a fleeing slaver who fills him in on the pork and his friends, and Drogo sets off to find him. He kills the guy first one. But he says this line.
He says, we'll see who is the lord of the dance. Well, it's Michael Flatley, obviously. He's not there. No, I grew up in North.
We get another amusing scene between Gort and Bordeaux, and then Drogo attacks the church. But he gets his arse handed to him by a hawk, and he's dead. And Vultans not happy, by the way. He forces the two troopers on men to kill each other, or fight each other, and then kills the other one himself.
And again, Jack Plantse is going for a big die on this thing. He's always a bull jing out of his hair, aren't he? To bring him the witch with them, they locate the enemy camp and attack. This is a decent enough action scene, right?
Yeah. Another great use of slaver action. But they don't actually achieve anything, because they find the way through the camp. Port goes into a tent where Vultans keep the abyss, and Vultans go, go, go, go.
And then they go, go, go. And they just go back. What was the point? So, couldn't you have just used the power of force?
The power? The power? The power throw that he does the two bandits earlier. And took him back.
Yeah. Could he not have done that? You can't use it on a boss character. You can only use it on the other side.
What armor? Yeah. You know, he'd somehow forgotten that he could do that. I don't think he forgot.
There's rules, isn't it? He can't be bothered. Yeah, there's rules. But one of the nuns goes to Vultans and strikes a deal with him.
Ooh, bad nun. Skank. He's better if he was monks, wouldn't it? You know which kind of man?
Hey? Hey? Hey? We're not doing this.
Yeah, we're going to do that. No, no, no. Come on. Come on.
Come on. You're in it now. You've got to go. I don't know where I'm going.
Benadictine. Benadictine. Come on. I need it back.
Hey. You're taking your first step to a larger world. We get a heart-tart scene between Crow and Hawk so much of this lore as we said. You're ripped from Tolkien.
The whole, you know, my people are all gone and the last one of my common kind of. Well. Or you'd say, keep saying lego-less. Lego-less.
Lego-less. Lego-less. Lego-less. Lego-less.
Lego-less. Les, like all the rings. You say heart-to-heart scene but they're both as robotic as each other. I mean, he's any sort of guy playing the elf.
He's trying to do something otherworldly with the way he's delivering the lines. What's Jon Terry's excuse? I think we know what it is. Meanwhile, the nun skanks are all up and everyone is taking prisoner.
And then the nun gets a stab to the guts or a trouble so it works out for her. She's non-noiser. Just the next couple more. Yeah, come on.
Again, Jack Plenz is enjoying himself, somebody's got to. And Volton, he's got him all captured, he's got him all tied up. And he gets his big red-oque poker out. Pardon?
He does, he gets it out. What was the other one were you watching? You saw the same version. I don't know.
Luckily, the witch... Well, actually, probably wouldn't have been bad. Luckily, the witch comes to the rescue, and she's got a secret weapon. Silly string.
Yeah. She shoots out of a tube. Yeah, why don't you get a gun? Well, it's like a big...
Do you know what what maybe life is, right? Oh, clearly the way that this is, big hollow tube, which means that there's someone crouched down behind that tube with the kind of silly string shooting it through the silly string through the tube. It looks like one of those... You know, like one of those...
Um, like gun... Like projectile guns you can get for your dog, where it shoots out like the tennis balls. It does look a bit like that. It looks like...
Yeah. In confusion, the gang get free. Voler is mortally wounded. He gives a nice speech, death speech, before he dies.
Yeah. And then the barium, and the witch puts a big um... Bobble over the top of it. And just like, oh, that's not the dog's eating him.
That's nice. Where are these dogs coming from? Yeah, I... There's not a single dog in this film, so where's...
Maybe there's a random pack of dogs wandering through the forest, mugging people. You know, they've got flick knives, you know, one of them is chewing gum. You've got eye patch. Yeah, let the jackets on.
Yeah. Yeah. Let's go eat a corpse. You'll miss your map patch.
That's how they talk. Well, I don't... No, no, there's a dog's talk. You know, we're out of the dog's talk.
Well, like 1950s gangster. Yeah. Yeah, see. Well, so the witch uses her amazing powers of indoor snow and glowing ping pong balls.
And... What? I don't know what happened to all of that. Now I'm not doing that.
And we get an amazing battle scene, right? No? Yeah, it's amazing. We don't know my thought about this battle scene before I even say anything.
To be fair, I mean, you can't really tell what's going on in this battle scene because the blizzard that's... of fake snow that's in front of the camera obscures most of it. Do you think that was by design by the filmmakers? You know, to hide it all.
We thought, this doesn't look good, does it? Let's just put a little snow in front of it. Let's just not make this film. But then you'd be deprived of Port-Gisaya forever.
You know, I think I'd be happy. Yeah, but that's taking a spot, a coveted spot on my shelf with Blu-Ray's horse. And that's sad. I mean, I own this movie.