168. Complicated Dynamics: Tools to Navigate Holidays and Families

"Holidays, especially when spent with young adults, first grandchildren and newly blended families from different cultures are the epitome of "complicated dynamics." "Complicated dynamics" is a beautiful, apt, kind and neutral description of the blend of love, hope, good intentions, confusion, disappointment, pride, grief and more love that accompanies these gatherings. A wealth of varied emotions always accompanies new life phases. Holidays add to that. Time together is short. Everyone wants it to feel "like it used to." When" it felt good." And it is never exactly what they or you hope it would be. It is wonderful and complicated all at the same time. Everyone is used to their own lives and way of moving through the world. They have expectations of brothers, moms, dads, and grandparents. The other people don't know what those expectations are. Those with the expectations may not even know what they are. The others likely aren't and/or can't be that person anymore. New grandparents remember being the young adults and new parents with lofty goals and dreams. After years of living and hard earned wisdom their goals and dreams look very different now. The young adults and new parents are figuring out how to navigate their new roles. Everyone wants to be together, to laugh and feel comfortable- like it used to. They long for that feeling of relaxed and present togetherness. But it is strangely elusive. And then it's not. The dynamics are complicated. There is tension and discomfort hiding around each corner. Everyone has different wishes, desires and comfort zones now. And then,of course, at the end everyone feels a twinge (or more) of sadness, wishing for more time together.  While also looking forward to returning to the simplicity of their own life. Maybe every other family you see has it figured out. Or maybe they are just in one of those magic flow moments. The ones that float in and out not Infrequently when you are present enough to feel them. It is more likely than not they too are experiencing "complicated dynamics." Sending love and a hand to heart to all humans and families everywhere. Being human and loving other humans of different ages and generations is always a "complicated dynamic." - written by Jessie Mahoney MD 11/25/23 Tools for managing complicated dynamics, holidays and family gatherings with more ease and grace   Expect complex emotions. A wealth of varied emotions always accompanies new life phases. "Of course" it is uncomfortable, because it's new.   How lovely that everyone wants it to feel "like it used to." When" it felt good." Emotional embodied memories always show up because we are human. And peace, connection, love- my thought is it looks different now.   Connecting with how you are alike builds bridges. Everyone wants to be together, to laugh and feel comfortable- "like it used to."   Consider dropping your expectations. They don't have to go anywhere.  They are  likely intertwined with precious memories. You can choose to set them down to create more freedom and spaciousness for what is, and what is to be, in this season.    Listen to the podcast for many more pearls of wisdom.   And if you want to work on responding rather than reacting to complicated dynamics and developing strategies for happier healthier relationships, join Jessie for coaching.    1:1 coaching, Mindful Love, Parent with Presence, and even Ongoing Presence and Transition Well all include support for building strong loving relationships that feel better.  Medical training and our tendencies as high achievers are just some make relationships even more challenging to navigate than they already are. Pleasing people, fear of rejection, catastrophizing, self sacrificing, martyrdom, over responsibility and toxic independence are just a few of the players.   Find out more here: Small Group Coaching Programs: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/communities 1:1 coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/coaching If you would like to grow a mindfulness practice and lengthen the pause before reacting, reach out to Jessie or Ni-Cheng.  [email protected], www.awakenbreath.org If you would like either of us to come and speak to your group or mindfulness or wellness, we both love sharing the ripple effects of this work. *Nothing in this episode should be considered medical advice.