Hey, Kathy. What? I got bored, Turkey. We're calling the butterball hotline?
The butterball hotline. You wanted to do Thanksgiving shows? I didn't want to do it. It is a Thanksgiving show.
This is my only contribution. I worked really hard to go on the internet. A turkey drop. A turkey drop.
As God is my witness, I thought Turkey's gonna fly. All I'm showing is for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised. And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself.
One, two, three, four. Do you feel your sex life is quite lame? Scared that your desires might be strange? Come and join the Kinky Wells of Play.
The butterball hotline. Hello and welcome to the perverted podcast Thanksgiving show, the show where we explore the adventures of the Kinky lifestyle, sex and perversion. Recording live from the virtual dungeon in North Hollywood, California, in front of a knitting and an... Hello, Ann Ann.
Yay. I'm Kathy. I'm Dale. I am Cal Boogie and over there is a turn up.
Hunger and his turn up. Are you the only ones who know that reference? The turkey? No, no, I know.
You know that reference. That's from a WKRP in Cincinnati. I will never forget less walking than going... Just the horrifying look.
It is one of those Thanksgiving classics that shows absolutely that's something a lot of younger people have seen. I would like to that TV show somewhere. And another Thanksgiving tradition of course is yeah, that turkey video I did. What turkey video is that Boogie?
BDSM Thanksgiving turkey video thing. It was actually my kind of introduction to people in the lifestyle to say, hey I'm Boogie. I do videos. That's the one they remember me buying.
Yay. It's a good video. It's fine. So lots of fun.
It's good. I got a cornucopia of fruits and veggies left over there. Why is there a cornucopia? There really is.
I mean there's like 30 pieces of random fruits and vegetables and everything. And Kathy I'm so glad you asked about this. Well the reason is because it is a Thanksgiving show and I want to give or get rid of I don't know exactly which the term is because I know we're all such health nuts here at Proverted Podcast. And the end show song is a song called Fingers and it's all about it's like my just a weird dorky weird kind of rap-ish sort of not song about fingering vaginas.
It's all about fingering and stuff. And so I'm like I want to make a video and have all the girls in it. And so I you can't do a video of fingering vaginas on YouTube. They're not going to accept that.
So I said oh and you know that's what I do when I'm trying to think of ways to circumvent YouTube censorship. Oh that's scary. And so yesterday morning I just went to Sunland Market which is under a nice favorite market. And they have all the weird produce like it's just a giant produce and all sorts of weird fruits and veggies.
And I bought $50 worth of odd fruits and veggies so I could. I hope the podcast paid for that. No no it didn't. This is a this is a countbook magic.
And so we drilled holes into the fruits and then I had it was so yesterday the H play party. And so I just had all these girls come in and they had the blast of their life just fingering finger fucking vegetables and fruits. Let me tell you it went very I thought it was going to be all cute and innocent until we drilled that fucking pomegranate and it was like a fucking murder scene. And then it just went from there even Kiwis and cactus fruits and weird.
You talk down and stuff like that. Yeah I made a little bit of a mess but yeah I kept it you know I do a lot of splashing messy stuff but it was and everyone had so much fun and the girls and then I fucking I got a little watermelon and we drilled like 11 holes in it and then they just fucking gang banged the fuck out of the watermelon and just laughing and then they destroyed it and then of course Bunny you know you know is a splashing nut so she would just like the bananas was was bananas. You really treat your your little as well don't you. So I don't I don't know this probably gonna be the dumbest video you've ever seen in your life but yeah that's what we were doing with the fruit.
So now there's all this leftover fruit and veg and Mew is off going family stuff and Bunny is not here and nobody's I'm not going to eat $50 left over veg so I'm like hey you guys want to take home a papaya. You guys just look at me. You heard me. Just aha.
Pies delicious I can't have it. You know what? Pies delicious I just can't have it on a keto diet like that's all the delicious sugar that I can't have. There's some okra there.
I'm getting over my things. There's okra. They're eggplants they're little eggplants but they're like white and purple and all pattern and stuff they're really cool. That's cool.
Yeah. Kathy you could stick one in your butt. No I'm gonna pass on that. I know is they have white strawberries you tricked the birds and they don't think they're right.
You tricked? Oh yeah. They taste like what strawberries that taste like pineapple what is this here so you say. No no they taste like strawberries.
This is this is for the podcast. Yes it is. You know we finger vegetables and what do you got on your. Oh this weekend you know I had that uh stomach virus from hell.
Well I couldn't eat anything I was basically eating a piece of dry toast a day it was absolutely horrible. Wow it was like a thrill. It was horrendous I've had a really tough almost three weeks so I'm finally starting to get over it and start eating again and for some reason I mean partly because I was sick and partly because of other scheduling issues I haven't really had any dick for over a month. Yeah.
That is not a gobble moment. Don't eat the gobble button. Did you suck some dick? Well.
Is that what you sound like when you suck dick? You know what you're doing. It sounds so sexy no wonder no people come here. It's a fucking show.
No that's because you don't come out. No I don't. Don't come out. Don't come out.
Don't come out. Happy Thanksgiving. I love you. Thank you but yes I appreciate it.
But I'm feeling much better and I broke my no dick and no food this weekend. Oh so did you literally like bend over and like have your face in like a bowl of fucking ice cream while you fucked you. No it's not bad I can't get go dive right back into the photo but I'm at least not doing that horrible one piece of white toast a day. You ate like a piece of corn bread or something.
I can have bread I can have potatoes and chicken and um like some meat was pretty good. All right after three weeks of that. I'm happy that you are back to dick. I'm back to dick.
Back to dick. Remember I'm back to dick. Remember I told you that creative explorer had his gaming day at his new place even planning it for weeks. Sure.
Muncher. Empyreium something. Twilight Empyreium yes and he's this big fucking board game and I had kind of helped him a little like I showed him the table I thought would work it was perfect we already got the perfect tablecloth and I said I'm excited after so long at seeing him and tell me how you're game game. I took pictures of him.
What you took pictures of his game. I thought I was going to show me pictures of the people gaming and how much fun they had now. Picture after picture of the fucking board. All these pieces.
All that matters. Yes. That's a gobble moment right there. Where's the where are the people?
And he just looks at you with that blank like fucking spectrum look on his face. Just like what do you mean? He looked at me like I was out of my mind. What are you talking about it's the game.
He sits there at night and is short and just now he's not playing the game now he's actually at the laptop just looking at the pictures. That's exactly what he does. I thought it was a win or did they finish? I think he won.
Yes. Or someone else. I was just astounded that he had taken pictures of me. He's just tapping your head.
Why did he have to take pictures of it? He looks at you. Literally tapping your watch going you know this vagina is not going to fuck itself. Just can we?
Wow. You're like right in my head. That's exactly what I was thinking. Now where's Mew?
Mew somewhere. I don't I have no idea. We like it when we see her. Yeah.
Well she almost turned into a sparky Mew twice. Did you later on fire again? No. We fuck a lot.
Did you like me? I like her because of all the bricks. I like her because of all the bricks. These girls and their vibrators their plug in extra power vibrators.
Do you know how many times that I have to rewire it like the cord gets shorter and shorter and shorter. It's literally the hotachi that they the vibrator that they like they're literally like their legs are you know how girls masturbate in the bathtub where they put their legs right into the faucet. Oh yeah. That's what their ass is like on the wall next to the fucking outlet.
The cord is so short as they blown up the fucking vibrators so many times. I swear. I've seen your vibrator funerals by the way. There's just literally though so literally she had two of them.
She blew up hers which is the prize one because every vibrator even if it's the same brand they all have a little different with them and a little different kind of a little different vibe. Kill me. Thanksgiving. So they're all like that's my you know bunny has hers to get to the choppa.
They get to the choppa when I fix so many times it now just rattles like loud. It's like. And it distracts like anyone's in bed. They're like what the fuck is that?
She's like it's mine get to the chimes. So to make it like work like when it starts getting all playful I'm all get to the choppa. It turns along. So she has get to the choppa and when women get excited and they're in that moment of trying to get that little extra push and they're really into a strong vibration they will push the head of the vibrator.
They will jam it into them. I mean like a brick wall just and so sometimes they'll yank on it and bend the end cord and after a certain amount of time it's like I'm not like fucking it's not like an airplane where I walk around the airplane and check for leaks and stuff like that every time we fuck you know but sometimes the cord will wear and then it's always mid. I've electrocuted myself with bunny because we were on the floor in the purple room next to the metal table and I had my hand on the metal table and she cranked it and it sparked and it makes a big flash and so we were like are we getting shocked? Yeah we are.
And then you killed two in a week and one of them was totally my fault. The one she killed and it sparks and literally it's amazing because we're so used to that spark. It's a terrifying spark. It literally just it's like an arc spark.
It's literally the rooms dark the whole room lights up for an instant and then it's whatever and she's like we're so used to it's like and it rolls up and then we're like reach for another reach for another one. But it happens that often you need to put it in there and It'll be a week after giving her enough dick. Okay well I give her the dick and she uses the Hitachi while I fuck her. Oh so.
So I let my ego isn't enough and I'm like well what does that thing do that I can't? They're like 2000 RPMs what? So it's kind of like in conjunction with the fucking. So yeah and so we have a lot of these things because you know we have a number of pill partners.
So yeah so literally it sparks and then she's like oh god that was terrifying I'm going to reach for this one. Stop daddy just keep going I'm blind and what I got. I fucking plop I just starts masturbating herself again so she can get her goddamn nuts. So the second one that happened three days later is now there's this little one this little $10 firefly one that's much much weaker that we have when people come over and we put a condom on it for them that don't like really strong sensations but they still want a little bit of tingly when they're having sex or whatever if they're double ended dildoing or whatever they're doing and they like the lighter one.
So hers is now fucking you know D.O.A. and so she grabs this one but she still wants the same sensation and I might have got her drunk so we could have you know drunk pass out. Fantasy. What?
Did you literally get her drunk? Yeah so I mean I'm sober I mean but you know whatever I'm not you know we don't kiss a lot because of the smell or whatever but yeah I let her get drunk because she has the big fantasy of like pretending to be passed out and you know I come and do things to her. So we do and of course she's not passed out enough to grab the little teeny vibrator but she was so drunk and of course when you're drunk it's harder to have an orgasm so it's going longer and she's like god damn it's she just literally. Run.
Just pull. Sparked and she's like ah god damn it and I go get the job. So she finished with. So she finished with.
Did you think sex was all like uber dumb serious. What happened to the Siri that we all have that and shove it inside. It's not a go to because it's you know to hold and you know whatever they like the Siri too they like when we put it inside like I put it in a couple condoms and we put it inside and or one intense vibration that is your dad after their clip and yeah good to go. You know you're right you know I'm just it's there.
It's there. It's not their go to. No it's not they say that is over there. Wow.
So what is this? What? Hunger has a list of. Wait a minute wait wait let me do this.
Hunger hunger hunger hunger hunger hunger hunger hunger. All right now. That was two fingers. I did do it.
It's a very talented book. You lived wide. I practiced. What do you guys want to do?
I'm going to fuck you up. Damn it. Well, you're welcome back from Texas. Thank you.
You're quite festively dressed in a very yellow shirt with overalls and looking very spunky. Well spunky. Not spunky. Not spunky like porn spunky.
No spunky. You have a little pet turn up with you. Have you named the turn up hunger? It's been it was here before I got here.
It's not replacement. I'm training just like everything else in life. I'm training replacements to take over what I do. That's hunger.
Hunger's trained turn up. That's a great show. It's like a flea circus. Here's a third.
I'm just saying that they're put a camera on it. Hunger is trained turn up. No? No.
All right. So what's going on? What did you do when you were away? So just so you all know, I do listen to the podcast.
Uh oh. What was... I'm wearing fucking trouble, man. What did you say, Kathy?
What did me? I don't say shit about hunger because I know it's gonna be a good one. Last week you kept saying stuff. What did I say?
You don't listen to the podcast so you don't know. Yeah. I'm just gonna use my thing. Hunger and I listen to the podcast.
You don't. What do you want to cookie? Yes. I would like a cookie.
You can't eat it. Just go get dick. So, so, so I didn't know where to start. Um, there are so many things.
Oh, apparently I talk like this. So I will talk like this for this. I'm on my own because this is how Boogie said I talked with him. Was it frustrating to me?
Yeah, I remember that. Did I do that? Yes. I think I was part of the truth.
Talk about me setting things on fire. Um, I found them using... There's a number of things. I don't know where to start.
So I'll start with the funny one. I found them using that in two sentences in a row. You said I pick up the hot coals out of the fire, but I... But Kathy is the only self-self masochist in the group.
What? You call me a self-masochist. But right before you said I... You commented how I reach into the fire and pull out the hot coals.
Yeah, apparently Unger is not a masochist. You don't feel it. It's a... Oh, well then.
He's not dead for the name. I apologize. I spoke in error. So, can I listen to the fuck out of it?
Um, I can talk about a lot of these things. I was driving to the exseptor. Oh, good old Aki. For 13 hours.
Did you have her with you? No. She called me on the phone a couple of times. Uh, does she phone sexy while you drive?
No. That would be you, but... That would be you. But she'll get your big media under in your hand while you drive.
No. What the fuck's wrong with you? That's what you and your girls do. Not everybody does what you do, but he.
No. One thing I found funny, you were talking about the Fairts Post about how a lot of the things, how you view things are basically your view of it and not how they're actually meant and not how they're shared. Sure. So last Sunday morning, I woke up to an email for Boogie and it sounded very angry.
What did you do? Did you yell it on her? I have no recollection. On the show, you mentioned it was a very nice email.
It wasn't an angry email. But when I read it, the one about the patio. Oh, the fire, yeah, I talked about that on the show. Yeah, you said it wasn't an angry email.
But when I woke up at eight o'clock in the morning, central time and read this email, it sounded angry. You said it out and angry. Well, you know, that's not the thing. I found it interesting because you had just talked about, you had also talked about how that could be.
Someone says, hey, I'm going to say is what I do now. Right. So it wasn't you this time. So I was playing with fire elsewhere that same weekend.
Well, I ended up doing all fire deals, which was also funny. I was supposed to suspend and I didn't. So I just played with fire a lot. And there's a good call.
Yeah. I set up a pock holes this time. And I actually walked across the burning log, which wasn't planned. It was just there.
And they're like, you know, you want to. And I was like, yes, I do. And we know that that fire is 960 degrees. And if the log that's on fire does break, I'm falling into 96 degrees.
Fire. Oh, good idea. Good. Good.
Great. Good idea. Yeah, that's you. All you know, I already got lizard foot.
Did I ever talk about lizard foot? Yes, you've talked about lizard foot. How can it hurt lizard foot though, the fire? I don't know.
That's burn. But yeah, I was taking a flesh. I was just to be able to talk about it. I was like, I read that as an angry email from Boogie.
I don't know. I woke up in the morning. I went and walk on fire. Well, after walking on a cold.
Wow, under. Under a phone. Under a phone. Hunger usually has some adventures.
Hunger's an adventure. I was glad. Part of the reason I went to Texas was the gathering that was there. I didn't do hooks this time.
I believe it or not. I went to actually help other people with their hooks. Yeah, you kind of said you're like, OK, I've done quite a bit. And then he healed a little bit.
Yeah, part of the reason I went was a buddy of mine wanted to get this one thing done. He wanted to do a thing with hooks, particularly asking me to come and help. So I got to do that. And I got to do a lot of cool stuff.
Not hooked. It was weird. Sure. I got to connect with a lot of people.
Very good. Nice Texas weekend. And then I started looking for work. That is so.
That's important. Yeah. Yeah. I only caused some irreversible damage this weekend.
I just wanted to say that I fucked up. Again? Well, I just like to admit to people when I'm not as glamorous. And there was a situation that happened over a couple of days.
And I won't get into it because I want to get into some other stuff. But there was a situation that was a long weekend. And I was starting to feel kind of unwelcome in my own place because I was catering to a lot of people that I wasn't really involved in the situations or couldn't because of other people in the room blah, blah, blah. And then something was said by somebody that I'm getting close to.
And it was not said in a way that hit right and pushed a lot of buttons. And I got really pissed off. And wait, you said something that? No, they had said something that hit a bunch of triggers.
And it was pretty innocent. I mean, it was just done in shit talking. But it was kind of done in a way that might not have been the best path. But it was completely, I believe, innocent.
But I still got really pissed off. And after I thought they went to bed, I was across the room ranting to mew about it, to kind of burn it out. And OK, fine. I'll go to sleep.
And then the next morning, I'll say, hey, this is how I felt. And I don't think that was worded in a way after this whole weekend of me doing this and that. That that was really worded well. And that would have been the right way, except for the fact that the person wasn't asleep.
And they heard me ranting. And it kind of traumatized them because they might have had a situation earlier in the day where somebody else in their family ran into them. And so it turned into a very bad thing. And it was just not a shining moment.
I should have just shut up. And I kind of talked as though I didn't care if they heard that I was pissed. And that's not who I want to be. It's not who I want to be, but it is who I am.
And so that's something I had to clean that mess up. And so that was my not shining moment in a pretty amazing weekend. I mean, we still all had a lot of fun and recovered and did a lot of amazing things. But sometimes in that, when I get overwhelmed, I need to be a better advocate about what my limits are and what are the things that when I'm heading down a road where I start feeling like a little bitch, and I don't like that feeling at all.
I don't like it. I was made to feel like that my entire childhood. So I have a lot of triggers still with that. Some of them are unresolved.
And I'm working on that. And so I need to be a better self advocate when that starts to happen. There are some things I could have done in advance to say, OK, we're not doing this two nights in a row on the weekend. They can do this one night.
And then one night I need what I need. So those were my mistakes. Not very flattering. But you learned.
Not very flattering, but I learned that I'm a dick. Fett, life.com, roozers and bondage and bushies and dongs. Fett, life.com, consensual, safe and sane, ish. You know, I could have told you this.
Thanksgiving time. That I'm a dick. I didn't want to pass it up. I didn't want to burn the whole thing.
But yeah, I just have to let people know when I'm an asshole. So I'm accountable. Nice. It's true.
Let's get into another thing where I'm really going to be an asshole now. OK. Oh boy. This is a post by I don't know how to pronounce this.
Apicoros. I don't mean something. I can't pronounce that. I can't pronounce that.
And this person wrote something called On People Who Can't Communicate. And they say, just because someone can't communicate well with you doesn't mean they can't communicate. If you're reading someone that way, you're probably being uncharitable. Instead, what is happening is that communication styles or habits or cultures aren't aligning.
Not everyone is comfortable talking about their emotions directly. Not everyone handles setting and respecting boundaries the same way. And a lot can get lost in translation. I know a ton of people that have been pretty harmed by being told there's something fundamentally wrong with them that they can't communicate.
That's dispiriting. If you wish to disengage with someone because you have trouble communicating with them, don't pin it to them being ignorant or inferior. Maybe you're just not compatible. And that's OK.
That's a much nicer translation of the actual post. Yeah. Yeah. Let me just say that this post was very, very long.
And as usual when there are long posts, there are many other side issues that they discuss and some history of their own that they interject, obviously make it very personal. And as usual, I have to butcher these and get them down to something readable on a podcast. I did not. And I know that Boogie did not, frankly, agree with a lot that was in this post.
But the meat of it was what I read. Yeah. It could have been summed up a lot quicker with, hey, when you communicate with people, be flexible on how they communicate. And I think a lot of people are flexible when they say that.
The premise of this post was somebody ranting against something they read in another post where people say, which happens in a lot of posts, I put it in my posts, or on your personal profile, and say, I don't want to be around people that can't communicate. Or I don't have time for people that can't communicate. And this person got his panties and a bunch about it and said, oh, I think that's shitty and judgmental thing to say the more I thought about it, even though you go to that person's profile. And then they say shitty things that are judgmental on the first sentence or two of their page.
I didn't go that far. Yeah, because I didn't under it. It was a very academic kind of. And it's your post.
You can write all the gender norm and non-binary white judges. All the things. All the cliche, fancy, anti-apologist things. And that's great.
And I think that set me off, because it's me. And that's the first thing. It's like, that's the kind of shit that I do. So it's really not credible when you're talking about communication.
And you're saying, I read this thing about this person that said, if you don't communicate with me, then I don't want to be around people that don't communicate. And I thought that was a shitty judgment. And then the third line on your profile says, not here for your shitty, cishet, Domli Dom, homo, sociality. That sounds kind of judging me too.
And it takes, I'm hitting on the poster, because this is something that I need to be accountable to. If you're going to talk about being a good communicator, people are going to look at you to see if you're credible in your thing. And you've got a lot of credible things to say in your post. You've got a lot of information there.
Reference, information, you reference literature. There was a lot of really good things that you referenced. But then when you see the person, you're like, oh, you're just kind of a shitty, angry, bitter person, just like me. Wow.
And that's just what I thought. So I thought it was a good post. But it did kind of come off like, I'm going to say a bunch of big words to show you how smart I am and how much I know. Instead of just kind of cutting to the chase.
If your audience is people like me who do say on your profile, if you can't communicate, I'm not going to make time for you. Then don't judge me if you're just going to be an openly judging person yourself. So that's kind of my thing. And that's so, like I said, agree with a lot of the things that were said.
But what I don't agree with is a couple things. I have no problem putting on my personal profile. Now then if you work in a school or you work in a place where you're working with a lot of different people, if you're a doctor at a hospital or a staff at a hospital, and you deal with a lot of different people, then I would say absolutely your job is to be very, very flexible in how you communicate with people and how you interpret them, not making them feel uncomfortable. If they can't articulate their thoughts and feelings, be patient with them, maybe see if they're coming from a different place.
Absolutely. But when you're dealing with your personal life, these are the relationships that I want to have. These are the relationships that I have time for. I do have the right to say, this is how I communicate.
And if you don't communicate in a way that I understand or you're not willing to, because it was kind of presumptive, that it was like when you say, I don't want to be around people that can't communicate, it was presumptive in the post that kind of said, oh, I haven't thought about the fact that other people communicate differently. When people put that in general, they mean, if you're not willing to talk through things, if you're not willing to say, I have a feeling about this. If you're not willing to say, I am uncomfortable with this, or I resent this, or whatever, they're going to go and spin on that. And then it's going to turn into a giant drama fuckfest that I personally have no fucking time for.
And that's my choice. And I can have that as my personal choice. I don't have to write long diatribes on my personal profile to explain to people how they communicate. Communication to me is we're going to somehow talk about this.
You're going to somehow tell me your feelings. You're going to somehow, communication is asked. And part of communication is asked me. What did you mean by that when you said, I don't want to be around people that you communicate with?
Are you kind of getting word? Absolutely. I'm making completely psycho on this, probably. No, no, no.
I think that a lot of people, unfortunately, do go into it thinking. It's a failure in communication. If I don't understand everything, you said 100%. And I don't come across 100%.
Good communication is, just as you said, explaining being fourth right when you're not understanding what's going on. So I understand 100%. A couple of weeks ago, more than a couple of weeks ago, Creative Explorer and I got to the first time since we had that big talk where we had hashed out a bunch of stuff and figured out a bunch of stuff. And it was the first time that we had arrived at a weekend.
Actually, I've got to back up a little. I've got to give you a little history. We had come up with a new rule in all of this. It was understood that I would be coming over every weekend without it.
And that's the way that things would be. Unless either he or I had something that had come up, in which case you bring it up. And that's great. But otherwise, it's just understood.
And that made things a lot easier because it was basically formalizing something that we had already been doing for two years. So it was a great thing to have. For the first time, we came up to a weekend where he didn't really know what he was going to be doing and things were all up in the air. And so he called me and said something like, so I'm not exactly sure.
It was kind of, in my opinion, rambling a little bit and saying, this person might come over, but then not. There's a possibility that I'll send a whistle happen. And that's all I have right now. And I got incredibly pissed off because that's not what I had agreed to.
And it didn't sound like I was getting anything. You throw that information. This is what I was thinking. You throw that information at me.
What am I supposed to do with that information? You're basically just saying, here's the mess. You decide what you're going to do. And I was like, this is not what.
And I was just so tired of arguing this one issue because we've had this issue for so long that I just kind of gave up and said, you know what, fine. That's how you can give me. I'm just staying home this weekend. It was for you.
But the book, oh my God. That's the sound of you jerking off with your fucking board game pictures. You suck. So he obviously knew that from the time my voice, something was up.
And this was two people who he and I aren't. We don't have the same communication styles at all. We're very different people. The way our minds work is completely different.
It has been work for us to find ways to communicate. Sure. For me to understand how he communicates and for him to understand how I communicate. And we put a lot of energy into it.
So this was just, I was just exhausted. He ended up calling me back and saying, let's talk about this because clearly I think I've done something wrong and can you tell me what it is? And we sat down and we talked and I ramble on Boogie for like 15 minutes trying to explain what because I couldn't put into words. I was just, I wasn't communicating well.
It wasn't coming out the way I want. And after listening to me for all this time, he looks at me and he goes, oh, I get it. I'm giving you intel, but what you need is actionable intel. And I'm like, yeah, that's it exactly.
That's it. Well done. It's actionable intel. And I felt like such a fucking idiot thinking I'm the world's worst communicator.
How can I, why couldn't I have said that? But how was I to know that those are the words that would make him understand what it is I needed? Sure. I thought I was using the, what my frustration came from.
I thought I was using the words that made sense. And what my frustration was that he could not understand what I was thought was being perfectly clear. And here he comes up with just these two little words. But the actual intel.
Yeah, yeah, that's it. Give me actionable intel and we're good. It kind of makes sense that we're like, I don't know your kind of like your relationship as much. But that one is like, there's communicating.
But what do you want me to do or change or interact with that? So that key phrase is like, okay, you're telling this. What do you want me to do? But some people don't like they make their own thoughts, but they don't know like what do you want from this statement or something.
Yeah. And that's that was exactly why. And I would literally say, but what am I supposed to do with this? And he would be like, I don't, I could see the thought bubble over said, I don't understand.
You told me that you wanted information and I'm giving you information from his perspective. He was doing exactly what I had asked for him. He was giving me information. But you here's what from what I just heard from you said, you did exactly what you're supposed to do.
You rambled for 15 minutes until he caught enough that he could formulate. And then say, is this what you mean? Yeah. And that's what we do constantly.
I mean, all of my partners communicate very differently. I think a lot of people who are communication people who say I need communication are flexible and are willing to be maybe in a lot of situations that this poster talked about. You're right. There's shitty communicators all over the world.
But I think not everyone is a shitty communicator or does not understand that there are different styles of communication. If somebody is saying, I need to communicate with my partners, the hope is that they mean I need to find out what you actually mean. That I need to know, I need you to know who I am and I need you to know, I need to know who you are. And we're going to take some time and we're going to be messy.
And maybe, you know, we have one partner that is literally has a lot, they're new to us. They talked about this before. They don't owe us, you know, all of this information about their lives because they still have to learn to trust us that we're not going to harm them with this information. So most of our communication is interview based.
And interview based communication is, does it feel like this? I don't know. Do you think this? I don't know.
And it can be very frustrating until you find that thing. And that's where the flexibility of that communication is some extra patience and a little bit of compassion, understanding this person came from this place. They disclosed this much information. They're willing to at least have a conversation.
You just know, I mean, I went through this with me. I went through this with money. I've been through this with a lot of partners because I'm older and maybe they're a lot younger and they haven't had, you know, 50 years of communication practice. So there was a lot of that interviewing until we got to know each other and we learned each other's language and whatever.
And I don't think that's, I mean, that's all we talk about on the show is to try to be that flexible. But if there is not a base willingness and I think that's what that phrase means, I don't have time for people who don't communicate. I think the basis of that means that if you are not willing to try to communicate who you are and what you are to me, I'll see you in the dungeon and say, hi, maybe we'll volunteer next to each other. Maybe we can fuck.
That's it. You know, I don't have time to develop a relationship with people who are not willing to at least try. And I don't need to put any extra information. If you don't have the ability, these are, because I'm allowed in my personal profile.
I'm allowed in who I am just like the poster is just like you are just as your I am allowed to set boundaries of what I desire in relationships. I'm allowed to say if somebody can't meet me at this point, that is a test. It is a test. I am testing people to see if you are worth my time.
You should be testing me to see if I'm worth your time. Can you be a benefit to my life? Can I be a benefit to your life? There are a lot of little things, a little benchmarks that you reach when you're developing something with someone to decide.
Is this going to be valuable to me? And for me, if you can't ask me a question about what communication means to me, that's it. You failed the test. You failed the test.
Good luck to you. I hope it works out for you. If you're super hypersensitive or you're mental illness, which I already have enough of in my own life, that's great. Good for you.
And after you go, I don't have to accommodate every single human that refuses to engage in communication because they have past trauma in their life or their emo or they don't. If you're not willing, you're not the type of person that I'm going to build a relationship with. Right. I think that's a very smart distinction because that is true.
It's not if you're not going to communicate, but you're not willing to try to try and find someone where you're going to go. You don't have a dialogue. You don't have a dialogue. There's no relationship.
You can just let's go game or fuck and leave it at that. Yeah. And if you are willing, like this one person that I talked about in the relationship that we're not hanging out with more, they're willing. And so I will sit there for an hour and hour.
And let me tell you, when I say an hour, I mean, an hour, 60 minutes is a long time to try to understand what somebody is thinking when they are very scared of what you're going to think of them, when that feeling comes out. And it's a lot of that gentle, you're okay. It can be messy. Even if it's you don't like me, I'll get over the butt hurt and disappointment.
You know, sometimes I get angry. That's what that's part of who I am. It's not going to last long. It's a feeling if that, you know, I'll sit with you and we'll work that out.
But if you are not willing to go to that next level with yourself, then that's my limit. Right. That's true. I mean, I had almost reached a limit.
I felt like I'd reached a limit. I felt like I can't do anymore. I'm exhausted with this one issue. I actually think that I'm just going to drop this and let it go.
It was the first time I've experienced that with special with creative exploring. It was a little scary. I didn't like leaving it hanging on. You deserve that limit.
And even if it's irrational limit, you absolutely have the right to say, you know what? If people don't wear fucking fuzzy long hats with dicks on the top of them, then that's what I get it. That's what I think you have the right to say whatever is your thing. And I did.
I feel good about it. And I was surprised, happily surprised that he's the one who came back and said, let's get together and talk because clearly something is wrong here. I was dubious that we would get anywhere. And it was, I mean, aside from being rather funny that just those two words were all that was needed, I was very, very relieved.
It's amazing when that, yeah, I guess I could have said that for the beginning. Those dumb moments. Yeah. So all in all, it's a good topic, even though you and I may not agree.
Well, I mean, whatever. I didn't like the approach. But once again, this guy can write whatever the fuck is between right and this giant essay, you wrote and how you act. Yeah, whatever.
You know, whatever they want. I mean, I went on their personal profile and read their stuff. They can go and read mine and we don't have to agree or like everything. But what was important, what was the most important thing about this is my first gut reaction when I read it was kind of like, oh, fuck, you know, another one of these fucking things.
And my first reaction was like, God damn it, Kathy. Why do we do this? Why are you just caffy fucking with me? Because it's Thanksgiving.
She's one who reminded me to do the turkey. You know, it's like these types of things always, I'm always a dick, you know, and I always challenge the poster when they when they write in a way. And I'm like, I should tell Kathy just don't, you know, when it's this type of language and they're trying to be super academic and show people fucking smart, they are just don't give me those posts. That was my gut reaction.
And then I had this amazing fucking revelation. Hey, I'm doing a podcast that talks about King Convey DSM. And this is my only real opportunity to be taken out of my challenge and comfort zone. So if I'm stuck, because now I'm doing what the fucking people I can't stand do, which is try to make everything soft and cuddly and not painful and let's protect everybody's feelings and never be offended and never be uncomfortable.
And those are the people I fucking despise. And now all of a sudden I'm going to try to get Kathy to make things cuddly for me. So I'm not offended or uncomfortable or dealing with someone. And I said, shut up you little bitch.
This is, this is your opportunity to sit and try to look at this person's post that has some things in it that kind of trigger me and set me off and try to find out what is good about this person. What do I have in common with this person and where can I not throw the baby out with the bath water and actually grow as, as a person. And when I had that attitude, I actually went back, I said, well, I want to understand where about what they said. And that's when I find the thing on the profile of the mouth.
But I found other things and I found out this person is not a bad person. They have some really good ideas. Maybe I don't agree with all of them. And I was able to kind of come back and be challenged all day.
I spent all fucking day fighting myself about this. The girls left it like noon. And I literally spent a lot of time because I said, I'm going to sit with this. I'm going to try to just not just fly off the hand.
I did that the other night with my partner and it caused possible irreparable damage. So why don't I not just react and try to make things comfortable for myself and just go through it. And I wound up being very treated by some of the things this poster had to say. And so, Kathy, thanks for fucking with me.
Happy goddamn fucking Thanksgiving. I regret ever having said do a gobble gobble drop. As you say it again. The views of boogie, the views of boogie, the views of boogie.
Sorry. I just make a song with it. Always and be done with it. Yes.