#182 Emotional Intelligence in the Classroom with NYT Best Seller Alyssa Blask Campbell

What if defiance is really dysregulation? In this episode I sit down with Alyssa Blask Campbell — New York Times bestselling author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, founder of Seed & Sow, and co-creator of the Collaborative Emotion Processing method — to talk about emotional intelligence, unique nervous systems, and why the behavior we find hardest is so often a child asking for support. When we see challenging behavior, we're usually looking at a nervous system that needs support — not a child who needs fixing. Alyssa breaks down the five components of emotional intelligence — self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills — and why every one of us develops them differently. She shares a fresh way to understand empathy, a powerful reframe around the word "autistic" and our own implicit biases, and why so much of supporting a dysregulated child starts with regulating ourselves first. We also get into her flagship free tool, the regulation questionnaire built alongside OTs, and the sensory shift that's helping schools cut behavior support calls by 60 percent — not by adding more tools, but by matching the right tool to the child in front of you. We'll talk about: the five components of emotional intelligence, and why we each develop them differently why regulation is never one-size-fits-all a fresh way to understand empathy: believing a feeling is true for the child the Collaborative Emotion Processing method, and why most of it is about us how implicit bias shapes the way we respond to an autism diagnosis the free regulation questionnaire, and the sensory shift that cut behavior calls by 60% In This Episode, You'll Learn The five components of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills Why "the volcano" is such a powerful way to teach kids self-awareness Why regulation strategies have to match a child's unique nervous system A new definition of empathy — connecting over what a child feels, not why How implicit biases quietly shape what we expect of an autistic child Why supporting kids well starts with regulating ourselves first The difference between sensory-seeking and sensory-sensitive needs, and why the right tool matters How a free regulation questionnaire helps match the right support to the right child Why predictable routines are regulating and build a child's autonomy Key Takeaways Challenging behavior is often a dysregulated nervous system asking for support Every human has a unique nervous system — regulation is not one-size-fits-all We each develop the five components of emotional intelligence differently Empathy means believing a child's feeling is true, no matter the reason behind it The work starts with the adult: our self-awareness, our biases, our self-care The right sensory tool beats more tools — match the tool to the child Meeting sensory needs for everyone can dramatically reduce behavior support calls Predictability regulates the nervous system and supports autonomy Your reactivity isn't failure; it's dysregulation — and there's a path forward Try This Name the "volcano" with a child to build self-awareness before the explosion Ask what truly calms this nervous system instead of defaulting to deep breaths Practice empathy by believing the feeling, without judging the reason for it Notice the story or bias behind your own reaction to a behavior Map your own nervous system: what recharges you, and what drains you Offer a sensory tool to any child who needs it, not just to one labeled child Build in predictable routines and transition objects to ease the day Regulate yourself first, then return to the child with more capacity Related Resources & Links  Seed & Sow — free Regulation Questionnaire Tiny Humans, Big Emotions by Alyssa Blask Campbell Big Kids, Bigger Feelings by Alyssa Blask Campbell Preschool Autism Summit (July 2026) We all have a unique nervous system, and none of us regulate the same way. When we stop trying to manage behavior and start getting curious about the human in front of us — what's dysregulating, what's regulating, what support would actually help — everything softens. Behavior becomes communication, and our job becomes connection. That's good for our autistic learners, and it turns out it's good for every child in the room.