183. How to Move Past Small Talk: A Simple Curiosity Shift to Connect With Anyone

Send us Fan MailIf networking events, conferences, or rooms full of strangers make you want to find the nearest exit, the problem is not that you are bad at small talk. The problem is that small talk is the wrong goal. In this episode, Kele Belton shares a curiosity shift that helps you move past surface-level conversation and create more genuine connection at work events, networking conversations, and everyday professional interactions.The short version: small talk gets easier when you stop performing and start getting genuinely curious. What follows is the shift that turns surface-level exchanges into real connection, plus simple ways to use it at your next event, meeting, or conference.In this episode of Communicate to Lead, Kele Belton reframes one of the most common sources of professional discomfort: talking to people you do not know well. She explains why typical small talk advice keeps conversations on autopilot, why curiosity works better than performance, and how three simple practices can help you have better conversations at your next event, meeting, or conference. She also connects these everyday moments to career visibility, sponsorship, referrals, and relationship-building, making the point that this is not a soft skill. It is a career skill.What You Will LearnWhy small talk often feels like a performance, and the one shift that takes the pressure off.The two hidden fears that keep capable professionals from asking more meaningful questions.What to say instead of “What do you do?” if you want a more real conversation.How to “listen for the door” and notice the conversational opening most people miss.Why offering something of yourself back is what turns a pleasant exchange into an actual relationship.How to prepare in two minutes before a networking event so real conversation feels more natural.Who This Is ForThis episode is for women leaders, high-performing professionals, and anyone who wants to get better at networking without sounding forced, awkward, or performative. It is especially relevant if you tend to dislike traditional small talk but still want to build stronger professional relationships.Your Action StepHere is your action step for your next event or meeting with someone new:Before you go, write down three questions you would genuinely love to ask a stranger.In the conversation, lead with one of those questions instead of the usual “What do you do?”When they answer, listen for the thread with a little energy behind it, and pull on it with one more question before you say anything about yourself.Common Questions About Small Talk and NetworkingHow do I get better at small talk at networking events?Stop treating small talk as the goal. The shift is to stop trying to sound interesting and start getting genuinely interested in the other person. That change lowers the pressure and makes the conversation easier to continue.What are good questions to ask instead of “What do you do?”Ask the question underneath the question. Instead of “What do you do?” try “What’s something you’re working on that you’re excited about?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?”How do I have deeper conversations with people I have just met?Listen for the door. When someone answers a real question, they usually give you a phrase with a little energy behind it. If you follow that thread with one more question, the conversation moves beyond autopilot.Why is networking important for women’s career advancement?Because many of the relationships that shape your career start in ordinary, easy-to-dismiss conversations. Sponsors, mentors, referrals, and advocates often begin as strangers in a room.Related QuestionsHow do I stop feeling awkward talking to strangers at work events?Is it rude to ask personal questions when networking?How do introverts network without feeling drained?How do I make a memorable first impression at a conference?How do I turn a networking conversation into a real professional relationship?About Your HostKele Belton is a communication and leadership facilitator, coach, and consultant who helps high-performing women in middle and senior management build the communication and leadership strategies that get them recognized, sponsored, and promoted.Connect with Kele:LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kele-ruth-belton/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetailoredapproach/Website: https://thetailoredapproach.comBook a Leadership Strategy Call (30 minutes, complimentary): https://calendly.com/kele-thetailoredapproach/leadership-strategy-call