Was that a joke? That was a horrible image. It's just a way happy look at you. So he butters you up.
I don't know what you think about that. He just rubs the butter. He rubs the butter on his skin. He rubs the lotion.
And he sticks in the potato again. That is a great way to start a show. The following show is for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.
And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. How'd everybody have it? Do you feel your sex life is quite lame? Scared that your desires might be straight?
Come and join the Kinky Wells of Play. Hello and welcome to the perverted podcast. This show where we butter up Kathy's nose and stick potatoes in with sex and perversion. Recording live.
Yes, thank you. You know that was you. No, I said owl. Recording live from the special dungeon.
Let me say my book. You know the Hollywood Californian French of no audience because everyone's on a fucking mic tonight. Yay. Well, everyone has to introduce themselves now.
I'm Kathy. I'm Owl. I'm Lux. I'm happy.
I'm not Uncle Dell. I am Count Boogie and down on the floor. We have Mew and Bunny. And it is just a fan.
Stick Monday. I don't understand what they're doing because Bunny is just flat out on the ground. That's she's holding my foot. Ew.
The lizard foot? Well, a lizard foot has a sock on it. Oh, I see. My egg scumma is not shedding, Kathy.
Egg scumma? I think that's what it is. I don't know. That's what you think of eggnog and I'm now doubly disgusting.
Now I can just get, you know how you scrape. No. No, no. Let's all go there.
No. No. No. You just scraping my foot into your eggnog.
No. I have no. This is disgusting. You were sick too.
I was last week. Mew was very sick. Everybody's sick. Oh my god, do you want to hear?
What? I think I got it from them. Oh, probably. Do you want to hear the greatest news story?
Mew's just getting over her sickness, OK? So, and she is so sweet because Mew just wants to be a helper. She always wants to be a helper. So she gives me rolling pins because I'm dying.
So she gives me rolling pins to circulate my legs back from the brink of death or whatever. And so I'm in a lot of pain. And she's been having this cold. And it's like just there's really just sniffles, sniffles, sniffles and she didn't get the fever.
But she had all the congestion and sniffing and stuff. And so, but she still wants to be a helper. And she's like, Daddy, can I give you rolling pins? I know you're in a lot of pain.
And I'm like, yes, please give me some rolling pins. Thank you. And she gives me rolling pins. And then the danger happens.
And she's like, do you want me to stand on your back? And now, remember, I'm on the bed. And then we have that metal shelf in the bed. So I'm like, OK, don't die while standing on my back.
Social, hold her. So don't die. And the whole time I'm like, she's going to die. She's totally going to die.
So I'm laying face down. And she starts walking on my back while holding on to this shelf. And I'm just like big shelf with all this stuff on it. And I'm like, OK, this is going to be OK.
Because I need it. And she's like, OK, that's good. Walk a little higher. And she's kind of like holding the thing and leaning over.
And I'm like, oh, just don't die. But instead of dying, she did something extra special. And I'm laying there. And all of a sudden, I'm bald.
So that's just all head skin. And I'm laying there with my face down. And all of a sudden, I feel on my head her entire nasal cavity drain. And dump her entire cold on the back of my head.
And then it splattered down my arm. And I just, well, that's a thing. This little teeny girl put eight gallons of fucking use nut on daddy directly on daddy's head. And I just go, oh, and she's like, oh, she's like, oh, she's laughing.
I'm just trying to help. Instead of a nanny part, it's a daddy part. I'm just sitting there. And I'm so squicked out.
And I'm just like, oh, and I'm just all I can say was that was fucking scandalous. And we just started laughing. And I'm like, get it off me. She's hitting me in the head with paper towels.
And she's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, fuck you up, daddy. What's it look on her face? Aw. Oh, no, she's just milking.
So yeah, there's been a lot of sickness around here. And just, man, that was a feeling. That was a pretty good feeling. So I don't know what to say.
I'm sorry. It was pretty amazing. I mean, if you'd had hair, maybe that could have been like, what's that? You got it right on the skin.
Did a piece of paper fall off the shelf? Did somebody fall off? She could have been like, oh, sorry. That was one of the wash out of your hair.
That would even work. Now would have just dried. Yeah. Yeah, that's worse.
It was dried when I had my mohawk. I could have made asteroids with it. Either Knox jail or Museknot. Just both of them would just keep that thing standing tall.
Nice, tall doll look. Exactly. It was amazing. It was amazing.
So this is how we start the show. And yeah, this weekend, of course, there was lots of yummy interactions with people. I was sick all weekend. You didn't do much.
I mean, it was just, yeah. I don't care even if you did a little. It was still better than mine. And I just don't like it right now.
Don't you suck, fuck? When you get all hot and steamy and you're just all on the die. First of all, no, that's disgusting. First of all, I did not see creative explorer this weekend because he was sick and I was sick.
Oh my God. I know. The last thing I'm going to do is go over there and cater to him when I'm sick. I can't go over without him.
He screams sandwich me. I don't know. He could have gotten back at him. Pulled him you.
Yeah. Could have pulled him you. No, I would have been. That's what the term is now called.
Pulling him you. And she did it like three other times by the way. So when you get snot on someone, it's called pulling him you. That's it.
Look at her face. I think so. I think the back of the head should be pulling him. No, no, no.
Because she did it like three times. I didn't even say that. She's like leaning on my neck. She's like, I love you, daddy.
I'm like, oh. And she's like, oh, let me get that. I love who it is. Very clear.
Very not going to be very. She knows. Same on you for having a functioning human body. It was amazing.
So what else going on. This is how we start. Oh. Therapy again.
Yeah. I'm trying I'm begging imaginary gods of the universe that my therapist. The therapist I had, she went on maternity leave to go squirt out a kid. What did you do?
Look, I did not breach the patient client fiduciary obligation. I just jerked off in a petri dish while she had a speculum in. Well, there's a fiduciary obligation to not fuck your therapist, which I don't really care about. I think you're using that word wrong.
No, doesn't fiduciary mean that like in good faith? I think it has to do with money. Yeah, in real estate. I just thought I'm just gonna, hey, I'm just gonna use it.
Okay. I'm just gonna use it. So you haven't gotten therapies what you're saying? I haven't.
Well, I had and then I'm like, okay, I don't feel welcome in this one. I'm just gonna leave and then I'm suddenly starting to look at the bear. So now I'm gonna go back. If for no other reason than we need, you know, shrink tank back.
Pivertty pot. Yeah, that's true. I don't care about you. We need to segment back.
That is the only thing. Anyone else have anything cool that went on? Al has like cute out socks on. I do.
They're like neon green though, which is not my color, but they're still cute. They're cute. It looks like the Al is like giving you a little foot. It looks really weird from the front.
A little foot love. It looks great. It's strange from the front. A little foot love.
Why is Lux talking not into the mic? I'm sorry I got excited because the socks are cute. The socks are really long. The tropical bird.
Like the one from up. That goes, oh! Oh, you mean Kevin? Yes, Kevin.
Fucking Kevin. She bird. All right. This is it.
This is the, well, after a great start. Where's Unger? I don't know. He just doesn't know.
Unger, Unger, Unger. Black crotch! There he is. Unger just got fabulous.
Or maybe he's got a lot of stuff on his head. He listens to the show by the way. He's going to hear this. Let's just move on and do a topic then.
They're like, is the place where you want to go and play? Well then they fuck each other in the ass with their horns because that's the kind of freaky shit that happens on their life. Oh, you're a piece of money. Please know that the author of every post we talk about has specific grandit permission to do so keep.
That's not off the mic, Mr. Mann. I think Aaron should just sniffle in the mic the whole show and on it. Nobody can touch this mic.
Is homage the wrong word to use? Oh, Maj. That's the way. I'm not Amish.
You ask a question and I answer it. It's homage. Yes, it is. Thanks.
You're welcome. Thanks. Thank you. Whatever.
Now you're just baiting for a fight. I'm not going to push it on. What's the topic? What's the topic?
It came up out of the door. Hello. She's like, I hate it when mom and dad fight. Oh, there's no fan fiction at that.
Oh, I don't want to know. So, Malachi wrote this wonderful post. It's called No Expectations. By the way, when I asked her, we use your post like I do to everybody.
She's like, no. She actually had heard of it. She listened to the show. Really?
Yeah. She knows. She knows it's going bad. She says she's thrilled to be part of the podcast.
Here's another amazing thing about her. She's 100% out. That is good. Wow.
There's another one out there. Yeah, there's like three of us. There's like three of us. It's good.
Good to hear. She wrote a post called No Expectations in which she says, I think it's really important to differentiate between desire, expectation and entitlement. Desire is wanting something. Expectation is a reasonable assumption that something will happen based on communication or consistent patterns of behavior.
And entitlement is feeling that you owe something. It's fine to want things. It's fine to expect things. And honestly, it's fine to feel entitled sometimes.
Expectations aren't a bad word. They don't make you needy or high maintenance. They're a pretty basic, fundamental part of being in a relationship. But no one is a mind reader.
So, when something changes that would reasonably cause a shift in expectations, it's up to the other person to communicate. It's not up to you to have quote unquote, no expectations. Which to me is code for one person getting their needs met and the other person waiting around for table scraps. That's too bad.
That was exactly. That was how I felt. When? Well, reading it.
Oh. Because it's just like, I don't know. I've heard it's like this whole hippie movement thing that's just, it's like about as douchey is saying you have no limits. It's like, hey, we're not going to have expectations.
There's no expectations here. Hey, look, people are nodding. No expectations. Fuck you.
You fucking emo douche. Fuck you. It's the same thing as saying, oh, I have no limits. Of course you have fucking expectations.
You expect to not fucking have someone take a crap in your mouth. That's an expectation. Depends on the party. Okay, depends on the party.
We don't allow that. It's racial. But you know what I'm saying? I'm entitled to have no crap in my mouth.
You aren't. Dallas and entitlement. But it's just people come in and it's just they say these Blake and things because they don't want to commit to the fact that you're having an interaction with another human. And so they want to say, oh, no expectations.
Basically, which gives you blanket excuse to just be like, no, I don't really want to meet any of your needs and whatever, but you should still be here to meet my needs and do what I want. It's just it's just it comes off like hippie douchey. Do you think that's what it is completely or is that they're also a factor of like they just don't they're a little afraid to even try and express their expectations because they're afraid they'll get rejected. That's absolutely that is absolutely.
Yeah, I'm not talking in absolutes. I'm talking I'm always talking in general. Yeah, I figured that was. I mean, it's also a thing.
It's also a thing that's like that you're not willing to have a conversation about what your expectations are, which is going to end up killing everything that you're doing anything. And you've experienced with that where people, you know, they just are, you know, and maybe it's because you're afraid of rejection or any number of valid feelings, but ultimately throwing that as a label in front of somebody, it stops all communication and it stops any understanding that there is an interaction between two people and you have needs in this and I have needs in this and to kind of always be well, oh, no, whoa, whoa. We said there was going to be no expectations and Kathy, you this reminded me of you in some ways because you used to talk a lot about, you know, you had a very low profile with creative explorer like, hey, we're not going to define a relationship or we're not going to, you know, do this kind of thing and that there's not going to be as many expectations for this or that. There's a certain amount of time of going over and over and over to somebody's house and doing the similar things every time that how can there not be some sort of expectation?
Yeah, and it wasn't there was an expectation. We had set up a very clear defined boundaries and I used to go over on Tuesday nights and that was my thing and I was like over and then leave the next morning that was it because of circumstances with his other relationships where he stopped spending time with his other with his primary actually over the course of two years. I found that I was going over there every weekend. I was being invited over every weekend and but nothing was said.
Sure. And so the expectation was still look, you're supposed to come over this amount of time on that there's a very specific amount of time and and everything else is just gravy. So don't expect more than that. And yet after two years, it's like, you know, a pattern of behavior has been set up.
Right. And so I have every right to expect that that's going to continue and just because the words aren't actually spoken doesn't mean that the expectation isn't there. It's not fair to me because and this is a this is a much bigger discussion than what I'm I mean, it was very very complicated and convoluted thing that we had found ourselves in without even realizing, only fuck it. Then two years, I'm here every fucking week and maybe we should and immediately we realize this and set down and but you guys talked through it.
Exactly. We said, you know, this I we just didn't think we were just having a good time and getting together every weekend and before you know it, two years have gone by and yeah, maybe it's a good time to set up some new expectations and let's talk about it and lay things out and you know, if you would have come up, if you would have come at you like say after two years and then a weekend comes up and you're like, okay, I'm coming over and then. He says, no, and you're like, okay, but you may be a little bit disappointed because you're used to going over there and then he started throwing the shit like, hey, we said there was going to be no expectations. Would I would have said go fuck yourself.
You discussing at all. I'm never going to speak to you again because that would be absolutely disrespectful to me and I would never want to hang out with someone who was like that. No, absolutely not. It really it would make me feel just like the poster says like I'm just getting table scraps and I should be lucky to get.
Yeah. Yeah. No, no, that is not something I think it's in the wording because and it's in the wording that I heard that may be defensive because happy did point out some of the things that sometimes that my in my righteous anger that I didn't consider is that maybe a lot of times when I came in with the hey, let's not have expectation. I was still a communicator and I would still communicate and understand that saying no expectations didn't mean no expectations that there was kind of parameters.
We said that we're not going to work towards a committed relationship or we're not going to work towards this and you understand that people have that fear of commitment. So when they say no expectations that maybe it's based off their, you know, their fears of that it even seems to create almost a wall because then it's like you've already got to go into this situation or relationship, whatever you want to call it. And there's this already said expectation of no expectation. So the person who wants to break that then is in a vulnerable position.
Yeah. Because now I'm the injectable person there. The ones that can be rejected from that. I see this happen all the time with modern dating out in the vanilla world where people are like, oh, yeah, no expectations.
We don't have to have anything, whatever, like be cool. And it's like, um, but then everyone's trying so hard to be cool that nobody's actually paying attention or trying to get what they want out of relationship except for the people who are cool with like, yeah, just those during the touch sex and I don't have to worry about anybody else asking me for shit because it's the social norm now to be cool and not have expectations. Great. I feel kind of weird sitting over here because I'm one of those no expectation people.
But you're a communicator though. Well, yeah. I mean, I, like, I, I communicate my wants and needs and things like that. But I also go into things like, well, if it doesn't turn out this way, then that's fine.
I'll just never do it again. So I'm like, I like to go into things with no expectations because I don't like to be disappointed. And if I go into something without expectations, then I won't be disappointed. Can I ask that?
Do you, do you have any sort of plan going into it in regards to what you want from it? I mean, obviously there's, you're saying, what do you want to respect? If you go into it the first way, I think what we're just nailing on the word. When you go into Al, when you go into a situation where you have a new lover or whatever and you're saying no expectations, you're saying that, but you still want them to respect you, don't you?
Well, yeah. You still want them to respect your limits. So I just not completely like, so I'm saying it. See, that's, that's, I think what's the thing that's annoying is, is it's kind of like saying, oh, I have no limits.
Well, yes, you do have limits. You just don't maybe know what all those limits are. And you don't know what the other person wants to do to you. But we do have expectations.
There is always some sort of expectation for some sort of civil respect. I'll get you in a second. Some sort of civil respect between each other, a certain level of communication and maybe the other person doesn't have that basic common ground. And that's where by saying have no expectations, you don't communicate that.
And I guess what I'm trying to say is like, say I did start getting someone new and I'd be like, all right, I don't want to put a label on this yet. Let's just see where this goes. They end up not working out like after like a month or so. Then I'll be like, all right, sorry.
No expectations versus like, you'll eventually have some expectations once you do it. But at the starting off point, like, we don't know where this going. Let's see. But then like the one you're hitting on is like, no, no expectations ever.
That's like, no, no, no. I don't want to talk about it ever. Those are two different things. Sure.
I think no expectation in the same regards when they're like, no expectation. I think they don't finish. It's no expectation of a commitment. I think it's absolutely.
You were to finish that sentence. No expectations. No, no, no, no. No expectations of a commitment.
Let's explore and talk to each other and communicate what we will desire from one another. But have this understanding that like just because we're doing that, we don't have an expectation of a commitment. And I think that alone just adding that little in helps the communication continue. And that's something that's completely okay to say, hey, we were going to say we didn't have expectations of certain things, you know, and then that can be reevaluated because you have every right people fall in fucking love as bizarre and retarded as it is.
It happens. So you are allowed to develop feelings. You are allowed to change your point of view about a relationship, even though you came in saying, oh, we're not going to expect a relationship or not. There is nothing wrong.
You need to understand that when you get involved with somebody and if you have whatever you do is good, then there is a chance that there's going to be some bonding and that's that has to be okay. You have to be okay. You may get rejected the other person, which I've had a billion times in my life, to where the other person is like, I know we said, you know, we weren't going to expect a relationship, but I've developed some bonds with you now and now that is distracting and whatever. But like you said, you've kind of discussed that, but it shouldn't be that you don't.
Yeah, because I'm in a position where I'm right now where I'm at. I'm letting people know anybody I'm playing with or doing anything more with is that you can't have an expectation with me beyond friendship at this moment because I'm just not. I'm not going to be available for that. But I am available to be a very good friend.
That's just my position. But I try to be as, like you said, you have to communicate yourself. You have to communicate what you need. You need, I guess, needs and desires need to always be communicated effectively.
I'm like, I can't. I can't, because my hand is attached to the mouth of a Mew. She recently vaccinated. Does she ever shot?
No, stop shooting on Lux. You need to get in the shot Lux. Let's see. I want to see.
Great. I like how you kind of go. You got that like backwards head dolphin thing going up towards the mic, but it's pushing out your boobs. Good.
So I like it. Yeah, those creepy by the way. Thank you. Welcome to perverted a podcast.
She's like, hew you had a shitty, your expectation is not going to be validated here. Not at all. Not at all. This is cool, I mean, because that is something you hear a lot, and it is, I think, kind of a modern dating tactic that I think is incomplete, and I think is going to lead to a lot of barriers and lack of intimacy, because people are just going to use that as kind of that cutoff.
Like, oh, we're not going to do this because we said these rules, and socially, you're going to be rejected because you're somebody that, you know, oh, you had an expectation, you should, like we're trying to build, like, people that aren't flexible and don't have feelings and are going to be able to just stick with that. And I just, it kind of just sounds like a douchey way that people who just want to fucking figure out how to manipulate people into fucking them without giving them any commitment. You know, because you're right, over time, things are going to change, and happy is right, being in the position where you're the one who then has to voice that now you have expectations. It's not a fun thing.
I mean, after those two years, we weren't just, I wasn't just there every week, and I was helping him organize his apartment. I was putting all this stuff in order. I was, you know, creating all of these systems that would make him live his life easier, and then he was going to be moving out, and he had, and I had to be in a position where I said, look, I know you didn't expect this to either die, but the mere fact that you have had me in your life in this way, organizing your stuff, making decisions about things that go on around here. I'm sorry, but that means I'm kind of nested here.
There's no way around that. And I didn't want to say that. I didn't want to be that person. I wanted to be this free person who doesn't, but I had to fess up.
I had to stand up on the chopping block and say, I realize that you might say, thank you for communicating this to me, but I'm sorry it's not what I want, but I had to say any feelings. I know. I had to say it anyway, and I did turn out great because Creative Explorer is a great person, and he said, you know, I had to occur to me, and thank you for telling me, let's talk about that. And we came out the other end with something that worked for both of us.
And I don't think there's anything wrong on both ends of this conversation. I don't think you should be castigated. I don't think you should be castigated for having a feeling over time, even though you said we weren't going to have any expectations of a relationship as Happy Addison. But I also think that it's important, as you said, that it is also okay to say, hey, I'm still the same person that I was when I made this agreement, and I still don't feel like moving any forward or changing anything.
And I don't think that person should be shamed either because you did disclose. And I don't think there should be a problem with saying, hey, I disclosed who I am, because then you get into the negative where somebody gets in a relationship with you or someone starts hanging out with you with that kind of idea, oh, I can change them and they'll change over time. Right. I mean, yeah.
Which is a whole other kind of... And it brings it back to that, you know, no means knowing you only have to say it once. In a sense, like, you know, when you communicate that person continues to try to pressure and push and this and that, and especially when there's not time involved in really any sort of extra trust built into that. Right.
You know, when you shame them and that's just not cool in my opinion. You can't... No, I mean, I had to be okay. I knew perfect.
The reason that it was hard for me to say anything to him was because I knew perfectly well that he may very well come back and say, sorry. And I couldn't... There would be nothing that I could say because I'm being honest with him and he's being honest with me and that's just the way relationships are. How easy to feed to all this by having regular check ins and discussions with your partners.
No. And that it's okay to say, I do have expectations that you're going to respect me and I do have ... And unless that you're dynamic is that it's a complete degradation relationship or it's a tender swipe. It's coming in and fucking and that's it.
But anytime you're going to continue to see somebody after that... And even in that initial thing, I'm expecting that I'm not going to be raped. I'm expecting that I'm not going to be murdered. That is...
Those are reasonable expectations to have. But ultimately, it is just something that's some simple checking in and validating the other persons. You have a right to feel this way, especially after time. Once there's been some time, you have the right to say, okay, maybe there's been some bonding.
I mean, you can watch a million YouTube videos on psychology and bonding and primates and animals and we're animals and so things do change and you're allowed to have those change and the other person is allowed to not change. But it's just... It's a hard one. It is a hard one, but it's pretty easy if you just kind of talk a little bit.
The other half of that is being able to tolerate rejection gracefully because not being able to do that means I don't want to check in because I don't want to find out if they really, really don't like the fetish. I'm just going to ignore the problem until it festers. Great. But that's on you because now you've not given them a chance to absolutely speak for themselves.
It's now created a relationship with another person that doesn't even really exist because you're not really even relying on their opinion to formulate your judgment. Your assumption is upon what you think they desire and what and then you're reacting and behaving without ever actually knowing that's something that's not something that's not something and it doesn't really work. I mean, God bless you if you can make spinning work. I've just never really seen having a relationship with yourself while with somebody else and pretending to have their classical.
I was able to go a little over two years. Yeah. Good run. Thank you to my life.
Yeah, what cost? Your non-existent soul. God damn it. Thank you to PPE.
Yes, I want to thank Bellotchi for such a great topic because it really has kept talking talking for a while, hasn't it? Everyone keeps giving us the wrap. The wrap. The wrap.
I don't know. I have to do that. What is the PPE report? Oh, yes.
Stuff we need to tell you about. I murdered my gasses. There. I know the jingle.
Yeah, you do. Ready? That was just a fluke, wasn't it? It just happened to be.
Sure was. You didn't put that up on purpose. Yeah, it was there. I just wanted to say that I think I shamed our listeners.
You did. You did. You're all fucking going to use luxes and I'm like, there's other stuff there. Shouldn't we.
Sometimes Cathy gets a little moody and that's where we just let her have it. I love doing the show. I'm here and I'm sick. Sure.
So I wouldn't be if I didn't love the show. But God damn it. I expect a lot out of our listeners. You expect them to send it at this time.
Send us your emails when I ask for suggestions and boy did they. We've just got to send. So the shaming worked? It worked.
It is. It's surprising how often that freaking works, which is why they always still do it. It's just usually a balance. It's a balance between a little shame and then like, you know, just a little shame.
A little shame works, a little social shaming. It changes behaviors. Oh, that's a cool. That's an a key feeling.
Oh, I shouldn't do that. Oh, okay. So really some of the I came ago. I'm just saying we have a whole list.
I think the next two years we're not going to be digging for. So did we settle on a wrap and to haikus for the pajama? The question is. I'm like, okay.
So what you did is you didn't add. You didn't add those suggestions into the mix. You just now. I have a backlog assuming we're going to live another year as a big assumption.
I mean, who knows how long. Christmas haikus in March. No, they're not all holiday suggestions. Okay.
Well, thank you for the podcast listeners. I love it. I'm sorry if I shamed you, but not really. Yeah, they were just like, oh, man, can't these really now?
You know what it's like to sit in my chair, kids? Is that it? Was that it? Yes.
We're moving on to the next thing. Oh, when you find your love, like, we need you might need some explaining. Don't you whisper some fucking advice. It's a new something advice.
It's not like a circus. Okay. That's a new jingle. It's all I care about.
It's all I care about. Thank you for the new jingle. You're welcome. I'm sure listeners will be doing it, but it's there it is.
So you literally don't remember doing it. I've done dream jingle. I've literally in the last eight months, Kathy, I've done 25, 30 pole songs in the last three years. I've done like a hundred jingles.
I don't remember all of them. A lot of jingles. Okay. I hear things and I'm like, I should all say something like I would do.
That's my voice. Let's sit in it. Must sleep. Some of them sound like I did.
Give us jingle balls a holy meaning. Let's see. This is where we should. I told him not to give them mics.
Didn't I tell you not to give them mics. Sometimes I just take a risk and it doesn't pay off. A risk at Kathy's expense. Exactly.
I'm going to mute them now. All right. So I actually don't remember the name of this person. I wrote down the wrong one, but somebody wrote to us.
It's very nice of them. First of all, this person says your podcast is a delight to listen to you're doing a valuable service to the community. Not only do you demonstrate how easily King can fit into one's of a new life, how easy it should be to talk about King is a community of a ball, but you also provide a voice of reason. Drunk listeners are my favorite fucking listener.
Yeah, that is a voice of reason. What did I say? I'm going to play video games. I'm going to hang in on the very many subjects that King can evolve.
Thank you for that. So here's a question. You remember this because you actually wrote back to this person. She said, I help organize a kinky party and a rather quiet end of England.
The event is frequented by a few professional doms who together with their friends and clients form a sizable group. They arrive together, socialize together, and then occupy a large section of the play floor to administer impact play on one bottom or another. They received a few warnings from the organizers over the course of the year for unacceptable behavior, which mostly boiled down to them being rude and disrespectful to other guests, loud and disruptive in areas where levels of noise should be kept to a minimum. Those have been issued.
Their behavior continues to be a breach of etiquette. The organizer is at a crossroads ban or continue reminding of the etiquette. To ban or not to ban. Oh my God.
To ban. To be provided with jags at the door. Yes. I have some very well, I've started on the bill.
And I do have a strength in this and I'm going to. Here's a thing. This place in particular, I just bulleted some of these things. She says that the local scene, these are the cons to ban.
The local scene is clicky and nobody will see such a ban as a punishment for breaking rules. It will be seen instead as a power move as us versus them. That is an opinion. The organizer doesn't want to create a division or make any more drama out of the situation.
Okay. That's where you hold back and you have to look at the cons, especially the size of the city and whatever. That is a possibility. Absolutely a possibility in a smaller community that so and so is going to be looked at so and so.
But there are ways. First, let me, my opinion is you have to look at the future of your event. And if you are allowing people to come in and shit on your event that you put in time, stuff, you're not going to have fun. And if you're not having fun, you're going to get bitter.
And we've seen this threshold 100,000 times. If you have leaders that are bitter because people are flat out disrespecting you, you are asking them, you're saying, hey, we have rules at this party, please. And because they think they bring some people to your party that they somehow have an ownership and the rules don't apply to them, that is a complete 100% middle finger to the people that are running the event. And that is going to make you unhappy.
It's going to make you bitter. It's going to make you resentful. And in the long run, that toxicity, that type of attitude, no. It is going to eventually push everyone out.
Everyone is going to leave. And I've seen it in clubs before where you have people and the leaders don't want to make a move like that. And so they kind of like, oh, we'll just hope it'll end. And it's not going to end.
And people are like, I don't want to be disrespected. And I don't want to be around disrespectful people. And I don't want to be around the entitled bitchy people. And it would be worth it in the long run to end that and to set up for which we did it threshold because we had a lot of snobs and a lot of people that were in here and acted entitled.
Don't you know who I am? And I built this community and all that fucking shit. And we told them to leave. We said, no, you don't get to do this.
And there was fights and people will talk all sorts of shit online and we just ignored all the online stuff. And we let the talks of people leave. And people said, people came out of the woodwork and they said, thank you. Thank you for making this place not toxic.
And I think that's an important thing to bring up. The people who come out of the woodwork because you're hearing from a very vocal group here. But what you're not hearing is the people who they don't want to say anything either. They don't want to.
But I guarantee you they're there. I guarantee you there are people there who are going to be happy that you take this step because they're not happy with this behavior either. I mean, she says that these people disrupt the part of those people are waiting for you to step up and say, you're not going to do that at my desk. Because then they're not having fun.
And ultimately, nobody is in this. Well, okay, some people are in this because they take themselves really seriously and they think it should be this religion and should be done this way. Most of the people that are going to go to a kink event and going to explore themselves and their sexuality and their eroticism are doing it for enjoyment. They are doing it.
They have enough stress in their shitty lives where we go to work and we deal with our families and we deal with sometimes our relationship problems and family problems. The kink and our experience in the dungeon is where we are going to explore. This is supposed to be our fucking Disneyland. And when Disneyland is toxic, I won't go to fucking Disneyland because I'm not standing in lines and I'm not going to deal with it.
Disneyland now sucks. I won't go. And if my dungeon, which is now my Disneyland, became not fun, why would I pay 15 bucks to go there? Yeah.
And the bottom line is you are going to have drama. I'm sorry, but you're not going to get away from it. There's going to be accusations hurled at you. Just whether the storm I have never ever in the entire time I've been here at the club seen drama that did not eventually, well, a lot quicker than I thought would just disappear.
If you don't get involved in it. Yeah. And in the end, all of that that you went crazy worrying about didn't matter at all. Because when the dust settled, then everybody came back out and just enjoyed themselves again.
I mean, you're right, but you can't ever forget that this is what you'd have fun. We're going to have a good time to get out of the everyday shit that we have to deal with obligations of stuff that we can't get away from. The last thing you want to do is bring that horrible oppressive atmosphere into a kink community where you're supposed to be having a good time. Let them have it.
And there are ways, whatever your name is. I got like 80 names here. We need name tags. We need name tags.
There you go. Have it. As far as bringing people in all that, they are in the long run keeping more and turning more away by their behavior at the club. Better to get rid of them because you're going to find that you will actually end up having more of a good positive type of player not going to be there.
They're going to follow the rules of the house. Sure. And that's in the long run. If they're worried about that, or they'll bring business enough, forget you.
I don't need your business because your business keeps other business away. And you can, there are things you can do. And once again, there's no guarantee we're in Los Angeles. We have talked to other, you know, doing the podcast for a while.
We've talked to a lot of other communities and people and how they do it. But once again, our main knowledge base is in a bigger community where there's other options and stuff like that. So we'll give advice. You take it or leave it.
You know, you ultimately have to make the decision about your own, you know, private event that you handle, whether it's a much, a house private party or your own private dungeon. You have to make your own decisions. But there are things that you can do, preemptively. My first thing I would always strongly suggest do not get involved in any online discussion or debate with other people, ignore every comment because the second you get involved, it's now junior high school and everyone wants to watch and I watch threshold.
Take because we got involved with petty people having petty arguments and it came out online. There's never going to be a winner. Everyone's going to fight and everyone on the outside goes, why would I go there? Why would I go there?
Because obviously they're into petty drama. Once again, I don't need drama in my life. What you can do is write a very carefully worded and eloquent post on your site that says, this is the environment we want to create at our place. If we feel that we can't keep that environment going where people are respectful of each other, then we will step in and end that and leave it at that.
Then go on with promoting your dungeon, reaching out to new people, building classes, doing the education, doing the things that make your community better and the cream will eventually rise to the top. That's what kind of sucks about being an organizer or any event. You're going to piss off somebody at some point. You're a target.
You have a big old bullseye on your back. You can't be the nice guy. You're not going to be the nice guy. Yes, thank you.
Eventually, sometimes, not often, sometimes the offending party will wake up. Once you say, right now they have a little power and they go, hey, we make this place. We feel your place, so they're not going to say anything to me. Sometimes you just got a DOM versus DOM.
You got to just say, hey, you know what? In this place, I'm the winner and you don't get to be here. I am more than happy with working a little extra hard to bring in new people like Happy said that are going to respect the rules and respect what's going on. Here, I put in the work, I'm here all the days of the week, I'm doing this event.
You're just coming in and playing. So in this situation, you're free to start your own dungeon. You're free to start your own, you know, whatever you're going to do. But here, I'm going to be the boss and I'm going to take care of my members.