184 - Merging Who I Was Supposed To Be With Who I Am

Heidi, from Silicon Valley, California, grew up walking on eggshells, crying a lot and "staying small" in her world despite being gifted. She found her maternal family guided by a somewhat famous reunion specialist who helped the reunion along. Heidi says reunion can be weird and awkward for how much time has passed while an adoptee tries to get to know their biological relatives in the present. Her reunions are further complicated by the emotions of her birth mother and birth father being the opposite reactions to her return than she expected. This is Heidi's journeyLyrics to Looking For Me (Lyrics)Looking for Me (Heidi Frederick © 2021)My life a blurry canvas, full of pain and sometimes numbNo voice, no choice, grasping for joy, yet slipping through my handsSo lost without direction, afraid to ask for helpfull of fear and loneliness, days and nights all by myselfSilent struggle of a misfit, just trying to fit inplease tell me what to hope for, don’t let me down againMissing peace, missing pieces, yet not a search for them,I’m looking for me, to set me free, know who I truly amSearching for places, strangers faces, no reflection foundwas looking for them, yet searching for mealone, yet in a crowdIf you could only know, my motive is so pureNot looking to replace you, our relationship, secureIt’s not them I’m looking for, it’s me I long to know,You chose me then, you choose me now, but I need to heal and growCan’t imagine, what they went through, so young and so aloneknowing she’s a part of you and suddenly she’s goneThey told you to move on, you’ll have more kids one dayIt’s better not to hold her, just turn and walk awaySearching for places, strangers faces, no reflection foundwas looking for you, but searching for mestill alone, yet in a crowdTies that bind, can’t be broken with false promised and empty wordsAfter all this is your child, yet, she’s no longer yoursShe’s spent her whole life wondering, if one day you would meetno bitterness or resentment, not filled with rage or hateWith secrets and shame comes darkness, but courage and hope bring lightWalls come down, healing is found, not easy, but worth the fight.My life, now a mosaic of brokenness and lightTo rise and shine for all to see, to pass the torch of lifeSearching for places, strangers faces, my reflection foundIn my search for you, I’ve been set freemy soul no longer bound.Searching for places, strangers faces, my reflection foundIn my search for you, I’ve been set freemy soul no longer bound.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website - http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/Share Your Story - bit.ly/2imgrtv_ShareListen OnApple Podcasts - http://apple.co/2oOd25mSpotify - https://spoti.fi/2RN3jcB Google Play - http://bit.ly/2oEU7bHTuneIn - http://tun.in/piyg9Stitcher - http://bit.ly/2DsqBxk_StitcherPlayer FM - https://player.fm/series/who-am-i-reallyPodbean - bit.ly/2I0ITeY_PodbeanYouTube - http://bit.ly/2oF3yrHSocial MediaFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/WAIReally/Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/waireally/Damon's own story in print and audio: Damon's story "Who Am I Really? An Adoptee Memoir” - https://amzn.to/2Y9RNf8