187. The Mirror Question

There is a single question that has changed more relationships in my coaching practice than any other. It is the question that closes a four-week series on relationships. It is the question that ties the whole arc together. And it is the question almost no one is willing to ask themselves until they are tired enough to stop accusing the other person. Am I doing to me ...what I am accusing them of doing to me? In this fourth and final episode of The Truth About Relationships, I bring you home with the most freeing teaching of the series. Before I land on the mirror question itself, I name two things almost everyone gets wrong: what an actual boundary is (versus the ultimatum it has been miscalled), and the pattern of self-stonewalling building a wall around yourself and then accusing the other person of building it. The mirror question is the work. Because most of us are doing to ourselves the very thing we are accusing the other person of doing. And then expecting them to give us what we are refusing to give ourselves. The relationship will not change until you change your relationship with you. That is the whole series ... in one sentence. This episode also includes the unconditional love note that closes the series: loving someone unconditionally does not mean tolerating harm, does not mean staying, does not mean access. Love is what you are experiencing inside yourself. It belongs to you. It always did. You are 100% lovable. So are they. Worth is a birthright. The work is the love.