194 - Don't Let Your Past Predict Your Future

Relationship expert Chaya (Jaya Sarah Garcia) shares insights about dating and relationships, particularly for people with disabilities. Chaya, a social worker who can be found on social media as @epicloveexpert, has dedicated her career to helping "super sweet souls" transform their love lives from ordinary to epic. Her mission centers on providing education about relationship behaviors, helping people distinguish between partners who are simply nice versus those who are emotionally available and ready for commitment. The Philosophy of Intentional Dating Chaya's cornerstone principle revolves around "dating by design, not by default." She explained how many people approach dating casually—attracted to someone cute who makes them feel good, then hoping things work out. Instead, she advocates for intentional dating that begins with deep self-knowledge. This involves understanding your feelings, nervous system, and intuition while building a trusting, loving relationship with yourself. When you stop hurting yourself through criticism, unhealthy habits, or negative self-talk, you create the foundation for attracting healthy love. Redefining Disability and Self-Worth When addressing dating with disabilities, Chaya offered a powerful reframe: don't define yourself by your disability, but by your abilities. She pointed out that everyone—disabled or not—struggles with feelings of inadequacy, whether it's being "too old, too fat, divorced twice, or having kids." The key lies in redefining your identity around strengths and positive traits rather than perceived flaws. True self-worth, she emphasized, comes from seeing yourself through a spiritual lens—as God sees you—recognizing that you're worthy of love not for what you can do or how you look, but for who you truly are. The Magnetic Power of Self-Perception Chaya shared one of her most impactful insights: "We do not attract what we want, we attract who we are." This principle applies universally, regardless of disability status. If you focus on your negatives, criticize yourself, and see yourself as weak or disabled rather than strong and able, you'll attract someone who mirrors that energy. However, when you genuinely focus on your positives and treat yourself with love and respect, you become magnetic to someone who will appreciate and amplify those qualities. She encouraged listeners to become "the king or queen of your own castle," being selective about who enters your life. Practical Steps for Connection For those feeling physically isolated, Chaya offered a compassionate but practical roadmap. It begins with genuine desire—you must truly want partnership enough to take action. Next comes problem-solving: asking family or service providers about options for getting out weekly or bringing people to you, and surveying what social opportunities exist within a reasonable radius. She acknowledged that options may be limited but emphasized that "no one's stuck," noting that even able-bodied people face similar challenges in meeting compatible partners. Honest Communication About Differences When relationships do develop, Chaya advocates for radical honesty without shame. Using her own ADHD as an example, she shared how she communicates openly with her husband about interrupting and her chaotic tendencies. She suggests writing down your strengths and weaknesses, then sharing them matter-of-factly. This creates opportunities for true partnership where people can support each other's challenges and celebrate each other's gifts. Moving Beyond Past Hurt For those discouraged by previous dating disappointments, Chaya offered hope grounded in personal transformation. She reminded listeners that the love they deserve doesn't change based on past experiences, and urged them not to let previous hurt predict their future. Instead of fearing others hurting you again, she suggested focusing on not hurting yourself through self-criticism or negative self-perception. When you change your beliefs about yourself, you develop better awareness and trust in your ability to walk away from unsuitable partners while attracting those who match your healthier vibration. Finding Chaya's Guidance Marriedin2025.com, where visitors can access videos and PDFs with dating advice. Instagram and Facebook at @epicloveexpert, welcoming messages from those ready to transform their relationships "from zero to epic." Our Dating Resources Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate