#2 The Driest Dad Jokes in the English Language

The World's Most Boring Podcast - Bore Me to Sleep presents Episode Two: The Driest Dad Jokes in the English Language. If you are lying awake at night and need something utterly, profoundly, reliably undemanding to drift off to, this is the episode for you. Over the course of sixteen long, slow, gently wandering segments, your host takes you through the driest dad jokes in the English language - puns so flat and so warm and so completely un-alarming that they function less as comedy and more as a kind of verbal weighted blanket. We are talking about jokes involving circus fires, skeletons without guts, restaurants on the moon with no atmosphere, walls meeting at corners, math books with too many problems, hats going on ahead, coffee filing police reports, writers stuck on books about glue, golfers with spare trousers, nosey jalapeño peppers, bulls with cancelled credit cards, wallets full of photographs, seagulls avoiding the bay, lunges as steps forward, prime mates sharing streaming accounts, football coaches retrieving quarterbacks, inflation at the gas station, claustrophobic astronauts wanting more space, Switzerland's very positive flag, a man who fell down a well, a cornfield full of deaf ears, six being afraid of seven, sleeping bulldozers, parties planned on planets, laughing octopuses, fake noodles, untrustworthy atoms, blushing tomatoes, buffaloes saying bison, and the moment a joke finally becomes apparent. Between the jokes, your host digresses at considerable and soothing length into topics including the history of circuses, the philosophy of restaurant atmosphere, the geometry of walls, the infinite comfort of mathematics, the economics of coffee, the calming enormity of outer space, the Large Hadron Collider beneath Switzerland, the history of humour from ancient Sumer to the present day, a very large and very calm bull named Knickers in Western Australia, the hole in a bagel and what it means, the Amazon rainforest and how it got its name, and the deep, settled freedom of a person who no longer needs to be cool. This podcast is ideal for insomnia, sleep anxiety, racing thoughts at bedtime, and anyone who simply enjoys falling asleep to the sound of a calm, slightly dry voice talking about things that are perfectly fine to miss. If you are a fan of monotone talk radio, sleep meditation, bedtime stories for adults, or white noise alternatives, this episode was made with you in mind. It is also suitable for people who enjoy wordplay, puns, dad jokes, and the particular pleasure of a groan-worthy joke delivered with complete sincerity. The episode ends with a long, dreamlike finale in which all the jokes dissolve into a warm grey field where a sleeping bull breathes slowly and the atoms keep making everything up and everything is, as it has always been, completely fine. Produced by Audun Kvitland Rostad. Read by artificial intelligence in the most boring way possible. Zero subscribers and proud of it. If you would like to suggest a topic, ask a question, or simply tell us about something mildly interesting that happened to you recently, please write to [email protected]. We will read it. We will nod. We may even make an episode about it. Sweet dreams.