20: Is the Wait Before Exams Harder Than the Exams Themselves? Here's What the Research Says

If you're living with a teenager who seems flat, restless or not quite themselves right now — and you're not sure whether what you're seeing is normal or something to pay closer attention to — this episode is for you. This week I'm talking about what I think of as the hardest part of exam season. Not the exams themselves — the waiting. The weeks of anticipation before they walk into that room. And why that window is often neurologically more difficult than the exams ever will be. What You'll Discover I open by naming what's actually happening in your teenager's nervous system right now — and why this period has a specific name: anticipatory anxiety. Using the research of physician Gabor Maté, I walk through the three factors that universally trigger a stress response, and show exactly why the pre-exam window ticks every single one of them. Plus a fourth that rarely gets named — the internal conflict of wanting to enjoy these last weeks while knowing that full freedom isn't quite available yet. I share how to tell the difference between normal signs of this window and signs worth paying closer attention to — and the one simple question that's always better than assuming. I then tackle something counter-intuitive that I think is one of the most important things to understand about this period. Most of us instinctively tell our teenagers to cut back on socialising and fun until exams are over. Harvard researcher Shawn Achor's work — across a study of over 1,600 students — tells a very different story. And I share what I observed in the boarding house that confirmed it. And finally, three things that actually help — including something I've made specifically for this window, and the story of a student who went from shaking and unable to hold a pen in his first A-level exam, to completing everything that followed. Key Moments What anticipatory anxiety actually is — and why naming it reduces its power The three Gabor Maté stress triggers, and why the waiting window hits all of them How to tell normal exam-season behaviour from signs worth acting on The social paradox: why cutting everything out may be the worst revision strategy What I saw in the boarding house — and what the research confirms Three practical tools for this window, including a daily regulation practice The one question to ask yourself about your teenager this week Quote from this episode "The research literature has identified three factors that universally lead to stress: uncertainty, the lack of information and the loss of control." — Gabor Maté Your Practice This Week Before your next interaction with your teenager this week, pause and ask yourself: what's one true thing I believe about them that they might not be able to believe about themselves right now? You don't need to say it out loud. Just let it change how you walk into the room. And if you'd like something to offer your teenager directly, the Student Exam-Ready Audio Toolkit is available HERE — five guided practices drawing on sophrology, visualisation and performance neuroscience, designed to be used daily between now and the last exam. If you'd prefer to start with something for yourself, the free parent guide is there too — five strategies for supporting your teenager through this period without adding to the pressure.   A closing wish for you this week — from the Buddhist loving kindness meditation: "May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be at peace." You can say these words quietly for yourself. Or silently, in your head, for your teenager. Either way — they work. CONNECT WITH KATE Email: Questions or topics? [email protected] Share: If this resonated, share it with another parent using the link on the player above. Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your teenager is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.